Divorcing? It could cost 100 grand
The more you and your no-longer-beloved own, the more your breakup will cost. But if you can work through the anger and pain, you might save thousands. Here's how.
By divorce360.com
Nancy Michaels was 40, a mother of three and a successful businesswoman when her husband of 16 years told her he wanted a divorce. Beyond the emotional cost that followed his announcement, Michaels eventually found herself shocked by the price tag as well: more than $100,000 in legal, medical and moving costs.
"I hadn't planned for his departure," she says. "I wish I had. . . . Having a safety net or money set aside is smart."
How much does a divorce really cost for the average American? Every situation is different, experts say.
"There's an old saying: 'Love is grand. Divorce is 20 grand,'" says Ginita Wall, a certified public accountant and a divorce financial planner. "The best time to get divorced is when you have nothing -- no kids, no property. He takes the CD player. She takes the TV. And they drive away in their leased car."
Every year, nearly 2.8 million people in the U.S. go through the emotional and financial trauma of divorce, says Wall, who estimates that most of those marriages end before the 10-year mark.
Where the money goes
For average couples, divorce360.com estimates a divorce could cost anywhere from $53,000 (for a couple making $60,000 with at least one child and an $185,000 home) to $188,000 (for a couple making $150,000 a year with at least one child and a $535,000 home).
What's included in those figures? Attorney fees, the cost of selling the home, the cost of buying a cheaper home for one spouse and renting an apartment in the same area for the other, short-term marriage therapy and 20 weeks of therapy for the child. The cost of child support isn't included because many of those costs would have been incurred anyway if the spouses had remained married.
"While there is no true typical divorce, the point here is there are many hidden costs -- selling your home, hiring an attorney (or two), financial advisers, a new mortgage -- it all adds up," says Cotter Cunningham, the CEO of divorce360.com.
More assets, more expenses
The cost of divorce increases with the amount of money a couple make each year, the more assets they've accumulated (from a home to retirement funds), the number of children they have and the length of time they've been married. Geography makes a big difference in the costs for emotional, financial, legal and real-estate help to get through the process, experts say.
A divorce gets even more expensive if a spouse lets anger get in the way of letting go. New York psychotherapist Jay Granat says she has seen clients take as little as six weeks or as long three years to settle a divorce.
Women are more likely to underestimate the cost, California attorney Michael Heicklen says.
"I've seen more women break down and cry in my office, after hearing my fee structure, than I can count," says Heicklen, whose average contested divorce costs $45,000 per side. "The men generally control the finances and use that power to try and squeeze the women financially. Many say they'd rather give it to a lawyer to teach the wife a lesson than hand it to her."
Divorce attorneys can charge from $75 to $400 or more an hour, depending on where the divorce is filed in the United States. There may be a consultation fee, either flat or hourly, to a potential client. A retainer is a fee that secures payment for hourly legal fees in advance
Do it yourself
If both parties want a divorce and have no children or property, a do-it-yourself divorce is worth considering. Several companies provide state-specific kits -- books, paper forms, software or a combination of all of these -- for about $200, which doesn't include court filing fees. These kits will save you money, but keep in mind that they will take time to complete properly.
Even in an uncontested divorce, legal documents must be filed according to state laws. If you have any concerns about the do-it-yourself process, consider hiring an attorney to review the paperwork. If you have no children and some assets, you may be able to agree to a division of the property and hire an attorney to file an uncontested divorce, which can cost from $1,000 to $10,000.
Other factors to consider
If you have children: If the divorce is contested because of visitation or child-support issues, the cost can rise by $15,000 or more.
In some divorces, a cost-of-living clause is included in the divorce decree to ensure the children's financial needs as they get older. Other considerations include health insurance, therapy or substance-abuse treatment, sports uniforms and equipment, and college expenses.
If you need to trace assets: In addition to legal fees, an attorney may suggest financial professionals to help track assets in the divorce. An accountant might help conduct a business valuation, do a cash-flow analysis or trace the assets.
The average cost of a business valuation -- to find out how much a small business like a pizzeria or auto-body shop is worth -- can cost an average of $7,500, and a full report on a larger company can top $25,000.
A cash-flow analysis costs an average of $10,000. The purpose is to see whether a spouse is getting cash through a business and using it for personal expenses without the other spouse's being aware of that money. Tracing assets, according to New Jersey certified public accountant Noah Rosenfarb, is used mostly for clients who have a significant amount of money in a variety of accounts. It can cost as little as $5,000 and as much as $100,000.
Ways to save
In today's economy, couples may find themselves living in the same home until they can afford to divorce or until the housing market recovers. They're also turning to mediation, whereby a neutral third party helps the couple divide assets and resolve other issues, generally costing much less than an attorney.
Mediators look at issues from a holistic view and consider psychological, emotional and social issues, not just legal ones, explained Elinor Robin, a psychologist who runs A Friendly Divorce in Boca Raton, Fla., with her husband, David Spofford, an attorney. Both parties share the mediation fees, usually equally. And because the parties have fewer issues to resolve, the process usually isn't as time-consuming. Most mediators require formal sessions over several weeks or months to ensure both parties are satisfied.
Divorcing couples with complications such as business valuation or complex custody issues should choose mediators who are attorneys. (Attorney Heicklen and his wife, Clare, a marriage and family therapist, charge $250 per hour per spouse for a minimum 10-hour mediation session. Most couples need 20 hours.)
Another option is collaborative divorce, a hybrid of litigation and mediation. This process demands the couple and their attorneys be committed to reaching a settlement outside the courtroom. If a satisfactory resolution cannot be achieved, the collaboration lawyers are dismissed, and the couple must find other legal representation.
. Typical PC-slanted reporting. 
