DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
And that's just the best way to live.
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and sometimes a fowl...you can't be a good player if you anticipate a certain pitch before the pitch is even thrown...
do you plan on staying single or marrying some day?
- Thread starter PoloBlue
- Start date
Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and sometimes a fowl...you can't be a good player if you anticipate a certain pitch before the pitch is even thrown...
Matt Rogers
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2003
- Messages
- 618
- Reaction score
- 4
Good question, and something I consider a lot.
Personally I can see very few good reasons for marriage. It is extremely expensive: kids cost around $100000 dollars each to raise, you have to buy a bigger house: add another $200000 and all the other extra expenses which seem to mount. My dad earns a six figure salary and we don't live incredibly glamorously but with 3 kids, he still ends up spending it all.
Also, every single marriage I see the husband is dominated by the wife and made to do things that he doesn't want to do. While I am sure children can be incredible-for much of their childhood they are incredibly selfish and demanding-and a money drain. I have also noticed that a lot of wives start concentrating all their love and affection on their children-ignoring the husband.
Plus there is no guarantee that you will find Miss Right. The Miss Right you met, may balloon 100lbs, become a nag and take advantage of you. With 1/2 of marriages ending in divorce, that is a very costly gamble.
My only worry is that the bachelor lifestyle is lonely. I am sure a lot of men marry out of loneliness than anything else. At least when married you have a home to come back to, and people to welcome you. While it is possible to have live-in girlfriends, these arrangements often turn nasty when she starts hitting you around the head with a bible-pressing for marriage. Plus I am not blessed with the looks or natural game to ensure I have a regular stream of women throughout my life-although this is something I am working on.
I could conceivably see myself marrying or at least living with another women, but could not see myself having children. As I plan on sleeping around a lot and am paranoid about getting a girl pregnant and being hit by child support, I often consider a vasectonomy-as there is no way I could see myself having children.
Personally I can see very few good reasons for marriage. It is extremely expensive: kids cost around $100000 dollars each to raise, you have to buy a bigger house: add another $200000 and all the other extra expenses which seem to mount. My dad earns a six figure salary and we don't live incredibly glamorously but with 3 kids, he still ends up spending it all.
Also, every single marriage I see the husband is dominated by the wife and made to do things that he doesn't want to do. While I am sure children can be incredible-for much of their childhood they are incredibly selfish and demanding-and a money drain. I have also noticed that a lot of wives start concentrating all their love and affection on their children-ignoring the husband.
Plus there is no guarantee that you will find Miss Right. The Miss Right you met, may balloon 100lbs, become a nag and take advantage of you. With 1/2 of marriages ending in divorce, that is a very costly gamble.
My only worry is that the bachelor lifestyle is lonely. I am sure a lot of men marry out of loneliness than anything else. At least when married you have a home to come back to, and people to welcome you. While it is possible to have live-in girlfriends, these arrangements often turn nasty when she starts hitting you around the head with a bible-pressing for marriage. Plus I am not blessed with the looks or natural game to ensure I have a regular stream of women throughout my life-although this is something I am working on.
I could conceivably see myself marrying or at least living with another women, but could not see myself having children. As I plan on sleeping around a lot and am paranoid about getting a girl pregnant and being hit by child support, I often consider a vasectonomy-as there is no way I could see myself having children.
Matt
Your thinking is 100% correct, but you won't get the die-hard AFCs here to agree.
THere are some threads going on here about how many of us have bad, bad relationships with our fathers.
It is terrible to think about.. each of those fathers had great hopes for his marriage and life but wound up with ex-wives and ungrateful children.
All these fathers RUINED their lives thru marriage and children... they did not benefit one bit.. and it seems to be very prevelant in our society.
THink about it and have a Merry Christmas anyway!
Dietzcoi
Your thinking is 100% correct, but you won't get the die-hard AFCs here to agree.
THere are some threads going on here about how many of us have bad, bad relationships with our fathers.
It is terrible to think about.. each of those fathers had great hopes for his marriage and life but wound up with ex-wives and ungrateful children.
