Do you guys know what you are attracted to in a woman?

[Mr.Positive]

What I mean, is that this is something that I have not been able to pinpoint for myself. I know what qualities I'm looking for, for a relationship, such as honesty, integrity, active lifestyle, etc.

But attraction is something different. We focus a lot on generating attraction for women here, but what about trying to define, or control, who we are attracted to?

I'm not just talking about the physical aspect, but the chemical rush, as Latinoman recently posted about. We've all had it, it's something for me at least that I seem to have no control over. Certain women have just brought it out of me, that deep down animal attraction...but they have all been extremely different.

I think if I could find out what commonality in women bring out that sort of deeper attraction in me, I could improve on selecting, or approaching better women instead of just relying on the numbers theory.

Any thoughts?

 

[decades]

study your mother

 

[Mr.Positive]

study your mother

How about I study yours?

Seriously though...

 

[azanon]

I think it comes down to who "compliments" you best. Do opposites attract or do alikes attract? The answer is both at the same time.

You can have 2 pieces that are differing and opposing, BUT they go together to make up the same "whole" unit.

The best way to tell is that the person will usually have a completely opposite set of strengths and weaknesses, yet your value systems will generally be very close to the same. This is your optimum mate.

 

[decades]

How about I study yours?

Seriously though...

she is almost 75. :nono:


ps: I am dead serious

 

[azanon]

she is almost 75. :nono:


ps: I am dead serious

This is code for, "...my ass is old too"

 

[Mr.Positive]

she is almost 75. :nono:


ps: I am dead serious

OK, I think I see your point. I'm not talking about qualities though. I know what qualities I'm looking for, and yes, I guess my mom has a lot of them. I'm fortunate, she's a great woman, and I was raised in a healthy loving old-school value home.

The question I was asking was about raw animal attraction, something different. I'm trying to find out what traits in a woman bring that out of me.

 

[st_99]

I've asked myself that before and couldn't come up with anything in particular.

 

[joekerr31]

ok here. here is my take. and this will probably rank in the top 5 post of all the posts i've ever done - because i believe my rationale strikes at the heart fo the matter . or it could just be that im drunk and think im being smarter than i really am

i think it was tolstoy (although i could be mistake) who said that the reason a gambler gambles is that they are searching for god.

sounds a bit crazy right?

see the logic was that, in gambling, the odds are against you. you should LOSE. and most people do. but when you win. when you win (win big) it feels like something divine. like the stars lined up and the Gods themselves favored you.

gambling addicts are constantly searching for that moment. that moment when the universe acknowledges them and rewards them / takes care of them. when God proves he exists if you will.

to a non gambler it doesn't make sense, but for the gambler i can see the behavioral logic in it. you're playing a game in which you shoudl lose, so if you ever win big then surely thats a clear indication that the universe is at your side.

so what is it that any man is looking for in a woman? to complete him.

sounds sappy, but i believe its none the less the reality.

a man is looking for a woman who, when he looks in her eyes, feels as though they were meant to be. this experience is almost a divine experience. because the odds of ever finding that in a woman are a billion to one. and every guy knows it.

after all, you meet a million women in the course of your life. and for ONE to make you feel complete - well, surely there can be no more of a proof that God is at work in your life than that? could there?

you see, finding 'the one', is not really just about the one. its about life. its about finally believing that life is good - that its not dog eat dog - that YOUR life has a meanign and destiny to it.

God is Love and findin the 'one' is synonymous with finding God.

those few men who find 'the one' are unstoppable. you can take away all their money. you can afflict them with disease. you can throw every misfortune at them. and they stand strong.

so what any given man is looking for in a woman is that feeling of completeness. of destiny. that it was meant to be.

i dont think there is a word to describe it. but we all know what it is.

honesty, empathy, etc. - are traits that all men are looking for of course, but its not THE thing they are searching for.

we trash oneitis a lot. and rightfully so! but oneitis can be a good thing if your woman has oneitis for you too! that's called love.

in today's world we've relegated 'love' to some bullsh*t idealistic romanticised notion that doesn't actually exist.

personally i believe it does exist. i can tell you this, i've bee nwith some women who, if i had more sense at the time, i could have had a very loving future with.

anyway, at the end of the day, everything we do we do in search of meaning. in search of a feeling of completeness. whether that be with women or with our jobs or whatever.

we are all stumbling about blindly in the dark and we would all give whatever the price asked to find the things that made us feel at ease and at peace in this world of chaos.

to find that job you love. or to find that woman you love.

this is all any man (should) want.

and ultimately, this search, is a search, in my opinion, for God. we are all looking for and hoping to arrive at a point where we 'get it' - where we get our lives and feel as though all the hardships were worth it.

