Do looks matter?

[Deleted member 138215]

I was wondering what everyone thinks>I'm 6ft 205lbs probaly need to be 175 I am 49yo.I'm playing hell right now getting dates on dating sites.Should I reinvent myself by loosing a ton of weight.Will it even matter?I figure that I'm not typically good looking but have dated a lot in the past just doing crappy at this time.

 

[Bigpapa]

Looks matters , yes , but only to get your foot on the door

 

[RickTheToad]

I was wondering what everyone thinks>I'm 6ft 205lbs probaly need to be 175 I am 49yo.I'm playing hell right now getting dates on dating sites.Should I reinvent myself by loosing a ton of weight.Will it even matter?I figure that I'm not typically good looking but have dated a lot in the past just doing crappy at this time.

Depends. Are you overweight? Do you look like Alfred E. Alfred E. Neuman? Post a pic or a link to your profile and we can help. Without anything to go on, it's hard to say.

 

[Mike32ct]

How is your hair?

Full hair, thinning, buzzed, shaved?

 

[Serenity]

When it comes to online dating then yeah, looks matter a lot. Going out in person (which ain't easy these days) you can compensate a lot with personality, making them like you despite not looking the best.

Online they don't know you, they can only know what they see and profile text is too limited to show any depth of significance. So pictures are all you have to sell yourself on and if you don't look great you don't even get the chance to show off the qualities that might make them rationalize away a suboptimal look.

So yeah, looks matter a lot for the type of dating you're doing.

 

[corrector]

I'm playing hell right now getting dates on dating sites.

I guess it must matter then. Your age is probably another thing going against you. Most women have a cut-off. You probably have to put a fake age that's between 35-42 or something.

 

[AureliusMaximus]

I'm playing hell right now getting dates on dating sites.Should I reinvent myself by loosing a ton of weight

Fuark hell yes.
You if you have dadbod then you should hit the gym dude because you are fat. Nobody likes that.

--AND--

 

[BeExcellent]

From the ladies’ locker room:

Yes looks matter. If you have a handsome face and full well cut hair you can get away with not being in shape to a degree.

If your face is average and/or your hair is going or gone then your body and your clothing need to be on point.

A photo would be useful to better advise you. You can slay online if you know how to present yourself. This starts with looks, especially online.

 

[Deleted member 138215]

How is your hair?

Full hair, thinning, buzzed, shaved?

full head of hair

 

[Mike32ct]

full head of hair

Awesome. That’s a huge plus.

Fitness and clothing are next as noted above.

 

[Hamurabimbi]

If you don’t have looks, you have to work for it. OLD is very looks oriented. Every single girl I matched with on Tinder, I asked why they swiped right on me. 100% said looks. If you have high body fat. Loose it. Good chance your facial bones will show and may make you handsome. 49 is still fine. I must reiterate. Lose the fat!

 

[SargeMaximus]

I say no.

Why? Because I'm a thin, tall, handsom man who was a virgin till I was 28. Couldn't get a woman to save my life even when some of them came onto me pretty hard in public. Game>Looks every time imo.

 

[Camus37]

Looks matter way more with online dating. I know it's difficult at the moment with Covid, but I would urge you to do more irl dating: consider demographics and start going to social events where you will have some inherent status if possible. A female friend of mine who went on hundreds of Tinder dates and wrote a book about it told me that women pre-select for things online that they don't care about irl. In fact she said that of all the men she's dated irl, she probably wouldn't have swiped right on any of them had she seen them online first.

That said, I still think online dating can work for you. Lose weight as others have said and make sure your photos are on point. Get some professional photos taken in and around your city. Costs around $150 but will improve your results a lot. Become a photo opportunist: so when you're doing something cool get someone to take a photo. Do this for a while and before long you'll have six to eight excellent photos where you look good, fun and interesting and you'll immediately be doing more than 90% of men on dating sites.

 

[Stoic]

This is how I Iook at it.

I want every possible advantage I can get in the dating market.

I work on the things I have a lot of control in. Money and muscles and lifestyle. I also read a lot to try and give myself a little depth.

If I were you, this is what I would do in regards to looks at your age.

1. Whiten your teeth (nothing overboard, just clean look)
2. Get botox.
3. Get in remarkable shape.
4. Wear remarkable clothes.

I used the word remarkable intentionally. You'll know when you've done 3 and 4 correctly because women will be complimenting you on both your looks and your clothes.

 

[Reyaj]

Looks are the single most important factor when it comes to initial attraction. However since looks are subjective every girl will be into a different appearance. I agree that hygiene and style can enhance your regular self.

 

[FlexpertHamilton]

It's very simple: looks help, but they're not the common denominator.

A 5/10 guy with perfect game/personality/etc will almost always beat a 8/10 guy with no game/personality/etc.

However,

A 3/10 guy with perfect game/personality/etc will almost always lose a 10/10 guy with no game/personality/etc.

On the extreme ends, looks DO matter quite a lot, but for the bulk of the curve, the 4s, 5s, 6s, even 7s and 8s, game always is the common demoninator.

I'm often told by both men and women that I'm a pretty good looking guy, but despite this i've probably had more rejections, flakes, LMR, etc than the average looking guy has had to deal with, due to the way I've conducted myself around them.

When you're not on the extreme ends of the scale, looks only matter for with initial attraction, they won't do **** if your game is off or you are otherwise doing something wrong. It is true that a small minority women are superficial enough to sleep with a guy once or twice simply for being attractive, but that's about the only real benefit of good looks (unless you're a legit 10/10).

Getting a women attracted to you is easy, whether it be looks, game, status, wealth, etc, it's the maintaining of that attraction that requires real effort, and looks have almost nothing to do with that.

 

[EyeBRollin]

It is all looks and money. Online it is pure looks. One can portray money subconsciously by how one is dressed in the photos.

 

[RickTheToad]

It is all looks and money. Online it is pure looks. One can portray money subconsciously by how one is dressed in the photos.

Do what 50' does.

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You'd be balling. Then go to Brooks Brothers, Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdales, take pics with props in the dressing room. Fake it til you make it dude. Don't forget to change your zip code to a rich one too.

 

[Kotaix]

Being in good shape definitely helps you in the self-confidence department, if you need it. Also, at your age, being in good shape means doing blood tests to make sure you don't have underlying and hidden problems like high cholesterol or triglicerides. It helps you in knowing what kind of workout you need to do to tackle any imbalances you have there. You don't need chasing women as an excuse to get in shape.

As for appearances sake, any time you pretend to have money beyond your real means - or worse, go into debt to attempt to appear wealthy - you run the very real risk of attracting a gold-digger or some other kind of parasite that will ruin your life.

Looks matter, but they're not the end-all be-all. Confidence matters more. There are plenty of really good looking guys who fail miserably with women because they still get needy.