Do I have anger issues?

[lost_blackbird]

I'm a person with high functioning autism. I don't really do emotions. When I do it usually
manifests as anger. Joy, happiness, contentment, sadness, empathy are all beyond my reach.
I don't know how to feel those things. I'd love a taste of feeling happy, I'm sure it feels great
but if you don't know how to get to that place, then what chance do you have?

 

[MtmVaott]

It is better to be comfortable in your skin and do mistakes than the other way around where you are slick due to the facade you use. With "being yourself" it does not mean to stay the way you are if you have mostly bad qualities to show for. Instead take "being yourself" as being genuine with the goal and intention of being the best you can be. Be the best virtuous self you can be.

With me it only amounted to my frustration and anger when I put up a facade to bed a girl. Moreso when I did not bed her, and when I succeeded in hindsight I thought: What the **** am I doing? After I realized this I stopped giving a **** and am direct but tactful. I speak my mind freely without aplogizing but show that there is a beauty to what I am saying and not rudeness or being opinionated as some women think.

I'm not so sure if I could get my point along. If you do it already you should be very attractive, and I mean confidence-wise, and not get paralyzed.
I mean that being true to oneself means not to care about people you are neutral about. Every girl who has a pretty face and body but didn't invest one minute to go out of her way to make you like her, doesn't deserve one minute of your time. On the other hand, every girl who is ugly but does things to make you like her, deserves the same amount of time reciprocated, even if you are not interested.
It is natural to act this way if you listen 100% to what the person is worth to you and don't care if you are liked or not.
And again, trying to be liked is pointless because most people sense the incongruency and see right through.
I suspect this understanding is what should get emulated by not replying too soon, not over-investing, seeing multiple women etc.

 

[member160761]

I'm not so sure if I could get my point along. If you do it already you should be very attractive, and I mean confidence-wise, and not get paralyzed.
I mean that being true to oneself means not to care about people you are neutral about. Every girl who has a pretty face and body but didn't invest one minute to go out of her way to make you like her, doesn't deserve one minute of your time. On the other hand, every girl who is ugly but does things to make you like her, deserves the same amount of time reciprocated, even if you are not interested.
It is natural to act this way if you listen 100% to what the person is worth to you and don't care if you are liked or not.
And again, trying to be liked is pointless because most people sense the incongruency and see right through.
I suspect this understanding is what should get emulated by not replying too soon, not over-investing, seeing multiple women etc.

As said, you do you to the best of your abilities. There is no set way of how to be, but what should never be lacking is a genuine and loving character. When you are straightforward and charitable your character comes out the most. For example, I generally care about all people and go out of my way to do something good, moreso for people I know, but I cannot listen when somebody tells me anything 95 % of the time. I remember snippets of the conversation which I deem important, but it goes in one ear in and out from another. This is not out of spite, I just filter and pretend I am listening unless it is an important conversation. Cannot help it, and still I have redeeming qualities and most people don't notice I don't listen.

 

[RangerMIke]

Anger is just one emotion. I believe you have a problem with emotional self-control. This is a big turnoff for most sane women.

All negative emotion has it's roots in expectation. You expect something to happen and when it doesn't you do not know how to control your emotional reaction. You can not help what you are feeling, all you can do is control how you respond.

My advice is simple, but exercising this is hard.

First you have to learn to live in the present.... here and now is all that is important. The past is irrelevant because you can not change it, only learn from it and allows your past to dictate what you do in the present. If you ever find yourself wondering what your life would have been if something in your past had been different... well you need to stop doing that. We all have this tendency, that is why time travel fiction is so popular.

Next you have to own the fact that you can not control the future, you can take steps in the present that improves the chance that your plans will yield your goals, but there is no guarantee. Very little in life comes out exactly as planned, so you can not expect that your expectations will be met. This is especially true with women, they are by and large not rational they are emotional, planning is a rational action. A man can do everything right, check all the boxes on a date. But if she just isn't 'feeling it' you are toast. You can't get ticked about this... you can not control her feelings... fvck, sh1t, SHE can't control her feelings.

Now there are some women that are capable of looking past her emotional behavior and RATIONALLY determine that a man is otherwise a great catch, and she 'settles' for him. YOU DO NOT want a woman that is settling for you. She will make your life miserable torturing you because she's just not 'feeling it', she will blame you and the torture commences, the man often tried to figure out how to make her happy... so he starts twisting himself into a knot in this futile attempt.... as he does this the woman loses respect for him and at that point love is impossible.

All the women that the OP mentioned, none of them were feeling love. This happens right away, it's chemistry, there isn't a fvcking thing any man can do to make this happen, it's animal attraction. Rather than trying to make something work with a particular woman, men should be in the present, evaluating what a woman is doing, and figure out on first dates if they woman you are with is really attracted to you.

