Do the dating lives of your close friends affect your own motivation to get dates?

[oc16]

How much are we affected (motivation wise) in our romantic pursuits by what our close friend(s) are doing romantically?

I was thinking about this recently. Two of my close friends I grew up are married, so I don't see them too much.

However, my main wing man and close friend doesn't date much at all and would probably prefer to get drunk than try and find a girlfriend.

I wonder how much of an effect (unconsciously) that has on my OWN motivation to be successful in dating.

If my friend was more proactive in dating and finding a girlfriend, would that motivate me that much more?

 

[SW15]

There's some affect. How much is debatable.

There were 3 weddings in my main social circle of my current city in 2017. It was a tough time seeing 3 members of the main social group get married in the same calendar year, including the person I considered my closest friend at the time (and likely still consider my closest friend today). I think it is normal for men to feel emotionally affected by weddings among members of their social circle and assess their own dating/relationship lives. I think in my social circle, the 2017 flurry of weddings led to one later wedding. One male friend later got married to a woman because of the flurry of 2017 weddings in that group and some other weddings of people he knew outside the groups. Most men are betas and beta males are followers. Beta males like to move in lockstep with other beta males.

I had somewhat of a difficult time with this in 2017-18 but eventually came out on the other side of this realizing that my own path was a valid path and that it is best for me to ignore what my social circle is doing.

As men enter their 30s, there are a flurry of weddings in their social circle. This happens for most men somewhere between ages 26-33.

@oc16 -- You need a new wingman. Also, your main wingman is a lesser problem of all your problems. I've never had a good wing man and I've been motivated to approach over time. Your biggest problem is geography.

When men get married, they tend to starve their friendships. The first friends to depart from a married man's life are his unattached or marginally attached/shorter term attaching friends. Married men and unattached/marginally attached unmarried men tend not to have similar lifestyles. If you happen to have an interest like fishing, golf, or tennis in common, these married men can still remain friends for doing the activity you have in common, but don't expect much more from them. Don't expect to see them as often once they get married but once the divorce is filed for, expect them to return to your life in some way.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

My friends are either long-term married or, mostly, incels or nearcels. I’ve always been the horny one. So, they don’t affect me at all. And, sadly, I don’t seem to have had much affect on them.

 

[corrector]

My friends are either long-term married or, mostly, incels or nearcels. I’ve always been the horny one. So, they don’t affect me at all. And, sadly, I don’t seem to have had much affect on them.

Of course you don't have any affect on them as you would be incel/nearcel too if you also lost the genetic lottery and had the same type of looks like they did where they are getting no traction. You can't make girls like them.

 

[corrector]

How much are we affected (motivation wise) in our romantic pursuits by what our close friend(s) are doing romantically?

I was thinking about this recently. Two of my close friends I grew up are married, so I don't see them too much.

However, my main wing man and close friend doesn't date much at all and would probably prefer to get drunk than try and find a girlfriend.

I wonder how much of an effect (unconsciously) that has on my OWN motivation to be successful in dating.

If my friend was more proactive in dating and finding a girlfriend, would that motivate me that much more?

Your wingman is a sub-5 and is getting ignored/rejected by women which is WHY he is not motivated?

 

[Hamurabimbi]

Of course you don't have any affect on them as you would be incel/nearcel too if you also lost the genetic lottery and had the same type of looks like they did where they are getting no traction. You can't make girls like them.

They’re not ugly. Just Average looking. But really bad social skills and lack of confidence. And no girl will make the first move. They’d have to.

 

[oc16]

Your wingman is a sub-5 and is getting ignored/rejected by women which is WHY he is not motivated?

No, actually he is a good-looking guy, slightly better than me.

 

[corrector]

They’re not ugly. Just Average looking. But really bad social skills and lack of confidence. And no girl will make the first move. They’d have to.

If you are average looking then no girl will make the first move. Average looking + poor social skills and confidence = inceldom. In this sense average does not make the cut.

Do you make the first move?

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

Most of my friends rely off social circle game and go through long famines in between gfs or got married. I can only name like three friends that can get girls through dating apps or other means.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If you are average looking then no girl will make the first move. Average looking + poor social skills and confidence = inceldom. In this sense average does not make the cut.

Do you make the first move?

Sometimes I do. Sometimes girls do.

 

[corrector]

Sometimes I do. Sometimes girls do.

If girls also made the first move with your friends then they would not be incels. If your looks are a certain way then social skills confidence do not really matter.

 

[Jake_Gyllenhaal69]

If girls also made the first move with your friends then they would not be incels. If your looks are a certain way then social skills confidence do not really matter.

But you have guys so ugly that they are automatically incels and you have guys that aren't ugly but their attitude/personality makes them incels. For example, if Elliot Rodgers wasn't a narcissist psychopath then he could've gotten laid.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If girls also made the first move with your friends then they would not be incels. If your looks are a certain way then social skills confidence do not really matter.

We all started in the same boat in HS. I got rescued. They didn't.

 

[Juanto]

Most of my friends have steady gfs or wifes, there even isn’t a point from me talking to them about spinning plates, that is Chinese for them

 

[corrector]

Most of my friends have steady gfs or wifes, there even isn’t a point from me talking to them about spinning plates, that is Chinese for them

They have their lives together.

 

[Juanto]

They have their lives together.

They seem to be happy, yes