Do Chicks Dig The Confident Loner?

[quakerstate]

I am a complete loner. I am battling social anxiety and depression. I have become very confident in the last month. Basically I put up with enough **** that my heads on straight. Now I don't have any friends but I have this intense inner drive in me that lets me go through life living in fear.
I was wondering if chicks dig the loner type? It's not like I hate people I just feel the need to be alone. I am extremely comfortable being alone. I basically do my own thing and not care about the chicks.

I am addicted to self improvement and am working on it everyday. I have a perfectionist attitude about this. There are a couple chicks I'm gonna start talking to.... I want ***** and that is all.

I was wondering if chicks dig this? Like if a chick asked if I had any friends I would just say nah I'm perfectly comfortable by myself. Or nope don't need em I can handle myself. Is that a good idea?

 

[One on One]

I'm kinda in your shoes. I hope they dig the confident loner. I have a few friends, but not many and I do a lot of myself a lot...some of this I prefer and some is because I don't have people to do it with. I think it would be weird for a girl to ask if you have any friends and it would be equally weird to say that you have no desire for any friends. If that did happen, you'd probably be better off saying that you just don't know many people here.

 

[becker]

I think it's sort of a misnomer or oxymoron, "confident loner".

The way I see it, it goes back to creating an image, and that's really all it is, an image. You can't really be a loner, because then it won't do crap for you. You need to act like a loner, yet people have to never believe you when you say you're a loner. The reason is because if you're really a loner, there's nothing really attractive about you. Think about James Dean, and that whole rebel look. He was a loner that everyone wanted to know, so he really wasn't much of a loner.

As for a real loner, these people just don't draw people to them, so they're not really loners by choice, but are more just forced into that position. That's not attractive, because the image you'll create from that is of a person that isn't very enjoyable to be around, and women don't want to be around a gloomy guy.

This image is something that only some people can pull off, and it definitely is an image.

 

[Starman]

James Dean was not a loner..his IMAGE in the MOVIES was..did chicks dig his image? The bad boy rebel who didnt give a sh1t about anybody? but still had chicks "hounding" him?

remember..its all fiction.

you are asking us if its OK for you to not try to socially improve yourself..

and the answer is NO!

Not only do you create an empty, boring, incomplete & lacking life for yourself by choosing to become a loner, but you keep your self at a disadvantage in many realms..including career/pay, self respect , and the type of model you will set for your children if you ever have any

you have obstacles in your path to cross and conquer..but dont start into this belief that you enjoy being alone, or you start to fool yourself that maybe this is REALLY what you want and then you have a liscence to STOP TRYING to become social to get the things you truly want

your need to feel alone..is your fear of embarassment and fear of humiliation and rejection

its a defense mechanism you have built your life around "If I dont interact with people! Then I cant be hurt! or rejected!" then a self fulfilling prophecy "Wow! this is great! nobody can hurt my feelings as long as I avoid people! maybe being a loner is really a good thing??"

so get out of this vicious cycle trying to convince yourself that you are happy as a loner..then wondering WHY you are lonely

 

[Silquee Smoove]

Confident loner...that would be me. Even though I have a "sucky" job I still hold my head high and have respect for myself and don't disrespect others.

If the chicks like that, well good.

If not, then F*CK them all over again...

 

[becker]

Starman, it sounds like we're on the same page, but I'm not sure.

Anyways, creating that image is not easy to do, but I can tell you that girls will certainly go for it if you do it correctly. If you can't understand the value in doing it, and are expecting the results to just take care of themselves, then you're probably better off not trying it, since it can be bad if done incorrectly or without knowing what you're doing.

I think it's important to know that all this stuff goes back to confidence. You can almost be whatever you want if you give off an aura of confidence or belief in what you're doing. For example, I can go against the social norms, but if I do it, I have to believe in what I'm doing. You can't try to do something like be a loner, but not really believe in the process because you'll come off as a loner. Sounds contradictory, but you need to be a loner but not come off as one.

 

[jakethasnake]

here's the deal on loners... and it's more simple than you think.


The strong, silent, loner type WILL work..... if you're ATTRACTIVE. Hell you could be a HAIR DRESSER (a flaming gay job) and still get attention from biotches if you're attractive.