Another thing the OP needs to understand is that every woman he dates... ALL of them, very quickly, assuming they are sane, have a pretty good idea what you like or don't like. They are by and large very intuitive and they know what turns you on, and what ticks you off. If she is doing something that is ticking you off... trust me... she knows she is ticking you off before she does it. Every woman knows that MOST men like fit attractive women, they like pleasant women who are flexible and pleasant. If she loves you, then she is not going to do anything that might drive you off... she will not pack on the pounds, she will mostly be pleasant had flexible. Sex will be great, because SHE will make it great, she will be wet as hell and do anything you want to do. If sex is mechanical with her just laying there while you are doing all the work, needs lubricant to get her going... she's not that into you.

She will know if her not responding to your text messages in a timely manner will set you off, if she is doing this anyway, take the hint and move on. This is not a mistake, she's not 'busy', she didn't forget, her canary did not die. If she is testing you, and loves you, she will be back and correct her behavior. If not, then she will be glad that you took the hint and have respect for you. You can not control women, period. Setting 'boundaries' and telling her you don't like something is a fvcking waste of time, if she is sane, then she will know. She is either doing this on purpose or she isn't playing with a full deck.... it doesn't matter, if she isn't attracted or she is nuts... you don't want her.

 

[member160761]

@RangerMIke I just read your post now. Thanks a lot for the insightful response. It used to be common sense for me and by raging lust and anger I became completely blinded.

Looking back the OP I see clearly how I came off as raging autist. I am far from healed but the more time passes the better I see and can improve. I have bouts of rage and emotional weakness but am able to keep myself together. But even when you do that, others can sense you are off and treat you accordingly, what makes it double difficult but I have to persevere.

 

[member160761]

Anger is just one emotion. I believe you have a problem with emotional self-control. This is a big turnoff for most sane women.

All negative emotion has it's roots in expectation. You expect something to happen and when it doesn't you do not know how to control your emotional reaction. You can not help what you are feeling, all you can do is control how you respond.

My advice is simple, but exercising this is hard.

First you have to learn to live in the present.... here and now is all that is important. The past is irrelevant because you can not change it, only learn from it and allows your past to dictate what you do in the present. If you ever find yourself wondering what your life would have been if something in your past had been different... well you need to stop doing that. We all have this tendency, that is why time travel fiction is so popular.

Next you have to own the fact that you can not control the future, you can take steps in the present that improves the chance that your plans will yield your goals, but there is no guarantee. Very little in life comes out exactly as planned, so you can not expect that your expectations will be met. This is especially true with women, they are by and large not rational they are emotional, planning is a rational action. A man can do everything right, check all the boxes on a date. But if she just isn't 'feeling it' you are toast. You can't get ticked about this... you can not control her feelings... fvck, sh1t, SHE can't control her feelings.

Now there are some women that are capable of looking past her emotional behavior and RATIONALLY determine that a man is otherwise a great catch, and she 'settles' for him. YOU DO NOT want a woman that is settling for you. She will make your life miserable torturing you because she's just not 'feeling it', she will blame you and the torture commences, the man often tried to figure out how to make her happy... so he starts twisting himself into a knot in this futile attempt.... as he does this the woman loses respect for him and at that point love is impossible.

All the women that the OP mentioned, none of them were feeling love. This happens right away, it's chemistry, there isn't a fvcking thing any man can do to make this happen, it's animal attraction. Rather than trying to make something work with a particular woman, men should be in the present, evaluating what a woman is doing, and figure out on first dates if they woman you are with is really attracted to you.

Another thing the OP needs to understand is that every woman he dates... ALL of them, very quickly, assuming they are sane, have a pretty good idea what you like or don't like. They are by and large very intuitive and they know what turns you on, and what ticks you off. If she is doing something that is ticking you off... trust me... she knows she is ticking you off before she does it. Every woman knows that MOST men like fit attractive women, they like pleasant women who are flexible and pleasant. If she loves you, then she is not going to do anything that might drive you off... she will not pack on the pounds, she will mostly be pleasant had flexible. Sex will be great, because SHE will make it great, she will be wet as hell and do anything you want to do. If sex is mechanical with her just laying there while you are doing all the work, needs lubricant to get her going... she's not that into you.

She will know if her not responding to your text messages in a timely manner will set you off, if she is doing this anyway, take the hint and move on. This is not a mistake, she's not 'busy', she didn't forget, her canary did not die. If she is testing you, and loves you, she will be back and correct her behavior. If not, then she will be glad that you took the hint and have respect for you. You can not control women, period. Setting 'boundaries' and telling her you don't like something is a fvcking waste of time, if she is sane, then she will know. She is either doing this on purpose or she isn't playing with a full deck.... it doesn't matter, if she isn't attracted or she is nuts... you don't want her.

I just read your post now. Thanks a lot for the insightful response. It used to be common sense for me and by raging lust and anger I became completely blinded.

Looking back the OP I see clearly how I came off as raging autist. I am far from healed but the more time passes the better I see and can improve. I have bouts of rage and emotional weakness but am able to keep myself together. But even when you do that, others can sense you are off and treat you accordingly, what makes it double difficult but I have to persevere.