Do I tell the boyfriend she's a cheater?

[Dancemaniac]

First time poster. Sorry for the long post.

Six months ago I (34) managed to get up close and personal with girl (22) I meet on a regular basis. She's in an LTR (2,5 years) with a guy (24) who she doesn't live with and whom I also meet on a regular basis. We had sex on a very regular basis for four months and she made my kinkiest dreams come true. My former self would have walked away from a situation like this, but now I felt no remorse whatsoever. I have always been very BP, got cheated on several times and decided it was time to get what's mine consequences be damned.

Of course one does not kill the beta in one night and I fell in love with this girl. I got oneitis, pedestalized her (mind you this girl has a notch count of 13 before she entered her LTR and is an ex-cutter) and wanted her to break up with her bf. She started crying, told me she loved me and she needed more time. I conceded. About a week later I made clear I couldn't stand watching them being the "happy couple" in public anymore and demanded resolution. She again cried and I left her apartment without saying another word. In the following few days of radio-silence she told her boyfriend she had developed feelings for me, but that nothing had really happened (ha!) and that they could work it out. A few days later she invited me over to talk things over, we had sex (as some sort of bribe?) and she basically tried to LJBF me. Well I knew where I stood and called it quits.

This then led to some depression, but I've been through that before and I found out myself the best way to handle those feelings for girls was going NC (deleted her contact but backing up all messages just in case, ignoring her when I meet her etc). But I also began to process the experience and I guess I needed answers. What went wrong? Why do I automatically fall in love with girls who I have sex with? How the **** can this girl lie to her bf for four months and live with herself (it's a really really powerful experience when you see a girl doing this before your eyes!)? How did my cheating exes live with themselves?

Then I finally found the red pill and my eyes were opened (special shout out to Rollo Tomassi). I've been reading almost non-stop for a month and what I read makes all my former experiences click.

I'm dealing with a bit of anger though. First there is the anger of basically being lied to about the nature of women my whole life and I'm still pissed at her trying to LJBF me. Maybe this would be easier if I were spinning plates, but I'm not there yet. It's not just that though. I know she's flirting with at least one other guy and a few days ago I also found out the lovely couple has been talking **** about me behind my back to my friends. Partly my fault, because I was stupid enough to drop my shields too low and told her personal things that I guess I shouldn't have. No better way of re-bonding with your bf than talking **** about the evil guy who threatened your relationship I guess. I can kinda understand they do so privately, but involving my friends? I contacted her about it, but she made it clear she wasn't interested in talking.

So I'm basically sitting here raging and I'm very close to sending the bf the archive of our messages, including the ones in which she told me his darkest darkest secret (one which will keep you from running for office forever if it ever came out), her real notch count (it's not just 5 dude!) and just watch their world burn. I'm even in a weird way rationalizing this as saving this guy from further pain, but on the other hand maybe I'm just ****ing jealous..

What do I do? I already hit the gym today. Please be harsh.

 

[Tictac]

Your ego is in the way.

Butt out and bow out.

 

[Albatross953]

I wouldn't tell him anything, but might send a private message saying something like "I heard you talking about me, maybe if I hear of that again we could all discuss your boyfriends sex change".

And definitely hang onto the messages just in case she tries to say you attacked her or something stupid.

But yeah otherwise ghost.

 

[latinnova]

Leave him be, the red pill will eventually be shoved down his throat, it's better if he finds out on his own. Matter of fact that is the only way it's going to really open his eyes. Plus, do you really want all the drama? You never know what will make one person snap, and if this makes him snap then you have a lot of drama in your life. Just like everyone else states here, go find some more women or invest your time in something else. You got what you needed from her, she doesn't know what to do, and you are the man so you have to take action. Do not contact her anymore, move on.

 

[Dancemaniac]

Thanks guys. Still angry, but typing this stuff down and your replies have already calmed me down a bit at least.