All these fathers RUINED their lives thru marriage and children... they did not benefit one bit.. and it seems to be very prevelant in our society.
THink about it and have a Merry Christmas anyway!
Dietzcoi
Matt Rogers
Master Don Juan
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2003
- Messages
- 618
- Reaction score
- 4
Thanks dietzcoi. It is a rather depressing subject for Christmas. I personally get on well with my father, but I never see him because he is too busy working his ass off trying to support a family of 5, send us kids to private school and college, and finance my mothers spending habit.
But as I said, loneliness does bother me, as I have been living on my own for the last three years, after I left home to go to college. There have been girls but nothing serious, and it does sometimes feel a bit lonely coming back to a flat on my own.
Ideally in the future I would like to live with a girl, not married, but sharing a two bedroom flat or something. Both of us working and having separate bank accounts and going halves on the house. How feasible is this sort of arrangement? While it is ideal from the man's point of view, I don't think many women would agree.
Also, what is the situation like when you get older Dietzcoi. Surely a lot of the quality women get married off, so you are left with divorcees, workaholics. and dysfunctional women who can't hold a man. It seems that the biological clock in women is very real and they do seem to feel this need to marry off and settle down around 30 or so.
But as I said, loneliness does bother me, as I have been living on my own for the last three years, after I left home to go to college. There have been girls but nothing serious, and it does sometimes feel a bit lonely coming back to a flat on my own.
Ideally in the future I would like to live with a girl, not married, but sharing a two bedroom flat or something. Both of us working and having separate bank accounts and going halves on the house. How feasible is this sort of arrangement? While it is ideal from the man's point of view, I don't think many women would agree.
Also, what is the situation like when you get older Dietzcoi. Surely a lot of the quality women get married off, so you are left with divorcees, workaholics. and dysfunctional women who can't hold a man. It seems that the biological clock in women is very real and they do seem to feel this need to marry off and settle down around 30 or so.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
Marriage is a wonderful thing...only if you're not getting married and everyone else is getting married...
The faithful husband will see beautiful single women and will refuse to quench his natural sexual desire but the aspiring DJ will go from beautiful single woman to more beautiful single woman without trying to get in a state of contradictory feelings...sure the aspiring DJ will show the beautiful woman he's with respect by giving her total attention, but the aspiring DJ keeps his options open...he's in search of the most pleasing person to be with...he ain't trying to get stuck with something that will depreciate over time...
the aspiring DJ gets the upgrade not the marriage....
The faithful husband will see beautiful single women and will refuse to quench his natural sexual desire but the aspiring DJ will go from beautiful single woman to more beautiful single woman without trying to get in a state of contradictory feelings...sure the aspiring DJ will show the beautiful woman he's with respect by giving her total attention, but the aspiring DJ keeps his options open...he's in search of the most pleasing person to be with...he ain't trying to get stuck with something that will depreciate over time...
the aspiring DJ gets the upgrade not the marriage....I think its really unfortunate that some of you have such a dim outlook that the greatest pleasure you have to look forward to in life is sleeping with women.
What a miserable, miserable existence.
That doesn’t make you macho or a “Don Juan”, that makes you……..God, I don’t even know what that makes you. Sad? Pathetic?
I want to have a family; I want to have children, to go to T-Ball practice, to teach them how to ride a bike, to watch them open presents on Christmas morning, to go sailing together on a Sunday afternoon just like my dad did with me. You can’t do those all those things and be a single, player “Ladies Man” your whole life.
A few years ago, I mentioned to one of my customers (Who is 60 years old and a rough, gruff Vietnam Vet) that “I may not ever get married.” And he said: “Let me tell you son, you’ll get tired of sleeping alone.” He had been single for the first 50 years of his life and hated it. He had live in girlfriends and a 30 year old son but was never happy. He never had a real home or a real family to go home to at night, just an empty house.
What a miserable, miserable existence.
That doesn’t make you macho or a “Don Juan”, that makes you……..God, I don’t even know what that makes you. Sad? Pathetic?
