Do you ever think that the best path in life is getting married young and poor?

[itouchyou]

Have been thinking after learning the story of a couple I met recently. They were 29 & 22, husband and wife, when they immigrated to the US in the 90s. Most likely an arranged marriage.

They started out relatively low income - but became rich within 10 years. By their mid 30s they were upper class, most likely due to smart spending/saving habits and possibly dual income. They still look great for their age.

It just got me thinking. They married without much money, but struggled together to build a better life for themselves, and got wealthy together and started a family between all that. They have nearly 30 years together in their marriage. They didn't mess with dating, rejection, etc - just went straight to the endgame and were successful.

Meanwhile I look at my own life and realize, I spent my 20s struggling ALONE to pay off debt, and now in my mid 30s I'm left with good dating options, but ultimately whoever I end up with won't be for as pure of reasons as when younger. Money becomes a factor. Not only that, but we won't be able to build and struggle together because the financial struggle is already over. It's basically an easy life at this point. I probably have 20 good healthy years left when I do get married until I'm considered old (late 50s).

Then again, pretty much everyone follows this path these days. Very few people are getting married young. Seems like society has been designed this way with feminism pushing women to delay marriage until they're nearly 30 or older. It just makes me think, what's the pride in a long marriage if there was no struggle to build it's foundation? If things go shaky later on, couples who marry with both of them having money won't really know how they'll react if things go south.

Makes me regret my path. Is young marriage the best route?

 

[BeExcellent]

Doesn’t matter. Your life doesn’t have a rewind button.

I’m in my 50s. I jokingly refer to myself as old because that an accurate fact & perception around here relative to the young bucks.

But I’m getting married myself in a couple of months. So what? Life is not over because I’ve passed 50.

So what you do is select carefully and pick a woman who is happy to be with you.

There is no use lamenting what could have been nor is it productive to compare your situation to someone else’s. Complete waste of time.

So knock it off already.

 

[Redwood]

Nah.

 

[itouchyou]

Doesn’t matter. Your life doesn’t have a rewind button.

I’m in my 50s. I jokingly refer to myself as old because that an accurate fact & perception around here relative to the young bucks.

But I’m getting married myself in a couple of months. So what? Life is not over because I’ve passed 50.

So what you do is select carefully and pick a woman who is happy to be with you.

There is no use lamenting what could have been nor is it productive to compare your situation to someone else’s. Complete waste of time.

So knock it off already.

The question wasn't whether it mattered or not. The past can always be used as a reference point for future actions, and is to be learned from.

 

[sharkfinale]

when they immigrated to the US in the 90s. Most likely an arranged marriage.

The relationship of couple you spoke about worked because of culture where they are from. Not necessarily because they married young and poor. Getting married young would likely be part of their culture.

Here's something from book of Pook. "marriage is like tying two people in a ship together. It doesn’t matter who you are tied up to, you will make the person a lifelong partner." Those couple, probably due to their culture, had no recourse after marriage other than make it work.

But the same place where they came from would be way different now due to Western influence.

 

[BeExcellent]

The question wasn't whether it mattered or not. The past can always be used as a reference point for future actions, and is to be learned from.

True. But he is asking if he should have already married in his youth. He isn’t young now like he’s talking about, and that time is gone forever.

It’s a rhetorical self defeating question the way it is posed precisely because the clock cannot be turned back for a do-over.

All he can do is move forward now obviously. Regret will imprison him, and regret is a waste of time.

 

[Foe]

Tried it, didnt work. 16 years ending in a affair (her).

And before you say it no I didnt get complacent, maintained the whole time.

 

[pipeman84]

and now in my mid 30s I'm left with good dating options, but ultimately whoever I end up with won't be for as pure of reasons as when younger. Money becomes a factor.

That's an extremely good point. That's the main reason why I believe relationships that start in high school have a strong foundation. But, I do know closely such relationships and I realize they come with their own set of challenges. Looking for wife material when you're 35+ has different challenges, such as finding a woman without baggage, who wants to be with you for YOU, not for your financial status, her biological clock ticking or because it's better than being alone.

Not only that, but we won't be able to build and struggle together because the financial struggle is already over.

Don't romanticize struggle. Also, there's still plenty to be built, such as a family.

