Do you think marrying wifey with a lot of debt is a form of financial cucking before-the-fact?

[MatureDJ]

I was reading this, and it got me interested:

Financial infidelity - Marketplace

More than 40% of Americans say they've hidden some kind of financial decision from their partners. Even if the dollar amount is small, the emotional impact can be huge.

www.marketplace.org

A few weeks before our wedding, Erik came home from work, cuddled up to me on the couch and sighed heavily. “A coworker’s wife dropped a financial bomb on him today,” he said.

“Oh really?” I suddenly could not swallow.

“She had five thousand dollars’ worth of credit card debt she’d kept secret from him. He thought they were debt free.”

“I have some credit card debt too,” I said, my voice a shiver.

My fiancé pulled back and away. “What? How much?”My voice had clamped down to a choked stream. “I don’t know, but I think it’s … more … than five thousand.”

“How much more?” His voice was tight, controlled.

“Maybe … twice that?”

“Ten thousand dollars?” His usually tender expression had evaporated, smile crimped into a grimace. “Why don’t you know how much?”

When I met Erik, him only eight months returned from the Peace Corps in the Czech Republic, he owned exactly one sleeping palette, a trunk that doubled as a dresser, a desk, an old Royal typewriter, and one shelf of books. Minimalist was an understatement. He balanced his checkbook every month in neatly printed ink and paid off his credit card at the end of every month if he used it at all.

The week before our wedding, we met with the woman who would marry us, the abbott of a Zen Buddhist center in Marin County.

When we revealed our plan to withhold legal marriage, she suggested, “You’re in it together, no matter how Jordan pays off her debt. I’d just like to point that out.” My soon-to-be husband took my hand across her table and exhaled shaky breaths.

my opinion: I wonder when wifey becomes ex-wifey, she will tell the judge that he needs to come out ahead in the divorce to make up for his FinanceCucking beforehand.

 

[Focal core]

Rules of thumb in every relationship.

Never get involved with someone who has more problems than you!

 

[cola]

I mean it’s 2020 bro, who doesn’t have credit card debt? And 5,000 isn’t a **** ton of money. It’s people with 80 and 90k worth of credit card debt. 5-10k is really nothing.

if I ever got married it would be made clear: my bills are my bills, your bills are your bills and what we decide to pay together is our bills.

Example of Your/My bills: Car payment, Car insurance, Credit Card debr, Car repair.

Our Bills: Rent, Mortgage, Electric, Life/Health insurance

But if I wanted to marry a girl and she had 10,000 in debt that wouldn’t necessarily scare me off.

 

[zinc4]

I mean it’s 2020 bro, who doesn’t have credit card debt? And 5,000 isn’t a **** ton of money. It’s people with 80 and 90k worth of credit card debt. 5-10k is really nothing.

if I ever got married it would be made clear: my bills are my bills, your bills are your bills and what we decide to pay together is our bills.

Example of Your/My bills: Car payment, Car insurance, Credit Card debr, Car repair.

Our Bills: Rent, Mortgage, Electric, Life/Health insurance

But if I wanted to marry a girl and she had 10,000 in debt that wouldn’t necessarily scare me off.

That's what i thought when reading this too lol. 5 to 10k aint ****. These people are poor, unfortunately. I guess this implies they are both tied to eachother in a bank account so her credit affects his until paid off?

Either way, i don't think anyone who views 5 to 10k as something big is financially prepared to ever get married in the first place.

Also you can get consolidation companies to set something up for like 25 dollars a month to get it off your credit score.

If were in this situation...married and obviously living paycheck to paycheck.... I would set that up for her and make her responsible for the payments.

 

[RickTheToad]

I was reading this, and it got me interested:

Financial infidelity - Marketplace

More than 40% of Americans say they've hidden some kind of financial decision from their partners. Even if the dollar amount is small, the emotional impact can be huge.

www.marketplace.org

my opinion: I wonder when wifey becomes ex-wifey, she will tell the judge that he needs to come out ahead in the divorce to make up for his FinanceCucking beforehand.

Different types of debt. Acceptable are school, mortgage, etc. Unacceptable are excessive credit card debt for that new Louie handbag.