a bit trippy i know. and its easy to argue against what ive just said. sure we can look at it as simply the search for the best neurological 'high' - so which ever woman gives us that we can consider to have hte traits we are looking for. but i believe, when 2 people truly love each other, after all the sexual attraction is leveled off, the bond of love still exists. sex is not the most intoxicating feeling in the world - having someone who truly loves you is - not (just) for your body, but for YOU.

which is why you can DJ forever, but it will never get you loved, it will only get you laid.

finding 'love' is out of your control. it will either happen or it wont. that's the b*tch about life, you can't force it to unfold how you'd like. it either will or it won't.

anyway, just my 2 cents.

 

[Interceptor]

Great post, Joe.

You're right that our instincts are to "find God" in women.
But the truth is..
We are already complete.
What we truly mean is that we are finding a woman that will help us in our journey of SELF REALIZATION.
Not "completing" us.
REALIZING us.

And as for God...
Yes, you're right.
We are looking for the reasons to life. Why we're here. What do we do. Why we should do what we truly want to do. What comes after all this?
And it has everything to do with Self Realization. FInding our SELVES.
Who are we? Really?
We go from woman to woman looking for this. For confirmation.
Some people look at it from the angle of "completeness' and "validation",
But these notions are incorrect, and you will not find your self this way.
You will only find conflict, and mor unhappiness because you refuse to acknowledge your spiritual quest. And you're basically going abou tit the wrong way. You're bound to run into trouble because you haven't done the work.
The natural order of things is for man to start the journey and create, and for women to help their men find themselves, and in doing so, find themselves as well.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Femininity, naturally!! One who is in sync with her nature!! http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=50480

 

[Mr.Positive]

Wow, great posts Joekerr and Intercepter, really deep stuff to ponder. This really applies to my situation actually, in life..more so than I can post.

It was a oneitis that made me find this site, and all I wanted was some tips to get better with women. Not get burned again. I didn't realize I'd really learn as much as I did about myself, and life, in general.

Thanks a lot guys..

 

[joekerr31]

my pleasure.

one of the issues i use to have with sosuave was that it was often one dimensionsal - 'how do i get laid' threads.

getting laid is easy.

getting what you want and knowing what you want and figuring out what you should want - thats a bit more difficult because its not JUST about women.

you can teach someone to play football but that doesn't make them a winner. so to me this site now, at least in the mature forum, is more about how to develop that winning attitude towards LIFE.

i personally don't believe its possible to be JUST successful in one area of life. i believe there is a mind set which when applied across ALL areas of life will lead to overall success.

that means with women, with friends, with family, with your job, with your finances, with your health, with your sense of self, etc. - all these things are intricately linked together by the mental attitude you apply to them all.

you can pour your energy and time in to just one of those things, ie. get ONE of those plates spinning really fast and well - but all that happens is that the other plates start to wobble.

the key in life is learning how to spin all the plates at the same time successfully. and that can only be done through a general evolution / maturity of self and perspective on life, which is then applied across all areas of your life.

 

[LovelyLady]

I always thought this analysis of Browning's Aurora Leigh - the dynamic of want and need for partnership as experienced differently by the sexes to be fascinating...

"" . . The man's need of the woman, here,
Is greater than the woman's of the man,
And easier served; for where the man discerns
A sex, (ah, ah, the man can generalise,
Said he) we see but one, ideally
And really: where we <sic: WOMEN>yearn to lose ourselves
And melt like white pearls in another's wine,
He seeks to double himself by what he loves,
And make his drink more costly by our pearls.
At board, at bed, at work and holiday,
It is not good for man to be alone. [Browning, V.1073-1083]


Men need to be "doubled", they need to have another person to make their lives fuller. Women's lives appear to be plenty full, for they are figured as already existing as pearls. Women simply want to find the one person with whom they can enmesh their existence, but this need is far less dire than that of men. A man is not complete until he finds another, specifically, a woman, to add full meaning to his existence. ""

I am curious to hear what you men think of this analysis?

 

[st_99]

Men need to be "doubled", they need to have another person to make their lives fuller. Women's lives appear to be plenty full, for they are figured as already existing as pearls. Women simply want to find the one person with whom they can enmesh their existence, but this need is far less dire than that of men. A man is not complete until he finds another, specifically, a woman, to add full meaning to his existence. ""

I am curious to hear what you men think of this analysis?

Replace the word "men" with "women" and "women" with "men" and this would make more sense.

