DJ Bootcamp

[thefonz]

I'm not sure if you guys still do these anymore?

I want to do a DJ Bootcamp with a bunch of guys. I know this is a very public forum so it hast he possibility of a lot of people flaking out because you can remain very anonymous on these sites. Still, I'd like to get a bunch of guys to go into this to mutually support each other. I'm in a bit of a slump socially and these types of things usually get me back into gear.

I'd love to see myself making it to Week 8....I have personally never seen anyone accomplish that.

Action>Motivation>Inspiration. Don't wait to get inspired to take action. Start doing and let the inspiration follow.

Who's with me?

 

[wait_out]

I have my own journal to track how I'm living. The boot camp is a good idea but you have to adapt it to your situation.

Are you planning to follow it word for word? Keep in mind if your issues are environmental (no available women, no free time) the boot camp addresses social skills, not those problems.

 

[thefonz]

I live in Boston, so yes there are plenty of available women. If you live in a place where there are absolutely no available women and you're into pickup I don't know what the **** you're doing with your life.

Come on boys 42 replies for a thread on pets and 1 for a thread that requires you to get off your computer and do something.

Grow some balls and step up men!!!

 

[wait_out]

I will join in. And I will even be positive, enthusiastic, and optimistic about it.

What date do you plan to start?

 

[the third eye]

im down. ive been thinking about doing it for some time but i realize inaction will get me nowhere on the road to success.

LETS ****ING DO THIS!!!!

 

[thefonz]

Alright thirdeye, and waitout let's go.

Monday is a good day to start...I need to get the dust off.

Report back by next Monday with 50 hellos from strangers. Spread it out if you can as constant action will be easier than banging it out in one day and being one and done. After about 5 or 10 you'll be comfortable anyway so the next 40 won't do much for you in terms of what we're trying to do. The point is to get out of that comfort zone regularly...

I will say, don't take this seriously. Inject some humor and you'll last longer. We're only human after all!

 

[C-quenced]

Looks like the approach anxiety competition has been in full swing for weeks already so I'm already disqualified for that one. I'll join you guys for this one and hopefully we can get more guys with the desire to improve, to come and join us. It's either now or never. Count me in.

 

[TheMale]

i would like to do that, only thing is i cant start this week.
its about timing, i have a great test next monday so dont have time to really get out.

i'll have a week late

 

[Packers2010]

i would, though i live in wales, could be hard bro.

 

[C-quenced]

You guys doing okay? I still haven't read much of the material for the first week but I been doing the exercises. I been on 27 since Tuesday and hopefully I can get closer to finishing before the end of tonight. Are we on the same boot camp program?

 

[wait_out]

I've worked two 15-hour days since Monday, felt a little bent out of shape when a girl cancelled out of ice climbing on saturday, had a downer email exchange with my mom who is difficult to get along with -- but I'm liking this exercise. Honestly, it's a good plan to force yourself to acknowledge other people. I find it brings my mood up.

If there's any value in reminding yourself to say hi to people, it's that you're forcing yourself out the isolation that tends to go along with a negative mindset. Joy shared = joy multiplied and plenty of people are still happy and outgoing with strangers.

I haven't been counting but I guess I'm anywhere from 25-100, depending on your criteria. fave encounter was a girl i was eyeing in the metro, i blatantly stopped about 3-4 seconds to let her through a door I opened and we exchanged greetings, she gave me a warm smile and once-over with the eyes. i was feeling a little worn-down after work, it was a casual encounter but still a mood boost.

So that's the valuable lesson i'm going to pull out of this week (even though it's only 1/2 way), the world is full of happy, helpful people and when you're looking inwards, you don't notice them.

 

[C-quenced]

I just returned from The House of Blues in downtown Disney. I was there to see Tesla (the 80's heavy metal band) and ended up having an incredible night even with no luck from the ladies. I found myself having to deal with an unbearable sense of paranoia in the parking lot and at the venue to get my ticket as well as other moments throughout possibly the first hour. I don't know if it has anything to do with long periods of isolation but I need to find a way around this.

