Do some guys just not have the player gene?

[MtnMan]

I've been working on my game/self now for several months and I am seeing real results. The problem is I just don't seem to be geared towards the lifestyle of a true player.

I think I finally got over my ex about a month ago and I started getting some good dates at this same time.

I recently met a girl who I really hit it off with, and it makes me realize that I think I like having a girlfriend. I like making food with her, hanging with her and banging her. Not sure about her ltr potential, but it's too early to tell.

I enjoy this type of experience with women more than than the bar scene.

 

[Bingo-Player]

I'm not really sure what your point is because you don't need to be on the club scene to be a player

infact i find it easier to run my game outside of the club scene

 

[Brighty]

I've been working on my game/self now for several months and I am seeing real results. The problem is I just don't seem to be geared towards the lifestyle of a true player.

I think I finally got over my ex about a month ago and I started getting some good dates at this same time.

I recently met a girl who I really hit it off with, and it makes me realize that I think I like having a girlfriend. I like making food with her, hanging with her and banging her. Not sure about her ltr potential, but it's too early to tell.

I enjoy this type of experience with women more than than the bar scene.

Yes, and there's nothing wrong with that. I'm one of those people myself. I prefer, 9 times out of 10, a good LTR over just fvcking random girls and spinning plates. A true "player" is someone who is charismatic and magnetic to women, and that doesn't necessarily mean he hooks up with every woman that throws herself at him. I like the benefits of having a relationship - even if that comes with risks of heartbreak - and I stopped caring about my "number" in college.

Do what feels right - being a Don Juan and hooking up with hundreds of women aren't mutually exclusive to one another. Right now I'm more focused on my career than meeting women at this point in my life, although I've been on my fair share of Tinder dates just to fill the gaps in my schedule.

 

[apprenticedj]

If you are defining a player as someone who bangs many women at the same time then yes, some people don't have that gene.

I know more than a few guys who prefer to have a committed relationship eventhough they could be racking up big numbers. In fact my bestfriend is the shining example. This guy could get just about any chick that he wanted in our area but he was never interested in chasing tail and never worried about how many chicks he banged.

This might be you and there is no need to apologize for or feel bad about it dammit! You are your own man and you do what's best for you. That's the definition of a Don Juan, not a player.

 

[zekko]

A true "player" is someone who is charismatic and magnetic to women

I think being a true player comes down more to desire. A real player is a player because that is what he wants to be doing. As I've often said here, the guys I know who gets laid the most are the guys who are focused almost exclusively on that part of their lives - it's like it's all they think about. They're obsessed with it, and they're always working the angle to get the next girl into bed.

Like the OP notes, not every guy has the desire to live that kind of lifestyle.

 

[skinnyguy]

I'm raising my hand lol. I don't have it in me. But as I get older I prefer having a girlfriend over going to a club and contracting an STD

 

[MtnMan]

I have read 1000 times that we should be spinning plates, and that made perfect sense to me when I had no plates to spin, now that I have a couple options, I have trouble motivating to pursue the ones I have less interest in. Maybe this is this is the very first stages of oneitis? I just feel like I get more enjoyment from having girlfriend type relationships vs. f-buddies only.

Am I going down the wrong road here? I don't seem to have the mental capacity for multiple girlfriend type relationships at once.

Am I just having my judgment clouded because I have been spending time with a chick who I enjoy and have great chemistry with? I feel conflicted.

 

[qwayqway]

I got the "I just want to party and have sex with as many girls as possible" mindset out of my system by 21. I see a lot of guys on here going through that now who are late 20s - 30s. I have no interest at all in that anymore, and I also don't really have a strong desire to settle into another committed long term relationship at this point (just got out of a 5 year ltr). What I am interested in is meeting high quality, relationship material women. I want to have a few good women to spend time with, get to know, form bonds, fvck like animals.

I guess what I want is to spin more conservative plates so that there's strong potential for more if I want it, also more affection and less game playing. All set with the drunk party sluts.

 

[n00bPimp]

I dont think being a player is a matter of nature but one of nurture. I find that people who were taught to care about others can't manipulate others easily. Players dont care about people because they been brought up that way. They grew up around people who didnt care for them as much or showed them enough love.

 

[MtnMan]

I dont think being a player is a matter of nature but one of nurture. I find that people who were taught to care about others can't manipulate others easily. Players dont care about people because they been brought up that way. They grew up around people who didnt care for them as much or showed them enough love.

I agree. This is going to sound so damn beta, but I enjoy being tender with a woman. I like to slowly work up the kino escaltion latter, I like to give her oral, I like to cuddle her as I fall asleep. I like to care for a woman, but mos of the material in the manosphere says this is wrong. I don't know what's right.

 

[MOTU]

MtnMan, I think being a DJ means doing what makes you happy. Don't sort about the player/PUA stuff if you don't find it fulfilling; their just tactics and tools to employ when needed to reach a goal, like getting over an ex or breaking a dry spell. But if you goal is to find a girl to do the things you enjoy with, on e you reach the goal your tactics should change to fit the situation.

But DO use Anti-Dumps Machine so you don't get hurt or lose your frame!

 

[n00bPimp]

I agree. This is going to sound so damn beta, but I enjoy being tender with a woman. I like to slowly work up the kino escaltion latter, I like to give her oral, I like to cuddle her as I fall asleep. I like to care for a woman, but mos of the material in the manosphere says this is wrong. I don't know what's right.

You're stuck in the caring mentality. Life is about balance. Its ok to enjoy those things, but its also good for you to balance them with being careless and going for the adventure.

