"Do we must have sex every time we meet"

[Life-Trainee]

I was cuddling with my gf last night watching a boring show on TV. So i began wondering with my fingers around her body. She'd take away my hand away as if she doesn't wanna be turned on. I did this a couple of times and she consistently responded with the same action. So I did a Freeze Out on her. I rolled away from her on the bed as if I'm going to sleep. But she moved herself closer to me to cuddle again. I repeated this, every time she resisted my sexual advances I stopped cuddling and pretended going to sleep.

Then all of the sudden she says "Do we have to have sex every time we meet?" I looked at her in schock and disbelief cuz both of us know we won't see each other for more than a month cuz she's going back to college this week. I responded with a playful "Yes" to which she inquired "Why?" and I said "Because you like it".

What do you think of this? I did get sex from her but it was kinda rushed since she had to drive back before "her parents go to bed". She sometimes acts distant and that totally kills my attraction to her.

 

[Bourne]

Yes.

Because I like it.

Tell her that your sexual needs aren't being met.

 

[Bobbles]

How long have you been going out? Sounds like her interest level might be dropping.

 

[Life-Trainee]

We've been together barely three months and this is a LDR. The way she got me was with a lot of upfront sexual advances. For the past month we've seen each other two to three times a week cuz she was on winter vacation.

I can't help but feel that she has a plan for me. I get a feeling that she is intentionally rationing her time with me. During my 10 day vacation at the end of December I saw her total of 3 times. Some weeks ago I confronted her about her emotional investment in this relationship. She broke into tears and such, saying she sees us together for a long long time etc.

Am I unreasonable to desire a girl to spend a lot of time with me?

This is a first relationship for me so I don't know what the expectations are or how it's supposed to work.

 

[Bill]

I've experienced a similar situation, and unless I'm missing a very relevant detail here things are looking grim.

The fact that she was reluctant to do stuff with you, especially before you guys would be away from each other for a while, means a lot. What I'm reading is she's trying to find a reason, any reason, to break things up with you.

Her breaking up in tears pretty much means "I don't know what to do so hey I'll just cry and blame it on the emotions". She probably meant what she told you, but hey, it's already some weeks ago.

My advice to you: stay away from long distance relationships. They're not worth the trouble, not worth the wait, not worth anything IMO. Sure, it's really sweet to see your lover after a couple weeks/months (I've been there), but in the end you'll never build a real, healthy relationship that way (I'm guessing you guys haven't been together for very long).

The best of luck, do what's best for you.

-Bill

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Originally posted by Life-Trainee
We've been together barely three months and this is a LDR. The way she got me was with a lot of upfront sexual advances. For the past month we've seen each other two to three times a week cuz she was on winter vacation.

Long distance relationships that continue indefinitely are difficult to work out. If you will always be far from her, start looking for a more local chick now.

I can't help but feel that she has a plan for me. I get a feeling that she is intentionally rationing her time with me. During my 10 day vacation at the end of December I saw her total of 3 times. Some weeks ago I confronted her about her emotional investment in this relationship. She broke into tears and such, saying she sees us together for a long long time etc.

Back to the basics: listen to her actions, not her words. She is spending less time with you because she is losing attraction for you.

Am I unreasonable to desire a girl to spend a lot of time with me?

Yes, that is what chicks do, not men! Dude, stop acting like a girlfriend and man up. Women are not attracted to clingy men, period.

Maximus_Decimus

 

[nishbuk]

It's not that her interest level MIGHT be dropping...

HER INTEREST LEVEL IS DROPPING.

Guy. You're in a long distance relationship. If she's not jumping on your **** every single time she sees you, then READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL. THERE IS A PROBLEM. Long distance relationships are always trouble...always. I'm sorry, but girls are sluts and hos. They do exactly what they FEEL at the time, nothing less nothing more. One day a guy is going to walk up to your girl, neg hit her, do a couple of magic tricks, take her by her hand, guess a number between 1-10, tell some DHVs, run some patterns, play some kino games, and before she's knows it, she FEELS SO CLOSE to this guy, that SHE KNOWS THAT IT'S JUST RIGHT. Sad but true my friend, sad but true. This is why when you're in a LDR, you have little to no defense against other PUAs. If you live near her, and see her on a regular basis, the potential for another guy to pick her up is there, but since you are near her, you can consistantly demonstrate your value, and consistantly get her to qualify herself to you.

