Do you believe when she tells you her ex came knocking?

[_sideways_]

So...I told this girl something is up. Just feels weird.
So I said let me take a break from you.
She got mad. Whatever couple weeks later she calls wanting to reconcile.
Said I was right....her ex from a long time ago suddenly came over to her house unannounced wanting to get back together. Idk maybe to get some holiday pvzzie..
She was adamant she told him no way...said she caught him in bed with another girl before.
And she has been with me and it's all rainbows. And she didn't want to tell me because there's nothing there. She wants me.
Obviously....theres no comparison.
Dude is overweight, unkempt, just not the example of a dude in his prime.
Whatever...that's beside the point.
So yea instead of telling me she and her mom both spoke to the guy she says and told him that he had fvcked up and it's over completely.
Even if she wasn't with me.
So...the rule is never take what they say as truth. Actions.
And I'm not even trying to get involved in all her personal drama either.
Said she kicked him out...he's not allowed to come visiting like that. And she didn't want to mess it up with me.
She's been making extra plans to spend more time with me.
Looks a little distraught. But they be some actresses.


So


Do you believe it?
Pretend it's whatever and continue pounding?
Or find a newer model?

 

[Westminster]

It sounds to me like she was seeing her ex behind your back and that things have probably broken down with the ex again, so she's come crawling back to you. I'd be looking for a replacement model, but whether you want to pound her in the interim period is up to you.

Personally, I find it a massive turnoff if I know or suspect they've been with another guy, so I'd just move on. Obviously your call though.

 

[_sideways_]

How does it seem like she was seeing him behind my back?
Just because she admitted that he visited her...it automatically means they hooked up?
I was hooking up with her.
I seen him...pot belly...neck beard...
I mean he ain't no Chad.

 

[_sideways_]

I can visit my ex and not hook up...
I did date a girl from my gym briefly....or not date but hung out and didn't hook up.
So I think it's possible to not jump into bed like that.

 

[soulforge]

I can visit my ex and not hook up...
I did date a girl from my gym briefly....or not date but hung out and didn't hook up.
So I think it's possible to not jump into bed like that.

You have your answer then. They didn't smash. Problem solved.

Good luck continue seeing her.

 

[Manure Spherian]

I seen him...pot belly...neck beard...
I mean he ain't no Chad.

This means nothing.

 

[Bethatsocialguy]

So...I told this girl something is up. Just feels weird.
So I said let me take a break from you.
She got mad. Whatever couple weeks later she calls wanting to reconcile.
Said I was right....her ex from a long time ago suddenly came over to her house unannounced wanting to get back together. Idk maybe to get some holiday pvzzie..
She was adamant she told him no way...said she caught him in bed with another girl before.
And she has been with me and it's all rainbows. And she didn't want to tell me because there's nothing there. She wants me.
Obviously....theres no comparison.
Dude is overweight, unkempt, just not the example of a dude in his prime.
Whatever...that's beside the point.
So yea instead of telling me she and her mom both spoke to the guy she says and told him that he had fvcked up and it's over completely.
Even if she wasn't with me.
So...the rule is never take what they say as truth. Actions.
And I'm not even trying to get involved in all her personal drama either.
Said she kicked him out...he's not allowed to come visiting like that. And she didn't want to mess it up with me.
She's been making extra plans to spend more time with me.
Looks a little distraught. But they be some actresses.


So


Do you believe it?
Pretend it's whatever and continue pounding?
Or find a newer model?

Whether you believe it or not, the fact is she kept that from you and it was only due to your instincts knowing something was up why you took a break from her. That would have been a secret that she kept to the grave and therefore she cannot be trusted

 

[Gamisch]

With all due respect to you OP,but you got the " more than 10 years member badge ".

1. She tells you that her ex was ,or I'd say IS on her doorstep. Keeper!!

2. So...I told this girl something is up. Just feels weird.
So I said let me take a break from you.
She got mad. Whatever couple weeks later she calls wanting to reconcile.
Said I was right....her ex

No need to read further. And yo, i bet you are familiar with how women operate AFTER cheating? They'll double down on the love bombing.

Trust comes walking but leaves per horse...aka: trust is like a window of glass: takes significant time to manufacture yet it's shattered in a millisecond .

Neckbeard and all that is cope. You tell me if Chad was there in the exact same scenario you would feel better or worse? How?

