Divorced 3 years later and the Challenges

[FMCSMT]

im not sure if this is the right place to vent so let me know if I should go elsewhere..

But I’ll tell you what, divorced with 3 kids 50/50 isn’t bad at all. 3 years I’ve been doing the DJ thing when I don’t have them and then back to parenting business when I do. And nail it. A lot of people take notice and I like being a dad on my own. I’m kind of an ******* too. I’m not their friend and they know it and have to love me anyway. It’s a pretty sweet deal really. Except for the one thing that keeps me from maintaining any of these for any period of time of more than maybe 3 months (and I’m not complaining, I don’t really mind the cycle of new women) seems to stem from my ex wife in some way or another.

It’s a really lengthy and messed up story but the short version is - no cheating, no money issues, and never abuse other than one time she lost her sht so bad in front of the kids that I had to call the cops. At the time, my fitness level was great, all good things going for me, nice home, great Dad, loved me in the sac and repeated to me that she would miss that the most before she left.

Super odd..

I don’t really know why she left after 17 years together, I always said that if someone doesn’t want to stay they are welcome to leave, and I sort of held the door open. There were arguments and a ton of bs involving a neighbor who was a local police officer and dateline material type stuff but I closed the deal keeping my home, my things, my kids and my dignity.

It came at price. I’m sure I’m over $10,000 in and that’s little for some. Jeezus $10k just to argue to get her out and keep the kids.

False restraining orders and child protective complete bs lies shortly followed our divorce. Had to go to trial once. Good lawyers and playing it smart got me through but holy sheet!

She also remarried right away and I thought women traded up? In at least some way? I’m told I’m being nice when I say she certainly did not choose up based on looks, social status, or money because uh well he was living in his parents basement, not joking. It totally goes against the grain from what I’ve learned here and other places about Hypergamy.

So anyways, my ex likes to periodically (I can almost time it out now) send me an attorney letter full of complete bs that I have to respond to and pay for. Or makes something up and sends it to child protective and again my attorney goes in and calls bs.

It’s expensive and stressful. What I don’t like is this activity hinders even the possibility of a relationship. My ex generally freaks out when I’m with another woman and she sees it and tries to text them/friend them.

Anyway, I’m at a loss on how to deal with this garbage. It throws me off to be sort of held back by her. I don’t intend to do marriage ever again but if there were a potential ltr situation that I might be okay with, my mindset is already subconsciously preprogrammed to think about how my ex will react. And she will react and react to the kids and it’s uncomfortable, especially when they’re hotter. And they all have been... My ex was a solid 10 for many years, after 3 kids still held a strong 8, has completely let herself go and is a 5 or below (I wouldn’t).

She constantly looks for ways to modify (reduce) parenting time. These attempts come at high costs to us both and many hours spent with resources to accurately show her claims to be completely baseless and without merit - as the attorneys put it...

There must be a way or strategy to better deal with this garbage that not only do I think I shouldn’t have to deal with but my kids and a potential partner.

The boundaries are set so far out that I’ve had to order to stay curbside, no phone contact unless it’s an emergency, cannot enter my home (that had to be spelled out today), has to communicate through email service and still I get bs from her attorneys office at our expense and that drains on everything.

So, anyway, probably more of a rant. Solutions to these problems can be tough to find and can often times be so simple but I’m seeing one so I gotta reach out.

Any help would be appreciated and thanks for listening!

 

[Spaz]

Tough situation for any man to be in.

Not offering any advice to ur situation as I feel you know the root causes and given the resources you will be able to settle those issues.

The question u need ask urself is what resources and time frame you'll need to settle it.

So its resources and time frame.

 

[strikerace13]

Have you thought about documenting everything she does so you can show a judge or police if anything happens. If she shows a pattern of behavior and it's documented with times and dates and try recoding everything she does. A judge will less and less believe anything she says and throw it out.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

Remarried soon after, that guy was already there . At least you got 10+ good years out of it.

Also the police neighbor may have wedged himself between you and the wife . Also getting action . This may have been the false restraining order .

It sounds like you handle your shyt.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

I don't know what to say about this situation. All I can say is, lulz be had when women talk marriage, white picket fence, and playing house. Not happening.