Anyways the place was LOADED with so many beautiful women that you couldn't walk a few feet or turn your head without noticing. I won't lie... it actually DOES hurt to see all these gorgeous women walk by me and having that stinging feeling that it's all unobtainable. Nearly 100% of all these females seemed not only stuck up to the core but HIGHLY unapproachable. I did manage to get some STRONG eye contact and the "I want you to **** me" look from a few extremely attractive women, once during the show and another time after at a restaurant, HOWEVER both women had their boyfriends with them. They seem more comfortable ****ing with your head when they've got a guy with them and they're certain you won't even bother to approach because of that. It's not like I was looking to approach women tonight. I just wanted to "feel out" these kinds of situations.

Other then this I noticed the majority of people (male and female) generally don't like to make eye contact with strangers. Or maybe it's just me.

I've worked two 15-hour days since Monday, felt a little bent out of shape when a girl cancelled out of ice climbing on saturday, had a downer email exchange with my mom who is difficult to get along with -- but I'm liking this exercise. Honestly, it's a good plan to force yourself to acknowledge other people. I find it brings my mood up.

As difficult as I may find the exercise at times I find that at the end of the day it tends to have the same effect on me. Hope you can work out the whole situation with your mom, whatever it may be.

If there's any value in reminding yourself to say hi to people, it's that you're forcing yourself out the isolation that tends to go along with a negative mindset. Joy shared = joy multiplied and plenty of people are still happy and outgoing with strangers.

My mindset is generally isolated and negative by default and it's something I'm looking to permanently change.

I haven't been counting but I guess I'm anywhere from 25-100, depending on your criteria. fave encounter was a girl i was eyeing in the metro, i blatantly stopped about 3-4 seconds to let her through a door I opened and we exchanged greetings, she gave me a warm smile and once-over with the eyes. i was feeling a little worn-down after work, it was a casual encounter but still a mood boost.

In a few weeks or months, however long it takes, maybe with some phenomenal rock star confidence and newfound skills you can convert such encounters into something worth your time.

So that's the valuable lesson i'm going to pull out of this week (even though it's only 1/2 way), the world is full of happy, helpful people and when you're looking inwards, you don't notice them.

I find this to be a very valuable lesson for us introverts. I still need 19 more to go through before I officially complete this exercise. I'm actually nervous about the more hardcore stuff that's yet to come our way.

 

[C-quenced]

Report back by next Monday with 50 hellos from strangers. Spread it out if you can as constant action will be easier than banging it out in one day and being one and done. After about 5 or 10 you'll be comfortable anyway so the next 40 won't do much for you in terms of what we're trying to do. The point is to get out of that comfort zone regularly...

I will say, don't take this seriously. Inject some humor and you'll last longer. We're only human after all!

Right on brother. I agree with everything said.

 

[wait_out]

Week 2. As Fonzie is out, I'll step in to keep this going:

Purpose of this lesson: So, now that you’ve practiced establishing eye contact, and have got more comfortable saying Hi to strangers, this week’s lesson takes us into the next phase – starting a conversation with a stranger!

Ok, we're not exactly going to the moon. But this is a good habit to formalize in your life. This is the beginnings of social calibration, which is how you get tagged as smart, competent, and aware of social boundaries -- all desirable qualities -- rather than creepy. I can confirm if a girl overhears you talking to somebody else first before you engage her, it's a huge advantage as she sees you as social and gregarious, as opposed to simply a sexually deprived weirdo.

Your mission is to go out and have short conversations (2 – 10 minute each in length) with 10 strangers. You can talk to them about anything, and you can talk to any person whom you have never spoken to before. You’ll find that it might feel a little awkward in the beginning to talk to strangers for any length of time… but after the first couple of times you’ll find that it’s actually a wonderful feeling. You’ll really get a rush out of this.

This is a bit more interesting and easier to track than 50 hellos. I'd suggest writing down a quick summary of each for constructive criticism, respecting the privacy and comfort of others of course. Good luck!

 

[C-quenced]

Week 2. As Fonzie is out, I'll step in to keep this going:

Where is he and everyone else? Dammit I've got some serious reading to catch up on.

Ok, we're not exactly going to the moon. But this is a good habit to formalize in your life. This is the beginnings of social calibration, which is how you get tagged as smart, competent, and aware of social boundaries -- all desirable qualities -- rather than creepy. I can confirm if a girl overhears you talking to somebody else first before you engage her, it's a huge advantage as she sees you as social and gregarious, as opposed to simply a sexually deprived weirdo.