I want to have a family; I want to have children, to go to T-Ball practice, to teach them how to ride a bike, to watch them open presents on Christmas morning, to go sailing together on a Sunday afternoon just like my dad did with me. You can’t do those all those things and be a single, player “Ladies Man” your whole life.
A few years ago, I mentioned to one of my customers (Who is 60 years old and a rough, gruff Vietnam Vet) that “I may not ever get married.” And he said: “Let me tell you son, you’ll get tired of sleeping alone.” He had been single for the first 50 years of his life and hated it. He had live in girlfriends and a 30 year old son but was never happy. He never had a real home or a real family to go home to at night, just an empty house.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
Yes, some people get tired of sleeping alone but not everyone is the same...some people rather have peace of mind instead of a family...
MrCode
Senior Don Juan
That is a pretty harsh outlook on what can be a valid and happy choice for some men. Don't push your beliefs on other people.
Also there are plenty of other pleasures in life that have nothing to do with family or women: like cooking, eating good food, creating art, woodworking, reading, music, movies, being creative, etc. I believe that having a good woman along with these other things can make those things more enjoyable, but women should just add to the joy, not create it.
If you are basing your happiness on the "American Dream" of finding a wife and having children, you are setting yourself up for failure. Based on your post that is what I see from you. You will make your wife and children miserable if you rely on them to make you happy.
Also, I agree in general with what you are saying (I intend to get married and have a family, after several more years of bachelorhood), but your tone is very condescending and deserved a proper response.
taking the risk...
Just because half of the marriges dont work out, why not do it and make urself be on that 50% of marriges that DO work? I mean think of it this way... When u are a 50 year old man, and are unable to still be a "Don juan" or a "Playa" etc... then what? For the next 30 or so years of your life you want to come to an empty lonely loveLESS home and life? Would you not rather come home to a loving wife and kids? and maybe even have some Grandchildren to bring u even more joy! Think about it... In 20 years time we will all be old, and if we dont get married etc, we will also all be lonely and probably miserable.
And at the end of the day, even if things DONT wok out, you will be able to say that u did your best and that u TRIED!!, what do you have to loose? money? well... being ALONE for 30 odd years will be a lot greater loss that money, well thats the way i see it anyways
Just something for you to think about...
Laterz...
Just because half of the marriges dont work out, why not do it and make urself be on that 50% of marriges that DO work? I mean think of it this way... When u are a 50 year old man, and are unable to still be a "Don juan" or a "Playa" etc... then what? For the next 30 or so years of your life you want to come to an empty lonely loveLESS home and life? Would you not rather come home to a loving wife and kids? and maybe even have some Grandchildren to bring u even more joy! Think about it... In 20 years time we will all be old, and if we dont get married etc, we will also all be lonely and probably miserable.
And at the end of the day, even if things DONT wok out, you will be able to say that u did your best and that u TRIED!!, what do you have to loose? money? well... being ALONE for 30 odd years will be a lot greater loss that money, well thats the way i see it anyways
Just something for you to think about...
Laterz...
SIXPAKGQ
Don Juan
thats too much AFC
SIXPAKGQ
Don Juan
you have a much better chance of findind the women of ur choice by DJing then being a AFC
So you're comparing the intimate companionship of a "life partner" to wood working and going to the movies?
Im not basing any of this on the "American Dream", Im basing all of this on the loving and caring home I was raised in. Posts like:
and
and:
Really bother me. You guys make it sound like its a burden to have a family. I dont look to others for my happiness, I could be single the rest of my life, but it wouldnt be very fullfilling. Whats the point? I know of severial men in late 40's that are single and have basically nothing to live for. They get up, go to work, come home, fix dinner and then eat it by themselves becasue they "didn't want to be tied down". They date dozens of women, but what do they get out of it? A good roll in the hay and they're on to the next one. I don't think you guys have ever experienced real, true, honest-to-God, love for someone. If you had, you would never say things like this.