I wouldn't tell him anything, but might send a private message saying something like "I heard you talking about me, maybe if I hear of that again we could all discuss your boyfriends sex change".

I think this is probably the way forward. Good guess also. Not correct, but somewhat in the right direction.

 

[melancholy]

As others have said here, I suggest just leaving them be. Be the "bigger man" here and let him find it out on his own.

 

[bcollarmechanic]

sorry i have to disagree

i say tell him, for his own benefit though, not for your need to get revenge

i had a gf cheat on me, when the guy found out she had a bf he stopped it and showed me the texts, i was thankful and now he is one of my closest friends

i know the circumstances are completely different but i still think the guy deserves the truth even if he wont accept it

 

[Slickster]

Funny how when you bring former guests from the Jerry Springer show into your life, your own life becomes a Jerry Springer episode.

Seriously though, use this as a lesson. If you want to move forward and become a better person, rise above all this dramafest bullsh!t.

Realize that when you let low quality people get close to you, you are hurting yourself. Demand only the best from others and for yourself.

Best thing you can do here is walk away and forget any of this ever happened. If you choose the revenge route you are only dragging yourself down.

 

[dasein]

Every time I've ever had any contact with a woman once we were done and ended even a little badly I've regretted it in the long run. Every single time, the times I was able to make her look crazy or like a fool, the times I was able to humiliate or embarrass her, the times I was able to make her jealous or whatever. The times when my "revenge" or "closure or diss attempts backfired in my face and made me look weak. insecure too I regret, and there were plenty of those. Regretted them all. Most happened around your age and some after. Then I learned. Don't repeat my mistakes of the past, seek serenity in the now. Leave it behind you, life is too short. A year from now you will likely regret every thought and moment of mental or emotional effort expended on this "special prize" of a girl. Or you can just not do it. Good luck.

 

[sodbuster]

He's not your friend? The hell with helping him out....

 

[latinnova]

He's not your friend? The hell with helping him out....

Seriously, don't reach out to the dude. Leave him be. She will end up doing it again and again until he catches on. I say let him learn the hard way because only then will he be forced to take the red pill and truly wake up. Then he will come on here and join the Don Juan's.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Maybe this would be easier if I were spinning plates, but I'm not there yet.

So get there.

 

[Colossus]

Why has only one person called the OP out on getting involved with a taken woman?? You asked for it dude.

Also consider that you are THIRTY FOUR and these kids are in their early 20's, and you are thinking about pulling some Jerry Springer love triangle blowout sh!t? Grow the fvck up man. Shut that door and never look back.

 

[MOTU]

Funny how when you bring former guests from the Jerry Springer show into your life, your own life becomes a Jerry Springer episode.

^^^This. Repped. And fair warning given, I will shamelessly plagiarize this at the first opportunity. I might even make it my Facebook status. ^^^

 

[rugby11]

Dude maybe writing a letter about how you feel and not sending it may help you get your direction of your question mediated on.

 

[jc_80]

you played it all wrong bro. you're supposed to video tape you guys fvcking each other and record her taking $hit about her boyfriend and then blackmail her with it.

 

[mikey2012]

First time poster. Sorry for the long post.

Six months ago I (34) managed to get up close and personal with girl (22) I meet on a regular basis. She's in an LTR (2,5 years) with a guy (24) who she doesn't live with and whom I also meet on a regular basis. We had sex on a very regular basis for four months and she made my kinkiest dreams come true. My former self would have walked away from a situation like this, but now I felt no remorse whatsoever. I have always been very BP, got cheated on several times and decided it was time to get what's mine consequences be damned.

