I have a good friend of mine. We met 5 years back in school. I used to like her and may be she was also aware of it. Then she was in a relationship, but she never told me about it. I got to know somehow about it. Later due to some problem we lost contact and our friendship died.
After a long time, in January 2005, collge days, she contacted me and our friendship resumed. Few months after our reunion, her mother passed away followed by broke up with that long time boy friend. Since then, we are good friends, I believe so.
My problem is that, I am unable to change my feelings towards her. I feel I still like her as I enjoy her company.
She said she want to remain single now, but I feel like proposing her. Twice she has mentioned indirectly that we'll be always friends. Once she called me by mistake, what usually a girl call her lover. She immediately corrected it and said she didn't mean that. Its been a long time she gave me these signals, recently I have not received any.
Many a time there have been occasions that I pretended myself as a bitter person so that she may not speculate my feelings and I try to make her feel that she is only friend of mine and nothing more than that. I do so, because I feel whenever I try to be nice with her, gave her more attention, I find her receding away.
Actually she has a lot of male friends and I feel like as if I am hers backup option, to whom she can always turn upto. She discusses her ex-boyfriends problems with me as he still bothers her. She has a very bad habit of lying. Whenver she is with me and someone calls her up and ask what she is doing, she lies. If she lie to her dad, I can understand but why she lie to her male friends. I think she does same to me too. If she considers me as a friend why she does so.
Recently, a common female friend of ours asked for my permission to propose her on my behalf, but I denied and told her that I no longer feel towards her as I used to be. She even said that she is good friend of hers and know her well, she would accept the proposal. But I don't think so.
My mind is all jumbled up, I am unable to decide anything, whether I propose her or try to remain as a friend. Sometimes she make me feel like as if I am hers boy friend. When I responds to it, she treat me just as a friend. Now a days, may be someone is very close to her.
So I was thinking why not propose her, and later pretend that I was just kidding. This way I would get to know her feelings and in case negative reply comes, I'll bury my feelings forever and continue our friendship, though it would be the most difficult task for me in this world. Should I do so? If not, what else should I do?
I am just being eaten from inside by these feelings, I want to get rid of them. The more I meet her or talk to her, the more I get attracted towards her.
After a long time, in January 2005, collge days, she contacted me and our friendship resumed. Few months after our reunion, her mother passed away followed by broke up with that long time boy friend. Since then, we are good friends, I believe so.
My problem is that, I am unable to change my feelings towards her. I feel I still like her as I enjoy her company.
She said she want to remain single now, but I feel like proposing her. Twice she has mentioned indirectly that we'll be always friends. Once she called me by mistake, what usually a girl call her lover. She immediately corrected it and said she didn't mean that. Its been a long time she gave me these signals, recently I have not received any.
Many a time there have been occasions that I pretended myself as a bitter person so that she may not speculate my feelings and I try to make her feel that she is only friend of mine and nothing more than that. I do so, because I feel whenever I try to be nice with her, gave her more attention, I find her receding away.
Actually she has a lot of male friends and I feel like as if I am hers backup option, to whom she can always turn upto. She discusses her ex-boyfriends problems with me as he still bothers her. She has a very bad habit of lying. Whenver she is with me and someone calls her up and ask what she is doing, she lies. If she lie to her dad, I can understand but why she lie to her male friends. I think she does same to me too. If she considers me as a friend why she does so.
Recently, a common female friend of ours asked for my permission to propose her on my behalf, but I denied and told her that I no longer feel towards her as I used to be. She even said that she is good friend of hers and know her well, she would accept the proposal. But I don't think so.
My mind is all jumbled up, I am unable to decide anything, whether I propose her or try to remain as a friend. Sometimes she make me feel like as if I am hers boy friend. When I responds to it, she treat me just as a friend. Now a days, may be someone is very close to her.
So I was thinking why not propose her, and later pretend that I was just kidding. This way I would get to know her feelings and in case negative reply comes, I'll bury my feelings forever and continue our friendship, though it would be the most difficult task for me in this world. Should I do so? If not, what else should I do?
I am just being eaten from inside by these feelings, I want to get rid of them. The more I meet her or talk to her, the more I get attracted towards her.