If you really want this thing to work (and even though I don't know much about your particular situation, I don't think that you do), then break up with her, and tell her that you need some time to be by yourself apart from her, and that you can talk about it when she comes to visit you next. In the meantime, go bang some other chicks. When you break up with her, if her interest level is still above the threshold, but slightly low, then she will come running back to you in some form or another. And if she doesn't that's okay too. Find a better girl.

 

[blueangel83]

Fck! I wish I had a man like you.

Man, some people (your gf) just don't know how to appreciate penis when it's there sheeessshhh.

 

[\O/]

Originally posted by blueangel83
Fck! I wish I had a man like you.

Man, some people (your gf) just don't know how to appreciate penis when it's there sheeessshhh.

It's amazing that out of everyone on this board you seem to be the most sexually frustrated

 

[NewMan]

your 23 - what are you doing with a GF?

Further more, what are you doing in an LTR?

at 23, your desire to fvck trumps everything else - and I can understand this - so you probably should spend more time chasing new pvssy and less time with a GF who is not there 90% of the time.

get some new poon - and always have some action on the side.

 

[blueangel83]

"It's amazing that out of everyone on this board you seem to be the most sexually frustrated"

That's because I haven't had sex in approximately 6 months. (I'm picky )

 

[Bill]

Originally posted by nishbuk
It's not that her interest level MIGHT be dropping...

HER INTEREST LEVEL IS DROPPING.

Guy. You're in a long distance relationship. If she's not jumping on your **** every single time she sees you, then READ THE WRITING ON THE WALL. THERE IS A PROBLEM. Long distance relationships are always trouble...always. I'm sorry, but girls are sluts and hos. They do exactly what they FEEL at the time, nothing less nothing more. One day a guy is going to walk up to your girl, neg hit her, do a couple of magic tricks, take her by her hand, guess a number between 1-10, tell some DHVs, run some patterns, play some kino games, and before she's knows it, she FEELS SO CLOSE to this guy, that SHE KNOWS THAT IT'S JUST RIGHT. Sad but true my friend, sad but true. This is why when you're in a LDR, you have little to no defense against other PUAs. If you live near her, and see her on a regular basis, the potential for another guy to pick her up is there, but since you are near her, you can consistantly demonstrate your value, and consistantly get her to qualify herself to you.

If you really want this thing to work (and even though I don't know much about your particular situation, I don't think that you do), then break up with her, and tell her that you need some time to be by yourself apart from her, and that you can talk about it when she comes to visit you next. In the meantime, go bang some other chicks. When you break up with her, if her interest level is still above the threshold, but slightly low, then she will come running back to you in some form or another. And if she doesn't that's okay too. Find a better girl.

^-- what he said. Seriously, stop wasting your time.

-Bill

 

[Big Eee Zee]

the people on this board are not good when it comes to any relationship, disregard them. I've more or less done the opposite of everything mentioned here and its worked amazingly well. As far as getting a chick is concerned, they're spot on. as far as keeping one is, they suck.

I had the same thing happen with me. the girl wants to cuddle, doesnt want sex, gives it in a rushed, "lets get this over with" way, and runs out to do other stuff almost in a frustrated, glad-to-get-away-from-you manner. She isn't necessarily loosing IL. I think she feels like a slut, or a friend with benefits. If all you do is go over her place, sit on the couch and watch a movie and then get the magic fingers going, leading to fvcking, then thats the problem. She feels like all you want is sex, and its true. How long has it been since you've been on a date? if its been a while, you prolly should. I know your all gonna say "but thats afc", but if your with a girl for more then sex, then you need to do more then just have sex. That means dates. Even cheap ones, dont spend money on her, but spend time with her. She didn't want to be fwb or a fvck buddy, so now that she is she is understandably upset.