Of course I am not insinuating nor verbalizing the following. It's covert. It's ambiguous. It's never discussed in the workplace nor with women. If pressed, 'maybe one day when I find the right one.'

Men need to Unplug. Wake up. See the world as it is and not how they wish it were.

Truth be told, I once was blue pilled. I wanted a wife. Pickup was a means to an end that being a wife, children, to get married. And pickup revealed to me female nature. Ghosting, flaking, cucking husbands infidelity, and nesting once smv has plummeted or cratered.

I DJ lifestyle. I do pickup. I pull or I next. I embody mgtow gone my own way. No ideology or identification with it. I just took a more David Deida path, dhv @ life, act in a manner knowing full well, a woman isn't my purpose. I am on my path in life. I am going places. Women can come along or get left behind.

Her desire to nest after the wall is of no concern if not comedic relief.


Obv, go get baes. Balls deep. Cannot get her ass or mouth pregnant.

 

[Glassguy]

I was married for 9 years. Got divorced. She cheated and begged for weeks before our divorce to reconcile. I laughed in her face. She married the guy she had the affair with 8 months later.

Got engaged 2 yrs later. Awesome relationship. No cheating, she was just much younger and immature in some aspects. Broke up, jeweler is still trying to sell the $8k engagement ring 2 yrs later.

I will never do either again. I know the risk is high and the reward is small. Its not that I dont believe in God, marriage etc because I certainly do. Which is the entire reason I wont do it again. It is too costly for a person with my assets and I frankly dont believe that many women would put as much stock into the engagement/marriage as I would. So I would never over invest (financially and emotionally) into something that has more than a 60% chance of failing these days.

I can get @ss whenever I want without putting a ring on their finger or signing a piece of paper that they could financially hang me with later.

No thanks lol.

 

[Killakittie]

I don't think there is solutions to these dilemmas per-se, as we don't have control over what another person does. But it is wise to have a discussion about it and compare experiences as there's a surprising amount of similarity to be found that's for sure!

You're never going to know why she threw away 17 years of marriage and I'd wager that even she doesn't know the "why's" and "what not's" of her own behavior. All that's clear here is she's clearly miserable and is probably unconsciously dealing with the consequences of her bad choices, destroying her marriage, and breaking up her family all for reasons even she can't fully understand because if she's like my ex wife she honestly believes she's not in the wrong. This basically dooms her to perpetual unhappiness and misery.

Honestly man you are wrong about one thing... You can have a meaningful relationship with the right woman if you so chose. Your ex can't be as bad as mine..I was divorced in 2016, it was bad, she was very abusive and she did not go away! She's also very beautiful and could easily move on but she instead used other guys for attention and continually harassed me for years. Admittedly i did take her back a couple times but it always lead to me asking her to leave and having to start the entire healing process over again..I dated, and i didn't lie about it either, and now if i chose, i could settle with someone without fear of her fvcking it up..and she still reaches out to me as well "its been about a week since she did last" but i ignore. We have no kids.

If you fear her messing up any relationship you could possibly have with another, better woman, your bestowing upon her power my man, power over you! Literally the only reason she can prevent you from having a real relationship with a good woman is if she gets in your head enough that you start telling yourself you can't..Short of that she has absolutely zero power over you and you'd be surprised that most women won't let a miserable, jealous ex, ruin their chances with a great man (you).

Your the master of your own life and you set the damn rules...who's rules are you playing by? Hers? Yours? Don't afford her the right to dictate what you do and with whom you do it with...You meet a woman that has good indicators she's LTR material don't allow your ex to squander that chance for you. Grab it man we only live once and who knows that woman might end up making you real happy. Your ex is no longer a part of your world, she's only an outlier who is only noticed when she causes you an annoyance (serving papers, court) other then that she doesn't exist. Remember she WAS stupid enough to throw away 17 years of marriage to a good man..

 

[Roober]

Often times the best solution is no attention at all. My ex used to mudsling like a mofo, even took to social media blasting of a woman I dated. My mom has been invaluable since where I send her stuff, vent, and then can completely ignore everything.

My ex now rarely sends anything negative because it has probably been over a year since she has been able to illicit a response from me. I also took measures to ensure our exchanges of kids all happen at school, so we see each other 1-2 times a month tops.