Of course, this is all relative. If you're a 9 in looks and act like you're pissed off or want to be alone, women will be intrigued. Kind of like that HOT ASS Goth girl or Punkette with the bright pink mohawk.... you always wondered, "I wonder why she has all that metal/black makeup in her face? She's hella hot... if she wore proper clothes and washed that shiet out of her hair, I would ask her out...." It's the same deal with girls. If you're a very hot loner, they will go ga-ga. On the other hand if you're a "very confident loner" that's a 4, you're FVCKED. No girl will be interested, perhaps not even girls that are on the same level with you as looks. That is becaue sociability is probably one of the more important qualities women look for in a man. It's a natural indicator of power and comptence. This has been discussed countless times, but a man with great social skills can save the 'family' (let's assume the family is you, da biotch, and some lil' ones) from anihilation, starvation, isolation, etc. It's instinctual. And the girls who actually DESIRE these loner-types usually have issues of their own (both the attractive ones and the ugly ones). They are usually angry or discontent with their lives and surroundings, and have the 'ne against the world' mentality. They are basically looking for a partner in crime. If that Bonnie & Clyde shyt is your thing, then go ahead. I find that idea kinda cool too, but in the end it's probably more trouble than it's worth. This coming from a former punk-ish type of guy.

So basically, good looking men (and people in general) who behave antisocially are TOLERATED, because they have a trump card that raises their value -- LOOKS. If you're ugly or plain -- don't even think about it if you want to be liked.

I know in our P.C. minds it sounds very unfair, like a violation of your strong sense of justice, but it's just nature at work. Who said life was fair? And even nature, for that matter?

I'm not perfect looking myself, but I agree and accept this as natural. That's just the way it is. And if you don't have the looks, do whatever it takes to edge out the pretty boy. And may the best man win.

This all explains why James Dean got all the chicks attention, even though he was oppressively moody and kind of small and hunch-backed (he was 5'8" or something).

 

[TTAG]

why open up a can of worms?

this is shyt in my opinion, but it must be talked about. now before i go any further i'll let you know that i have been the 'confident loner' and it did work for me, still does, BUT there are 2 things about me you need to know, 1. i have been told I am good looking, not great looking, not ugly, and 2. i am not shy, or in other words i am confident from truly within, from my life experiences.

so if you can pull this off, be good looking (comes from your posi+ive attitude and a smile, unless you are truly disfigured, then I am truly sorry for your situation) then the girls and friends should be chasing you for your company!

as for being truly confident, you should not be shy. you should be able to hold and continue a decent conversation with a complete stranger. be able to talk, voice your opinion, do things and not be afraid. its ok to be a little nervous, that just happens. and being afraid, is truly pathetic, im sory to say this but it is.

get out there live life, if you are not going to do try it, no matter what it is. get rid of the words no and cant etc from your vovabulary. try things, then if you dont like it, try it again. be open minded, always consider everything, we got brains so lets use them. now how can you do all of this? by making MISTAKES.

lets see my mistakes for example;

- 7 car crashes, 2 serious, 1 almost fatal, what did i do? i got my motorbike licence, and am saving for a cibby250 (honda CBR250RR). did i mention that im 21yo and from those accidents have totaled 3 cars, doesnt stop me driving or spending $$$ on my car.
- severe and chronic ONE-ITIS, left all my friends, left my family, moved to a new city with her, 2 years later she says things change, i dont love you anymore. what did i immediately do stalked her and her boyfriend, was more than lucky another mutual friend told her NOT to get a AVO against me. then, I made more friends than I could ever ask for.

got to go will continue soon.......

 

[jakethasnake]

Bro..... forget all that mumbo-jumbo after the first paragraph.


You just said it yourself -- YOU ARE GOOD-LOOKING. That means you can get away with all the brooding, Marlon Brando-wannabe loner stuff.




PS: I do sympathize with all your past trauma and don't mean to minimize your inner strength and qualities, but the ONLY THING that matters is that you're good looking enough to get away with it.


CASE CLOSED.

 

[Boricua_33015]

Heh, Im in the same boat too!

I have that badboy loner image. Very few freinds. I don't think Im shy, I just subconsciously think there is no point to just converse with people just for freindly conversation. I have no motivation to go and meet new people just for the sake of meeting them. I just don't need that much attention, Im fine by myself. I know you always see me post about my problems with my social life, its because of the image. Nobody really likes a loner. Im not a freindly person. For some reason I think being freindly is like being submissive. Maybe I have too much pride. Im not afraid to talk. I just don't open myself up to people.

