DJ422's Journal

[DJ422]

Today was boring.... Like, I didn't see much action at all. saw that 9 in my peripherals but she was gone before I realised it was her. grrrrr. Didn't talk to M a whole lot. Flirted for like a min before history, but she started to cramp during class and went to the nurse, so I just let her be the rest of the day. Sporty got pulled from Orchestra early so I couldn't flirt with her either.

Did give a hug to this one girl though. We talk and she asks for help on math sometimes. This one dude had been teasing her in a playful way and I playfully said "it's okay" and hugged her. She said "Thanks DJ422". I proceeded to flirt for a while.

Well, thats about it.... could talk about my old crush but theres not much to say really... Summer is almost here, I think some time apart will help her to be comfortable around me later. and then I can accept that she only sees me as a friend.

Still trying to decide how I want to do my workouts, Can't pick a new hairstyle either.

 

[DJ422]

Wow, two pages already.

So all of this stuff is supposed to improve your interactions with girls and such right? Nobody ever mentions that it also improves your interactions with people in general.

It's the weekend so nothing much girl wise to mention. On friday I hung out with a girl at lunch. She's taken but it was still a lot of fun. I had learned a cool card trick, and was dissapointed to find out she knew how it was done. We played speed instead.

Who thinks that knowing a few good card and parlor tricks is a useful social skill?

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I dont. You just end up being dependent on it.

 

[DJ422]

Haha, and if you're too good at card tricks, People won't play poker with you. It has its place, just like everything. I'll just blow my friends minds with my magic

 

[novaknight]

I actually think card tricks are a great idea. Parlor tricks are great openers...and personally I think they look pretty cool. Overdone they get old though, so don't do it on the same group of people always.

 

[DJ422]

Today was just plain weird.
I hugged a girl I used to despise, simply because she took "My" spot in the top orchestra.

At lunch I helped a female friend with the cello. one guy asked her if I was "her new man"
I also bumped into the card trick girl. I had actually seen her before and Knew her BF from the musical. She asked how I was doing on card tricks, but her bf rushed her out the door.

I also waved at a girl who I think would be cute if it weren't for her lip pierceing.

During History we were working on projects and I talked with M for a little. We had a poke war after class.

After school my Ex said "sign my yearbook". It was a little weird but whatever. She said that "We're close friends" Duh, no point in throwing away a friendship over a week of dating. and that we should "hang out over summer" Not likely unless someone throws a party. I don't want 1 on 1 time with her.

I asked my ex-crush to sign mine, but then the bus came so she said she'd do it tommorow. I'll have to figure out what to write if she has me sign her yearbook. I figure that I should be diplomatic, because I want to stay friends (considering that in my program at school, you have to get along well with everyone or it just sucks... and I've never "lost" a friend... I've killed a few bad friendships however. ) I'll just talk about how its fun to hang out with her and that she should have a great summer, and that if I don't see her over summer, I'll see her next year.

After getting off the bus, I walked past some girls sitting on some benches. Ended up chatting, exchanged names. Didn't close cause they made some comments that kinda turned me off. (I don't dig chicks who are mean to other chicks). Supposedly one is going to add me on facebook. Honestly I don't care if she does, cause I wasn't really interested in any of them.

Stepped in some gum >< Gross

Saw two people I thought I knew. turns out I didn't and got some weird looks. I laughed at it after they were far enough away.

Yeah, today was just a weird day.

 

[DJ422]

Overuse of skills?

Card girls BF must think I'm trying to steal her because he was angry when he saw me today.. I think she's cute and all but I don't want to steal her.

I'm also worried that some of my female friends (who I used to like) might think that I'm trying to get with them again.

How can I be friendly with them and not flirty? Seems like the two have gotten mixed up a bit in my head.

 

[Nino-Tk]

I feel for you man, we in the same situation with the insecure BFs.
About the friends, well you know you aren't getting with them, so I wouldn't worry too much about them.
If they think you are, its their problem, not yours.

