Do you need to have the attitude of an alpha to get women?

[Tazman]

I was thinking, I'm not an outgoing, loud, party guy. I've been shy all my life, but I'm working on opening up more. Is it possible to be attractive to women without being the life of the party "alpha" all the time? Are there any laid back guys here on the forum who still get chicks? I don't dance, never have, and don't plan on doing it. Is that going to stop me from getting decent chicks?

I mean, I can attract some girls because of my face (that's the only thing that stands out, I'm 5'5/120lbs and skinny as hell) but I'd hate for things to end shortly after they realize I'm not an extroverted type of guy. If I try and act like I'm outgoing it just doesn't work, and it makes me feel like an idiot to force it because it's not my personality. Any in a similar situation?

 

[BrotherAP]

You can be the "Strong, silent type". Just emphasize the good parts of your personality and work to eliminate your weaknesses. The more you initiate conversations, however, the more girls you will talk to (it's a mathematical certainty) and therefore the better your odds are by default.

Also, if you're skinny, try bulking up. You don't have to be attractive to get girls, but the less you're willing to put yourself out there, the more attractive you're going to want to be so that they notice you. If you've got a killer bod, then 90% of your work is already done for you.

 

[Tazman]

thanks bro.

 

[becker]

I was more shy as a kid, but for some reason, at some point I started becoming much more outgoing, now to the point where I talk to random people all the time wherever I go.

It's a game, and it has to be played if you're going to get the cream of the crop. Guys like you I can relate to though, because you're not the competitive type, at least you're not confrontational about it. Not to say that you need to be all in people's grills, but you can't sit on your butt and expect yourself to be pulling women left and right, unless you're Paul Walker or someone who physically is extremely attractive to women. Even then, you can't be a lump, or you'll strike out.

I'd say if you're shy, the angle to play is that you have to give them just enough to at least know you have a pulse and there's a side of you they're not seeing, which sparks curiosity. The reason for this is that you may not be comfortable being the life of the party/alpha male, so too much will make you a bit awkward. Be wary though, that if you're going to do that, you better actually have a little something rather than bluffing, because it will come out immediately if you are. It's amazing though, because like most things with people, they tend to always try to get the best deal they can. It's greed manifested at its finest. You shop for a car, you want the best deal. You shop for a house, you want the best bang for your buck. You apply to colleges, you want to try to get into the best one you can. Same with girls and guys. The world would be nice if it wasn't always that way, and sometimes it isn't, but that's rare.

Think about it this way, if you saw some girl sitting there, and she was not super attractive physically, although not terrible either, what would tempt you to go talk to her? Probably nothing, but if she just smilied at you, perhaps that's enough for you to at least approach her and talk. That's all it takes sometimes. It's not necessary to overdo it either.

So to answer your question, no, you don't have to have the attitude of an alpha, but it can't hurt to be like one as much as you can, even if it is in small doses. Better than nothing.

 

[Mikers]

yeah i have a simular personality as you taz, im often quiet but i've opened up alot more.. and one thing iv'e learnt is you can still be yourself.. hell STAY TRUE TO YOURSELF but you must work from your angle. Approach is really the only word which should be going through your mind..and.. you can be the laid back type but you still most possess traits any Dj has.. humour grooming charm etc.. these can all be attained with a quiet/laid back demeanor.

 

[Jay-X]

i'd like to clarify a point that i think you guys are missing. loud guys are really rarely alpha males. i'm always the center of the attention and the life of the party, but just randomly i'm perceived as an alpha male. the alpha male should be a reliable person, would you rely on somebody who drinks a bit too much, mack ladies and is always louder than a pumped stereo? i don't think so

the great majority of alpha males that come to my mind are relaxed and laid back, not loud at all


(i'm referring to the alpha male as the leader, not as the guy who gets all the chicks)

 

[Wiesman44]

Your insecure. Its not that you are silent, or skinny or anything.

Clearly by this post you are insecure with yourself. Women can smell that from a mile away. Thats the biggest turnoff possible !

Work on that man, there's no reason for you to be insecure. So you're short and skinny. Oh well. Everyone has their quirks. nobody is perfect.

 

[babysfirstcoffin]

I'm 5'11'' and 125 lbs. I know what youre talking about. It's all about the attitude.

Look at girls and say **** it. I make sure the first thing they know about me is that I weigh 126 lbs. That way it's out there right away, and I come off as confident and not self-concious.

It works wonders my man, just walk out there.

 

[DJDanny]

Originally posted by babysfirstcoffin
I'm 5'11'' and 125 lbs. I know what youre talking about. It's all about the attitude.

geez and i used to get called skinny at 6'2", 160

 

[Tazman]

I hear what you guys are saying, and it makes a lot of sense.

Your insecure. Its not that you are silent, or skinny or anything.

Clearly by this post you are insecure with yourself. Women can smell that from a mile away. Thats the biggest turnoff possible !

Work on that man, there's no reason for you to be insecure. So you're short and skinny. Oh well. Everyone has their quirks. nobody is perfect.

I agree that this atleast part of it but.........I've been this way ever since I was a care free child. Before I ever thought about how people viewed me, I was just a shy kid. It's like I was born with this temperament.

It's funny though, it seems like if a chick is attracted to you, you kind of get away with not having a whole lot of game. My problem seems to be that I worry so much about the future that I forget about the "little" things I need to be doing right now to even make a future possible. I can be open and talkative with people I know, I guess it just takes awhile before I'm that comfortable, which seems to be my biggest problem.

Thanks for the input, it really does help.