Do I ask for some space or is now the opportunity to fix things?
So I've been seeing(banging) this 9/10 girl about 7 months now. For some perspective, we've both just finished high school. We met at a festival last year, then found out we lived near each other and got on pretty well. Neither of us wanted a relationship so we've just been banging around once a week after school and we occasionally bump into each other at local bars and parties, both of our friendship groups have many links with each other. I soon realised that I was her first and was surprised by how easy it was to bed her initially, but I get the impression she's a bit of a flirt anyway and was probably eager to lose her virginity. In our time of seeing each other we had never really built up a proper bond, it was just like a close friendship with a lot of affection and sex, but she is a very quiet girl and although we share a few interests, she's not really the type of girl I'd date long term at all, especially because I get the impression deep down she has hoe urges particularly when drunk and she's attempted to engage with my friends before I knew her properly.
So I went through the year getting on with my work, seeing her every week and cashing in on my dose of affectionate feelings and sex, because I was her first I always assumed that she has an edge of clinginess with me, which I was probably right about.
Then came the start of summer, and with little distractions, a lot of free time and a lack of friends I soon found myself spending more time with this girl, we starting going on actual days out and dates because I found her quiet and pleasant personality as a sort of escape I guess, and I suppose she's really hot too. We started to catch more intense feelings and eventually I started treating her like she was my girlfriend and everyone around us started acting like we were together too, but all this time I've still been uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship and I've continued to talk to other girls (as you would).
Soon, just as our feelings were getting stronger we found out we were both accepted into the same University this September. That was a game changer. At first for a few months I just thought Nah I'll just make the most of this now and we'll go our separate ways in University cos I need to bang other chicks. But then as we saw each other more and grew closer I started to think hmmm It's gonna be hard to let go of her when we go to Uni. I thought hard and assumed because I was her first kinda relationship thing and because she was being quite clingy she'd consider a relationship too, so I began to slightly change my mind about the future.
I guess in my current loneliness and admiration of her I started to consider sacrificing being single in college and thought maybe I should make this an official relationship, I briefly mentioned it her and she made no comment which is normal for her being the quiet girl she is.
We continued to treat each other romantically and the reluctance to let her go in September grew more, I started to think perhaps I'm doing her a favour by asking her out because she really gave off some clingy signals.
Then on Saturday night I bumped into her in town, she was with her friend (An insecure ***** with a boyfriend who constantly seeks attention from other guys and acts like it's empowering). She was also with a few of my male semi-friends, mostly desperate virgin afc's who were trying to get lucky with her and her slutbag of a friend. When I approached, the two afc dudes backed away and I said Hi to her, she greeted me as usual and asked me to tag along with them all, so I did. I guess my decision was partially swayed by the presence of the desperate guys around and I worried about the influence of her friend and her questionable morals when drunk which I was familiar with from personal experience (That's how we first got going hahahaha). As the night progressed I tried not to come off as too over protective, however I soon started to notice she was looking happier when I stayed away and interfered less with horny dudes approaching her. I began to realise how less exciting I'd become and suddenly felt like I was no longer interesting to her, this sort of **** usually happens over time, not suddenly after such a huge build up.
This went against all of the signs she'd been giving me recently, It had gotten to the stage where we felt like a genuine couple and here I was in town feeling like a pest, all signs of her clinginess just seemed to have vanished suddenly, but I stayed put and tried to enjoy myself and ride it out.
In the cab ride home, she started getting very emotional and said to me out of nowhere that she wanted to give me a heads up for the future and she said she didn't think she would be able to handle us being in a relationship in Uni. Now this was a shock for me, I'd thought exactly the same thing for so long, then just recently with how intimate we'd become I had let my guard down SLIGHTLY and I never expected it to be HER saying those words, she was supposed to be the clingy virgin who wouldn't want to let go of me. I also thought it was much too early to come to that conclusion as things had only started becoming cute and there was still a lot of time left before Uni starts.
So obviously, I took it really really badly, completely mishandled it.
