DJ observations, how could this happen?

[ryan killa]

So, from what I think Clint Eastwood brought up, why do AFCs beat out DJ's. There could be many reasons. Here are a few of my beliefs.

Do you see the divorce rate in the US? About 1/3. Now, I'm sure more often than not the woman divorces the man, as opposed to the man divorcing the woman. I believe that in many cases, this is because the woman is tired of her "jerk" or "AFC " husband. Maybe the AFC can win in the short-term, but not so often the long-term over the DJ. Another thing, is money. Some women will marry a man for money, NO MATTER WHAT he is like. I know of someone who pretty much has no friends, is an ass to almost every, yet sometimes I'll see him walking around with 2-3 girls. Why? He buys them food, gifts, you name it, lol.

My second belief, partly from this site too, is that women who marry AFCs basically aren't worth it for a DJ. Think about it. If you, the DJ, were married to an AFC woman, would you be able to handle it? I could not handle gifts 24/7, it would drive me nuts, and I don't really like compliments too much, so how could I even date a woman AFC? Now, the woman, if she can puit up with this, is obviously not worth having around, because she has no character. She does not tell the AFC that she is tired of being put on a pedestal, just listens to the comments. Any woman who believes they are so great that they deserve constant attention and gifts, IMO, is a waste.

So basically, I say that a woman who wants an AFC is plain not worth it, and will pay for it when she realizes she lost the DJ

 

[Phrozen]

Originally posted by Clint Eastwood
Ahh, yes. Another perfect example of a cop-out by Master DJs on this board! No explanation can be offered for why a girl leaves a DJ for an AFC. It happens.

I won't flame even though you definitely deserve it. You posted an isolated incident of an AFC beating out the DJ and think it turns all our theories upside down? Take a step back and analyze this situation: your buddy is already out with a new chick and it took this Dave 10 years to aquire his sole interest. Dave spent loads of time and money only to get a girl who he has proven is not loyal. Whats Dave gonna do when the next guy comes along?

DJing is not a fool proof method to getting and keeping a woman. It is about honing your skills to improve your chances of getting and keeping the women you desire. Ask yourself one question, would you rather be Rick or Dave?

 

[Brasco]

I know girls that dated DJs all their lives and end up getting married to an AFC. This is not always the case but it happens more then you think. What ryan killa said about the divorce rate is very true, I seen a study that said 45% of marriages in the US and the same here in Canada end up in divorce, and its almost 50/50 in who leaves who not always the chick walking out. People just don't take marriage serious anymore, thats the problem.

What I think happens is that chicks when they are young and first start dating are always going to go for the DJ because they are "cool" but as they get older and keep getting dumped and cheated on by DJs, they end up with AFCs to get the attention. I have a friend that was a big time AFC but we turned him into a DJ it took alot of time but we did it. Anyway, when he was a AFC he would get this remark alot from chicks, " your not the type a guy a would date but the type of guy I would marry" . What the hell is that for a remark, anyway now that he changed his looks and acts like a DJ, some of these chicks are coming back for a second look, 2 of them so far, guess what he tells them " you are not the type of girl I would date but the type of girl I would marry" then he just walked away. We laughed are frucken heads off when he came back to us and told us what he said, we were proud of him.

 

[JJMcLure]

Originally posted by Slickster
Dave has a lot of money but Rick is doing pretty well for himself too. Dave got his money from a bogus lawsuit. (He didn't deserve a dime and he flaunts that fact as well as the money) I don't like Dave much. He's an arrogant pr*ck. The kind of guy who drinks and drives all the time, has a violent temper, and gets in fights all the time.

But is Dave really a complete AFC, it sounds like he is at least somewhat of a jerk from the above.

Although he may have some AFC qualities in relation to Kira, she must be exposed to the jerk side too. Sunshine girls/attention wh0res often end up with jerks. Especially guys who are jerks to everyone but them - it makes them feel special.