What the **** is there to talk about with strangers? Seems to me like MOST people would rather not even make eye contact and give a friendly "hello". I can only imagine how unlikely they are to want to engage in a 2-10 minute conversation with a stranger. Any suggestions?

 

[wait_out]

What the **** is there to talk about with strangers? Seems to me like MOST people would rather not even make eye contact and give a friendly "hello". I can only imagine how unlikely they are to want to engage in a 2-10 minute conversation with a stranger. Any suggestions?

In January, I ended up chatting with a kid from Rwanda, coming home at 3am after we both missed our bus. Since I was in Afghanistan, and had done some traveling for fun elsewhere, we ended up discussing life in the first/developing world and what global responsibility we might have reference armed intervention.

People will surprise you! Yeah some people have walls.. but what you're saying is prejudice. Be less judgmental and more open. After all if you can't get a stranger to open up, you won't have much of a chance with a cute girl (who are usually quite skittish about people they don't know).

So don't make excuses! It is hard enough as it is, don't give yourself reasons to not try.

 

[C-quenced]

Keep in mind if your issues are environmental (no available women, no free time) the boot camp addresses social skills, not those problems.

My life mainly consists of work and school, other then that I never leave the apartment very often. Tons of very attractive women in both places, except home. I don't want to make my college campus or my work place my main locations for socializing, much less landing some tail. Got any suggestions that can help me break out of staying at home all the time? If I don't resolve this issue right now this is going to eliminate me from the boot camp

In January, I ended up chatting with a kid from Rwanda, coming home at 3am after we both missed our bus. Since I was in Afghanistan, and had done some traveling for fun elsewhere, we ended up discussing life in the first/developing world and what global responsibility we might have reference armed intervention.

People will surprise you! Yeah some people have walls.. but what you're saying is prejudice. Be less judgmental and more open. After all if you can't get a stranger to open up, you won't have much of a chance with a cute girl (who are usually quite skittish about people they don't know).

So don't make excuses! It is hard enough as it is, don't give yourself reasons to not try.

Just managed to catch up on all the reading material. I haven't gotten to the current exercise yet but I'll try my best to finish before Monday. I've got a couple of stupid questions:

1. Isn't kind of dumb or awkward to approach strangers for the sole purpose of engaging in what may be to them a meaningless conversation?

2. Where are the best locations to do this weeks exercise in your opinion (or anyone else)? A store? A gas station?

Thanks.

 

[wait_out]

1) Meaningless conversation -- your POV is the problem here. I view socializing as a life-affirming activity, it's our natural state. YOU need to give the conversation meaning subsequently or it will die out. ie. "oh you have an accent? where are you from? Oh, Morroco! that's amazing! I've wanted to take a trip and go surf there, I've seen film of the beaches!" And just like that, bang, you've humanized yourself to another person.

To avoid looking like an idiot -- position yourself so it's smooth and natural to engage someone. The opener is usually an innocuous observation or a joke riffing of your shared situation, which lets other people back out if they're withdrawn or uncomfortable. Or you can storytell. Either way, you need to be very attuned to body/eye language and their mood state and likely reaction. But yes you can be social without looking stupid. When you hit your next house party, you will be much sharper than you were and it's very easy to notice.

2) If you are really stuck -- you can talk to your barber, taxi driver, the dude who shines your shoes, spa girls (the legit kind lol), lap dancers, street folks, whatever. You can always ask advice from strangers. Yeah you can chat to clerks. "How's your day, quiet?" Too easy.

But -- it won't help you deal with approach anxiety. So, easiest conversation with girls? Go to a bar before they close, when everyone's blitzed at 1h30am. Don't show up too early if you hate being out by yourself. Find someone not engaged in a convo, cheers them and clink their drink with yours, ask how the night is going. If you are going to buy drinks, buy shots and take the entire group under your wing. The street afterwards is good too. People are drunk and thus more irritating, but they're very easy to talk to. Plus it's that time of night when everybody's friends flake out so it's not so big a deal to be out by yourself.

Final advice -- don't be afraid to bail when you feel you're being a nuisance, that's just good social sense. People have a right to their space, but starting a polite conversation isn't harassment. It really, really, isn't! You have a right to live in this world too. Fvck.... how many people do you think went back to school because they were shy and wanted friends back in their life? How sad is that?

