Do women REALLY like musicians...

[WorstPossibleOutcome]

...or is there more to it than that?

I'm 20 years old and I play bass. I'm damn good at it too, if I do say so myself. Yet I have no idea how to parlay this into an advantage in dating.

Whenever my band plays bar gigs, the audience is 95% male.

If I'm chatting up a girl someplace, and I happen to mention that I'm in a band, she usually thinks I'm making stuff up just to impress her - that is the impression I get. Maybe I just don't "look" like a musician type - although, I have been told I look like Chino Moreno from The Deftones...

Nobody else in the band has trouble getting laid. And we are not an exceptionally good-looking bunch of guys!

I am deadly serious about bass. Meeting women was not the primary reason why I started playing it. Is this maybe the wrong attitude?

 

[DreamyChick]

Yes.

 

[WorstPossibleOutcome]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
Yes.

In reference to what? My first question, or my second?

 

[Acidic Camel]

Man, if you're a bass player you're screwed. Nobody likes bass players

Seriously, I am a bass player myself and I understand what you mean. The truth is that girls don't just dig the fact that you play an instrument- you have to have the attitude to go with it. A friend of mine, who has recently got a job playing with a band on cruise ships (so you may come across him sometime ) is probably the most natural DJ I've ever known and it's simply because he was oozing confidence. He rocked out whenever he could, he'd jump into the crowd to solo, he'd act a bit ****y with the audience- and girls would love this! He wasn't particularly good-looking, but he had so much confidence and charm that he got past that.

If playing an instrument well was all I needed to get laid I definitely would not be here now. It's your attitude that matters, otherwise you're just some other guy plucking away on stage.

 

[Levex]

show some of that badass attitude. hit a girl accross the back with your bass, she'll put out in a second.

 

[Safari]

Being in a band helps, but only a little. I perform internationally in some of the top clubs in Asia.

In my experience, here's the general pecking order, from easiest lay to who has to do the most work:

Lead singer
Guitarist
Drummer
Bassist
Keyboards

Of course this is a huge generalization. I am of average looks with a boyish face, and so don't get laid every night of the week, but I have definitely put away some top notch beautiful women, and a pro models, despite being at the bottom of the aforementioned ladder and looking nothing like a musician, other than I dress the part right. Being a foreigner and being able to speak even a token amount of their language has been as valuable if not more so than the fact I was in the band. But I'm also quite good on my instrument (hence the gig) which leads to this...

The wonderful thing is that most of these women I succeed with approach ME, usually with a "You're really great blah blah blah" and I can just take it from there. It's obvious they have high IL so there's little you can do to screw it up. The whole DJ conversation bit only comes in to play for me if I get this far. Otherwise I pick up on the nil body language and move on. The catch 22 is when I approach, thus making myself available, 90% of the time I just become another guy in the bar, despite being on stage.

FYI: I've got a bit of attitude since this week is a bum week. I got nailed with bronchitis, cold, and flu all at the same time. That knocked me out of the gym and that always has an immediate negative effect on my confidence.

In the US, I agree that small bar gigs are 95% male. Only once in a great while does a single, attractive woman come in that leads to anything worthwhile. I can say if you're not playing danceable music, you're wasting your time waiting for women to come in. If they are sitting while you play, your odds drop immediately. The last thing women want to hear is another crappy blues/classic rock/modern rock nonunique band that doesn't know how to dress themselves or really know how to entertain a crowd.

It comes down to attitude and looks for your friends. The band just lets them showcase what they already have. Simply being a body on stage is rarely enough, no matter how good your chops are. As far as meeting women at gigs go, work on your attitude and looks, and let the stage be your showcase for those.

 

[WorstPossibleOutcome]

Safari, I have seen the exact same pecking order that you are talking about. It is a frustrating state of affairs. I think the reason "lead singer" is at the top is because he is probably the most self-confident by nature.

As luck would have it, I double on keyboards...and woodwinds. I've got the gay instrument trifecta nailed, haven't I...

 

[Safari]

Yeah, you'll like this then. How about personality type matched to instrument...

Lead singer: Most extroverted, but with the oversized ego that pisses off the band, but there's nothing you can do about his despotism because he's the lead. Women love it however. Get's most of the women, average to hot, all world class sluts.

Guitarist: The wild man, unreliable, most likely to get hammered during the show. Again, unprofessional, but women love it. Not very selective about his chicks, will bang anything that wants to.

Drummer: Quirkiest personality and lots of nervous ticks. Some women get into this because they can't pin him down. Generally a reliable musician with mild flakiness. Gets some decent women.

Bassist: Quietest of the bunch with isolated episodes of mania where everyone stares because they can't believe "did he just do that?" Gets the most bizarre women.

Keyboardist: The intellectual. Tries to keep the band functional with his ideas, but usually fails to the higher egos until the they "magically" come up with the same idea themselves a few months later. Non-mobile instrument allows the least amount of flash so needs to pull additional strings to get the attention of women. However, generally gets by far the highest class of women when he does score...quality over quantity here.

Here's a tip for bass. Learn reggae. Learn it right from people who really know it. Get in a REAL reggae band not some BS frat imitation playing all Bob covers. This is one genre where the bassist can outscore the guitarist and drummer with women.

Here's a tip for keys. Get a Hammond and Leslie if you have the money and the means, learn how to solo on it, and watch your guitarist squirm as he gets competely outpresented by the screaming beast. When working with a real ass-personality of a guitarist, I love those precious moments. Second, get a keytar. At first it looks geeky...which is really no better than before...but when the geek shock factor wears off and you get good, you get to taste the front of the stage, people say WOW and everyone envies your originality. And the guitar squirm factor is high here of course.

Woodwinds, yes not helpful for the attitude image. Do what you love, but I have yet to meet a woman who goes spread-eagle for a well -tuned reed.