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by Brasco

My point is, any chick that has male friends is not a longterm chick. These so called friends are actually guys she keeps tucked away in back of a shelf for future use. Can any of you guys actualy say that you have female friends that you would not sleep with even if you had a chance, well the same works for females, thay may call them friends but deep down they are a bit more then that.

This is so true. What I think is funny is how they will swear up and down "WE"RE JUST FRIENDS!"

I say to them "Well honey you might think so but I guarantee that he sees you as something more"

 

[Slickster]

Originally posted by Phrozen
I won't flame even though you definitely deserve it. You posted an isolated incident of an AFC beating out the DJ and think it turns all our theories upside down?

Yes this is an isolated incident.

Do I think it turns all our theories upside down?

NO! I never said that. Aren't we here to discuss?

Thanks for not flaming its a waste of time.

 

[Pook]

Ziro said,

-BTW, Pook, i have the same problem (AFC around one girl, DJ around the others).

Nah, you misunderstand. I don't become AFC around the chick, I choose to AFC the chick. It is an interesting reaction. (I did it with this chick because she's worthless in the grand scheme of things).

Brasco says,

My point is, any chick that has male friends is not a longterm chick.

I see where you're coming from, but I don't agree.

There is one thing men and women agree: they both distrust women!.

Sexuality is the female sport. Just as a guy wants to 'beat' that guy out on the football field, often YOUNG women want to 'beat' that other chick in the game of sexuality. They compete for the Mr. Goodbar (i.e. the cute guy!)

Some women just love being around guys because they dislike the girl-talk and cattiness. One chick came into my workplace and instantly declared she had a boyfriend for like 4 years. I couldn't care less. Later, she said she did that because all her guy friends would fall in love with her. I assured her that she did not need to worry about anything from Pook. She ended up trying to get my attention in the numerous ways while other guys were falling in love with her. She wanted attention from me since I wasn't giving her any.

So that experience along with others told me that some chicks who have guy friends might say they dislike the cattiness (and some of it might be true) but they really adore the male attention they recieve. I treated the chick like a guy and she went nuts on it. Ironically, she fell in love with me (I became her 'spare' bf when her real bf was gone).

Hmm, actually you might be kinda right Brasco! haha

These so called friends are actually guys she keeps tucked away in back of a shelf for future use.

That is what they do to me. Yes.

Can any of you guys actualy say that you have female friends that you would not sleep with even if you had a chance, well the same works for females, thay may call them friends but deep down they are a bit more then that.

I can say that. Strange as it may sound, I like having lots of girls around me (a woman's presence is... soothing sometimes, kinda like a cat). To ME they are platonic, but of course it is not that way to them. You know the hot chick who has a cloud of guys around who she describes as her 'friends' yet the guys are interested chumps? It works that way for guys.

But its not entirely the same. Women are union makers. If they cannot get a match with a guy they want, they seek to match him up with another girl they know. They CANNOT STAND a good guy remaining single (sometimes I stay single just to watch them go crazy, haha).

Women as friends are not 'friends' to me in the sense it is with other men. With male friends, I can talk to them of subjects like this with them. But with women 'friends', they become emissaries and go get chicks for me. Women are all 'matchmakers' of some sort. You can tell a lot about yourself when they pair you up with someone. In my AFC days, they'd pair me up with an almost hag like chick. Now, they bring in some very pretty girl in and say, "What about HER, Pook?"

You can NETWORK women friends as being additional arms to your hunt. Women will work in your service to find a mate (often, they will do it WITHOUT you knowing about it!). So instead of going all over town, I just let my networked chicks do it for me and they come back to me with the results.

 

[Slickster]

UPDATE

Originally posted by JJMcLure
But is Dave really a complete AFC, it sounds like he is at least somewhat of a jerk from the above.

YES Dave is a complete AFC. And YES he is a total jerk too.

UPDATE: CHECK THIS OUT.

