do i need to cut an old freind off ?

[Bingo-Player]

An old school friend of mine has recently come back into my life we will call him Paul , he’s been back in my life for around 5 months now after him dissapearing for almost 3 years due to him having a child with an extremely low quality partner

Myself and Paul get on very well ......we have similar senses of humour, share the same hobbies and are both fully game aware.... allowing for some very interesting topics of conversation over a few beers

Now these are the good points of our friendship

Unfortunately there are several bad points so here is a little background
Paul is someone who relies heavily on the “system” to survive in life he has a job but its basic and mundane, he is a single father already at a very young age, he lacks self discipline & ambition and has a serious gambling issue

This is the point where his problems start to merge with mine .......I’ve made no secret on here of the fact i have a problem with gambling .......a problem i can just about keep in check providing i don’t have any encouragement

Unfortunately Paul doesn’t seem to see the benefits of recovery and chooses to “take his chances” with the life of the gambler....... a life which i have seen break much richer & stronger men than us

I’m not sure if there’s a direct link here, but it would certainly seem that since Paul appeared back in my life, I’ve inherited his rampant misdirection he lives life on a knife edge and i don’t seem to be to far behind at the moment

Lately things have started deteriorating rapidly i am becoming lazy, I’ve missed bill payments, my credit is maxed and i am living on peanuts week by week

I am fully aware i am in charge of my own destiny, but i have read many books on success in life and they all say the same thing .....”Surround yourself with successful & positive people” i don’t really believe much in that power of the universe mumbo jumbo but lately I’ve really been starting to wonder if there is some “negative energy” around me


I feel i already know the answer to my question ......but would like it if anyone with any experience with so called “dead beat” friends would share their stories with me

 

[backseatjuan]

There are no friends. Just ask yourself, if tomorrow because of your gabling addiction you lend some money from mafia dudes and you can't pay it in time, will your friend cash in his house to help you out? No. Most people are like that, they are not friends at all. They are just people you know, your aquintances. Today you know them, tomorrow you don't. That said, you have to realize you are at fault here, not he. You say yes to stuff that gets your life down. I wouldn't cut him off completely, you need people in your life, all kinds of people, just realize there are no friends and you are responsible for your own choices.

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

There are no friends. Just ask yourself, if tomorrow because of your gabling addiction you lend some money from mafia dudes and you can't pay it in time, will your friend cash in his house to help you out? No. Most people are like that, they are not friends at all. They are just people you know, your aquintances. Today you know them, tomorrow you don't. That said, you have to realize you are at fault here, not he. You say yes to stuff that gets your life down. I wouldn't cut him off completely, you need people in your life, all kinds of people, just realize there are no friends and you are responsible for your own choices.

No there is friends. Just like theirs lovers. It's different degrees of it. From 0 to 10. Some people would take a bullet for you, 98% would not.

I believe if you are around a bunch of unmotivated individuals, and you are the positive one it will drag you down or they won't want to hear it when you have a problems and they won't want to hear of too much success either.

 

[Bingo-Player]

im fully aware im at fault , hence why i am trying to "stop the rot" before it is too late

i dont exactly want to cut this guy off for the rest of my life , but if thats whats nessacery then thats what il have to do

 

[DaddyLongShanks]

im fully aware im at fault , hence why i am trying to "stop the rot" before it is too late

i dont exactly want to cut this guy off for the rest of my life , but if thats whats nessacery then thats what il have to do

You can decrease his priority like I female, see him and communicate several times a year and that's it. You gotta do some family members like this...

 

[om1xr]

This from LAW 10 : Avoid the unhappy and unlucky

if for example, you are miserly by nature, you will never go beyond a certain limit; only generous souls attain greatness.
Associate with the generous, then, and they will infect you, opening up everything that is tight and restricted in you.
If you are gloomy, gravitate to the cheerful.
If you are prone to isolation, force yourself to befriend the gregarious. Never associate with those who share your defects --- they will reinforce everything that holds you back. Only create associations with positive affinities. Make this a rule of life and you will benefit more than from all the therapy in the world.

 

[ZTIME]

An old school friend of mine has recently come back into my life we will call him Paul , he’s been back in my life for around 5 months now after him dissapearing for almost 3 years due to him having a child with an extremely low quality partner

Myself and Paul get on very well ......we have similar senses of humour, share the same hobbies and are both fully game aware.... allowing for some very interesting topics of conversation over a few beers

Now these are the good points of our friendship

Unfortunately there are several bad points so here is a little background
Paul is someone who relies heavily on the “system” to survive in life he has a job but its basic and mundane, he is a single father already at a very young age, he lacks self discipline & ambition and has a serious gambling issue

This is the point where his problems start to merge with mine .......I’ve made no secret on here of the fact i have a problem with gambling .......a problem i can just about keep in check providing i don’t have any encouragement

Unfortunately Paul doesn’t seem to see the benefits of recovery and chooses to “take his chances” with the life of the gambler....... a life which i have seen break much richer & stronger men than us

I’m not sure if there’s a direct link here, but it would certainly seem that since Paul appeared back in my life, I’ve inherited his rampant misdirection he lives life on a knife edge and i don’t seem to be to far behind at the moment

Lately things have started deteriorating rapidly i am becoming lazy, I’ve missed bill payments, my credit is maxed and i am living on peanuts week by week

I am fully aware i am in charge of my own destiny, but i have read many books on success in life and they all say the same thing .....”Surround yourself with successful & positive people” i don’t really believe much in that power of the universe mumbo jumbo but lately I’ve really been starting to wonder if there is some “negative energy” around me


I feel i already know the answer to my question ......but would like it if anyone with any experience with so called “dead beat” friends would share their stories with me

Time to re-evaluate your own situation, not Paul's. If allowing somebody into your life that has negative energy can effect your frame this much, it's possible you have a weak frame. You choose to be a sheep or a Shepard, it's your choice.

Oh and by the way, What if Paul read the same books on success that you did, and he found you so that you could be that positive influence in his life??

It's all perspective brother. Change yours and win! Paul is not the problem.

 

[VladPatton]

This from LAW 10 : Avoid the unhappy and unlucky

I agree with his 100%. Your job in life is not to fight to keep an iron frame because you have negative friends. You can only do that so long until you yourself will break, give in, and go to śhit along with your buddy. Get away from the people that drag you into bad territories. Just say you're busy, busy, and more busy when asked to hang out. Eventually he'll stop asking.

If you're a recovering alcoholic you don't hang out in bars looking for a good time, do you?

 

[ImTheDoubleGreatest!]

I didn't read the above posts so forgive me if someone else already said it.

One of the greatest advice I have ever been given was this: you are who your friends are.

Meaning that you develop the same traits as the group of people you hang out with. Now when I was younger, I never really understood how true this was until the more recent years. You have to realize that you start becoming whomever you hang out with. Why else are groups of friends alike?

The only people that don't get [AS] affected by this rule as others are those with strong personalities. And the vast majority of people in this world don't have that (only true leaders do. And they usually are natural-born, too).

Anyway, you do what you gotta do. I mean, one of the first steps to improving your life is cutting out all bad influences in your life, and as you said, this guy does influence/encourage you to go gamble.

 

[mikey2012]

This from LAW 10 : Avoid the unhappy and unlucky

Man this is da truth!!!!!! Also avoid people
who are lower social status than you . This sounds snobbish but you only have certain time on this earth and you need to maximise your satisfaction to the full.