Minimize contact and communication, find someone to vent to (even SS works), and just ignore her. If I do see her, and she tries to push her weight, I stand right next to her, look her right in the eye, and call out her disrespect in a direct but respectful way.

Unfortunately, these things take time, but the troll will starve of you dont feed it.

 

[mrgoodstuff]

It was a "troll" too. Fed off your disconfort, pain and annoyance . As long as it knew it was wasti your time.

 

[FMCSMT]

I don't know what to say about this situation. All I can say is, lulz be had when women talk marriage, white picket fence, and playing house. Not happening.

Of course I am not insinuating nor verbalizing the following. It's covert. It's ambiguous. It's never discussed in the workplace nor with women. If pressed, 'maybe one day when I find the right one.'

Men need to Unplug. Wake up. See the world as it is and not how they wish it were.

Truth be told, I once was blue pilled. I wanted a wife. Pickup was a means to an end that being a wife, children, to get married. And pickup revealed to me female nature. Ghosting, flaking, cucking husbands infidelity, and nesting once smv has plummeted or cratered.

I DJ lifestyle. I do pickup. I pull or I next. I embody mgtow gone my own way. No ideology or identification with it. I just took a more David Deida path, dhv @ life, act in a manner knowing full well, a woman isn't my purpose. I am on my path in life. I am going places. Women can come along or get left behind.

Her desire to nest after the wall is of no concern if not comedic relief.


Obv, go get baes. Balls deep. Cannot get her ass or mouth pregnant.

Excellent reply! Can I share this?

 

[FMCSMT]

I don't think there is solutions to these dilemmas per-se, as we don't have control over what another person does. But it is wise to have a discussion about it and compare experiences as there's a surprising amount of similarity to be found that's for sure!

You're never going to know why she threw away 17 years of marriage and I'd wager that even she doesn't know the "why's" and "what not's" of her own behavior. All that's clear here is she's clearly miserable and is probably unconsciously dealing with the consequences of her bad choices, destroying her marriage, and breaking up her family all for reasons even she can't fully understand because if she's like my ex wife she honestly believes she's not in the wrong. This basically dooms her to perpetual unhappiness and misery.

Honestly man you are wrong about one thing... You can have a meaningful relationship with the right woman if you so chose. Your ex can't be as bad as mine..I was divorced in 2016, it was bad, she was very abusive and she did not go away! She's also very beautiful and could easily move on but she instead used other guys for attention and continually harassed me for years. Admittedly i did take her back a couple times but it always lead to me asking her to leave and having to start the entire healing process over again..I dated, and i didn't lie about it either, and now if i chose, i could settle with someone without fear of her fvcking it up..and she still reaches out to me as well "its been about a week since she did last" but i ignore. We have no kids.

If you fear her messing up any relationship you could possibly have with another, better woman, your bestowing upon her power my man, power over you! Literally the only reason she can prevent you from having a real relationship with a good woman is if she gets in your head enough that you start telling yourself you can't..Short of that she has absolutely zero power over you and you'd be surprised that most women won't let a miserable, jealous ex, ruin their chances with a great man (you).

Your the master of your own life and you set the damn rules...who's rules are you playing by? Hers? Yours? Don't afford her the right to dictate what you do and with whom you do it with...You meet a woman that has good indicators she's LTR material don't allow your ex to squander that chance for you. Grab it man we only live once and who knows that woman might end up making you real happy. Your ex is no longer a part of your world, she's only an outlier who is only noticed when she causes you an annoyance (serving papers, court) other then that she doesn't exist. Remember she WAS stupid enough to throw away 17 years of marriage to a good man..

Wow! Excellent response! And so true. Like, do we know each other? Lol!

 

[Desdinova]

divorced with 3 kids 50/50 isn’t bad at all.

No, it's not. It gives you enough free time to actually have a bit of a life, and you'll find that being a father doesn't scare away childless women. Being an AFC scares them off.

I don’t really know why she left after 17 years together

How old was she when you guys started dating?

She also remarried right away and I thought women traded up?

Not necessarily. Women generally live in the moment of their emotions. Perhaps your ex was doing that when she left you and now she's full of regret.