I spoke with Kira today. She told me that she had been doing some digging to find out more about Rick's new girl. She said it was true they were together and she spent the entire weekend crying about it. Well Kira and Dave are already living together. So I asked what did Dave think about you crying all weekend? She says that Dave consoled her about the whole matter. Bought her some flowers. Can you imagine sitting and listening to your girl cry her eyes out about her old boyfriend?

Then she tells me that her and Dave were talking about having kids. She's not really into it yet but since Dave has been pursuing her for the last 10 years he's raring to get married and start having kids. They've only been together for 2 months!

I think this demonstrates how much of an AFC Dave is don't you?

 

[TwoDollahs]

"When faced with many suitors, women tend to go with the guy they think likes them the most."

If a woman is faced with several quality DJ suitors and an AFC suitor, she will choose the AFC. So this statement could be correct. BUT, if a woman is faced with many AFC suitors and one DJ suitor, then she will choose the DJ. Women want to deviate in a way. They want to get that special one-of-a-kind guy.

It sounds like Kira wants a husbandtype...She might be looking for a quality husband. Although, she really likes the DJ. She might want Dave as a husband, but is still infatuated with that other guy. If you were intelligent, you wouldn't get involved with this type of girl.

 

[jnallen]

First, a DJ stays away from sunshine girls and girls with lots of male friends. These chick's main (probably only) goal in life is to attract male attention and prove to themselves that they are desirable. Sometimes, that means they have to cheat on their boyfriend or flirt with other guys right in front of his face just to prove to themselves how desirable they really are


I dated a chick one time and was totally AFC. She also had plenty of guy friends and actually went home with a guy on night from the bar while dating me. I dumped her. I see her every so often and she still calls after 3 years. Every time she calls we have s*x. She says she just wants us to be friends too. No matter who she gets with she keeps coming back to me and wanting to work it out Blah. Blah. I am no longer a total AFC but I do like Pook does with his EXSO I am totally AFC around her and for some reason she is turned on by it. Makes no sense at all.

. Sunshine girls never slow down (not until their looks have faded so much that even 70 year men won't look at them any longer.)

This is so true. It is like she cannot resist it. I don’t know how many good guys she has lost because she cannot resist the bar scene and flirting. She lost one that was a long term when she went to the local bar and brought home about 40 flowers and told him look how many flowers they bought for me last night. He dumped her. She found nothing wrong with telling him this. How stupid….

 

[Brasco]

Quote from pook:

So that experience along with others told me that some chicks who have guy friends might say they dislike the cattiness (and some of it might be true) but they really adore the male attention they recieve. I treated the chick like a guy and she went nuts on it. Ironically, she fell in love with me (I became her 'spare' bf when her real bf was gone).



What pook said about treating the chick like a guy and she went nuts over him is so true with most chicks. It happen to me on more then one occasion. The funny part is I was not even trying to pick them up, it was just chicks that was on my friends list for social proof so I would treat them and talk to them like I would my male friends, next thing you know there melting right in front of you.

 

[cynetix]

Originally posted by Clint Eastwood
Ahh, yes. Another perfect example of a cop-out by Master DJs on this board! No explanation can be offered for why a girl leaves a DJ for an AFC. It happens.

Before you all go flaming me... Understand something. I think that this site is awesome! I think that much of the advice on here is great and gives guys who are really struggling a way to get their confidence back. I'm not in any way, advocating becoming an AFC! And, I respect much of the advice of senior and master DJs.

BUT, some of you guys think that because you've been on this board forever, and have 3,000 posts... that you're infallible. You really do treat this stuff like a religion, and hate to admit that you could be wrong about some things, or you don't have a reasonable explanation for all of it.

That was exactly my reason behind my post "Explain this Sh!t". Some of what happens with women makes absolutely no sense to anyone. Not even the great POOK. Oh my! The Blasphemy!

The point is that I don't think anyone can explain why some AFCs win with women and some DJs lose. It makes no sense. There's no explanation that I can think of.