Now , this assumes that you two were close at one point. If you weren't ever really close and things went from sorta close to not that close, then your screwed and this is the end. I hope it isn't, for your sake.

And dont believe that all LTRs are doomed, im in one and i've never been happier. I see her like once or twice a month, and then we have vacations and summers etc, things can work out if you are good and play your cards right.

 

[Oxide]

That's because I haven't had sex in approximately 6 months. (I'm picky

Yeah? Well I am picky too, what do you look like?

 

[MightyMate]

nishbuk - Very true.
In LTR woman may sometimes not want sex, man always wants it. But she should do it with You anyways when You want to. Maybe she thinks You are with her just for sex. If none of You ever said that loves the second [specially if the girl didnt]. It means she lost attraction to You for sure.
Sometimes girls have worses weeks or days, but if thee is love its fixxable. Without it, You loose her.

 

[Tomatoes]

Originally posted by blueangel83
"It's amazing that out of everyone on this board you seem to be the most sexually frustrated"

That's because I haven't had sex in approximately 6 months. (I'm picky )

Picky....im picky....but 6 months. Thats more like born again virgin.

Anyways thats off the topic.

I would talk to her about why she said that. It does seem like early break up talk. Either that or she thinks you are just going out with her for sex. Say that you like having sex because and you are just a very sexually active person. Im sure she would rather you were banging her then missing her out and getting a diffrent girl.

 

[Life-Trainee]

I had a date with her on friday then went to movies /w my friends. And on Sunday we went to see another movie after which we went to a local mini-brewery/restaurant. I've shown her enough proof that I want her for more than just sex. Btw, I dont agree about interest level dropping. She lives an hour away from me, and she drives in every time to see me cuz I don't have a car. Since I can't easily see her often that's why I push for sex pretty much every time.

 

[Shiftkey]

It sounds like she might have been abused as a child. What's her family like? Divorsed? Single mom?

Might be something to ask her about, but be VERY tactful or it could backfire.

 

[nishbuk]

Originally posted by MightyMate
nishbuk - Very true.
In LTR woman may sometimes not want sex, man always wants it. But she should do it with You anyways when You want to. Maybe she thinks You are with her just for sex. If none of You ever said that loves the second [specially if the girl didnt]. It means she lost attraction to You for sure.
Sometimes girls have worses weeks or days, but if thee is love its fixxable. Without it, You loose her.

That's very true. And what you said is 100% spot on for a normal LTR. But for an LDR??? If she's not jumping him every chance she has to see him (which is very rarely), then there is definitely a problem. In a normal LTR, it's okay to have a date every now and then that doesn't end up in the sack. But not that often!!

 

[Life-Trainee]

Well, let me tell you something. It has improved a bit. The day I had "the talk" with her was in mid-December when she came back from college for winter vacation after not seeing me for 3.5 weeks.

We had dinner at mini-brewery near my work then went to my place to watch TV. We fooled around in bed then she said "I should probably head back so I don't wake up my parents getting in late". Her parents are really big on guilting her, so this part is true.

My face went red. My mind locked up as I stuggled to contain my anger and frustration. She noticed me being silent and we had a talk. I explained how frustrating it was for me and that when we do have time together I have to worry about her parents' curfew (she's 22!). She was more flexible on subsequent dates. But she said something along the lines of "Are we supposed to have sex every time we see each other?"

To be fair to her side of the story, we were still using condoms at that point, and they were not doing it for me and severly affected my performance. Now, i'm not very sexually experienced so maybe that's the problem. I didn't lose my virginity till last year.

When we went sans-condoms things have improved a lot. She seemed like she was enjoying it more. But then she pulled that line past Sunday which was quite shocking to me.

Maybe she got a silly idea from her favorite show "Sex & The City" to withhold or reduce sex. Cuz she seems to enjoy sex much every time.