My ex clinched on to me and left her ex for me. Made me out to be superman and him the devil. She cheated on me with one of her other ex's because I was doing my damn hw smh. We got back together(I know I know). Months later we broke up I was the devil now and new guy was new superman now. She measeges me about 6 months later (on our one year anniversary if we didn't break up) saying she left him because he blah blah blah and wants to hang out(aka smash) since it was that that "special" date. I didn't reply. Last I heard they're back together. I feel like I'm over her but knowing she's out there with another guy hurts my ego but my question is do girls like this (promiscuous, cheating, daddy issue girls) ever consciously change there ways?
Do BPD girls always show the same patterns in relationships
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Infern0
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It takes a lot for even "normal" people to change their patterns of behaviour.
For someone as dysfunctional as your ex, a change is next to impossible
From my observations in the BPD community, I have only ever heard of a couple of cases where a borderline has shown a lot of improvement, this is generally after DBT therapy for years, multiple times a week, and a real commitment to change, these cases have shown 50-70% improvement, but not 100%
The other way in which they might change is mellowing somewhat with age, once they hit the wall and their looks start to fade (happens earlier with BPD's due to abusing their bodies) they start to lack options and it's not as easy to cheat or snare a new victim so they may become the bitchy, emotional housewife type, but they are still a nightmare. This is when they are more likely to enter DBT, because when they are young and hot, they have an unlimited supply of new AFC's who will take care of them and give them what they want, so they just monkey branch endlessly.
Also, they may be different in different relationships to an extent (how much then NEED the guy they are with) might not take as many risks if he's looking after them financially as opposed to if they ended up with a broke guy for example
I've known my BPD for over 3 years and she has not changed at all, oh she dresses different and has different hair now, and tries to act more mature, but her behaviour patterns are still the same. They have her on mood stabilizers now so she's not "as crazy" but she still lies, manipulates, deceives etc to her own ends, and she still doesn't really care about anyone but herself.
These people are too broken to really change.
For someone as dysfunctional as your ex, a change is next to impossible
From my observations in the BPD community, I have only ever heard of a couple of cases where a borderline has shown a lot of improvement, this is generally after DBT therapy for years, multiple times a week, and a real commitment to change, these cases have shown 50-70% improvement, but not 100%
The other way in which they might change is mellowing somewhat with age, once they hit the wall and their looks start to fade (happens earlier with BPD's due to abusing their bodies) they start to lack options and it's not as easy to cheat or snare a new victim so they may become the bitchy, emotional housewife type, but they are still a nightmare. This is when they are more likely to enter DBT, because when they are young and hot, they have an unlimited supply of new AFC's who will take care of them and give them what they want, so they just monkey branch endlessly.
Also, they may be different in different relationships to an extent (how much then NEED the guy they are with) might not take as many risks if he's looking after them financially as opposed to if they ended up with a broke guy for example
I've known my BPD for over 3 years and she has not changed at all, oh she dresses different and has different hair now, and tries to act more mature, but her behaviour patterns are still the same. They have her on mood stabilizers now so she's not "as crazy" but she still lies, manipulates, deceives etc to her own ends, and she still doesn't really care about anyone but herself.
These people are too broken to really change.
I wish I would've known that before I got involved with her haha. I was young and inexperienced and even then subconsciously my gut always had a bad feeling about her. She boosted my ego through the roof while knocking on her ex whom she lived with(kicked out for me) and then she let me fall while boosted another guys. Hurt like hell. I blocked her out of my life but it saddens me to think il never see her again despite spending so much time together and having good times at one point. But I guess everyone goes through this atleast once in there lives.
I have said it many times before... There is no cure for insanity. It is the persons very thought, their reality. Your experience taught you that... It was learning, experience. I have known many people with psychological illness... They are the people I have found myself associating with the most. I know they live in their own world, much as I do. Your ex, she was an emotional parasite... She could only see the world in black and white. She knows nothing else... It is not sad, it is what she is. She was not even human the way you are. She lacks the feelings you do, or at least the understanding of them. But your experience with her taught you something important, a lesson you should never forget, least you make the same mistake again.
There is no cure for insanity.
There is no cure for insanity.
