Do you want to be happy?

[backbreaker]

there are alot of threads here, at least as of late, talking about do you need a girl to be happy, or do you not need one, i just left X and it was blank time, i miss her, stuff like that. something i want to address. i'm going to make this short becuase i have something to do, but i feel this is important.


we are here, not becuase we want women, but becuase we want to be happy. we make the assumption that women will make us happy thus, we are here. There is some truth to that.

Through, years, of countless trail and error, drug addiction, being alone, being with women, having more plates then i can possibly spin, having holes in my shoes and wondering if ia m going to have food to eat 3 days from now, to having more money than i know what to do with, not working, working too hard, being single, being engaged, being childless, having a family. I am here to tell you that true happiness does not come from gaming women, not coming from being rich, does not come from spinning plates, from being single, from being in a relationship, does not come from being online all da, does not come from having 400 facebook friends, does not come from driving a nice car, does not come from being dirt poor and not working for the man.

true happiness can be summed up in 1 word. Balance.


the more balance i have in my life, the happier i am. women are apart of that. bt the afc's problem is that the piece of the pie, becomes way too disproportionate to the rest of the pie and everything else and you will be miserable. without balance you can **** women all day, and you will be just as miserable if not more than if you were jacking off.


this is why i am such a proponent of staying single for at least a year. not necessarily for the hell of it, not even so much to "work on yourself" that's too vauge. to build balance, to get out there, to figure out what are the thins you like in our life, most people have no idea what makes them happy or not.

yes, i work my ass off. i work my ass, OFF. but you know what, i also enjoy a drink now in then. i go to the gym. i stay politicaly in tune, i make sure i am reading all the time as i want to be well read, about things i want to learn about, i make sure i am perusing my hobbies activly, i love jazz, so i make sure it's apart of my everyday life, i go to jazz clubs and shows quite oten, usually once a week. i love ice cream lol, why i don't know.. i just do. so i go get ice cream at least once a week. even if it's just me. grown ass nigga eating an ice cream cone. deal with it lol. i like history documentaries. I love college football so on saturday evenings, i hook up espn360 to my TV and watch Arkansas's game and whatever else i missed during the day.i watched one, a part series the past week that had me damn near in a trance it was so good. i make sure i am eating right, i make sure my heath is where it needs ot be, make sure my financial house is in order. i am not religious, but if you are, make sure god is in your life. make time for your family. if you dont have hobbies, find some. i enjoy swimming i swim everyday. 7 days a week. i am a tech at hard so i make sure i keep up to date with my tech ****, i built a new pc a month ago, didn't need one, but this is what i do, this is me.


these are the things.. well in my case, that you need to be working on. this is balance. this makes me happy.
giving a woman to an AFC, is like giving an 8ball to an addict, and them saying okay i'm happy now. The addict is dependant on the drug for happiness. as soon as the drug leaves they are unhappy again.

to get true happiness, you need to not be dependant on the drug for your well being. in this case, women. this is the core of AFCism. this is something i faught for a very long time.


AFCS have no balance. afcs, addicted to women. they are just women deprived. giving an afc a woman is not going ot fix the afc. hell, teaching him how to get women all the time is not going to do antyhing but in reality make the problem worse. fixing the issue at its core, is finding and maintaining balance in ones life.

 

[Maxtro]

Good post. Though one thing I need to point out

i'm going to make this short becuase i have something to do, but i feel this is important.

You just hit us with a false time constraint

true happiness can be summed up in 1 word. Balance.


the more balance i have in my life, the happier i am. women are apart of that. bt the afc's problem is that the piece of the pie, becomes way too disproportionate to the rest of the pie and everything else and you will be miserable. without balance you can **** women all day, and you will be just as miserable if not more than if you were jacking off.

I agree with you fully.

That's the reason why both the guy who has a great job, plenty of money, but no girl and the guy who has plenty of girls but no money, can both be unhappy.

It basically is Maslov's hierarchy of needs

When a piece is missing, happiness isn't really possible. BTW, notice that sex is actually listed twice...

giving a woman to an AFC, is like giving an 8ball to an addict, and them saying okay i'm happy now. The addict is dependant on the drug for happiness. as soon as the drug leaves they are unhappy again.

to get true happiness, you need to not be dependant on the drug for your well being. in this case, women. this is the core of AFCism. this is something i faught for a very long time.