 

[DJ422]

@ Nino : I just don't want things to turn weird when they think that they have to tell me off or something. Like, one of them who clams up around me sometimes, just because I used to like her. She relaxes after a while of my not pursuing her, but if she thinks I was when I'm not, she'd probably clam up again.


Anyways, I'm feeling like I need to find my zone again. Just gotta survive 5 more days of school and then I'll have the chance at a fresh start around some new girls (dear god I hope that none of my female friends take the same SS courses... Thankfully My ex-crush and M are both taking SS online this year. Just leaves my EX-GF....)

Speaking of M... she's still acting like she likes me, and yet I don't want to mess around with things. I think that It's best that I don't try to date her, if she wants me, she'll let me know. Same thing with my ex-crush, but then again, I'm more likely to win the lottery then to have that happen. I like to make a rule to not count a girl out ever.... but for these two, I think I need to make an exception, simply because the stakes are too high for me to risk it anymore. I can be their friends, but I can't consider anything further unless they start to make an advance on me.

Theres another girl who's very pushy and asks for favors from me ALOT. And I've kicked myself in the arse a few times already by saying something might work and then later having to apologize. Grah.... make that twice for sure.... How the hell can I get her to stop asking for favors??? Considering that she just doesn't take no for an answer for very long.

Back to the "Zone" thing: I keep saying "get back there man"... But Damnit I need a Plan.

So here goes:
A) accept that M and my old crush are HIGHLY unlikely prospects. They aren't worth any effort in regards to dating. That fact COULD change, but for now, I just need to count them as friends and naught else.
B) Overcome my inhibitions (some of them anyways): I need to get comfortable talking to new people (esp Girls).
C) I have to not worry about results. SS will help because I won't see most of those girls anytime outside of SS unless I make it so. Any Mistakes, ruined chances, etc... go out the door the last day of SS and don't matter.
D) I need to be happy with myself. Girls are only a part of the picture. When you're with a girl, things aren't too terribly different. I found out while dating my now ex that life goes on, with or without a GF. They don't add as much to your life as popular media would like you to think.
E) I need to just try. I like to flirt, so thats what I'll do. If something more, like a date or a gf comes from it, then great.

Something I've found out about my personality, I really just like to hold a girl in my arms. I've not kissed one, so I can't say anything about that. I don't need a gf, just someone to hold. I don't need a relationship, just somebody who I can be close to. I think about the girls who have FZ"d me, and I really don't mind. because with most of them, I share an Intimate friendship anyways. sorta like a friends with benefits, except for its all on a flirting basis. we don't kiss, but we hug, hang out, have poke wars, and just have fun. So, why the hell should I worry about having a relationship. anything in HS is bound to end anyways.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

So you just want the validation of a gf? This goes against what you wrote above in D or E.
About your plan, HOW will you do it? Even your goals are very vague. Make them more specific.

 

[DJ422]

I'm saying that I really just like to do flirty stuff. The sort of stuff you might do with a GF. I'm saying the opposite of the "validation" Idea. I don't need a gf, but want someone who I can treat like one, if that makes sense. I was actually just as happy flirting with lots of girls as I was with my GF. But maybe that was because I hadn't had feelings for her for very long.

Anyways, went to a end of the year party. Got to spend some time with M and her buddies. Also hung out with the dudes for a bit, but they started to play time crisis and I don't enjoy those kinds of games. Had a lot of fun. Some of what happened yesterday makes me wonder if her feelings have changed since we went to get ice cream. I'm not planning on makeing a drastic move though, she's out of town for the first month of summer, so It'd be pointless to start anything right now. I'm gonna get some hot dates over the summer, improve on my skills more and when school starts up again, MAYBE i'll give her another shot. Depends on how things go.

I could go into details, but I tend to over-think when I do that so I'm not gonna.