Makes me regret my path. Is young marriage the best route?

No such thing as the best route that's applicable to everyone. When I look back at my teens and 20s, I had the innate knowing that marriage at that age was not for me. I also didn't meet any girl who made me question that.

 

[SW15]

Is young marriage the best route?

The relationship of couple you spoke about worked because of culture where they are from. Not necessarily because they married young and poor. Getting married young would likely be part of their culture.

I think a young marriage within a deeply religious community is probably the best option for a lasting marriage in a Western nation these days. As @sharkfinale says, the surrounding culture of the couple has to value staying married and sexual chastity prior to marriage.

The type of man who gets married young while being a devout practitioner of religion and has a wife who is also deeply religious is not participating on SoSuave forums. We never get to hear the voice of this man.

Think about some of deeply religious colleges that exist within the United States, typically some form of Christianity, including Mormonism. Examples of these schools would be: Brigham Young University (Mormon), Franciscan University of Steubenville (Catholic), Baylor University (Baptist), Liberty University (Evangelical, non-denominational Christian). These schools typically have a student code of conduct that bans pre-marital sex. Students have gotten kicked out of some religious colleges for having pre-marital sex.

If a man and woman meet at a school like Brigham Young or Liberty, they have a better chance of having a lasting marriage. It might not be a spectacular marriage (longevity is not an indicator of quality) but it is far less likely to end in an unpleasant divorce.

It's quite common for students at deeply religious colleges to be married by the end of college, which is typically age 22-23. This was a common first marriage age from 1965-1975, around the era that the Sexual Revolution was first taking hold in the United States and other Western nations. In 2021, the median age at first marriage in the United States is 30.6 for a man and 28.6 for a woman.

Age of Americans at their first wedding 2021 | Statista

In 2021, the median age for the first wedding among women in the United States stood at 28.6 years.

www.statista.com

.

In my non-representative local area social circle, the marriages were typically occurring when the people were between 27-35.

I don't believe that young marriage works when the participants are only somewhat religious or not very religious. The statistics seem to back this idea up, as a lot of young marriages fail. However, there are fewer and fewer young marriages these days. Outside of religious communities, it's highly unusual to have people marrying who are under age 25.

Looking for wife material when you're 35+ has different challenges, such as finding a woman without baggage, who wants to be with you for YOU, not for your financial status, her biological clock ticking or because it's better than being alone.

Later in life first marriages have problems for a number of reasons. It doesn't even have to start at 35. Even marriages with couples 26-34 have some of these issues. If a woman marries at age 28 (typical now), she likely started the relationship at 25. She had from ages 16-25 to put up notches. A lot of women who marry at 27-30 today had 10+ years to put up notches. In the early 2010s, 18% of women had 10+ past sexual partners at the time of their marriage, compared to only 2% in the early 1970s. That 10+ sex partner number for women now is likely in the 21-24% range. High notch counts lead to baggage and other issues that are not good for the health or for the longevity of marriages.

Counterintuitive Trends in the Link Between Premarital Sex and Marital Stability

American sexual behavior is much different than it used to be. Today, most Americans think premarital sex is okay, and will have three or more sexual partners before marrying. What, if anything, does premarital sex have to do with marital stability? This research brief shows that the...

ifstudies.org

Promiscuous singles are screwing their odds of a happy marriage: study

Just one in 10 married people who label themselves as “highly sexually experienced” could say they’re “very satisfied” in their marriage, according to the 30-page report.

nypost.com

 

[Epimanes]

I would say no and yes. I got married at 20 after I had been with my now ex wife since 16.... she was 15... she was 19 when we married. She had given birth just before we married.... it had its up and downs but as time passed.. more downs than ups... and ultimately we divorced. So for that reason I say no. But yes because I had more energy for my kids as they aged.. and because I spent the most time with them growing up they chose me in the divorce when we split at 40 and 41. Out incomes didn't start getting good til the last 5 or 6yrs of our marriage.... prior it was survival becasue we lived on our own from 17 and 18... and barely got by and barely graduated.

It's subjective I guess.

 

[xavier_2000]

Have been thinking after learning the story of a couple I met recently. They were 29 & 22, husband and wife, when they immigrated to the US in the 90s. Most likely an arranged marriage.

