NeverChase
Don Juan
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2014
- Messages
- 43
- Reaction score
- 5
When I was a total AFC, 5 years ago, I didn't have any question about love. It was obvious and clear. Attraction however, was impossible for me to understand. 
Nowadays, I'm in a 2 years LTR, and love is something very vague that I don't even try to understand... I would like you guys to try and help me understand it.
When I fight with my LTR, she will cry endlessly and try hard to fix things up, call me and come to my place, even if I treated her like **** during the fight.
When I was about to dump her, she couldn't eat. She says she can't imagine herself with another man, and she's obsessive when I show the smallest interest in any girl. She admitted she faked interest in someone to make me see their chat and feel jealous because she thought I take her for granted. So everyone says she really loves me.
But when we're together I can't see love. she wouldn't bother looking at me when I come back after a few minutes from somewhere, she would rarely give a BJ for more than 10 seconds because she thinks (and says) I should be into her without her doing it, she's not willing to do simple stuff for me like wash a spoon for me, she wouldn't even answer me many times until I said something, and now she just answers without wanting too, she would try to get me to look at her, and then break eye contact so I'm the only one looking (she can hold eye contact forever when she wants), she wouldn't come all the way to kiss me even if she has to give up the kiss, she would text and even answer a call from her orbiter when we're together and finally both of us show some love (we meet for ~20 hours every time though), and tells me how cool is her orbiter (those were a few different guys in those 2 years), she doesn't post any photos together on her facebook (I don't have one). Also she texts with delays most of the time, although I always used to ignore her for at least 1 hour if she doesn't answer within a few minutes.
Those are just few examples, she does a million little things that annoy me although she knows those things break my affection and interest immediately, based on her experience with me. The end result is that I block myself emotionally to her and avoid showing love 80% of the time because of these things.
When I can comment about whatever she's doing wrong, for example texting when we watch a movie, I always comment negatively without being needy and she quits doing it. But there are many things like my examples, that no one socially normal would say anything about, except just giving her freeze outs.
So help me understand this. Her behavior when we fight clearly shows very strong love. I don't want to give more examples because of my respect for her, but everyone who knows about these things says she's in very deep love.
However she would not show many of the normal signs of love and attraction, and she's not afraid to do **** that she probably knows will cause me to freeze out and not give her any affection for hours.
Some of this may come from a problem in her ego. However, Me not willing to show love when she doesn't- comes because I simply know she will lose attraction if I show love at the same time she doesn't.
I did try to talk to her about those problems without giving any examples, saying she should be comfortable being a loving woman so I can feel open with my feelings for her and such, but no real results.
However people agree every HB8+ would act like her, at least in my country (girls here are very different here from what I saw on videos from USA. Girls here have big egos). So dumping her just to find out I don't know how to deal with this stuff with another girl, wouldn't be wise.
It's like her love is just Separation anxiety ? we rarely share very strong mutual love moments, and when we do she usually catches me off-guard, saying something she shouldn't, without getting a proper response from me.
Please help me understand how should I act, if I should rely on her theoretical love and not be afraid to show one-sided love although I hate it, and allow myself to get hurt all the time instead of just blocking myself emotionally from her. :yes:
Nowadays, I'm in a 2 years LTR, and love is something very vague that I don't even try to understand... I would like you guys to try and help me understand it.
When I fight with my LTR, she will cry endlessly and try hard to fix things up, call me and come to my place, even if I treated her like **** during the fight.
When I was about to dump her, she couldn't eat. She says she can't imagine herself with another man, and she's obsessive when I show the smallest interest in any girl. She admitted she faked interest in someone to make me see their chat and feel jealous because she thought I take her for granted. So everyone says she really loves me.
But when we're together I can't see love. she wouldn't bother looking at me when I come back after a few minutes from somewhere, she would rarely give a BJ for more than 10 seconds because she thinks (and says) I should be into her without her doing it, she's not willing to do simple stuff for me like wash a spoon for me, she wouldn't even answer me many times until I said something, and now she just answers without wanting too, she would try to get me to look at her, and then break eye contact so I'm the only one looking (she can hold eye contact forever when she wants), she wouldn't come all the way to kiss me even if she has to give up the kiss, she would text and even answer a call from her orbiter when we're together and finally both of us show some love (we meet for ~20 hours every time though), and tells me how cool is her orbiter (those were a few different guys in those 2 years), she doesn't post any photos together on her facebook (I don't have one). Also she texts with delays most of the time, although I always used to ignore her for at least 1 hour if she doesn't answer within a few minutes.
Those are just few examples, she does a million little things that annoy me although she knows those things break my affection and interest immediately, based on her experience with me. The end result is that I block myself emotionally to her and avoid showing love 80% of the time because of these things.
When I can comment about whatever she's doing wrong, for example texting when we watch a movie, I always comment negatively without being needy and she quits doing it. But there are many things like my examples, that no one socially normal would say anything about, except just giving her freeze outs.
So help me understand this. Her behavior when we fight clearly shows very strong love. I don't want to give more examples because of my respect for her, but everyone who knows about these things says she's in very deep love.
However she would not show many of the normal signs of love and attraction, and she's not afraid to do **** that she probably knows will cause me to freeze out and not give her any affection for hours.
Some of this may come from a problem in her ego. However, Me not willing to show love when she doesn't- comes because I simply know she will lose attraction if I show love at the same time she doesn't.
I did try to talk to her about those problems without giving any examples, saying she should be comfortable being a loving woman so I can feel open with my feelings for her and such, but no real results.
However people agree every HB8+ would act like her, at least in my country (girls here are very different here from what I saw on videos from USA. Girls here have big egos). So dumping her just to find out I don't know how to deal with this stuff with another girl, wouldn't be wise.
It's like her love is just Separation anxiety ? we rarely share very strong mutual love moments, and when we do she usually catches me off-guard, saying something she shouldn't, without getting a proper response from me.
Please help me understand how should I act, if I should rely on her theoretical love and not be afraid to show one-sided love although I hate it, and allow myself to get hurt all the time instead of just blocking myself emotionally from her. :yes:
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