Infern0
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Yeah that's pretty much the exact same thing most of us went through, and when we came out of the other side we were saying similar things.
My first few months with my BPD were like a dream, she built me up to the best i'd ever felt in my life, she made me honestly belive that i didn't need anything else in my life but her, we were planning a trip to Europe one night, it was the last night i ever saw "that version of her", everything was awesome, we were having a great time, making all these plans, working out our budgets etc. The following day she didn't answer my calls or reply to my messages.. weird i thought but i rationalised it, then she replied to me the following day at 12.30. She became elusive, either too sick or too tired to hang out, this goes on for another 2 weeks.
She then was kind enough to tell me that she had a new boyfriend (former orbiter) and blamed me for us failing, and actually made me belive it was my fault, she triggered a nervous breakdown which she genuinley seemed to enjoy, seeing me in pain made her feel good. The guy who came after me went through the same exact thing about 6 months after me, i remember his smug face as he walked past me while i was at the clubs a few weeks after he'd got with her, little did he know what was incoming.
Take it from me, i'm a guy who has messed around with this long, long past it's overdue date, I should have got out 18 months before i did as a minimum, but i wanted to belive that the illness could be overcome and that deep down she really was that awesome girl i knew back in the early days, but that was just an act, it was idealization, all our common interests and how we felt the same was just mirroring, it's a fraud that they do with every guy they get involved with, because they have to do it.
When they do come back around, it's not the same, oh sure they might put on a nice act for a few days or a couple of weeks but it's not the same as idealization, they only treat you as well as they have to, and once they have gotten away with treating you like **** they know they can again. Everyone in their lives is just a distraction and a means to an end, they have no real relationships with anyone, they don't understand themselves let alone anyone else, they have nothing to offer anyone aside from just sex (and they will only give that if they feel they have to)
I'm sorry to have to say it, but there is no hope. none. at all.
Block, delete, no contact and move on. If you do care about her, to be honest this is the kindest thing for her too because the less guys she has in the phonebook on call, the more chance she may one day get some help.
I been there me and my ex were planning on moving out and she would even bring out her notebook and write down everything we had to buy and budgeting. We even went to check out apartments. Honestly, it's kinda creepy to realize that it was all fake like my happiness was an illusion. In her head she just used me to hide or run from whatever internal issues she has thus making her believe it's love. Explains why they clinch on so hard. We don't have the same feelings or thoughts. In a way it's like I created her in my head and in reality she's a whole another person. So the person I dated is technically dead and impossible to ever be with again. Wouldn't it be something to have the ability to be in there head just for a day?
logicallefty
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I hate to be a pessimist but my experience speaks and says "these women are all pretty much the same, and they never change".. I have dealt with enough of them that I can profile them now without knowing much to start with. I can tell you she was abused by ex(s), has job issues, money issues, her parents mistreated her, she has put others in jail with false allegations, blames her problems on everyone but herself, spends 18 hours a day on social media, etc.
You got 6 out of 7 and she's only 21 haha. Yea she's the only BPD chick I been with but I see the trends and spot them out. My town has areas of predominantly black and hispanic neighborhoods with low income( I'm Hispanic but been blessed to have two sane loving parents that worked hard to get away from those areas). I noticed that a lot of the girls that behave like my ex all live around those neighborhoods and the girls in high school that had kids young also all live around those areas. The father is never around and they all live on welfare. Poverty and ignorance create these monsters.
Infern0
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yup everything with them is fake. It does suck,honestly there is no way around it it's a horrible illness and it's horrible on those with it and those around them, but it's a fallacy to belive that you can help or save them, there really isn't a "them" to help or save. The therapy and stuff they try to give them part of it is building a self, from scratch. Even if they were "cured" they wouldnt be the person you knew, they'd be a new person starting from scratch.
^^^ This
My one was abused by all ex's (apparently by me as well now haha), never had a job, never has money, family all mistreat her and in the end she made a false rape allegation against me.... obviously the charges were dropped.. and get this... she still tries to contact me like it aint no big deal... these b****'s be crazy!
raider87
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I think you should give her another chance
Haha excellent idea! Then I can tell my story to Bubba the bum bandit from block D, while he admires my shower etiquette!