 

[_sideways_]

Exactly it doesn't matter Brad Pitt or not...
Hence why I'm writing asking .
She could have kept it a secret.
Which wouldn't have bothered me since I would have never known.
In my heart of hearts I don't think they did anything....plus even if they did...we don't own their bodies.
Just like I am free to bring any girl to my house.
But I don't...
She's a sexy girl she can have a quantity of dudes exes or not at anytime she wishes.
I don't live with her and I really don't need the anxiety.
The fact is I don't feel the trust like before.

I put myself the other way around...if I had told her my ex came after she knew it...it would be true I didn't want to rock the boat because nothing happened. Then she breaks up with me for no reason other than the fact I didn't mention it.
I don't even trust my mom. My mom has lied to me multiple times to spare my feelings. Etc.
I will never know the truth.
All relationships suck then?
I'm destined to be bitter even with the next one? Or be naive thinking one will never betray me?

 

[Westminster]

How does it seem like she was seeing him behind my back?
Just because she admitted that he visited her...it automatically means they hooked up?
I was hooking up with her.
I seen him...pot belly...neck beard...
I mean he ain't no Chad.

I have no proof of course. I just said it sounds that way to me.

The fact he's not a Chad is neither here nor there as she obviousy found him attractive enough to have a relationship with before.

 

[_sideways_]

Yea...
Then there's something wrong with me?
The girl takes an hour long bus ride to come see me at my door step.
I get pvzzie on a silver platter and I'm arguing about something that maybe did or did not happen.
I should act like a Chad then and just pound and occasionally have her wash my dirty dishes.
So I'm complaining I don't have to leave the house to get pvzzie?
Or I'm complaining I don't feel like it's my pvzzie?

 

[CornbreadFed]

You see this beta simp shvt all over the movies and it gives them a lot of confidence to pull Hail Mary stunts like this. I can totally believe this happening in a scenario.

However, two red flags come out from your post that make me think otherwise.

1). Things got tense enough to the point that you felt something was off and went on a break.

2). She didn’t call you to come help her or say something immediately.

In conclusion, she fvcked her ex behind your back and her plan to get back with him failed. A person like this will never admit to cheating upfront, so take your L and move on.

Last, your usage of the term Chad tells me that you are emotionally inept and a novice with women. You have some fault and responsibility in this, so don’t act like it’s all her fault,

 

[Gamisch]

Exactly it doesn't matter Brad Pitt or not...
Hence why I'm writing asking .
She could have kept it a secret.
Which wouldn't have bothered me since I would have never known.

Aka you stand on nothing. Aka you have no principles. If we're rolling I need a certain amount of honesty. Doesn't even matter who it is to me. If your white lies effect me in any way shape or form I'll simply leave you behind.

In my heart of hearts I don't think they did anything....plus even if they did...we don't own their bodies.
Just like I am free to bring any girl to my house.
But I don't...
She's a sexy girl she can have a quantity of dudes exes or not at anytime she wishes.
I don't live with her and I really don't need the anxiety.

Great mindset. If only i could adopt this way of thinking. The mind of the free spirit. All you said was true. Yet ..(read the next segment)

The fact is I don't feel the trust like before.

You suddenly take a 180 degrees u turn and end up here. So what is it? Make a decision. Are you the free spirir who doesn't care whether your girlfriend lies or not, or are you a man of principles who has his enough selfworth to determine where he draws the line???

I put myself the other way around...if I had told her my ex came after she knew it...it would be true I didn't want to rock the boat because nothing happened. Then she breaks up with me for no reason other than the fact I didn't mention it.

Try this. I can almost guarantee you that she'll dump your azz. If she's is indeed so sexy and all that she'll have zero reason to stay with you once she knows you're a liar.

I don't even trust my mom. My mom has lied to me multiple times to spare my feelings. Etc.

Your girlfriend is NOT your mama. I've lied yo my daughter multiple times to spare her feelings. That's what parents do . Then there are also levels to lying.

I will never know the truth.
All relationships suck then?
I'm destined to be bitter even with the next one? Or be naive thinking one will never betray me?

All relationships have a shelflife. Or I'd say: finding the "perfect partner " is a process of trail and error. Heck, finding the perfect job might be a process going through 30 different jobs, let alone finding a partner who maintains a perfect fit over an extended period of time.

 

[Gamisch]

You see this beta simp shvt all over the movies and it gives them a lot of confidence to pull Hail Mary stunts like this. I can totally believe this happening in a scenario.

