Does anyone else have this problem?

[Alex DeLarge]

I have absolutely no problem getting girls' phone numbers, going on dates, doing the whole kiss and makeout, and even sex.

But when it comes down to it, these situations only last me about 2 weeks to a month, then I'm back on this board trying to figure out where I went wrong. I never give off the impression that I'm ready to dive right into a relationship, most of the time I don't even want one in the beginning and would rather just let it happen naturally.

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if you do what solutions you put forward to fix it.

-Alex

 

[bigneil]

You may need to establish the fact that the woman stands a chance of losing you. Try avoiding her after the first date. Blow her off when she is expecting you to call her. Be unavailable. That normally brings them back.

 

[thevilittletroll]

I have absolutely no problem getting girls' phone numbers, going on dates, doing the whole kiss and makeout, and even sex.

But when it comes down to it, these situations only last me about 2 weeks to a month, then I'm back on this board trying to figure out where I went wrong. I never give off the impression that I'm ready to dive right into a relationship, most of the time I don't even want one in the beginning and would rather just let it happen naturally.

Just wondering if anyone else has this problem, and if you do what solutions you put forward to fix it.

-Alex

i used to have a similar situation where my realtionships would all last about 3 months and end for apparently no reason. i had the same feelings you did about realtionships, i didnt really want one, i just wanted the constant sex. what happend was the women started to become attached and wanted it to turn into a realtionship. when i started to agree to their demands, after about a month the sex started to become less frequent, then they would dump me.

your game is tight enough to get them into bed, which is good. but i think your problem comes when once they get to know you, you are coming across as too much of a nice guy. they think to them selves, this is not the same guy i was attracted to when we first hooked up. he seemed like the player type, and a bit of an a-hole. once you started being the nice guy they get bored cause there is no challenge left. also dont give into their demands so easily and be more of a challenge, be less available, dont answer texts and voicemails right away. be a little bit more of an a-hole at times. this keeps them on the hook longer.

you also may come accross in your initial attraction phase as being too much of a player. you might want to consider turning that down just a little bit. its really just a problem with being more congruent with your game.

 

[mahoney]

in most of these cases I would replace "nice" with "boring"

Its the reality of a dude starts to become more apparent and while girls can be quite good at pretending dude is something he isn't, it wears off around this period

dudes actually do the same its just a) they are able to pretend to themselves for longer that the girl isn't boring, b) they're not so bothered about if girl is really any good because they're frightened they won't get another one very easily

 

[zekko]

But when it comes down to it, these situations only last me about 2 weeks to a month, then I'm back on this board trying to figure out where I went wrong.

I think there are two things at work here, neither of which you should be beating yourself up over:

1) Most girls you go out with are not going to be with you forever. If you are looking for a LTR, most of the girls you go out with are going to be part of the weeding out process. To find a girl you are truly compatible with, you have to sift through the garbage (not the that girl is garbage, it's just that she isn't what you're looking for).

Girls tend to be more in tune with what makes a compatible mate, so they will tend to recognize when things aren't going to work more quickly than the male. They also tend to have more options, so they are usually the first to eject. Unfortunately this can hurt the male, but if she doesn't feel that way about him, he should be thankful he's not wasting any more time on her.

2) You're not a high enough value male to hold a woman long term yet. I don't say this to insult you, far from it. Most guys in their 20s especially are still a work in progress, they're still building themselves into what they're going to be. A woman in her 20s is probably as high value is she is going to be because she is at the height of her beauty. But with the exception of athletes, few guys peak in their 20s, that's why this forum is so dedicated to improving yourselves.

Looking back to when I was younger, that's what my 20s were all about, improving myself - lifting weights, building my social skills, figuring out a career and getting that together. I didn't really hit my prime until my 30s.

 

[sexysuave]

1) Most girls you go out with are not going to be with you forever. If you are looking for a LTR, most of the girls you go out with are going to be part of the weeding out process. To find a girl you are truly compatible with, you have to sift through the garbage (not the that girl is garbage, it's just that she isn't what you're looking for).

Girls tend to be more in tune with what makes a compatible mate, so they will tend to recognize when things aren't going to work more quickly than the male. They also tend to have more options, so they are usually the first to eject. Unfortunately this can hurt the male, but if she doesn't feel that way about him, he should be thankful he's not wasting any more time on her.

2) You're not a high enough value male to hold a woman long term yet. I don't say this to insult you, far from it. Most guys in their 20s especially are still a work in progress, they're still building themselves into what they're going to be. A woman in her 20s is probably as high value is she is going to be because she is at the height of her beauty. But with the exception of athletes, few guys peak in their 20s, that's why this forum is so dedicated to improving yourselves.

I agree with this, and on top of that, the comment made previously about not being congruent is also huge. Girls get to see a "much" different guy a couple of months into it and a lot of times get turned off (not always). Some guys over do it with the game initially and then they are a shell of them selves a few months later and just not the same person at all that the girl "fell in love with". Congruency is very important, a guy should learn to at least work on his attitude so that he stays confident, stays slightly arrogant and aloof, and not get "too comfortable" in the situation and just relax. Congruency is big and you have to strive to keep becoming a better person, as you probably presented your self as FAR more confident and valuable than how you actually feel deep down. So you need more inner game here, you need to build YOU up more, and they will stay around. They have an awesome intuition, and can read pretty quickly when we are insecure and needy and wimpy. Fix that!

 

[Alex DeLarge]

Honestly, I feel as though I have strong inner game and high value. I am very intelligent, a musician, a painter, I have traveled all over north america, I work full time, I am good looking, I have an incredibly large social circle (When I go downtown in my city, I will wind up running into at least 3 people I know and saying hi day or night).

I think the problem with this current girl is we have known eachother since we were teenagers and she has seen my dark side at times. We had been hooking up for 2 weeks, mostly when drinking then one day she told me she doesn't want to turn it into a "habitual thing".

I told her that I felt the same way. I just wanted a FWB relationship. After this whole talk I told her I was going to leave to meet up with some friends and she just says "I love you". I didn't say a word and just walked away. I don't believe in saying that to someone unless I truly mean it.

I'm really confident that I will probably wind up hooking up with this girl again since I see her often with friends, but I don't think she's really worth it. I might just ignore her for a while. She got out of a 3 yr relationship about a month ago and has a reputation for cheating. We'll see what happens I suppose.

 

[Amw406]

this usually happens because you start acting different from the way you did when you first meet. Your not the person she grew to like basically. you have to keep acting like you did when you meet.

 

[PapiChulo]

Honestly, I feel as though I have strong inner game and high value. I am very intelligent, a musician, a painter, I have traveled all over north america, I work full time, I am good looking, I have an incredibly large social circle (When I go downtown in my city, I will wind up running into at least 3 people I know and saying hi day or night).

.......also I am really full of myself. That's your problem.

 

[sexysuave]

She got out of a 3 yr relationship about a month ago and has a reputation for cheating. We'll see what happens I suppose.

Jesus bro! LOL ummm I'm going out on a limb here and saying please do not get attached. A girl with a reputation for cheating who just left a guy of 3 years a month ago? haha, this clearly should only be FWB situation all the way. You don't wanna start dating a girl with a "reputation for cheating".

 

[supremacy]

It depends on how your meeting these girls too....

If your picking up girls from the bars and strangers on the streets than the possibility of a long term relationship is not likely.

Your just a player and she is too for agreeing.

To establish a real connection with someone, through more than a means of acting like a "cool" guy......this is not easy and is not talked about on SS because the objective is to get "girls" not find "theone"

Sometimes I wonder is SS is a by-product of the Jerry Springer show.