But I got that seducer personality, and I also got the very masculine looks and a strong jaw line.... so that can explain why girls are still attracted to me.

 

[TTAG]

Originally posted by jakethasnake
Bro..... forget all that mumbo-jumbo after the first paragraph.


You just said it yourself -- YOU ARE GOOD-LOOKING. That means you can get away with all the brooding, Marlon Brando-wannabe loner stuff.




PS: I do sympathize with all your past trauma and don't mean to minimize your inner strength and qualities, but the ONLY THING that matters is that you're good looking enough to get away with it.


CASE CLOSED.

ok im back, well I guess jake that you are right. what more can i say? but i dont think good looks beats personality or vice versa, we all need a little of both, if you dont have good looks get a stylist, spend some money on a decent haircut and for god's sake, smile! personality wise, we can all be improving.

i knew this was a can of worms, but hey thats what i think, its what i BELIEVE, and thats why it works for me.

 

[TTAG]

Originally posted by Boricua_33015
Heh, Im in the same boat too!

I have that badboy loner image. Very few freinds. I don't think Im shy, I just subconsciously think there is no point to just converse with people just for freindly conversation. I have no motivation to go and meet new people just for the sake of meeting them. I just don't need that much attention, Im fine by myself. I know you always see me post about my problems with my social life, its because of the image. Nobody really likes a loner. Im not a freindly person. For some reason I think being freindly is like being submissive. Maybe I have too much pride. Im not afraid to talk. I just don't open myself up to people.

But I got that seducer personality, and I also got the very masculine looks and a strong jaw line.... so that can explain why girls are still attracted to me.

Hey there, Boricua, i feel for you man. I use to be like yourself alot, still am sometimes, its really hard to deal with, now im gonna make a suggestion, maybe some counselling. i did get some at my uni after the ONE-ITIS stuff - and hey it was free!!!! - and hey just talking and blabbing to this lady, helped me heaps, so maybe you can try that too?????

 

[quakerstate]

Alright I consider myself average looking. People have said I look cute. (I don't like that they call me this) I am no wannabe! I am the loner! I don't give a sh*t about having friends or even a girl. I don't let anyone bring me down. I don't ever feel lonely. I went to jail a couple times and I just sat there patiently, people mean **** to me. If I had to get things done, I'm afraid, but I do, faithful in my abilities to pull through. I can hold a conversation fine and have amazing listening skills and get the right info for me to continue or succeed in my life.

Now if I were to talk to this chick the only thing holding me back is should I just quit the bullsh*t and lay it down plain and simple,
Nah I don't know too many people around here. and push the attention back on the chick.

A girl and friends are only a luxury to me like cake, which is why I'm trying to talk to people more. But this only thing is all I need answered before I start my oh so great social life.

 

[squirrels]

Chicks LOVE the confident loner. Look at James Bond as a good (albeit fictitious) example. He's pretty much a loner.

But he still TALKS to women. You can't just sit in a corner with a smile on your face and expect women to flock to you. Trust me, I've tried it.

Being a "loner" is no excuse for having inadequate social skills and lacking the confidence and charge to approach and actively engage women, or ANYONE for that matter.

 

[Julian]

CONFIDENT LONEWOLF MY STORY

Alright guys heres my situation.

I am the archetype for the confident LONEWOLF.

Put it this way, I used to have a clique i used to kick it with. We were really tight. Me and 3 of my closest friends. We hung out everyday, we smoked weed, we partied, we macked mad honeys. This was from ages 15-16 1/2. Not only was it us 4 together but we had an ocean of friends and acquaintances to chill with. Everyday we went on adventures. And i mean EVERYDAY.

I think over 2 summers i met and became "friends" with thousands of people. Probably like 1500 people actually. And this was through our various connections, daily interaction and partying. it was great.

We always did everything together.

Then things fell apart.

One of my best friends' girlfriend cheated on him with another friend in our quartet. There was crazy drama for awhile. Then one of my friends moved 2-3 hours away. Now its me and the kid whos girl cheated on him, who he is still with and they are unfortunatly having a baby. Also about a year before my best friend moved very far away. Which succed.

So this leaves me. Also i was kicked out of my main highschool junior year when i was 17. I ended up at an alternative education place where i made a couple friends, no one worthwhile, just a couple kids to socialize with.

Well this left me out of the loop from my main highschool, i still talk to alot of my graduating class, for instance if i see them somewhere. Sometimes my friend calls them for parties because they always throw the kegs, they are the preps at my school.

