Do I have a right to be jealous?

[mrksmpsn124]

This girl and I are basically dating. We're hooking up but we're exclusive and we've told each other we love each other but we haven't made it official. Anyways back when we first had started hooking up it wasn't exactly clear if we were exclusive or not. We had told each other we liked each other but she played it off like she didn't want to be exclusive even though I had a feeling she did.

Well one night I got drunk and hooked up with another girl. My girl found out the next day before I could tell her and told me we were done and all this stuff. After about a week she said she wanted to try and forgive me and work on things. About a week after that she told me she didn't think she would ever be able to get past it and that we were done. The next night she hooked up with this guy. She called me immediately after crying and telling me what happened. After a couple days I told her I thought we could try and work on things (probably a mistake).

This all happened about 4 months ago. The issue is that she still hangs out with this guy. He lives in her apartment complex and her and her friends are always going over to his apartment and hanging with him and her friends. Then recently we've been at a couple of the same parties and she spends a majority of the time that I'm there talking to him. I finally called her out on it last week and she told me I had nothing to be jealous about because he is seeing another girl and thats what they were talking about. But then again last night when I showed up at a party I could hear her friends warning her I was coming before I walked in and when I came in she was talking with him.

Anyways, do I have a right to be jealous? Should I say something? Do you guys think somethings up or am I being paranoid?

 

[Plutoman]

Sounds like the relationship with her is done.

Treat her as a fwb situation. You need to care a lot less, as she's almost certainly getting with that guy (or wants to get with him), most particularly considering the last thing you mentioned. Go with your gut.

Don't call her out on it - just realize that you aren't getting a girlfriend out of her (and it sounds like she's not really much of girlfriend material), meet other girls, enjoy the physical side of the relationship. If she changes her mind, she'll let you know. And definitely, definitely meet other girls.

 

[pdx1138]

ya calling them out never accomplishes anything positive.

Get what you can from her, but proceed with detachment or
any long term committed thoughts.

 

[Pimp-sicle]

I don't know who came up with calling girls out as a good idea.

We all know women speak a different language and show their true intent with their actions.

On one hand, if you truly trust each other (which you both don't) and you guys are together, you shouldn't care who she talks to @parties. Yes I realize its kinda hard not to notice when she's always yapping away to a dude she hooked up with and is attracted to.

What you SHOULD do is play her own game against her. Flirt with other girls @these parties and see how she reacts.

If she gets jealous or tries to start paying you attention, then you know she has healthy interest in you.

If she acts like she could careless then you have a problem; you have a woman who is with you in title, but is looking to jump ship.

As PDX already said, this is a bad situation since trust was never developed from the get go. So either she becomes a FWB or you drop her.

If you stay with her, your going to turn into a complete chump due to not being able to control your emotions and having them over-ride your logic.







PIMP

 

[Kawai]

Agree with all the above. If she's not your wife...or at least engaged to you...she owes you nothing.

Time to create quiet distance.

 

[pdx1138]

I don't know who came up with calling girls out as a good idea.

I believe it to be a natural male response at least for most of us.
(until we learn better, damn if I didn't learn that the hard way ha ha)

The cause being we don't realize they will respond, throwing it back,
it's your fault and what have you.

We assume a logical/respectful response when thats not even possible.

 

[-Gripz-]

If you two were never official, who cares if you had sex with some other chick and her having sex with some other guy; you two were just dating. If she still is hanging around the guy she probably is still having sex with him. Just charge her to the game and move on. No need for jealousy.

 

[el_perezoso]

sounds to me, based on the sequence of events, that she hooked up with that guy in order to get back at you. if that's the case, and she's playing some tit-for-tat BS with you, you're better off cutting her out of your life completely, because odds are she's gonna turn into a source of drama down the line.

As for your original question, I think it's normal to get these feelings of jealousy, though you have to meditate on them and ask yourself if they are a reflection of your feelings towards her, or if you're just guarding what's yours. If it's the latter, realize it's not worth it. Either way, my advice to you if you choose to carry on with her, having been cheated on by my (ex)gf recently, is keep your mouth shut, but your eyes WIDE f***in open.

And my two cents on "calling out" girls: doesn't seem applicable in your case, and not a productive thing to do, in terms of actually solving whatever problem caused it, but to me, sometimes a man's gotta set his foot down, and seeing a man's righteous fury in action is often enough to get these women to act right. We're men, after all :crackup:

 

[Fly By Night]

After about a week she said she wanted to try and forgive me and work on things.

She's trying to keep you around just in case she doesn't find another guy she wants to eff.

About a week after that she told me she didn't think she would ever be able to get past it and that we were done. The next night she hooked up with this guy.

OH LOOK! She coincidentally finds a guy to eff the day after she decides to not continue the relationship with you.

