Ditching a girl because she meets up with too many male 'friends'?

[drift_king]

I know you experienced DJs are very secure and don't worry about what your girls do etc because you come from a high value mindset but in a relationship you'll encounter problems where she'll want to go hang out with a guy who you know is interested in her and just pretending to be friends waiting for you to slip up. Should you ban her from seeing this guy or show your disapproval?

I know if you're really secure you shouldn't worry who she sees, but too many times you'll hear about gf's cheating etc Are you suppose to filter out girls like this in the first place? That's not possible if you want a hot girl cos majority of them have loads of male orbiters (not all of them AFCs) who are waiting for you to slip up or cracks to show in your relationship. Basically her seeing them is just giving them opportunity to mess up your situation.

Should you just ditch girls like this?

What if it's a new guy friend who has come into her life while she's dating you? You can't prevent her doing anything but should you show your disapproval about her seeing him?

 

[( . )( . )]

What if it's a new guy friend who has come into her life while she's dating you? You can't prevent her doing anything but should you show your disapproval about her seeing him?

Absolutely not, I'd encourage it, if some other guy can take her then thats great and more power to him I say.

 

[Slickster]

If you are casually dating/sexing this girl then there isn't much you can do except date other women yourself.

However if you are exclusive (ie. bf/gf) then here are my rules:

- You have to be able to walk away from this chick at any given moment. She's either "with" you or not.
- If she's dating or seeing other dudes then you aren't really exclusive are you? That is ok just don't let her d!ck you around for even a moment. Get it out in the open immediately and put her to the test.
- If she is doing something that makes you uncomfortable then let her know about it straight up. Tell her that you're not comfortable with her seeing other guys. However if that is what she wants to do that is completely fine with you. You will happily go on seeing other women too. You just do not want to waste any of your time.
- Only tell her this ONCE!!! Don't ever nag her, complain or ever bring it up again! If she continues this behaviour or slips up even once, she's gone. She has disrespected you and cannot be trusted as a gf. Simply stop calling her and move on.
- If she asks whats up tell her you've moved on and you are seeing other people and no longer have time for her.

I use these same principles when it comes to guys calling on her cell phone or contacting her through email, etc. If she is truly interested in being your girlfriend then she will happily cut all this bs out for you.

I used to date a girl that accepted a call from another dude right in the middle of a dinner date. I simply got up and started walking out the door. She came running after me and dragged me back to the table. She never did that again. But it was obvious to me that she wasn't the type to be trusted or given gf status. I got what I wanted out of her until someone better came along.


Now this may seem drastic however there is absolutely no sense in pretending that she is your girlfriend if she is seeing other guys. If that is how it is then just fvck her when you can and start looking for other women.

:rockon:

 

[drift king]

If you are casually dating/sexing this girl then there isn't much you can do except date other women yourself.

However if you are exclusive (ie. bf/gf) then here are my rules:

- You have to be able to walk away from this chick at any given moment. She's either "with" you or not.
- If she's dating or seeing other dudes then you aren't really exclusive are you? That is ok just don't let her d!ck you around for even a moment. Get it out in the open immediately and put her to the test.
- If she is doing something that makes you uncomfortable then let her know about it straight up. Tell her that you're not comfortable with her seeing other guys. However if that is what she wants to do that is completely fine with you. You will happily go on seeing other women too. You just do not want to waste any of your time.
- Only tell her this ONCE!!! Don't ever nag her, complain or ever bring it up again! If she continues this behaviour or slips up even once, she's gone. She has disrespected you and cannot be trusted as a gf. Simply stop calling her and move on.
- If she asks whats up tell her you've moved on and you are seeing other people and no longer have time for her.

I use these same principles when it comes to guys calling on her cell phone or contacting her through email, etc. If she is truly interested in being your girlfriend then she will happily cut all this bs out for you.

I used to date a girl that accepted a call from another dude right in the middle of a dinner date. I simply got up and started walking out the door. She came running after me and dragged me back to the table. She never did that again. But it was obvious to me that she wasn't the type to be trusted or given gf status. I got what I wanted out of her until someone better came along.


Now this may seem drastic however there is absolutely no sense in pretending that she is your girlfriend if she is seeing other guys. If that is how it is then just fvck her when you can and start looking for other women.

:rockon:

But sometimes there are grey areas where she'll want to go see male friends for coffee, is this the same riot act you should run about not being comfortable with it but it's completely fine with you?

I imagine a lot of women will say they won't and do it in secret making sure they don't get caught. You won't know straight away because she'll be secretive so what do you do then if you don't find out?