I told her I was willing to make a sacrifice and couldn't understand why she didn't feel the same after all we'd been through recently, I told her originally I was also planning on leaving our friendship behind with Uni but that our good progress had swayed my decision and I thought she would feel the same way. Then I accused her of leading me on and got really pissed off and ignored her texts for a day. She got emotional and texted me saying she was sorry and didn't mean to ruin things like this but she was certain on her decision and "if you were originally going to stop speaking to me anyway I don't see why youre so bothered about me telling you I feel that way".
After letting her appologise a little more and ask me if we can still see each other until the end of summer I told her it was okay and that I just over reacted then tried to text her as normal (as of this morning), but so far I've been feeling a little shakey. Obviously texting her after all that drama on my behalf feels a little awkward and I have no idea if she has fully lost interest or if she is thankful that we can still talk for the rest of summer.
I've been thinking about asking her for a bit of space, HOWEVER I fear too much about her friends who would probably convince her to do something sickening like sleep with one of my friends. Yes I know it seems bizaare but with enough alcohol this girl turns into a different person and I know of her many regrets/near misses in the past.
It just confuses me how it appeared to be going so well, for me to have literally considered getting into a relationship, and then seeing her in town frustrated because she seemingly felt like she couldn't have a good time or whatever around me and that seemed to have changed her mind so easily or whatever.
I want to at least mend my pride and spend some time with her over summer so perhaps we could have this relationship and if not then perhaps I could dump her instead at the end or we could end things on more of an even note rather than one of us being hurt.
Do I need to act more alpha? How do I regain her interest and make sure she's not tempted to seek rebounds or whatever because I'm sure she has some feelings for me, her deep hoe instincts just say she'd prefer to be single in Uni and she picked a bad time to give me a "heads up" because she thought I was 100% set on the relationship idea (It was more like 20% and even so I would have never mentioned anything mean to her face anyway). I'm not bothered about what happens in September anymore, I just have stuff planned for the summer with her and I will be seeing her a lot anyway due to our friendship group connections.
Many Thanks in advance.
So I've been seeing(banging) this 9/10 girl about 7 months now. For some perspective, we've both just finished high school. We met at a festival last year, then found out we lived near each other and got on pretty well. Neither of us wanted a relationship so we've just been banging around once a week after school and we occasionally bump into each other at local bars and parties, both of our friendship groups have many links with each other. I soon realised that I was her first and was surprised by how easy it was to bed her initially, but I get the impression she's a bit of a flirt anyway and was probably eager to lose her virginity. In our time of seeing each other we had never really built up a proper bond, it was just like a close friendship with a lot of affection and sex, but she is a very quiet girl and although we share a few interests, she's not really the type of girl I'd date long term at all, especially because I get the impression deep down she has hoe urges particularly when drunk and she's attempted to engage with my friends before I knew her properly.
So I went through the year getting on with my work, seeing her every week and cashing in on my dose of affectionate feelings and sex, because I was her first I always assumed that she has an edge of clinginess with me, which I was probably right about.
Then came the start of summer, and with little distractions, a lot of free time and a lack of friends I soon found myself spending more time with this girl, we starting going on actual days out and dates because I found her quiet and pleasant personality as a sort of escape I guess, and I suppose she's really hot too. We started to catch more intense feelings and eventually I started treating her like she was my girlfriend and everyone around us started acting like we were together too, but all this time I've still been uncomfortable with the idea of a relationship and I've continued to talk to other girls (as you would).
Soon, just as our feelings were getting stronger we found out we were both accepted into the same University this September. That was a game changer. At first for a few months I just thought Nah I'll just make the most of this now and we'll go our separate ways in University cos I need to bang other chicks. But then as we saw each other more and grew closer I started to think hmmm It's gonna be hard to let go of her when we go to Uni. I thought hard and assumed because I was her first kinda relationship thing and because she was being quite clingy she'd consider a relationship too, so I began to slightly change my mind about the future.