She called me immediately after crying and telling me what happened. After a couple days I told her I thought we could try and work on things (probably a mistake).

You are being demoted from "orbiter" to "emotional tampon".

Find yourself another.

 

[VladPatton]

I don't know who came up with calling girls out as a good idea.

We all know women speak a different language and show their true intent with their actions.

On one hand, if you truly trust each other (which you both don't) and you guys are together, you shouldn't care who she talks to @parties. Yes I realize its kinda hard not to notice when she's always yapping away to a dude she hooked up with and is attracted to.

What you SHOULD do is play her own game against her. Flirt with other girls @these parties and see how she reacts.

If she gets jealous or tries to start paying you attention, then you know she has healthy interest in you.

If she acts like she could careless then you have a problem; you have a woman who is with you in title, but is looking to jump ship.

As PDX already said, this is a bad situation since trust was never developed from the get go. So either she becomes a FWB or you drop her.

If you stay with her, your going to turn into a complete chump due to not being able to control your emotions and having them over-ride your logic.





↑↑ This. She jumped to another guy and lost interest in you. Expect that in today's female. No calling out, it just makes you look bratty and that you're hurt and affected.

Time for you to dive 'head' first into some new poon.

 

[LearningSlowly]

I didnt read other responses, just OP's post.

The fact is, you never have any right to be jealous. "Jealous" means "I still want you, but I dont like who you are right now, so change."

It's a ****ed up emotion from the start. Either you leave this girl alone, you drastically decrease your emotional investment, or you let her have some freedom and abandon all jealousy.

I say that the truly masterful DJ has no jealousy, even in a situation like this. This DJ who has no jealousy is so confident that a girl wouldn't even consider cheating on him. Even if she did cheat, she would feel guilty and hide it from him for weeks or months. When he finally finds out, he would not be angry, he would not overreact. He would simply drop her and find another girl. Imagine the ideal DJ and model behavior after his.

 

[glass half full]

I believe you both set yourselves up for failure here by not committing love to one another to begin with. If you had, this may not have turned silly. The door was left open for this to happen by both of you, I'm guessing its because you felt like it was the thing to do, and she because there was no committment, therefore a free pass. Even though women act like this is what they want, what they really want is somebody to lead them. If you don't lead, they run wild. But then, sometimes they just run wild anyway!

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

1. This girl is still hooking up with this dude. Now have any of you guys hooked up with a chick then consistently hang out with her afterwards without tapping it for good measures?

2. She hooked up with another dude after you guys admitted you were exclusive. There's no exception to this rule. You need to cut her off or keep her as the jumpoff she is and holla at these other girls.

But make no mistake about it SHE IS screwing this dude.

 

[SamTheHobit]

My advice, and get rid of this wench.

I don't know how people get in this situation.

 

[mrksmpsn124]

So today I was hooking up with her and after we were done I threw the condem away and in the trash can in her room was another condem. It couldn't be from the last time her and I had sex because that was 5 days before and we used a different color. I didn't say anything and am going to hold off until I only know something for sure.

I also have began lowering my interest level and its been working in my favor. Lately she's been begging me to hang out and today she was begging me to love her.

 

[Omerta]

Create emotional space for yourself as it sounds like your still on the hook, keep fvcking her and spin some more plates. Relationshipness would be dead a while ago and thats just icing on the sh!t cake if thats what you wanted.

 

[sigma335]

So today I was hooking up with her and after we were done I threw the condem away and in the trash can in her room was another condem. It couldn't be from the last time her and I had sex because that was 5 days before and we used a different color. I didn't say anything and am going to hold off until I only know something for sure.

I also have began lowering my interest level and its been working in my favor. Lately she's been begging me to hang out and today she was begging me to love her.

Get drunk with her then have anal sex with her then cut her off a few days later. When I say cut her off... phone her and say that you don't see this going anywhere and you think you guys should see other people. She probably will want to fuk you again after that, you should only do it if you are completely emotionally detached and have other girls lined up. Treat her like the wh0re she is.

 

[mrksmpsn124]

Over the last month I've been lowering my interest level because I had a feeling I wasn't being enough of a challenge. Once I saw her talking with that other guy and I started this thread I started to lower my interest level even more. Since I started about a month ago she has started telling me all the time that I act differently than before and that I don't seem as crazy and possessive as I used to be.

Last night when I was about to go to bed she texted me saying she had been waiting all night for me to ask her to hang out. I told her we could and I went over to her place and spent the night. The whole time we were up she kept asking me questions like if I still loved her as much as before, and if I still cared and stuff. Is this the right way to lower my interest level or is this just gonna hurt the relationship more?

 

[5string]

If you have confidence and the ability to walk away, jealousy should not be in your vocabulary.

There are more fish in the pond Ahab.

 

[Epimanes]

Dating is an interview for marriage. She failed ... so did you. Move on and make yourself a better man.