Either way none of them were ever close to me. See, me and my friend we were mad pimps. You dont understand, we had ALL of the girls attention at school all the time.

The thing was, we didnt fit into any other social group. It was just me and like 2 of my homies. My friend is like a total urban style clothes and he dresses very well, im more of a variety, anyway we are very different yet alike as well.

When people spoke of us they would be like "Hey wheres Julian and Lorenzo" we were always kickin it, known as the 2 pimps.

I mean for godsakes, we had girls take pictures of us IN THE HALLS. 2 Times each.

The preppies liked us, the gangsters liked us etc etc. Sure there were alot fo haters too. But fucc them.

However me and lorenzo have grown apart considering his girls' recent pregnancy and things just arent as they were before. We still talk and try to get together like once a week, but theres usually not much to do and he is always broke.

So this leaves me, the confident lonewolf. I still keep in contact with my crew and even chill occasionally but its not the same as before.

I havent made any new close friends in about a year and a half.

I am very sociable, i mean im used to be in social situations and talking to mad people all day. Its my job plus i always did it before.

Its just that in this life i learned to rely on myself and trust no one else. I like friends, i WANT new friends buti cant really explain how it is. My life is in limbo right now, im not doing much.

This is my ramble maybe someone can relate.

The downfall of a fuccing KING. But as they say in Fight Club, you cant gain anything without losing everything. I havent hit rock bottom yet.

 

[TTAG]

Re: CONFIDENT LONEWOLF MY STORY

Originally posted by Julian
Alright guys heres my situation.

I am the archetype for the confident LONEWOLF.

Put it this way, I used to have a clique i used to kick it with. We were really tight. Me and 3 of my closest friends. We hung out everyday, we smoked weed, we partied, we macked mad honeys. This was from ages 15-16 1/2. Not only was it us 4 together but we had an ocean of friends and acquaintances to chill with. Everyday we went on adventures. And i mean EVERYDAY.

I think over 2 summers i met and became "friends" with thousands of people. Probably like 1500 people actually. And this was through our various connections, daily interaction and partying. it was great.

We always did everything together.

Then things fell apart.

One of my best friends' girlfriend cheated on him with another friend in our quartet. There was crazy drama for awhile. Then one of my friends moved 2-3 hours away. Now its me and the kid whos girl cheated on him, who he is still with and they are unfortunatly having a baby. Also about a year before my best friend moved very far away. Which succed.

So this leaves me. Also i was kicked out of my main highschool junior year when i was 17. I ended up at an alternative education place where i made a couple friends, no one worthwhile, just a couple kids to socialize with.

Well this left me out of the loop from my main highschool, i still talk to alot of my graduating class, for instance if i see them somewhere. Sometimes my friend calls them for parties because they always throw the kegs, they are the preps at my school.

Either way none of them were ever close to me. See, me and my friend we were mad pimps. You dont understand, we had ALL of the girls attention at school all the time.

The thing was, we didnt fit into any other social group. It was just me and like 2 of my homies. My friend is like a total urban style clothes and he dresses very well, im more of a variety, anyway we are very different yet alike as well.

When people spoke of us they would be like "Hey wheres Julian and Lorenzo" we were always kickin it, known as the 2 pimps.

I mean for godsakes, we had girls take pictures of us IN THE HALLS. 2 Times each.

The preppies liked us, the gangsters liked us etc etc. Sure there were alot fo haters too. But fucc them.

However me and lorenzo have grown apart considering his girls' recent pregnancy and things just arent as they were before. We still talk and try to get together like once a week, but theres usually not much to do and he is always broke.

So this leaves me, the confident lonewolf. I still keep in contact with my crew and even chill occasionally but its not the same as before.

I havent made any new close friends in about a year and a half.

I am very sociable, i mean im used to be in social situations and talking to mad people all day. Its my job plus i always did it before.

Its just that in this life i learned to rely on myself and trust no one else. I like friends, i WANT new friends buti cant really explain how it is. My life is in limbo right now, im not doing much.

This is my ramble maybe someone can relate.

The downfall of a fuccing KING. But as they say in Fight Club, you cant gain anything without losing everything. I havent hit rock bottom yet.

hey Jules, sounds like some of the shyt i been thru. i notice you been postin some good stuff lately man. keep it going lonewolf.