Will it not seem insecure if you tell her you're not comfortable with her seeing guys for coffee?

 

[FinalWay]

If you are casually dating/sexing this girl then there isn't much you can do except date other women yourself.

However if you are exclusive (ie. bf/gf) then here are my rules:

- You have to be able to walk away from this chick at any given moment. She's either "with" you or not.
- If she's dating or seeing other dudes then you aren't really exclusive are you? That is ok just don't let her d!ck you around for even a moment. Get it out in the open immediately and put her to the test.
- If she is doing something that makes you uncomfortable then let her know about it straight up. Tell her that you're not comfortable with her seeing other guys. However if that is what she wants to do that is completely fine with you. You will happily go on seeing other women too. You just do not want to waste any of your time.
- Only tell her this ONCE!!! Don't ever nag her, complain or ever bring it up again! If she continues this behaviour or slips up even once, she's gone. She has disrespected you and cannot be trusted as a gf. Simply stop calling her and move on.
- If she asks whats up tell her you've moved on and you are seeing other people and no longer have time for her.

I use these same principles when it comes to guys calling on her cell phone or contacting her through email, etc. If she is truly interested in being your girlfriend then she will happily cut all this bs out for you.

I used to date a girl that accepted a call from another dude right in the middle of a dinner date. I simply got up and started walking out the door. She came running after me and dragged me back to the table. She never did that again. But it was obvious to me that she wasn't the type to be trusted or given gf status. I got what I wanted out of her until someone better came along.


Now this may seem drastic however there is absolutely no sense in pretending that she is your girlfriend if she is seeing other guys. If that is how it is then just fvck her when you can and start looking for other women.

:rockon:

good reply

 

[FinalWay]

you really can't control women these days -especially in the usa. but you can put your foot down when you don't like something. women have it too good these days but you can have it good too and always remember that. it all comes down to who she really is to you as a peson. never let a woman feel like she has the upper hand because they weren't born with it in the first place. never feel like your put in a corner.
if she meets a guy friend , than go meet a "girl friend" and tell her all the "fun stuff " you talked about

 

[jonwon]

Personnally I dont like to date girls with male friends, I dont like the 'what if'.

Forget about game and amog'ing some dude and all that nonesense, I like a girl who is so into me, no other man even comes close, my ego needs feeding like that, or call it being normal.

I believe 100% it is normal for a girl to have zero male friends, some guys would disagree, but the girls I have dated in the past with male friends have always come with problems, the girls who have female only friends dont come with the same problem.

You want to talk about jelousy? You know seeing a girl who meets guys when other people are around say a works lunch and other men are there is fine, but a GF going out, just her and another guy you know nothing about? Any guy would question 'is there something else'.

Plus, let's look at it at another angle, if she wanted to branch swing, she has a perfect excuse "Hey i'm just going out with x, for a coffee". When she knows she is checking his potential out. That to me is a serious lack of respect and personnally, in this situation if my GF was doing that, and she said that to me, i'd be pissed, so pissed infact, i'd be showing her the door.

Now some girls have male friends prior to the relationship, you know guys she met at colleage, this is the only exception to the rule and only if she hasn't slept with the guy, another rule is to not date girls who have EX' BF on the scene, too much drama. If it is an old friend, more or less they meet up once in a blue moon or when there are get togethers.

Some guys will state all women have male friends, sorry that is Bull-shi*, attention *****s have male friends, I have found for every girl with male friends, 50% of them keep them around for attention, 25% keep them around for 'coc*s in glass cases' (break in emergency). 10% are friends with the guy because its her best mates brother and the other 15% are genuine cases of friend, with 10% of them being male AFC orbitors who she hasn't got a clue about there real intentions, i.e the nieve girls.

Seriously, date girls with zero male friends. Then you wont have the problem of thinking 'what if', which you do now. If you was totally honest, you will admit this situation does not make you comfortable, and there is no shame in that.

Would you rather sit at home relaxed, without a care in the world or be sat at home whilst your girl is going out with some other guy, wondering 'what if'.

I have never agreed with sitting back and letting her do her thing because, your supposed to that if your confident about yourself. To me if your truly that confident, you will create situations your comfortable with, and dating girls with male friends, especcally ones with male friends who give the vibes they want to fuc* her, is not a sign of confidence to me, that is a sign of stupidity, A true sign of confidence is to replace her and get rid of that drama all together.