So anyways, my ex likes to periodically (I can almost time it out now) send me an attorney letter full of complete bs that I have to respond to and pay for. Or makes something up and sends it to child protective and again my attorney goes in and calls bs.

It’s expensive and stressful. What I don’t like is this activity hinders even the possibility of a relationship. My ex generally freaks out when I’m with another woman and she sees it and tries to text them/friend them.

I think you're handling it as best as you can. All women are different when it comes to this stuff. My ex has damn near handed our kid over to me. I know where my ex's priorities lie, so I let her keep all the government money she receives for him which I view as "shut up and let me raise my kid" money. She's also extremely jealous of my GF and likes to bring her up once in a while. I never complain about her BF because he's the one who spends time with my kid when he's at her place.

The thing that keeps me going is reminding myself that this is only a temporary thing, and it all ends when my kid turns 18. Once that happens, he can decide where he wants to live and I don't have to communicate with that bytch anymore.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

It's absurd at best. Given the fact, that being divorce being over fifty percent and women initiate 80% + due to free money and cawk caorsel. It's cuck central.

 

[Prime_Beef]

Hmm.
Your post caught my eye. . Prime_Beef is a bit older and done this. Mercifully, my marriage to my ex was short..2 years, but painful. After divorce, with shared custody, the games started and went on for years. Similar to your situation, she'd disappear with the kid, fought in court, contempt charges never stuck (very activist feminist court known to local attorneys as such) Abused the child..arguments , jealousy..all what you see now. I'll skip the details, take too much space. My daughter is 3 now, almost done with college, completed an,Army enlistment, and wants nothing to do with mom.
-mom is where I left her, in a dumpy 2 bed apartment, 20+ years ago Now with two teenagers from a guy she "accidentally got pregnant" from and rough he was wealthy and would take care of her.
-ex lost her custody when the child was 11. At the time in court mediation I exposed abuse. I told ex if u sign over custody now, I will not accept child support. If I have to fight it next round in court you will. As much as I can get . Mediator looked at her and said "..in these situations we almost always reverse custody..this is your chance to make something work for you" She didn't. She lost custody and had to pay me 600 a month.
- she played a couple games on pick up, drop of. I simply handled it businesslike. Held up the phone, told her all conversation will be recorded, you are on notice, I prefer email or text. Games dropped off.

Some take aways I hope help you:
1. Never act small back. Never be petty. Others can see who is right, especially the child. I can't emphasize this enough. My daughter knows who is real, who is not, and knows what to look for in real men when she dated. You are the example. Remember that always. When young and going thru that it's hard to understand what you do sets someone else's future.
- years into this reversal my ex in a friendly way asked why I never retaliated..I told her very businesslike "I'm a better person than you are..and that's too bad for daughter. She deserves better. " then I gave her a dead serious look and said "I'm also much wealthier and more powerful than you. You should think that thru" I broke eye contact and left.
-the opposite of love (you had) isn't hate , involvement. .it's apathy. Complete lack of care about her except how it affects kids. Done and gone. No friendship.
- Recovery you can date, bang a lot of women. You will. You will find most are damaged in some way. I pulled double, triple shifts frequently on my days off parenting. I spent my time working my rear off, studying, investing,work. I was too busy for a real relationship until..
- I recognized we get women that are a reflection of who we are when we are. After 10 years I looked and realized I had done quite bit. Got rid of the low value women (various reasons) and started dating serious.
-successful remarriage is possible. Extreme vetting. I been happily married to someone outside my racial comfort zone for 12 years. It's possible.
When you are ready it will happen.
-Don't rebound into another relationship without some personal growth. Like a booger! You picked your ex and u need to understand why before getting serious. That fault is yours and yours to fix.
-Lastly.. why worry about ex? Everyone is responsible for their own happiness ! (Or not!)

Good luck. It ends in time, keep perspective.

Prime_Beef

 

[Roober]

I recognized we get women that are a reflection of who we are when we are.

If more men in this site to closer look in the mirror, the source of their problems would be so easy to identify. However, I suppose it is much easier to blame everyone else before looking at yourself.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

If more men in this site to closer look in the mirror, the source of their problems would be so easy to identify. However, I suppose it is much easier to blame everyone else before looking at yourself.

Not an argument.

I repeat not an argument.