RE: rock bottom, i thought i hit it once or twice, like when i was in a new city after my girl left, no friends, no family, no job, just a fvcken uni degree to finish, or when i was out of work and had too many thugs chasing me for $$$$ and i had to do big favours, eat potatoes and sardines for way too long, and try and get some cash from the Gov't to feed my self, or thugging some poor kids for their loose change. but hey, you know what, all this shyt has made me who i am, and i fvcken love it, i made not have millions, or close friends, or a real g/f, or a job, but i feel on top of the world, like its my playground and i can do anything i want anytime.

but yeah, my point is, that we humans are fvckin amazing and can somehow cope with whatever comes our way.

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Re: CONFIDENT LONEWOLF MY STORY

Originally posted by Julian
Alright guys heres my situation.

I am the archetype for the confident LONEWOLF.

Im going through the same thing...I was in high school and I had a group of friends and alot of accociates (sp?), and I was meeting new girls every week...Then after High School, I havent spoken to any of my associates, I cut 2 of my friends off cause they changed completly (sp?), one of my friends is married with 2 kids, one of my friends travels around the country alot for his job, and my closest friend goes to college far far away...My only friends left are my mother and my cousin who is 30 and married...I kind of like it though, since ive been alone ive grown alot and im learning alot about life and women, and ive gotten more confident cause I can stand alone without anyone backing me...

 

[TheInfamousCBear]

Re: CONFIDENT LONEWOLF MY STORY

Oops...Double post...

 

[Starman]

I guess the important question is, are you HAPPY being a "loner"? or have you been a loner for so long, that it feels normal for you to be socially isolated?

by being a loner, you really arent demonstrating your VALUE as a person, you are using your mystique and intrigue to lure women

Most psych studies have shown those with extraverted personalities who are outgoing , friendly, personable..have more friends, more partners, higher pay, better jobs attract people MORE

and both extraverts and introverts tend to shy away from other introverts because they feel uncomfortable around them

Its an image you might want to toy with..but eventually..as you get old..this image isnt going to do you ANY justice..its like Practicing being a loner for the rest of your life..not worth it

 

[Boricua_33015]

I will improve on my social skills eventually..... Maybe when I finally lose those 40 pounds left I need to lose... but I still have man breasts (gyno) which also bring down my fuking confidence. I am just like.... waiting for some kind of revelation in my life. Don't get me wrong.... I try my FVCKING ASS OFF!! to learn social skills. I just haven't been seeing it getting any better for the past week or so. I think Im socially stupid. Its really bugging me right now. I just got through a crappy day in my high school. I noticed that my loner personality has become learned and its going to be very hard to reverse this. Its almost like my subconscious beleives that I am MEANT to be this way I realized this today.

I have NOTHING going on my life. I sit home..... bored, on the mutherfuking computer reading about anything I can get my hands on. I could have joined a club for school but.... its already too late. I was uninformed/not motivated to actually look for a club to join. I was thinking today that maybe I should have joined the band at school. Now only thing I am looking forward to... to meet new people is the 5 niteschool classes I will be taking for the rest of the year, starting October 29th.

Some people just have more energy than me..... I am just more calm, and perhaps monotone. I see all the outgoing and they all look giddy and joyful and kid like. I am more calm.... and I make myself carry a sort of James Bond aura. I copy some of his moves.... sometimes I visualize myself as being like him. The reason why I don't approach women though is because 1. WOMEN IN HIGH SCHOOL ARE THE MOST MATERIALISTIC *****ES I WILL EVER MEET. I need madd social proof just to even become desirable to most girls..... at least in my school. Only once..... and I think this was a miracle..... I got one of the finest girls in my class attracted to me. You know waht I did? I said probably a total of about 60 words in total the whole entire year. I ****ed it up though.... but I think I still have a chance with the chick.... I wil talk to her next time I see her without her boyfreind. The 2nd reason why I don't approach women is because my subconscious thinks I am not ready for the game yet since I am still overweight as hell and got ****in big titties. I am holding myself back from reaching my full potential because of this and self esteem plays a big part of this.

Something happened to me which made me like this.... and I dunno what. I remember in 3rd grade.... even though I was banging my head on my desk... suffering from depression.... very suicidal.... I was still funny.

This obviously has to do with some of my depression. Ive been a highly depressed kid ever since I can remember back in kindergarten. I am extremely pissed off right now!!!! I feel like ****......

I just called my dad to make an appointment with the counselor.