 

[Tilex]

A lot of people are in debt in someway or another.
Unless you inherited a house or a vehicle, there's always going to be debt awaiting.

Or you could just rent and lease everything for the rest of your life, while making someone else more richer.

 

[Hal9000]

Hell, I run up 5k a month on my CC. I use it to pay all my utilities and other bills for the airline miles. Pay it off every month though.

 

[flowtheory]

if I ever got married it would be made clear: my bills are my bills, your bills are your bills and what we decide to pay together is our bills.

My ex is in family law, and some of the rules you think apply beforehand literally change when you want out.

There was one case where two people didn’t even live together. He had a lot of money and properties, and she didn’t have much. He would take her on trips, staycations, etc. The most she ever did was stay at his place for days, and vice versa. They dated. After the two years or so they were together, she was entitled to some of his money and she also is able to be supported for 15 or so years through him. They never lived together, never married, nothing. But they told people how close they were and had pictures of their relationship.

To your quote:
Even if it’s made clear beforehand, you’re not safe from some of the debt she may accumulate on her own. Cohabitant and marriage laws are effed beyond belief. The second you sign your singular life away and in to marriage, it’s literally what’s mine is yours in every shimmering sweet and filthy way.
So *hopefully* if one chooses to lock hands with another for the foreseeable future, you choose someone who would never want to actually screw you over - which good luck finding that In the rubble of a relationship, when the dynamics change from togetherness to “protect myself at all costs”.
And the sad thing is: there’s no actual way to foresee how someone will turn out to be in the end or troubleshoot it, because when things breakdown in relationships, people chaaaange to something you could have never foresaw.

I haven’t had one girlfriend not get ugly to a varying degree of that word. And all were exceptionally sweet, to varying degrees..

I just really don’t know about relationships anymore. And I’m only 32. Sometimes I think the fallout of a relationship is too traumatic and scarring to really be recruited for another ‘worthwhile’ endeavour.
In the end, they always want more and nothing is ever enough. And nowadays you can’t help but look over your shoulder at the next shiny thing. Both men and women

 

[flowtheory]

Hell, I run up 5k a month on my CC. I use it to pay all my utilities and other bills for the airline miles. Pay it off every month though.

It takes so long to accumulate points, it’s insane.
Ive paid roughly $45,000 on my visa this year and it earned me like 750 dollars on Expedia.

 

[Hal9000]

It takes so long to accumulate points, it’s insane.
Ive paid roughly $45,000 on my visa this year and it earned me like 750 dollars on Expedia.

Yeah its not going to make me a ton of money but if I can basically get a free airline ticket or two a year out of it for paying bills I was gonna pay anyway then I'll take it.

 

[flowtheory]

Yeah its not going to make me a ton of money but if I can basically get a free airline ticket or two a year out of it for paying bills I was gonna pay anyway then I'll take it.

Yea it’s what I do too. But I was still staggered to see how bogus it was. For the average person, it would take them about two-four years to accumulate what I did this year. All for an airline ticket? God.
But at least if I really get in to debt I can put all my points towards payOmg off my visa with $300

The rewards are just no good. Incentive is quite low. But having some perks are better than none

 

[bat soup]

There was some big fat guy on TLC that brought back some golddiggzilla from Russia. As soon as she got to the US she started demanding he spend more and more money on her and when the money ran out she wanted a divorce so that she could cash in and take half of his savings. At which point she found out that he was in debt up to his eyeballs and that half of 0 is 0. So she stayed with him.

 

[MatureDJ]

Different types of debt. Acceptable are school, mortgage, etc. Unacceptable are excessive credit card debt for that new Louie handbag.

I don't consider debt on an asset to be "debt" in this regard. A home that has a wholesale value of $200K and a mortgage of $160K is an asset worth $40K. Student debt could be considered "good debt", but since that presumes that the debtor will somehow be able to consistently draw out value from that debt for a lifetime career; the only such debt that I truly see meeting that criteria is debt to be a cartel-protected health-care worker.

 

[MatureDJ]

I mean it’s 2020 bro, who doesn’t have credit card debt? And 5,000 isn’t a **** ton of money. It’s people with 80 and 90k worth of credit card debt. 5-10k is really nothing.

