Do you think there is a correlation between hubby being out of work and wifey keeping legs closed?

[MatureDJ]

I was reading this blog thread and it got me thinking.

http://www.speakwithoutinterruption.com/site/2009/05/unemployed-husbands-unsympathetic-wives/

It seems that when the husband is out of work, the wife has less interest in sex or more importantly, doing her expected wifely duty:

My husband has been out of work for 9 months, THIS TIME. He’s been out of work and I’ve worked almost since we got married and have always maintained my jobs when he’s lost his over and over due to “down sizing”. While I wouldn’t mind him being home, he practically does nothing while there. Plus the fact that I know he didn’t look for work the first 6 months of his unemployment this time. Then when I get home after working all day and he’s done absolutely nothing but play Farmville on the computer he wants to grope at me and have sex. I’m sorry but I am tired and after coming home then taking the kids to sports practice, fixing dinner and doing other things that he could have been doing that’s the last thing on my mind. Maybe I feel like I am rewarding him for doing nothing. And maybe it is because this isn’t the first time this has happened. Each time it happens I get more and more unsympathetic because I don’t feel he’s doing enough to get a job, any job. And yes, I would like to not be the breadwinner in the family. It just SUCKS!!!! Everyday, every moment and I am BITTER about it.

This one pretty much succinctly describes the marriage agreement:

Yes, I’ll marry you and give you my treasure as long as you pay the bills. Come on! Remember the days when most married women stayed home and the husbands went to work?

Other thread repliers have strong resentment, so I'd be willing to bet dollars to donuts that they are not putting out either:

I am married to a man who has been off work since Oct. 2009. Bitter??? You bet! I am not young–but I have worked most all my life. I dont know how to fix the way I feel. Im afraid to loose my home, my credit score is in the toilet. Most bills are in my name so its my credit whos getting “screwed”. Im depressed–hes depressed, I want my life back. Help……………..

I have been married for 3 years. My husband brought a lot of student loan debt into the marriage. His psychology degree has not helped him one bit with his job search. I know he has sent out hundreds of resumes and he is doing everything he can to find work, but I can’t help feeling bitter. He has numerous health problems and I have taken on considerable credit card debt to pay for his medical bills. Health insurance premiums for my husband eat up a third of my salary. I have a daughter from a previous marriage in college and I wish I could do more to help her get through school, but everything I have goes to support him. I am a first grade teacher and I just don’t make enough money to support him. I don’t mind paying for things he needs, but I just HATE GOING INTO DEBT BECAUSE OF HIM! My sis keeps reminding me ‘for better or worse’, but I really wasn’t expecting the worse case scenario with everything.

This woman says that hubby should be treated like a misbehaving child:

Amy, I really feel for you. When I was talking about sympathy I was speaking directly to wives whose husbands make an effort to do something to make up for their lost employment. But part of what you are doing is going to have to rest on you. It is up to you to take care of yourself. Just reminding him that you are doing EVERYTHING is not going to make a difference. Stop doing it. Don’t cook for him, don’t wash his clothes, don’t give him spending change. If the kids get an allowance make sure it is for contributing around the household.
Yeah, it’s bad he doesn’t have a job but he is not doing anything to make life livable for anyone but him. Does he think he is supposed to be retired or does he think everyone is supposed to take care of him.
You need to know that if you stop enabling this behavior he may leave.
You have to decide what you want. I am sorry it is so hard for you.

This one just seethes with anger:

The other day I was so tired from staying up late working and getting up early to work another job and then I came home for a lunch break at 2 pm and he was just watching sports on TV with his feet up. I just wanted to spit. Even if he just did volunteer work or had a hobby, I would feel better. I would get out of this situation in a picosecond if I weren’t concerned about my medical future.

This one is "suicidal" because hubby can't find work?

I am 56. We have been married for 18 years. My husband has not had a full time job in 10 years. I have been the bread winner for ALL the years we have been together. My children will be going to college soon and I am begging my husband to get a job any job to help out. He keeps going from one 100% commission job to the next. There is always the promise of $$…but nothing pans out. I have done everything short of kicking him out to spur action. I am frustrated, depressed and intermittantly suicidal…

And here is a hubby lamenting his celibacy:

I have been unemployed 5 years. Read it again…5 years! ... My wife could help my deep, deep depression but just blames me for not “doing job search correctly.” Sex would help a lot. But no. Sex is boring because she is not excited to be in bed with a worthless unemployed man.

And last but not least ... the MANGINA speaks:

My advice to all of you is, if your husband won’t work, just leave him; there are plenty of employed—dare I say, wealthy—men out there who are determined to enter a loving, committed relationship with a woman whose first priority is the resentment of her husband when all of life’s pain isn’t shared equally. Have kids? Leave them behind, too. After all, it’s about you, right? Stop wasting your time trying to convince yourself that family, love, “till death do us part,” or any of that abstract claptrap is meaningful in any way. Once you embrace the ugly truth that, deep down, money and shared misery are everything, the sooner you can get on with the rest of your life and stop pretending to be something you’re not.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

Very interesting post, I'm going to have a look at this and check in letter. Thanks for the topic.

 

[G_Govan]

I have an Aunt who had an abusive relationship with a guy (I was good friends with). Both of them had issues so it wasn't the man abusing the woman.

Despite all the other BS, she decided to file for divorce when he lost his job and struggled to find work.

That's the name of the game. If you're the beta bux and you can't fulfill the resource side you know longer serve a useful purpose.

A married man who can easily get sex with other women isn't going to put up with a wife who doesn't put out. However, because of how skewed the laws are in favor of women, it may prove to be quite a hassle for the man to leave. This is by design.

 

[glass half full]

Briffault's Law in action. Look it up, the old guy spelled it out long ago.

 

[Bible_Belt]

The US work force shrinks every year, real wages fall every year. There's more women in college than men, and young women have higher employment rates and wages than their young male counterparts. As automation eliminates more jobs every year, some of the last to go will be the kind a pretty girl can get because of her looks, like bar maid, hostess, or receptionist. It will be a long time before robots can replace sex appeal.

Women are hard-wired by evolution to value security. The concept of them being providers has been around only for a few decades out of the two million or so years we have been here. Therein lies the conflict. They want to be a provider and have a provider at the same time.

 

[nismo-4]

Men value love, women love value.
When the man's value drops, woman starts finding a better man.