Of course one does not kill the beta in one night and I fell in love with this girl. I got oneitis, pedestalized her (mind you this girl has a notch count of 13 before she entered her LTR and is an ex-cutter) and wanted her to break up with her bf. She started crying, told me she loved me and she needed more time. I conceded. About a week later I made clear I couldn't stand watching them being the "happy couple" in public anymore and demanded resolution. She again cried and I left her apartment without saying another word. In the following few days of radio-silence she told her boyfriend she had developed feelings for me, but that nothing had really happened (ha!) and that they could work it out. A few days later she invited me over to talk things over, we had sex (as some sort of bribe?) and she basically tried to LJBF me. Well I knew where I stood and called it quits.

This then led to some depression, but I've been through that before and I found out myself the best way to handle those feelings for girls was going NC (deleted her contact but backing up all messages just in case, ignoring her when I meet her etc). But I also began to process the experience and I guess I needed answers. What went wrong? Why do I automatically fall in love with girls who I have sex with? How the **** can this girl lie to her bf for four months and live with herself (it's a really really powerful experience when you see a girl doing this before your eyes!)? How did my cheating exes live with themselves?

Then I finally found the red pill and my eyes were opened (special shout out to Rollo Tomassi). I've been reading almost non-stop for a month and what I read makes all my former experiences click.

I'm dealing with a bit of anger though. First there is the anger of basically being lied to about the nature of women my whole life and I'm still pissed at her trying to LJBF me. Maybe this would be easier if I were spinning plates, but I'm not there yet. It's not just that though. I know she's flirting with at least one other guy and a few days ago I also found out the lovely couple has been talking **** about me behind my back to my friends. Partly my fault, because I was stupid enough to drop my shields too low and told her personal things that I guess I shouldn't have. No better way of re-bonding with your bf than talking **** about the evil guy who threatened your relationship I guess. I can kinda understand they do so privately, but involving my friends? I contacted her about it, but she made it clear she wasn't interested in talking.

So I'm basically sitting here raging and I'm very close to sending the bf the archive of our messages, including the ones in which she told me his darkest darkest secret (one which will keep you from running for office forever if it ever came out), her real notch count (it's not just 5 dude!) and just watch their world burn. I'm even in a weird way rationalizing this as saving this guy from further pain, but on the other hand maybe I'm just ****ing jealous..

What do I do? I already hit the gym today. Please be harsh.

This is a natural reaction. Cant believe she lied to her BF for four months? I know a married woman who I was fvcking lying to her loser hubbie for a year. Man, you only touched the surface. Women are cold hearted killers. Anyway if you're trying to get even by tipping off the bf then forget it. If hes a spineless AFC he will still get back with her and somehow find an excuse for her and blame you instead.

You're ego has probably taken a hit but dont worry she will just become a memory. Its like when you argue with someone and then think of lines after you should have done this and that. My advice is walk away. You banged her and her bf is probably kissing her and tasting your cvm.

Just relax becuase Fate will have something far worse in store for them than you can imagine.

 

[mikey2012]

sorry i have to disagree

i say tell him, for his own benefit though, not for your need to get revenge

i had a gf cheat on me, when the guy found out she had a bf he stopped it and showed me the texts, i was thankful and now he is one of my closest friends

i know the circumstances are completely different but i still think the guy deserves the truth even if he wont accept it

He wont listen to you and will find excuses to defend her and he will blame you. Believe me if the guy's an AFC he wont believe it.

 

[mikey2012]

Why has only one person called the OP out on getting involved with a taken woman?? You asked for it dude.

Also consider that you are THIRTY FOUR and these kids are in their early 20's, and you are thinking about pulling some Jerry Springer love triangle blowout sh!t? Grow the fvck up man. Shut that door and never look back.

I don't blame the OP. I blame these biasshes. I been then when married bishes come on to me and I reject them but we are only human and if they keep on coming sometimes you may break.

But I agree leave the deadbeat bf alone. He wont care if shes cheating on him. He will still get back together with her.

 

[expos]

Run far away from this situation! You are 34 and should not be hanging with this *****. She's in her twenties, she's drama, trouble, etc, only cares about herself, doesn't care about you or her boyfriend (obviously).

No Contact! No Contact!

Bang other women.