AFCS have no balance. afcs, addicted to women. they are just women deprived. giving an afc a woman is not going ot fix the afc. hell, teaching him how to get women all the time is not going to do antyhing but in reality make the problem worse. fixing the issue at its core, is finding and maintaining balance in ones life.

What if a woman IS the missing piece to achieve balance?

 

[backbreaker]

a person, who comes with that mindset, that they need a woman to achieve balance, has no balance.


you come here with the goal, to get better with the opposite sex. this place does have its place nad can be used for good. i was clueless with women, how to control a relationship when i came here.
there is nothing wrong with wanting to become more proficent with the opposite sex. but, needing a woman to achieve balance, is a sick mind.

let me put it like this. say you are skinny. you decide you want to change that by going to the gym?


what would you say?"




"i want to get in shape" or "i want to learn how to work out to become more muscular"

you would not say, i need a six pack to achieve balance in my life. that's the equivalent to what you just said. that's sick. that's a person who (all together now) who has placed a disproportionate amount of importance on health /working out/looks.

there is nothing wrong with wanting to become better with women, we all want to be better at what we do, and especially something that important. but needing a woman to achieve balance is like saying, i need a porsche 911 twin turbo to achieve balance or, i need 2 million dollars to achieve balance.


you come here, to get better with women, so you are comfortable talking to women, so that in due time, when the right woman comes, you can handle it. or two, or three lol. and when you have the three women you know the **** they try to pull, you know how to control the dynamics fo the situation. but the woman in herself is not the answer.


this place is a means to an end. i ended up taking my son to a basketball game today. there was a girl there, she couldnt' have been 20, cute little thing, she was black, i normally don't dig black girls all that much, but she was on point. light skinned, long legged, just a very pretty woman. i caught her eyeing me, more than once. this place, gives me the tools i need, to go talk to her (if i were single) and take her on a date and then **** her brains out.

that girl, is not the balance. the balance is in the ability to conversate with her, the abilty in itself to talk to women with no qualms if i were interested, and to ignite interest, is what we should be striving for here.

 

[Maxtro]

a person, who comes with that mindset, that they need a woman to achieve balance, has no balance.
....
there is nothing wrong with wanting to become more proficent with the opposite sex. but, needing a woman to achieve balance, is a sick mind.

So then you are saying it's possible to achieve balance with zero women in ones life?

I'd post more but I'm tired and off to bed.

 

[wait_out]

true happiness can be summed up in 1 word. Balance.

I've been afraid of that :nervous:

 

[harkkam08]

I think perhaps the point is to FIND that balance. Because yes we as human beings do need women to be part of our lives. Because if they are missing we WILL be unhappy without a doubt.

However I think its so good that you pointed it out that if you have an AFC or rather a depressed and sad person and give them a woman they're happiness level shoots up through the roof. However they do become dependent on it, an need it. It is their drug.

However if you're a guy who is doing all the things that interest him then you can make women a portion of the pie in your life.

I think the problem is not letting women have any portion at all, but how much of a portion should they be having in your life.

Some people sit back and say I want women I know that will make me happy, so they assign a 40% piece of their happiness with their success with women.

Those who assign such a large percentage and make it happen will become successful however then will want more and more because their life is out of balance. Every time I personally achieved something like hookup with a girl for the first time at a party, have sex the first time etc. I wanted more, I wanted hotter women, cooler friends all to satisfy this feeling of dissatisfaction.

I think that chasing women when your happiness doesn't depend on them as much as 40% becomes more of a choice. I choose to pursue women because I want THAT part of my life to be complete and I want to enjoy satisfaction from that part of my life.

Those who assign a large percentage and are not succeeding (me right now) will feel miserable like failures. Thats not to say that I should not pursue getting better at women though. Because then it might become an excuse to use and avoid that which we are afraid of saying "Oh I want to do xyz, and women can come later" I know people who think like that but you cant tell they are really scared and just hiding behind that.

In a relationship as well since the feelings of being in love are really powerful they can start to take over a larger percentage of the pie. You might start dating her and how happy she makes you feel is 5% but as time grows you get more attached and she becomes 40% and more, starts meaning more to you.