If Anyone can come up with a reasonable, logical explantion.... then we'll all have the one true key to success with women. Otherwise, it's all about hit or miss, be confident, keep approaching and keep getting rejected. Hell, maybe that's the key! Some guys just find the right girls for them, and some don't. You increase your odds the more you approach. Nothing else matters. I could be onto something here. Naah. That would mean about 50% of the posts on this forum are worthless for success with women. More Blasphemy!

Um, you ARE right with that last bit in your post. This site is about self-improvement, not about advancing theories to apply to every situation. The fact that you THINK the goal of this site is to advocate theories to EXPLAIN crap all the time is pure evidence that you've been sadly misled.

It is OBVIOUS and SELF-EVIDENT that if the "Master DJs" intended to explain every nuance of DJ and AFC behavior, and be able to predict every outcome of every situation, it would be a major crock because you'd just be playing the game of interpreting results in the way you want to in order to prove senseless hypotheses.

That's not what we're here for.

And about this post...

The story at the top is grossly incomplete. Those who are commenting on the situation have vastly insufficient information to go on to critique it. I suspect even the poster doesn't know enough about the chick to be coming up with explanations for her behavior.

Do we know why she was captivated by Rick in the first place? Why he failed to hold her attention? Maybe she got bored? Maybe Rick stopped trying to be interesting and spontaneous and took her for granted? Maybe this was a good thing to do anyway because she wasn't worth it? How do we even have evidence that Rick is a "DJ?" Keeping in mind that the "perfect DJ" is just an ideal, maybe Rick doesn't even come close. Sure, he may be good at having his own life and not getting jealous, but those are merely a few qualities that are desirable. Just some examples of things to consider.

And Clint, stop misrepresenting the intentions of the posters here. It's not blasphemy to give differing points of view, but it IS blasphemy, against learning, to assume too much.

cynetix

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by Pook
Women are union makers. If they cannot get a match with a guy they want, they seek to match him up with another girl they know. They CANNOT STAND a good guy remaining single.

I've seen women do this as well, and I think it's a good way to see what they think of you. The part I don't understand is why women do this?

 

[becker]

Bottom line is that to be able to treat a girl like just another guy, you're able to be more relaxed, and this relaxation leads to the ability to look, feel, and act more confident, which is what we're all trying to achieve anyways. You see, it's a circular thing, a chicken and egg situation.

I do it all the time just because to a girl, being this independence is sort of a turn-on. The only way I can bring this out of myself is to treat her that way.

 

[Pook]

Originally posted by ShortTimer
I've seen women do this as well, and I think it's a good way to see what they think of you. The part I don't understand is why women do this?

Because that is the PURPOSE of women. Women are the links, the glue of society. They are Nature's emissaries, and they answer only to Nature. This is how they distinguish the guys they like from the guys they don't. They are the eyes and ears of Nature.

When a man appears, Nature rejoices. Women are sent towards certain types of guys because of this.

Men build towers, women build webs. This is why women care only for the relationship, for the marriage, for the wedding, for the engagement, for to be called 'girlfriend', 'wife', 'fiance', 'mother'.

All women are matchmakers. Even at older age, the women will desire to see unions taking place (either marriage or sexual) and have pleasure in seeing the unions occur (and wait impatiently to hear the latest development).

I've tested this out and I can assure you: If you want to incur the wrath of women, stay persistantly single. A guy cannot be single (unless he is a loser). Why do women call the guy GAY? It is because women are 100% sexual. Now, the man might be dealing with other things in his life, fulfililng his dreams and ambitions. However, women do not have the faculty for metaphysics. They cannot think in such abstract like we can. Women think every guy is being sexual (and if he is not, he is Loser). So if you aren't going for the girls when they want you to, they will wonder if you are gay because women think through the lens of sexuality.

This is also why being a player will be seen as a plus in many chicks' eyes. Women do not think like we do. We might find a relationship with a women to be deleterious to our ambitions. But a woman finds only plusses in it, even if the guy is a tyrannical jerk. In Womaniverse, the single woman has no existence (unless she is pretty, then there is potential). Women define their existence on their relationships (ex: men see children as immortality. Women see children as to make themselves more important in this world and to have something to talk about.)