They started out relatively low income - but became rich within 10 years. By their mid 30s they were upper class, most likely due to smart spending/saving habits and possibly dual income. They still look great for their age.

It just got me thinking. They married without much money, but struggled together to build a better life for themselves, and got wealthy together and started a family between all that. They have nearly 30 years together in their marriage. They didn't mess with dating, rejection, etc - just went straight to the endgame and were successful.

Meanwhile I look at my own life and realize, I spent my 20s struggling ALONE to pay off debt, and now in my mid 30s I'm left with good dating options, but ultimately whoever I end up with won't be for as pure of reasons as when younger. Money becomes a factor. Not only that, but we won't be able to build and struggle together because the financial struggle is already over. It's basically an easy life at this point. I probably have 20 good healthy years left when I do get married until I'm considered old (late 50s).

Then again, pretty much everyone follows this path these days. Very few people are getting married young. Seems like society has been designed this way with feminism pushing women to delay marriage until they're nearly 30 or older. It just makes me think, what's the pride in a long marriage if there was no struggle to build it's foundation? If things go shaky later on, couples who marry with both of them having money won't really know how they'll react if things go south.

Makes me regret my path. Is young marriage the best route?

Yeah lmao success makes u not wanna get married bro

I had that window of time but now it’s a hell freaking no

 

[xavier_2000]

Idk man best route is just hiding your success and not tryna use it

I wear no watches or jewelry and my clothing is usually all black everything lol

and I usually Uber everywhere so a chick when meeting me has no idea or not clue

So that illuminates everything. Plus I do not even flex on social media.

so solution: just don’t flex.

it’s true love when u both got hella options and pick each other.

most of these dudes who get married young when they have no options struggle when they become successful cause they didn’t have any options when they got married.

So there’s always this what if in the back of their minds.

 

[xavier_2000]

Usually let the girl put the pieces of the puzzle together.

Be vague. Never talk about work or brag about how much u make. Just say you love what you do. That’s enough.

Hoes don’t love or go for bums. Just like we don’t go for ugly hoes.

Don’t buy her sh.

 

[BMX]

Get married when I was younger and poor? Absolutely not. It wouldn't have lasted, as females can't keep their legs closed for at least the (shortest) work trips I took, and I'm talking 4-14 days at a time, God forbid the 2+ month rotations. I was able to survive and thrive somewhat on so little pay and time off. Not much I required back then, so I can't imagine the logistical headaches having some hag would have incurred.

 

[The Duke]

I met my ex-wife in high school and got married about 10yrs later. We grew together, worked hard at our relationship until the end, had plenty of money, lots of good times. It all ended when she cheated.

I don't think there is a right or wrong age to get married. The key to making it work is having two people that are willing to sit down and correct the issues as they arise. You both have to really want it over the long haul.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Doesn’t matter. Your life doesn’t have a rewind button.

I’m in my 50s. I jokingly refer to myself as old because that an accurate fact & perception around here relative to the young bucks.

But I’m getting married myself in a couple of months. So what? Life is not over because I’ve passed 50.

So what you do is select carefully and pick a woman who is happy to be with you.

There is no use lamenting what could have been nor is it productive to compare your situation to someone else’s. Complete waste of time.

So knock it off already.

Prenup?

-Augustus-

 

[BeExcellent]

Prenup?

-Augustus-

AbsoF’nlutely! Things are already in a trust but yeah.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

AbsoF’nlutely! Things are already in a trust but yeah.

Well done.

I just got “married”, actually commitment ceremony, nothing legal (never again). My daughter stood up for me as a Grooms matron and her sons stood up for her as brides men.

Honeymooning on cape cod right now. Flew into Boston, a few days there, then drove up to Maine ( Cadillac mountain).

-Augustus-

 

[BeExcellent]

Well done.

I just got “married”, actually commitment ceremony, nothing legal (never again). My daughter stood up for me as a Grooms matron and her sons stood up for her as brides men.

Honeymooning on cape cod right now. Flew into Boston, a few days there, then drove up to Maine ( Cadillac mountain).

-Augustus-

Congratulations Augustus! I wish you health, joy & wealth in things both material and non material. It’s fun to have someone to enjoy & “do life” with.

Cheers & All the Best!