Its natural to love women, after sex and once a relationship deepens to become closer however you need to put in a STOP LOSS order and set a boundary on how dependent you allow yourself to become in a relationship.

Otherwise you will let this person become a huge factor in your happiness equation which means they can take it away as well.

That means invariably that there needs to be parts of your life that give you happiness that are always there and you can count on. Meaning even if kissing a women and being with her feels amazing more amazing than swimming or building a PC or hanging with the boys. You have to remind yourself to NOT loose yourself and hand over your happiness pie chart to her.

So basically in a way its actually limiting how much happiness you allow one avenue (women, money, friends etc) to bring to your life.

The reason being that since women can leave and friends can leave and money can leave that being dependent on a non concrete source places your mental health and internal functioning at risk.

So the idea is to LIMIT the happiness from different things to reasonable percentages so that if one of them breaks down you have other things to keep you up.

---

My ex meant the world to me, I loved her and I would spend the weekdays studying hard for my MCATS and then on the weekends I would see her and she would be my joy. This set me up to be VERY dependent on her. I had no time to do other things, meaning I didnt have time to enjoy Jazz music which I love as well or swim or take care of my health. So it was work and her then her.

Which then brings us to the next skill TIME management. Balanced happiness that you talk about can only be achieved if you can balance your time.

If you are so busy with work and you come home at 8 to your women, then because simply the demands of your job force you to pick the simplest and easiest form which is your women who is waiting for you at home, you become dependent on her. You look forward to seeing her.

Thats why even if you have a heavy job you need to make time after work to see friends, to go play golf, or to do w.e it is that you do to keep your happiness balanced.

Partly the reason I became so dependent on women in my life was time, I had no time to pursue other forms of happiness. It was school work, pre-med classes and then her and some TV time.

My happiness pie chart was more like 20% - Success at school, 70% - MY woman, 10% - Family and Me time.

Most of my time was spent in school and school work does not bring that much happiness as kissing your woman in your warm bed does. So when everything else in your life sucks you hold on to the thing that is most wonderful and pleasing.

So basically its your job to make your life NOT suck before you get into a relationship especially.

 

[zekko]

So then you are saying it's possible to achieve balance with zero women in ones life?

Maxtro has a point here. If you have zero women in your life I don't think you're living a balanced life.

A lot of guys come here and they lead a full life, and are happy with themselves, they just have one little sticking point: They're awkward with women. Maybe the hormones get them all confused, I don't know. But I have definitely gone through this phase in my life. I liked myself, I had hobbies, friends, I lived a fulfilling life - except that I tended to freeze up around beautiful girls. I grew out of it, but I could definitely see where some guys could have balance in their life - they're just missing that one component.

It's not that a woman herself is the answer so much, it's that they need to learn how to deal with women. But it's a bit of a catch 22. You can't really learn to deal with women until you have some women to deal with.

 

[Korrupt]

Sexual intimacy is just as much a part of balance as having a family, friends, hobbies or a job. Without women in your life you can't be balanced, so even if you have everything else you're going to be unhappy if balance = happiness.

 

[SoldMySoul]

I am starting to realize the longer you go without a woman (seven months) the sooner you realize you do not need them!!! It was hard at first, but I am getting used to the idea.

By doing this, I know exactly what I want and do not want from any woman!!!! I also know what I will put up ( which is not much these days).

In the meantime, I am working on the only one that truly matters and that is SoldMySoul!!!! I know that I am the prize and the Jenn Sterger's out there would get a catch with me!

 

[synergy1]

Moods are as contagious as airborne pathogens. True happiness is a bit of an illusion, but people who are more or less content are easier to spot. It helps to be surrounded by these people as opposed to venomous people who spread their ill mood like a disease. I have had the misfortune at living at home for the last 2 months, and the negativity that flows out of here is simply overwhelming - it really can bring you down even after years of being relatively normal. Its taking its toll on me even as we speak. Thankfully its temporary.

Robert Greene says the same thing: Infection - avoid the unhappy and unlucky.