Deprogram thyself, grasshopper.

 

[thefonz]

Alright...

I pretty much did all nightgame as I work in Braintree and don't really go approaching in the day.

To be honest I just skipped to approaches, I said some hi's during the gym, street, and work but I didn't really count them. I'm trying to enjoy myself so I didn't want to make this feel like a chore. Most of my approaches were on friday and saturday nights. I went to Tavern on the Square (TITS) in Boston and just started opening left and right to get it out of my system. Started dancing with a few girls after a while, made out with one but got too drunk and she disappeared somewhere. TITS is good cus it allows you to do a bunch of sets early int he night which is important. After that, just turn off the game by like 1100 and just let **** happen. That's always how I SNL without exception.

I madeout with another asian very randomly but wouldn't go home with me beause she thought I was too old (19 vs. 29). then I hooked up with some ginger on an instadate but again...got to drunk and passed out together(seeing a pattern here?)

I had potential at a Middle East in Cambridge with friends of my buddy. He brought 2 girls and I worked them both, with just the right amount of aggression. NOTE FOR NEWBIES: When in doubt, be more aggressive!!!

but I just nuzzled with one girl all night and did the same with both of them. I got AMOGED by some wicked drunk dude from taking her home. She didn't like him but he wouldn't leave and just created drama. Didn't got home with either one.

The fear facing has been very effective technique. That combined with emotional intelligence (not emotional control!) is very effective. I plan to game some more over the next few weeks but I do have some surgery issues with my knee and job needs that require my attention.

 

[wait_out]

My run down of week 2:

thursday:
1: chill convo with amiable black dude waiting for the bus. Made a joke about almost getting run over by an impatient taxi driver. Terrible conversationalist.
1.5 Told 2 girls who subsequently almost got left by the bus driver that they were lucky. They laughed politely (not convincingly) and agreed. I didn't catch a good vibe so I didn't pursue it.

Friday:
2: Saw a dude I've seen around the gym at the sink with me, said hey, asked if he had a good workout. He said he was just starting. Short but appropriate.
3: Chatted up a young criminology student inside a bus station about the "777 casino" bus that was mysteriously at our stop. She ended up following after me, sat with me, we chatted till her stop. She was a little awkward but good response. Probably 15 min at minimum.
4: Card game w/ friends, introduced myself to a couple attending I didn't know. I lost!

Saturday:
5: Conversation with a middle aged south asian woman about her new XC skis and the the terribly warm winter we had this year. pretty safe stuff, she was very friendly though.
6: Chatted up a cute girl with zero sexual energy walking behind me, about some drunk guitarist leaving a cafe/bar hitting first his friend, then a post, the myself with his guitar case all within one second. She was friendly, I didn't push it and wished her a good night. She seemed flattered.
7: Went to an awesome DJ show, didn't arrive until 2:30 am. Poor turnout but wicked music, really the best set I've seen for probably 2 years. Ended up chatting with a guy/girl at the booth during the set, abortion of a convo as they weren't into it. Afterwards talked with one of the promoters about the show, ended up discussing the set, the music scene in the city and artists we were both really. Took my number for future guestlist. Worth it.
8: chatting with another dude from the show, after he asked for directions. he was not too cool!
9: Talked with 2 girls on the bus, about where they were (one had a mask from a costume ball), as well as another dude orbiting who jumped into our convo. High point was when I made a joke about how I shouldn't tease too much as the girl facing me was well-positioned to kick me in the nuts. It went over well.
10: Talked with 2 drunk, probably high, suspiciously effeminate dudes about the 40 minute wait for the next bus. They were not entirely coherent, I managed to get a cab in my direction though and threw 5 in on it. NP.

Sunday:
Bonus: I got shut down really hard by a girl who wouldn't even acknowledge my presence! Bad not to end on -- but I caught a very anxious, aloof vibe coming off her so I in fact confirmed a suspicion. Just thought I would point that out.

Thurs, Fri, Saturday were the only days this week I really tried to make contact with strangers. Not coincidentally, they were the days I enjoyed most. I should keep this up as a habit (though better environments, like that DJ night, would improve the quality of people i'm meeting). Only one unadvised convo that made me feel stupid, and that was my fault for going against my instinct.

I am onto week 3.