Finals are next week. I probably won't post until after the 25th.

 

[DJ422]

Ima make this quick, since it's late and I'm tired.

M has been extra nice the last few days, its a little bit strange and somewhat confusing. She wrote half a page in my yearbook (i wrote like 3 sentences, same as with everyone else). It's clear that I mean SOMETHING to her, but the question is WHAT and where that will take me.

Played at graduation. Sporty asked me to hold her phone for her during it (she was wearing a dress, so no pockets) I agreed, but my hands were full so She had to put it in my pocket.

One of my guy friends asked me to point out the girl I talked to at prom for him. She wasn't his type, but he was impressed that I flirted with a senior.

One of my buddies is Somewhat socially inept. He got a date with the girl he liked, messed it up and lost her to me (yeah, when I found out he had liked her i felt bad... even worse considering I only dated her for a week. So I sorta screwed us both over, but I guess he screwed himself first.) This guys little brother is better with girls then he is. I wanna help him out, but I'm not sure how to do it. I'm not sure he'd even accept my help, either because he doesn't know most of my record or because he might be mad about what happened with his last crush.

I have a teamate who is even worse socially. He just has people issues in general. His humor is terrible, and his decision making skills are worse. He seems happy with himself, but its painful for me to see how lacking he is in these areas. Do I try to step in here or not? (note: I don't imagine atttacking the "girl" issue with him, just his darn humor and confidence. He needs to stop living his sheltered life of Bagels, Pizza and Computers.)

Trying to work on a project with my uncle. I haven't gotten a reply to my email from him, but I havent checked for a few days. He's very creative, but he's busy and since this is a hobby project, it might be slower to get off the ground then usual.

AND DARNIT..... I want my favorite online game to get relaunched.... GRRRRR
Yeah, I'm a gamer. <----- "Captain Obvious" , I'm gonna have to make some time for art though.

I made this post a little longer then I planned, but I tend to do that.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

I think your decision-making skills need some practice too.

Used to be a gamer myself, what game is this?
I havent played since I left Norway tho. Just tryed reinstalling and patching this AWESOME game (LoL) I used to play. However it failed during patching, and that just destroyed my excitement. Seems like I have to wait untill I get someone to give me the whole file, either here, or at some lan. Cant wait
But Im gonna make some rules though, like only after a certain time (like 6 pm), or after homework, so Im not playing instead of being social.

 

[DJ422]

@Norwegian: How about you elaborate on what you ment by my needing better decision-making skills?

I played LoL once, the gameplay didn't suit me so I quit. It's a good concept, but matches are too slow and the learning curve too steep.

The game is called SoulMaster. Damn it was fun too.


Journal Entry: Today I chilled with my friend. M is on a road trip now for a month, so I won't see/talk to her till she gets back. Won't see Sporty during summer, won't see those two seniors ever again (unless I'm super lucky).

I'm gonna work on my music and art a lot this summer, Chill with the guys and of course play some video games.

Girl-wise: I'm just looking for some flirting and a few fun dates during summer school. Unless I meet an AMAZING girl, I want to keep the door open for M. She's at the top of the list, but I am still looking at other girls too.

 

[NorwegianDJ]

Im just saying, that as far as I can remember, you havent made one proper decision since you started this journal.
You consider going for M, but highly doubt doing it. Saying that she'll just be in the friendzone, and waiting for her to give you signs. Now you're suddenly saying she's on top of your list. Is this just an excuse not to meet girls?

 

[DJ422]

Not at all. I'm going to meet and flirt with girls during summer school, and go on a few dates if I can. I'm just saying that I don't plan on starting a LTR with one of them.

Then with M, from the ice-cream until the party, it seemed pretty clear that nothing was gonna happen. But now I'm not so sure, the last week has made me think that things might be different. I can't describe it, but something seems different about her. Or maybe its just my perception of the situation thats changed. Either way, I can't take any effective action untill she's back from her road trip.