 

[zaohua768]

True happiness is a bit of an illusion, but people who are more or less content are easier to spot. It helps to be surrounded by these people as opposed to venomous people who spread their ill mood like a disease. I have had the misfortune at living at home for the last 2 months, and the negativity that flows out of here is simply overwhelming - it really can bring you down even after years of being relatively normal. Its taking its toll on me even as we speak. Thankfully its temporary.A lot of guys come here and they lead a full life, and are happy with themselves, they just have one little sticking point: They're awkward with women. Maybe the hormones get them all confused, I don't know. But I have definitely gone through this phase in my life. I liked myself, I had hobbies, friends, I lived a fulfilling life - except that I tended to freeze up around beautiful girls. I grew out of it, but I could definitely see where some guys could have balance in their life - they're just missing that one component. Those who assign such a large percentage and make it happen will become successful however then will want more and more because their life is out of balance. Every time I personally achieved something like hookup with a girl for the first time at a party, have sex the first time etc. I wanted more, I wanted hotter women, cooler friends all to satisfy this feeling of dissatisfaction.

I think that chasing women when your happiness doesn't depend on them as much as 40% becomes more of a choice. I choose to pursue women because I want THAT part of my life to be complete and I want to enjoy satisfaction from that part of my life.

Those who assign a large percentage and are not succeeding (me right now) will feel miserable like failures. Thats not to say that I should not pursue getting better at women though. Because then it might become an excuse to use and avoid that which we are afraid of saying "Oh I want to do xyz, and women can come later" I know people who think like that but you cant tell they are really scared and just hiding behind that.

 

[backbreaker]

Maxtro has a point here. If you have zero women in your life I don't think you're living a balanced life.

A lot of guys come here and they lead a full life, and are happy with themselves, they just have one little sticking point: They're awkward with women. Maybe the hormones get them all confused, I don't know. But I have definitely gone through this phase in my life. I liked myself, I had hobbies, friends, I lived a fulfilling life - except that I tended to freeze up around beautiful girls. I grew out of it, but I could definitely see where some guys could have balance in their life - they're just missing that one component.

It's not that a woman herself is the answer so much, it's that they need to learn how to deal with women. But it's a bit of a catch 22. You can't really learn to deal with women until you have some women to deal with.

and there is absoutly nothing wrong with that. I never said **** women lol.

But, have you ever heard pepole say they were happier single than when they were in a relationship. this is usually wy.

you seem like a pretty well rounded, normal guy. let's say, that you came here beucase of this probelm with freezing up. then, you were convinced that this is the key, these guys have all the info in the world, i'm going to soak up all this stuff, i' going to practice, i'm going to go do...50 cold appraoches.. a day!!!! this is the key to making me the best person i can be.

then slowly but shorly, u miss a gym session here.. maybe another there. you are getting less sleep. you didn't make it to church becuase you were spending the night over a girl's house you met. you haven't watched your fav tv show in 3 weeks.


shortly, a problem, can become an obesession, which will lead to neglection of everything else.

my post, isn't so much to tell you that hey, this site sucks or women sucks, women are ****ing great lol. but even when you get them, when you don't have them, when you are trying to get them, maintain the most balance you can in your life on a daily basis. that's all i'm trying to say.

i'v been the guy, working 15 hours a day. i've been the guy in the gym 3 hours a day, i've been the guy who tries to read a book a week, i've been the guy who is spinning 5 plates and has time for nothing else. honestly, i was happier being fat and into my own musings than i was any of that, becuase there is alot to me, outside of 1 thing.

everyday, i make my schedule (actually every night), i try to make sure it's s as balanced as it possibly can be, making sure it's in line with making me the overall person i want to be.

perfect example. today, i played keeneland and hawthorne race track, as soon as i walked out the living room, i remembered, man, woodbine on wednesdays starts at 3:45 not 10am like usually.. i can still play woodbine, and i can play charlestown and i can play remington.. i really like remington park, i play it often.

and a few years ago i probably would have sat there and played the races for another 4 more hours. now, i love what i do,but i had to ask myself, is it worth neglecting what i had already set out to do for the day. this will make me money, what i am going to do here (about to watch law and order and a history doc) is not going to make me money. but this is going to make me happy and keep me sane.

we have a tendency t over do things. when we can finally get women we take it there in the process of getting them. and it's a surefire way to make yourself miserable.

 

[Huffman]

I never said **** women lol.

But we want to **** women, hehe