To each his own.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
They also get no nagging and no dissapointment...
Loneliness is just the negative view of privacy.
what are you smoking? Can i have some?
And when u say that loneliness is a negative view of privacy.... Provacy is maybe when u need a break for a week or 2... privaci isnt when u want to live ALONE for 30 odd years of your life! If anyone thinks of living ALONE for 30 years, then that person has issues and social problems of note.
Wake up! Marrige might be stressing and hard for a couple of years.... but in the end it really DOES pay off! And who said that if u get married that u HAVE to have children? If you think that children are too much of a "problem" or "Burden" then dont have them... U can stay married with a wife till the day u die without having kids.
DjDreamer.... time to wake up from that dream of yours
Laterz...
They also dont get that feeling of being loved.... they also dont get that feeling that they have something to live for.... they dont get that feeling of having a FAMILY and kids etc.... They also get that feeling of not HAVING anyone trully care about u.... they also get that feeling that when they die no1 will remember them (friends will forget about them SOON enough)... they also get that feeling that they dont have anything to really live for (not in all cases, but i have heard of a few)...
And when u say that loneliness is a negative view of privacy.... Provacy is maybe when u need a break for a week or 2... privaci isnt when u want to live ALONE for 30 odd years of your life! If anyone thinks of living ALONE for 30 years, then that person has issues and social problems of note.
Wake up! Marrige might be stressing and hard for a couple of years.... but in the end it really DOES pay off! And who said that if u get married that u HAVE to have children? If you think that children are too much of a "problem" or "Burden" then dont have them... U can stay married with a wife till the day u die without having kids.
DjDreamer.... time to wake up from that dream of yours
Laterz...
Re: what are you smoking? Can i have some?
My grandparents were married 62 years and my parents have been together 31. Im sure they wouldnt trade what they have for more "freedom" or "privacy."
AMEN! I couldnt have said it better myself.
My grandparents were married 62 years and my parents have been together 31. Im sure they wouldnt trade what they have for more "freedom" or "privacy."
MrCode
Senior Don Juan
I can't speak for everyone but in my case I have become more "myself" now because of my efforts to become a "DJ.".Originally posted by aequitas
Umm.. this all depends... but think of it this way... you want the woman to fall in love with you, NOT who are are pretending to be
Laterz...
I am now comfortable truly being myself around women, and they seem to like this guy a lot more than the nervous worried AFC I used to be years ago. In fact I'm amazed at how women respond because my self-esteem and world view were so messed up before that even now it is hard to believe how much women enjoy being with me.
Believe me or not, but I'm a much better man now than I was years ago, and not just when it comes to women. I'll also be a better husband and father.
DjDreamer
Master Don Juan
When it comes to the issue of relationship...one size does not fit all...
Some guys wish for fish to be handed to them with no stress and others simply love to fish.
Some guys wish for their every move to be monitered and controlled by a woman and others do not...
Some guys wish to spend their lifetime with one woman and others love the pursuit of the most beautiful woman.
Some guys wish for fish to be handed to them with no stress and others simply love to fish.
Some guys wish for their every move to be monitered and controlled by a woman and others do not...
Some guys wish to spend their lifetime with one woman and others love the pursuit of the most beautiful woman.
Let me explain...
I am assuming that the way that u act now is NOT an act though, so that comment/statement of mine wouldnt apply to you, or ARE u putting on an act?
Keep well...
Laterz...
Thats great.. and i'm happy for you, and i wish u the best of luck and success for the future... But just to make my statement a little more clear to you... I am not saying that u must be who u were a few years ago.. i am saying that u musnt put on an act, so in other words being how u are NOW should become normal and instinct to you, so that u dont have to be putting on an act for the rest of ur life. If what u do now IS an act, then one day u will want to just be yourself and NOT have to "live on stage" for the rest of your life, and thats when u will start being unhappy.
I am assuming that the way that u act now is NOT an act though, so that comment/statement of mine wouldnt apply to you, or ARE u putting on an act?
Keep well...
Laterz...