 

[Bible_Belt]

I agree. This is going to sound so damn beta, but I enjoy being tender with a woman. I like to slowly work up the kino escaltion latter, I like to give her oral, I like to cuddle her as I fall asleep. I like to care for a woman, but mos of the material in the manosphere says this is wrong. I don't know what's right.

You can't have push-pull without the push. The player in you is more determined by how you act the next day. AFCs get clingy and smother the girl, because they are scared of losing her.

 

[JoeMarron]

I agree. This is going to sound so damn beta, but I enjoy being tender with a woman. I like to slowly work up the kino escaltion latter, I like to give her oral, I like to cuddle her as I fall asleep. I like to care for a woman, but mos of the material in the manosphere says this is wrong. I don't know what's right.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with that but like Bible_Belt said there has to be a balance. Mix the tender "beta" affection with the aloof "alpha" traits and you have the recipe for making a woman fall madly in love with you.

I think that men fall on different points of the scale when it comes to monogamy. Some are very monogamous and some want to fvck everything that moves. You fall more on the monogamous side, embrace it. To me the whole idea of spinning plates is temporary. You put chicks into your rotation, filter out the ones you don't like and keep the ones you do. While doing this you're keeping yourself from falling too hard for one chick and ensuring that you find the best one/ones. Once you find that then I see no reason to be concerned about continuing to spin plates. Rollo, one of the main men here who advocates spinning plates is married so I doubt he still has a bunch of women in his rotation. At that point spinning plates is just about keeping your skills sharp and your options open by still talking to women but not taking it any further.

 

[Peterpack]

Your objective shouldn't be to become a player, it should be to improve your social intelligence in all areas which has an offshoot of getting you laid more.

 

[PeasantPlayer]

I'm talking to this girl right now and she likes talking on the phone and it annoys me. She seems clingy already and I think I am unable to form bonds with women. When they get to close I tend to push them away. I just like meeting different women and if we end up banging or being in a relationship or just friends I am cool with that. I feel like being in a relationship stops you from meeting a lot of people and can hinder your goals. Like one poster said its a priority a job. I can be happy in my life with out a women for now. They are not the center of my universe. A lot of the post in here seem like average joe content with living. I am a dreamer

 

[MtnMan]

I think part of my problem here is that I am not sure what I want. When I first got dumped, I just wanted to get over my ex and be able to get laid. Now I have accomplished those things, I am getting a bit freaked out by the enjoyment I get from the girlfriend type experience.

In my past I would not have thought twice about this. If I met a girl I liked beyond fvckbuddy status, I wouldn't hesitate to consider her as a girlfriend.

Now that I have been burned, I'm afraid if fire. Problem is, apparently I still like fire.

 

[bukowski_merit]

You can try to get into a relationship if you want; you just don't want to be a push-over. You don't want to stop with the flirting, the teasing, the not taking her sh!t serious... You don't want to stop being a challenge to her.... You don't want to give her the feeling that she has you completely.

It's not so much that these things will ruin a relationship. Many relationships survive with the man being submissive to the woman via her rationing off sex to him monthly. BUT they keep attraction alive and going.

Put what happened (even with some veterans on this board) is - we get into a relationship; forget everything, and end up acting like a chump. End up with oneitis. End up in unhealthy relationships (most relationships will end up being unhealthy. That's just life.)

If you want to be with this girl; go for it... Just don't forget the things that build attraction in the first place and never stop doing them. Not even when you're 60.

 

[Sofomore]

Sounds like you're going through the beginning of a one-itis phase.

This happens to me about once a year. Break up with my gf, fvck sluts for a few months, find a decent girl and start thinking about a LTR with her.

Do what you do man. We all have different preferences that ebb and flow based on where we are in life.

If you like serial monogamy just make sure you aren't getting into relationships with low quality girls. I have a terrible problem of wifing up ex-hoes and it has cause me a lot of headaches.

Make sure you aren't settling. The only reason I spin as many plates as possible is to find better and better girls, while dropping the low quality ones.

 

[VikingKing]

There is no such thing as a player gene. It really depends on how you were taught or learned to interact with women as a child.

In all probability either your dad was beta and your mother was domineering (or single mother) and taught you to be a nice guy or your family bond wasnt very strong.

It's true in a relationship you never stop teasing her. Growing up, I was the little brother. I constantly teased my mom and my sisters, I drove them crazy.

I tried to tease my older brother once, but he would just ignore it, and one time i took it to far, he looked at me like he was about to beat my a$$, so I never did that again.

I tried to tease my dad, but he just ignored it, never bothered him, indifference.

However I've found that its a lot easier to affect a females emotions, from a young age. I'm more introverted, but when I do interact with women i constantly bust their chops, just be playful and not insulting.

Every relationship for me has gone like this. I tease them till they submit and get very attracted, and after a while I get emotionally involved (to and extent) then they get clingy, which makes me uncomfortable so I start to question do I really want this relationship, and I kind of just stop having feelings for them for a while. This makes them fall deeper for you. Then I would get push and pulled a bit, which would piss me of so I would be a d!ck for a while, then I lose all feelings for them.

This makes them resentful, and I think very, very, very determined to pull you back in (and it would work) then you go afc, they see the power they have over you, then they crush and dump you.

I was raised to be monogamous. I still kind of feel like I want that. However, I don't like how its been working out for me, plus after reading this site and others like it, it sounds like monogmy can be very dangerous if either you don't have experiance, or the girl is fvcked up in her head.