Do something no one else in town is doing on your instrument, get good at it and make it impressive, and you CAN catch up with the conventional women-drawing instruments.

 

[WorstPossibleOutcome]

THAT...is amazingly accurate. Bravo.

Originally posted by Safari
Bassist: Quietest of the bunch with isolated episodes of mania where everyone stares because they can't believe "did he just do that?" Gets the most bizarre women.

Keyboardist: The intellectual. Tries to keep the band functional with his ideas, but usually fails to the higher egos until the they "magically" come up with the same idea themselves a few months later. Non-mobile instrument allows the least amount of flash so needs to pull additional strings to get the attention of women. However, generally gets by far the highest class of women when he does score...quality over quantity here.

I think my personality combines the worst of these two. I am too clean-cut to attract bass groupies and too psychotic to attract keys groupies.

Thanks for the tips. I have been working on my two-handed tapping technique on bass. It looks bizarre but sounds cool.

Woodwinds, yes not helpful for the attitude image. Do what you love, but I have yet to meet a woman who goes spread-eagle for a well -tuned reed.

LMAO.

 

[Reach]

I'm not sure if you approach a woman after you've played you simply become another guy at the bar... if you just try to fish by making a comment maybe they'll bring up the fact you were on stage. Next time I've played and someone talks to me I need to remember to say "Introduce me to your freinds!" to get some better social proof.

 

[cinephile]

It really depends on what kind of music you are playing. Obviously , R&B musicians are going to be really popular with the ladies. That music in a way is directed at them.

Ladies who are attracted to musician probably value the following qualities highly:

Creativity
Innovation
Style/Personal expression
Independence

The advantage that musicians have is that they get to express all of these within the context of being a musician. Basically, the girl gets to see all the qualitites that she wants in you without you having to do anything out of the ordinary.

Also, great musicians are able to bring a unique emotional/human element to their playing. They can bond with the audience directly with out words, just feelings. Chicks dig that.

 

[englishman]

Originally posted by Safari
course.

Woodwinds, yes not helpful for the attitude image. Do what you love, but I have yet to meet a woman who goes spread-eagle for a well -tuned reed.

unless of course its a sax......even sounds like sex..... my dad plays sax, when he solos the women swoon.....could you pick it up pretty easy if you can already play woodwind?
also you gotta look the part, cant look like some wooden top who just left school band practise......... a friend of mine used to play bass for a punk band called D.O.A. (Randy Rampage) he was the most bad ass showman Ive ever seen.....

 

[pootwo]

Q. What do you call someone who hangs around with musicians?
A. The drummer!

I don't think it matters what instument you play. It matters how well you can play it.
Seeing someone averagly playing 'blink 182' basslines is as intersting as watching paint dry. Get some funkadelic acid down on the fret board & even the men will start getting wet!

 

[Reach]

Some girls react really well when I tell them I'm a musician, some don't. At the end of the day you need inner game because lots of woman will sleep with you simply because you're a man and they're a woman, and you're cool with that fact and act appropriately.

 

[Safari]

Back home, saying I was a musician shut down any IL right quick. Not a "real" job. Out here, however, it sells.

I'd be impressed by a sax who could reel them in. I've never seen it before, even from some top notch sax players. As far as "sax" sounding like "sex..." lol but no. Similarly, I've never gotten laid for being a good "pianist."

Reach is right, the inner game is far more important. Again, the stage is just a way for you to showcase it.

Another tip for bass: go wireless. The added freedom and the ability to roam offstage is great fun, and thus will help your cause.

It's true that it doesn't have as much to do with what instrument you play as how you present yourself on stage, but certain instruments draw certain personalities. Sometimes you might think it's the instrument getting the chick, when it's just the man playing it.

Don't underestimate what you wear on stage as well. In general, T-shirt, jeans, and/or ball cap are a sure sign of amateur, someone who doesn't take their craft seriously. How to dress? Short answer: when you enter the room, everyone should know immediately you are in the band.

 

[*******]

First thing you need to do is
GET SOME BUSINESS CARDS.
Not only will this remove doubts, but it
is also a good way to give her your #.
The second thing you need to do is
STOP CARING WHAT INSTRUMENT YOU PLAY.
I play trumpet and it doesn't work against me
and has worked for me a couple times.
The thing is to not bring it up out of no where,
be casual. Most of my friends don't even know I play trumpet.
I might say it through my business card and it seems professional so it leaves an impression.

 

[penkitten]

i dated a hot bass player before, of course it didnt last long, you should have seen all the women lined up for him!!

 

[Underoath]

How about not using your "Musician status" to introduce yourself or even introduce it into the conversation? It comes off as trying to impress her (which you don't want to to do).

How about trying to convey the lifestyle you're living in with your musician status? Like when you exchange the "what do you do" moments, that's the perfect moment to introduce this "status" into the conversation. Even though you may not think it comes across weird to people, it's almost the equivalent of saying you have a Porsche and a mansion. Try conveying the IDENTITY you have to the ladies.

 

[Bill S. Preston Esq]

Well cinephile put it, the genre of music is key.

If you're putting out Maroon 5 type of stuff the panties are coming off.

Play some metal and your crowd is going to look like Folsom State prison.

 

[Safari]

Here's another big generalization. Whose seen exceptions to these?

Genres without women:

jazz, blues, classic rock, jazz, country, old alt rock, anything classical, jazz, and anything else not danceable...and jazz

Genres with women:

new alt rock, hip hop, r&b, rap, reggae, anything else danceable

How about not using your "Musician status" to introduce yourself or even introduce it into the conversation? It comes off as trying to impress her (which you don't want to to do).

I disagree. At least with American women back home, I never brought this up until after I had some rapport. No one impresses an AW with a job that indicates low income.