I guess in my current loneliness and admiration of her I started to consider sacrificing being single in college and thought maybe I should make this an official relationship, I briefly mentioned it her and she made no comment which is normal for her being the quiet girl she is.
We continued to treat each other romantically and the reluctance to let her go in September grew more, I started to think perhaps I'm doing her a favour by asking her out because she really gave off some clingy signals.
Then on Saturday night I bumped into her in town, she was with her friend (An insecure ***** with a boyfriend who constantly seeks attention from other guys and acts like it's empowering). She was also with a few of my male semi-friends, mostly desperate virgin afc's who were trying to get lucky with her and her slutbag of a friend. When I approached, the two afc dudes backed away and I said Hi to her, she greeted me as usual and asked me to tag along with them all, so I did. I guess my decision was partially swayed by the presence of the desperate guys around and I worried about the influence of her friend and her questionable morals when drunk which I was familiar with from personal experience (That's how we first got going hahahaha). As the night progressed I tried not to come off as too over protective, however I soon started to notice she was looking happier when I stayed away and interfered less with horny dudes approaching her. I began to realise how less exciting I'd become and suddenly felt like I was no longer interesting to her, this sort of **** usually happens over time, not suddenly after such a huge build up.
This went against all of the signs she'd been giving me recently, It had gotten to the stage where we felt like a genuine couple and here I was in town feeling like a pest, all signs of her clinginess just seemed to have vanished suddenly, but I stayed put and tried to enjoy myself and ride it out.
In the cab ride home, she started getting very emotional and said to me out of nowhere that she wanted to give me a heads up for the future and she said she didn't think she would be able to handle us being in a relationship in Uni. Now this was a shock for me, I'd thought exactly the same thing for so long, then just recently with how intimate we'd become I had let my guard down SLIGHTLY and I never expected it to be HER saying those words, she was supposed to be the clingy virgin who wouldn't want to let go of me. I also thought it was much too early to come to that conclusion as things had only started becoming cute and there was still a lot of time left before Uni starts.
So obviously, I took it really really badly, completely mishandled it.
I told her I was willing to make a sacrifice and couldn't understand why she didn't feel the same after all we'd been through recently, I told her originally I was also planning on leaving our friendship behind with Uni but that our good progress had swayed my decision and I thought she would feel the same way. Then I accused her of leading me on and got really pissed off and ignored her texts for a day. She got emotional and texted me saying she was sorry and didn't mean to ruin things like this but she was certain on her decision and "if you were originally going to stop speaking to me anyway I don't see why youre so bothered about me telling you I feel that way".
After letting her appologise a little more and ask me if we can still see each other until the end of summer I told her it was okay and that I just over reacted then tried to text her as normal (as of this morning), but so far I've been feeling a little shakey. Obviously texting her after all that drama on my behalf feels a little awkward and I have no idea if she has fully lost interest or if she is thankful that we can still talk for the rest of summer.
I've been thinking about asking her for a bit of space, HOWEVER I fear too much about her friends who would probably convince her to do something sickening like sleep with one of my friends. Yes I know it seems bizaare but with enough alcohol this girl turns into a different person and I know of her many regrets/near misses in the past.
It just confuses me how it appeared to be going so well, for me to have literally considered getting into a relationship, and then seeing her in town frustrated because she seemingly felt like she couldn't have a good time or whatever around me and that seemed to have changed her mind so easily or whatever.
I want to at least mend my pride and spend some time with her over summer so perhaps we could have this relationship and if not then perhaps I could dump her instead at the end or we could end things on more of an even note rather than one of us being hurt.
Do I need to act more alpha? How do I regain her interest and make sure she's not tempted to seek rebounds or whatever because I'm sure she has some feelings for me, her deep hoe instincts just say she'd prefer to be single in Uni and she picked a bad time to give me a "heads up" because she thought I was 100% set on the relationship idea (It was more like 20% and even so I would have never mentioned anything mean to her face anyway). I'm not bothered about what happens in September anymore, I just have stuff planned for the summer with her and I will be seeing her a lot anyway due to our friendship group connections.
Many Thanks in advance.