A woman craters smv. She has spent her best years skiing down cawk mountain. It's baby rabies and time to play house only once Chad's stop calling.

Society blames man no matter how ****ty a woman's behavior is thereafter getting the ring. Woman cucks husband she's still the victim, and gets free money. It's absurd.

We then got cucks like this guy pedaling to female victimhood.


Peterson pointed out the classic make feminist. The reality being, they can't compete. They are failing in the dominance hierarchy.

Sexual access is not required through marriage so, why in the **** do guys continue to do it? In ability to think for one self.

 

[DEEZEDBRAH]

Until divorce court and family court are adjusted, it's a bad choice. Until the parade of free male resources end, marriage is not a good idea.

 

[FMCSMT]

No, it's not. It gives you enough free time to actually have a bit of a life, and you'll find that being a father doesn't scare away childless women. Being an AFC scares them off.

I was 16, she was 17. She is one class older than I.

Her husband and I got along great until they got married, even when we were going through the divorce and they were dating. Kids liked him too. He was a steep downgrade so I didn’t feel any competition anxiety around him, it was more comical than anything.

One thing I forgot to note too is she proposed to him. I hear that is becoming more common but sounded odd to me..

One last thing about her husband...we used to get along great until they got married. I found out that even though I have physical and legal custody, they not only though that he could adopt my kids after marriage but they were telling the kids that they were going to be adopted.

Now f*ck that noise right there.

He also thought he could now step in and make all the school decisions and any other parenting decisions.

I had to stop him in his tracks and say directly to his face “You are not a parent. So anything you say regarding child decisions is irrelevant. However, your love for them is very welcome. Parents will do the parenting.”

We haven’t spoke since. I don’t see him at exchanges often. He never comes to dr appts after I said this. He does come to conferences and it’s uncomfortable but I do think he should be there so he knows how to help when needed when they are at moms.

The other thing, I built a new house in a fancy neighborhood and moved my kids to a better community. Literally night and day difference. Last place wasn’t bad but older and in a dumpy community. This new area is the kitty’s titties. And the house is ridiculous. 4 stall attached shop extra deep extra wide, high walls with vaulted ceiling, heat, air conditioning, insulated floor, 2 TVs, and a state of the art car lift. The lift guides the car in with a lazer. It will be featured in “Garage Goals” in August.

There’s a jealousy factory though. Kids are super excited. I built the home around them and for them with brand new beds was my key deal. Had to have New beds for them. Anyway, you can probably imagine how an ex might feel when her kids come home and talk about how excited they are. You would thing mom would be happy for them but the type I’m dealing only resents the fact and says things like “He got that money to build that house because he screwed me over when he threw me out”. (She left though?)

I’ve also tried “no contact”. Gosh that works miracles with hot single ladies. I’m not kidding, I opened a 3 page email from an ex gf that I see on and off and she can’t go more than a week without seeing me and she is probably close to a 10 so guys, I give her a solid 8.

No contact gets me in huge trouble with the ex wife. I once did go 6 months. No responses at all. Man it was a peaceful time. Until she cried her eyes out in the middle of the street at an exchange at the dance hall (parents watching) and kids joined in the water works and it was much like an orchestra of crying babies, soon followed by attorney letters that stating I refuse to communicate and cooperate.

Ugh. Literally had an attorney 4 way meeting last week. I demanded she go through a third party if she disagrees with a parental decision who cannot override our court order and cannot be used as a witness (had to cover my own back). It’s the closest I can get to no contact.

Thanks for the advice and if you have more I’m all ears!


How old was she when you guys started dating?



Not necessarily. Women generally live in the moment of their emotions. Perhaps your ex was doing that when she left you and now she's full of regret.



I think you're handling it as best as you can. All women are different when it comes to this stuff. My ex has damn near handed our kid over to me. I know where my ex's priorities lie, so I let her keep all the government money she receives for him which I view as "shut up and let me raise my kid" money. She's also extremely jealous of my GF and likes to bring her up once in a while. I never complain about her BF because he's the one who spends time with my kid when he's at her place.

The thing that keeps me going is reminding myself that this is only a temporary thing, and it all ends when my kid turns 18. Once that happens, he can decide where he wants to live and I don't have to communicate with that bytch anymore.