 

[LovelyLady]

Replace the word "men" with "women" and "women" with "men" and this would make more sense.

touché

 

[mzilla2]

I may not know exactly what I want, but I sure do know what I DON'T want!

 

[Interceptor]

LL,
I would have to agree with ST99.
Honestly, I don't see it this way. And I will tell you that at one time, I did believe that Women "complete" Men. Not anymore though. This was a misunderstanding of the semantics, but not the underlying principles of fulfillment.
The notion that men want to be "doubled" is false. It is also mislabeling what we as Humans are liooking for. It is NOT "doubling" ourselves, or "completing" oursleves.
This also assumes the notion of a Feminie Superiority, and Male Inferiority. This is also not only FALSE, but a dangerous and unhealthy assumption. No ONE is to be "worshipped".
We should treat each other as Masculine Men, and Feminine WOmen, not necessarily Kings and servants, or Queens and her servants. This is an unhealthy niotion that is unfortunately heavily promoted, which is corrupting and corroding both our perceptions and our relationships are being damaged becasue of this.

I read somewhere some "advice" for women:
"Don't do nice things for him, let him do nice thigns for you."
Utter nonsense, and creepily self serving. Both men and women can see through this crap. And this "I am a Godess, you are at my bidding" must go, if we both want to save our marriages and relationships.


I have come to believe that Men and Women are both already COMPLETE. But they need each other to Self Realize, thatis, fully Realize their SELVES...who THEY ARE.

Both NEED each other.

Yet, both can have different circumstances and personality traits.

For example, I am fiine by myself. I am by nature a very introspective person, and do not desperately seek out companionship. That is, I am not "needy" lookiing for companionship.
That is not to say I don't value it, or do not seek it out at all. But it has its place. So do women in my life.
I prefer do have both, my time to myself, and a good woman by my side.

The Battle of the Sexes often comes out to "Who needs each other more? And if we need you less, then we are the BETTER ones. We are more important than you. Because you NEED US more than WE NEED YOU."

Which is total Bullsh*t.

It's reassurance, to make up for a lack of self worth and esteem. We all can see right through this crap.


It's better to realize that we are all in this together, and you can be smart, and be a good person and get to where you want to go, or be a jerk/c*nt and screw people over in a scarcity complex desperation.

We need each other to self realize. And anyone who doesn't believe this truth, and their real SELVES is in a world of hurt.

Men are the creators and leaders, women are the glue and the support who help each other on their path to self realization.
Man finds his place through creation, and companionship with a woman, Woman finds herself through companionhip with a Man, and creation of Man.

Both also benefit from "ME time" or alone time.
Understanding yourself when you are alone is part of life. And necessary.
For there can be no Yin withouth Yang. We cannot fully appreciate and understand one without the other.

Harmony.

We seek Harmony in our Life.

Men and Women together bring fulfillment of desire and Harmony.

 

[joekerr31]

Men need to be "doubled", they need to have another person to make their lives fuller. Women's lives appear to be plenty full, for they are figured as already existing as pearls. Women simply want to find the one person with whom they can enmesh their existence, but this need is far less dire than that of men. A man is not complete until he finds another, specifically, a woman, to add full meaning to his existence. ""

I am curious to hear what you men think of this analysis?

i think you are a troll.

i also think you are the perfect example of how idiotic women's thinking often is - creating whatever little paradigms you need to see men as 'weak' and women as 'strong'. you're in the wrong neck of the woods to be spouting that sh*t.

i can see that you are going to be twice as annoying as wyldfire was.

 

[LovelyLady]

i think you are a troll.

i also think you are the perfect example of how idiotic women's thinking often is - creating whatever little paradigms you need to see men as 'weak' and women as 'strong'. you're in the wrong neck of the woods to be spouting that sh*t.

i can see that you are going to be twice as annoying as wyldfire was.

Joekerr31,
The bold quote is from an online literary analysis of Browning's poem- not my personal analysis. Perhaps I did not present it clearly enough as such in my original post - I thought the quotation marks would effectively set it apart.

I do find it an interesting philosophy of what men (and women) search for/need. It was topic of conversation at a recent dinner party I attended.
However, the philosophy of the men on this forum is different from the men there, so I was hopeful to hear what you guys thought.


I do wonder at the requirement of a woman adding fullness to your life as man, being seen as being a negative or a weakness, though? I should hope to enrich my partner's existance and life journey. But the idea that women want to "loose" themselves in the wine (intoxication) of being with a man was received with great indignation by many of the women I spoke with - which I actually had no problem with. Although I did think it was shortsighted to think that women do not ALSO want to be doubled/bettered/enriched by men.

And please, challenge my ideas, that's fine - but namecalling (troll?)? I mean really....