niceguydying said:
I have been going through a divorce the last several months and it is ongoing. Soon to be ex still lives with me until divorce is final which makes it tougher. Half the time she is not even coming home. I pretty much figure she has a boyfriend, but I was the one that wanted the divorce. So I can't be all crappy about it. Which leads me to ask the mature folks out there the following:
I have good days and bad ones. I still love my wife but ultimately know that she and I are finished. Like I said, I initiated the divorce because she has an alcohol problem and wasn't treating me the way a PRIZE should be treated! I put up w/ her problem for about 5 years and she never got help. I do not feel like I am damaged goods by no means, I do not have issues that are hidden. I just can't seem to get out there and sarge though. Like tonight, it is Friday night and I am sitting here jockeying this keyboard.
Has anyone here gone through a similar incident?? I know right know that I am trying to be happy with myself, but it would be better if I got out more. Just not really up to it. I work, hit the gym and jockey the computer. I need some changes, huh?
I too am going through a divorce at this time.
Things that are effecting me and my mental frame.
It is hard to let go fully even after a long period of time.
The issues in my marriage was:
Wife got drunk most nights, her excuse she has a dependency on drugs, this is what she said.
She spent most of her time at a mates house (or so she says, I think other things where going on).
She had loads of male friends she met in bars, that made it plain they wanted to screw her.
She told me she was going to sleep at other guy’s house if I liked it or not, these where guys she worked with and had known them for around 4 months only.
She was abusive when drunk.
She was a cutter.
It all leads to LSE and bipedilor disorder that I have come across from this site.
I too had enough of it and initiated the break up! Too much to handle and life is too short to be unhappy with that type of person.
I knew I could not stay in the same house (shared mortgage) so I made a choice and packed my things and left, to live in a shared house. I have also cut contact with her, It has been about 7months now.
There is a problem with the house, she cant get the mortgage in her name until next April so until then she pays for the house and I try to keep the frame of no contact and trust she keeps up the payment’s, which to date as far as I am aware she has been doing.
Yes I know I could get solicitors involved to force a sale, but I am a decent person I feel and she really wants to keep the house, so I am willing to wait.
Ok the problem with me and how it is effecting my game so to say.
(I have slept with over 8 women since I left her seeing a HB at the moment also we are just friends that fu**).
I feel I could get far more but my impression of women is kind-a jaded, I still have a lot of anger and pain inside from all this, even after so long, yes it does effect my game since a lot of the time I am just not ars**d to put the effort in like I used to be.
(I have dated 5 women at once pre-marriage and slept with many).
Problem is women have lost there luster and shine now for me, I see no positive reason to be in a LTR at all, I am simply far happier single then I have ever been in ANY relationship (I have had 6 LTR in my life in total).
I have always been happier singe, if this makes sense and still for the love of god, I ask myself why did I get married, but it was a lesson learnt.
The problem is it has left a scar that simply was not there before and It effects my game A LOT, some nights are cool, others I cant help to feel like women should not be apart of my world anymore other then just for sex!
So many LTR and none of them with an happy ending.
I appreciate there is a view where life is a journey (this ideal helps a lot by the way) and I was meant to learn a lesson from this! But saying that it is hard to not feel scarred from a loving encounter, especially when you put your eggs in one basket and it turns out rotten.
Ok things that HAVE Helped.
Ok living in an house share has helped a lot, I have met new friends through this! New mates that are helping me to build up my new social life and tbh it is a pleasure, these guys are top guys.
I am seeing women when I see fit, or when they are free.
Having your own place or pad, is KEY, it is the only way to feel free.
You are lucky soon the house will be yours, it is a great job you don’t have kids, but all I know she still can claim on the property, I think it is under terms of: If she had not married you she would have her own home by now! So you may be forced to split it.
Also if you leave the property she can claim you abondonded her and did not want the house anyway, it was not that important to you, she can claim for it this way. Do not leave the house.
Just hang in there, it does get easier with time, time is a healer but after 7 months here I still have a scar that I hide.
In a year or two these feeling will be gone and then I can focus on maybe having another LTR, but with more understanding of problems and ideally be more clued up to the kind of women I should be letting into my life.
One of the reasons I visit this site, is I have a lot of experience to share, to help other guys ideally keep away from the fate I had for myself, I have very much learned the hard way, where as a lot of my mates have taken outside advice and are happy.
But saying that I don’t know one married couple that is deeply happy in truth, also one of the most successful relationships I know about, the guy is the main bread winner and the women is a stay at home nanny type.
The rest are either divorced or living unhappy.
So To me I would rather be single and happy then in a relationship and very very unhappy, that ideal keeps me strong.
And I was deeply unhappy in my marriage to the point of depression my self (she suffered form this since a very young age), I never get depression so I know something had to be done.
Keep strong.
There is nothing more important in this world then your own defining happiness and the need to feel joy in life.
Everything should be geared towards that state, if it is not, then you only have yourself to blame.
Life is good! <<<<<<<<< I swear by those 3 words and I live my life by them.
But my kind nature also becomes my ultimate downfall, but eventually the above ideal has to take precedence.
Also on of the biggest things that was hard to let go was the house, i had laid a foundation now that is gone.
But it was not in a conveniant place for me and when i ask myself the question:
What was i laying a foundation down for?
The only answer i can come up with, is to start a family.
Now that is gone there was no need to hold on to something materialistic, my own happiness was and is far more important, i took a choice and i dont regret it.
I will cross the family bridge when i come to it.
and yes i do miss the good times we had but deep down i know it will never work and going back will only result in me being very unhappy again. Somethings you cant forgive we just have to accept it did not work and move on, even if it is very hard to do.