Men's sexual organs are on the outside. We view sexuality almost as an ornamentation, as icing on the cake. Women's sexual organs are on the inside. They view things like philosophy, titles, accomplishments, as the icing on the cake. Sexuality is the heart and soul of their existence. They can't wait to blossom into a woman, where they expect to recieve all things. Even after marriage, they still think sexual as children, family, homemaking all are the fruits of sexuality.

Men possess sexual organs but women are possessed by their sexual organs. They seek union with themselves (and fight and battle other chicks to get the ones they want), then they seek unions in everyone else.

Ever notice how a chick, once getting a bf, will seek to set up everyone with someone? That is why. Ever notice why girls like you if you are in a 'relationship'? Women think in links, not in single units. She likes you because others like you.

They recieve their reasons for existence for being a harbor (either for the male or for children. This is also why you'll find child help centers filled to the brim with lesbians).

This means men ought to NOT analyze whether chicks like them, NOT try to get all the chicks to like him, and NOT try to place their existence in some orgiastic utopia. This role is filled by women and they bring their goods, like buckets of water, to the men piercing life like they would women.

Men must be monad. Above all, they must have a sense of self and a sense of their own destiny (because women never have a sense of self or a sense of their own destiny). To a woman, destiny is ROMANCE, to be attached, to be molded mind, body, and soul by a man.

You will look at your woman and notice she is reflecting back your own desires, your own ambitions, your own thoughts, and you will fall in love with yourself through her. However, when she breaks up with you and you run into her again, you will find that she has remolded herself to her new man. This, above all, is the hardest thing for man to endure.

 

[anakin]

Originally posted by cynetix:
Do we know why she was captivated by Rick in the first place? Why he failed to hold her attention? Maybe she got bored? Maybe Rick stopped trying to be interesting and spontaneous and took her for granted? Maybe this was a good thing to do anyway because she wasn't worth it?

DING DING!! We have a winner! Many good responses in this post...now let me try to fill in the gaps:

Women become bored by too much of one thing. Too much of one thing with one woman becomes boring over time. It takes away the drama, one becomes mundane. Even a DJ.
Now Rick was in a three year LTR and one has to realise that the same thing that got him the girl, will not be the same thing which keeps the girl. Change!! We have to change ourselves in order to maintain what we have and to keep pushing ourselves forward. I remember a few years ago reading that Bill Gates shook up the structure of his organisation, something that puzzled many observers. Why change, when you are posting record profits? Why change, when you are having one of your most successful years? Why change when you are ahead of your rivals? It was a simple equation for Gates, to maintain what you have, and to remain competitive, you have to change. It is all long-term thinking, planning ahead.

Kira has become older (I do not know their age, but let's assume that if Dave was pursuing her for 10 years, they are older than us). The same thing which attracted Kira to Rick is not necessarily the same thing which will keep her to him. Moderate change is required with changing circumstances.

A woman wants to think that she is special and "different" and she wants to be appreciated - AFCs go too far in one direction making their sole aim to please her. Jerks go too far in the other direction. Once in a while, a women needs to be babied and made to feel special, esp. in an LTR...to let her know that she is appreciated. Most other times, however, she needs to be treated firmly and know that you are the man and carry the balls in the relationship. I believe this is the crucial balance a DJ needs to strike.

Rick was too laid back and too cool. While such a trait is good however, over a long period of time, it can spell disaster as she may have felt that she was not special or not appreciated. Kira may still have liked Rick, (and on the evidence of her crying - she still has feelings for Rick) however, because of the fact that she felt she was not "special", she looked elsewhere. She was too sensitive and always felt the need to be appreciated, enter the AFC. He fulfilled her desire, in the grossest way possible. It was different from what she had experienced and she lives on such attention and appreciation. Dave gets the girl...but will most likely not keep her.

Too much of one thing is destructive.

Anakin

 

[anakin]

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