Someone I know very well once had about $150K in CC debt. He got it all discharged in Chapter 7 bankruptcy.

 

[CAPSLOCK BANDIT]

Credit check don't hurt

 

[Poonani Maker]

Tomorrow or Friday, I'm going to see a gal I haven't seen in months. She's been on hold for me (which has probably p!ssed her off so she's probably already gettin d!ck elsewhere, but I could be wrong, but I don't think I will be). She lives with her mom, but she's 28. I have no idea her finances but that she has a sh!tty car (frequent breakdowns) and lost her horse due to her family's/her hardship on account of the virus shutting everything down. She really had no business owning a horse. Said she spent 40 grand on it over the years until she had to give it up. She spends several thousand on her big sick dog. She structures her life around her big sick dog like what car she decides to drive (hers or her mom's? because her mom's is bigger and can transport her dog to the vet in an emergency).

She's been over to my house a few times this Summer. If she ever pushed me into a relationship, before I let her live here, I'd sure as sh!t have to run a background check and ask for her statements. Of course, she could not give me one of them. I'd have to see a credit score, the whole nine yards.

If I ever truly "loved" her, then anything short of 20K would be a drop in the bucket for me. She's already hinted at wanting a "Camaro." I'm like nah nah nah nah nah shhhhhhhhhhh. You don't Jump from a $1000 or less worth jalopy to a $50,000 car. Nah nah. She's got a LOT to learn. You go from $1000 to $3000 for your next car to $5000 for your next car to $8000 for your next and on and on and on, anyone who's ever studied any financial books or listened to Dave Ramsey etc. Even 'I' only have 2 $2500 trucks both 20 years old and I plan on running them into their graves - I only have a 2-mile commute as planned (one of em I only have to gas up every 1 and 1/2 month).

Women can't *Think* in detail long drawn-out scheming like I can, like a MAN can. They can't keep a mental tabulation, even a written down one, they struggle with.

This is why Men are traditionally "Head of the household," all the way down through eons to Biblical times, to the time of the first recorded civilization of Sumer, and beyond Australopithecus Africanus.

I'm in the driver's seat. Do you mind? Are you gonna listen to everything I say regarding serious matters? No??? you said what? No?..."Ok, be gone!!! Leave!"

 

[Xanderson]

Never onform anwoman of your financialsituation or resources ...even lie if you have to and say your broke as well ...then she either hangs around or jumps ship and youve saved yourself a headache etc

 

[Lookatu]

Never onform anwoman of your financialsituation or resources ...even lie if you have to and say your broke as well ...then she either hangs around or jumps ship and youve saved yourself a headache etc

This 1000 percent. Even if you get married. Like others have said, have separate accounts and one joint account to pay for necessities like utility bills, home, food, etc.

My wife has been a stay at home mom since my first son turned 2. She doesn't know my full finances and has to ask me all the time if it's ok to buy anything. This is how it should be. Only cucks let their wives/gf's manage their money.

 

[Alvafe]

I mean it’s 2020 bro, who doesn’t have credit card debt? And 5,000 isn’t a **** ton of money. It’s people with 80 and 90k worth of credit card debt. 5-10k is really nothing.

if I ever got married it would be made clear: my bills are my bills, your bills are your bills and what we decide to pay together is our bills.

Example of Your/My bills: Car payment, Car insurance, Credit Card debr, Car repair.

Our Bills: Rent, Mortgage, Electric, Life/Health insurance

But if I wanted to marry a girl and she had 10,000 in debt that wouldn’t necessarily scare me off.

who don't? I don't

and sure as hell I would use this as excuse to postpone any marriage, she need to prove she deserve such boon, and that means not bomb for me to solve for her, the very least you will be teaching her to stay debt free and you will not save her

 

[mrgoodstuff]

This 1000 percent. Even if you get married. Like others have said, have separate accounts and one joint account to pay for necessities like utility bills, home, food, etc.

My wife has been a stay at home mom since my first son turned 2. She doesn't know my full finances and has to ask me all the time if it's ok to buy anything. This is how it should be. Only cucks let their wives/gf's manage their money.