However, two red flags come out from your post that make me think otherwise.

1). Things got tense enough to the point that you felt something was off and went on a break.

2). She didn’t call you to come help her or say something immediately.

In conclusion, she fvcked her ex behind your back and her plan to get back with him failed. A person like this will never admit to cheating upfront, so take your L and move on.

Last, your usage of the term Chad tells me that you are emotionally inept and a novice with women. You have some fault and responsibility in this, so don’t act like it’s all her fault,

The first point basically nails it. If it was all so innocent, she should've brought it up right away. Period. If anything happens that i need to know just fecking tell me. The truth will reveal itself sooner or later anyway..

@_sideways_ I actually SALUTE you bruh !! You managed to go by your gut feeling and discovered your intuition is your best friend.

May I ask, what REALLY happened to make you feel that something was wrong? Because that's the specific part we can ALL learn from!

 

[_sideways_]

What really happened?
I turned her life around.
She was broken hearted, had a huge wall up, no social life, her family is strict...she's 25...they all live nearby.
Ive known her for 2 years and off and on we talked.
Then I decided to be serious and upfront...I courted her...didn't push for sex right away.
She melted...it was nice.
I noticed she began to be happy....like singing for no reason happy.
Her family noticed.
Then I noticed that a dude began coming around her sisters store and like she got a little more serious.
So I didn't ask her anything...I just figured that was the ex.
Dude probably saw a change in her too and wanted it back.

 

[_sideways_]

I don't see how I had some fault in this. Or how I pushed it in that direction.
She would come over...bone. and go about her evening.
I didn't really bother her or call her all the time.
People are busy.
Maybe the whole time I was the side dude.
It's my fault I'm such a good time. We laughed...talked about real shyt...
I know her family isn't 100% about me.
She has told me they think I'm a player and will pump and dump.
But I am not.
I have my shyt together it's true...and I could go on spinning plates, but I want to try a future with her.
But not at the expense of my sanity.
It's her body it's her life.
Just like it's my life.

 

[SW15]

I don't generally believe it. I got that excuse once after meeting a woman at an event, talking to her for 30+ minutes, getting her phone number, and discussing a future date. Once I texted her about 2-3 days later, I got some excuse that she had recently reconnected with an ex. I deleted her number right away. It was an unpleasant situation.

 

[Black Widow Void]

So...I told this girl something is up. Just feels weird.

Question: How many times have you heard a man say "I've got a gut feeling?"

Question: How many times have you heard a woman say "my conscious was bothering me?"

Answer: It's better to trust your gut... than to trust some notion that a woman acted weirdly due to her guilty conscience.

 

[Westminster]

I don't see how I had some fault in this. Or how I pushed it in that direction.
She would come over...bone. and go about her evening.
I didn't really bother her or call her all the time.
People are busy.
Maybe the whole time I was the side dude.
It's my fault I'm such a good time. We laughed...talked about real shyt...
I know her family isn't 100% about me.
She has told me they think I'm a player and will pump and dump.
But I am not.
I have my shyt together it's true...and I could go on spinning plates, but I want to try a future with her.
But not at the expense of my sanity.
It's her body it's her life.
Just like it's my life.

It doesn't really matter if it's your fault or not, you are where you are. You have to decide whether you take her back but you need to realise that it is highly likely that she had a fling with her ex when your relationship broke down. It is what it is, but I don't think I'd accept it.

 

[_sideways_]

I don't think it broke down though.
She was still coming over.
I pushed it on her to take time off abruptly. I said I wanted to see other girls. She immediately blocked me. I took a week off and went to Colombia. Just for fun. 4 days 3 nights. Came back.
She called me saying blah blah sad...and yes the dude tried to get back with her.
She came over two days ago...I didn't allow her inside, just met her at my door said I was hungry. Went had lunch with her. Put her in a cab.
Reiterated that she can never have anything to do with him as she caught him in bed with someone else.
Now a year later he wants something.

I agree with most....it should have been told to me...yo my ex came looking for me...
Maybe she was afraid of "losing" me. Although that's hardly a reason to not be honest.
She was always on her P's and Q's.... except for this.
Really....I texted her...maybe don't come over today if it's gonna cause an issue with your mom. Her mom doesn't think she should be dating right now. Focus on herself.
I mean...being made love to with hardly any effort is nice.
We're nice like that.
So


Am I a pvzzy for letting pvzzy walk away.
Fvck my feelings right?
But I'm not a player type either.