I will tell you this, arguing your point is a waste of time. If she is seeing male friends, you can assume her interest level in you isn't has high has you think. Girls with genuine male friends, usually forget about them when they 'fall for a guy'. I.e the male afc orbitors are usually forgot about, only the attention *****s in my experiance keep the friendships going, because they have a black void to fill with attention and validation, in that situation, there is no 'confidence' there is simply seeing the wood for the tree's and realizing your just another coc* on her carosel.

 

[zekko]

you really can't control women these days -especially in the usa

Totally agree with Slickster's post.
And it isn't about control. It's about what YOU want, what YOU expect from a woman you're involved with. A woman is free to have all the male friends she wants, but if that is the case I have zero interest in pursuing a relationship with her. I am the alpha dog and I'm not going to have the stink of another male on her. It may be old school but that's the way it is.

 

[pinhas]

My personal experience with this is as follows:

My ex girlfriend had many guy friends, and her two best friends were guys. When I started dating her I admit it bothered me and I did not really understand it, thinking they were secretly trying to position themselves to be with her. After getting to know her and her friends, I realized that they were really good friends, and acted as friends. She is just one of those girls that get along better with guys, which in my opinion is a good thing because girls like this tend to be more grounded and easy to get along with. She was a great girlfriend and we never had problems regarding her and her male friends.

She was very friendly and people always gravitated towards her, now there were times when I noticed a new guy that is trying to hang out with her, but she was always on top of that, and if she felt that he wants something more then a friendship she would cut him off.

Now I understand that other girls may not be like her and may be keeping a large group of guys for other reasons, I just wanted to share my experience, sometimes it really is just a good friendship.

 

[Trader]

Totally agree with Slickster's post.
And it isn't about control. It's about what YOU want, what YOU expect from a woman you're involved with. A woman is free to have all the male friends she wants, but if that is the case I have zero interest in pursuing a relationship with her. I am the alpha dog and I'm not going to have the stink of another male on her. It may be old school but that's the way it is.

If you are talking about an exclusive relationship then I agree completely.

You set the rules. If you don't want her hanging out 1 on 1 with male friends, then that's the way it goes.

If she don't like it, well then tough sledding. She will have to make a choice, either follow the rules, or its over.

 

[ThatMysteriousGuy]

I know you experienced DJs are very secure and don't worry about what your girls do etc because you come from a high value mindset but in a relationship you'll encounter problems where she'll want to go hang out with a guy who you know is interested in her and just pretending to be friends waiting for you to slip up.

That is all guys.

Only men who are insecure and lacking any significant value have anything to fear about other men. That is why they will try to isolate the girl and put her in a cage that she will always end up trying to break out of. Then they'll piss and moan about how they were dumped again by an Evil Biatch that didn't realize how spectacularly awesome they are. :crackup:

Other men are not the problem at all. A solid valuable confident male knows that he has far too many qualities that are better than 99% of men and that other 1% is the other solid valuable confident males that do not bother with trying to take girls from the other 1% guys. The one per-centers don't have an ego to fill or want to complicate their already fulfilled lives by doing that sort of bullshait. There are plenty of high quality women to go around.

So, it is extremely silly to worry about at all unless you have a lot of loser insecure chatter going on in your head about your own lack of qualities women want.

 

[horaholic]

Most of us have some insecurities. And, most of us have gotten burned trying to not be the jealous guy, and being confident in ourselves. I know I have, so Im gonna disagree with TMG's bold section. Whenever I've been Ok with my girl hanging out with dudes, I got cheated on, dumped, and had attempts on my very life. If we're that cool and badass, our girls would have no desire to hang out with other men, out of fear that we would disapprove. So, the fact that they even want to hang out with guys shows that you arent being man enough in the relationship. True, if theey're gonna cheat, they're gonna cheat, but we dont need to make it easy for them. The more temptations and opportunities they have, the more likely they will, so Its a girls responsibility to stay out of temptations way as much as possible.

If I had a freeby coupon at the hor-house, and chose to hang out there two or three times a week, Im gonna give in eventually, and Im a very faithful guy. Thats the equivilant of girls hanging out with a bunch of dudes.

This is about respect more than anything. A girl knows its disrespectful to hang out with other men. So, if you're a guy and you are uncomfortable with that, its a no win situation. You can either sit there and be a pvssy and keep your mouth shut about it bothering you, and hope and pray she isnt cheating on you, yet be miserable in the process. Or, you can be a man, and tell her you're not cool about it and if she continues, she's gone, and be labelled an insecure, jealous jerk. (at least you'll be a MAN, standing up for what you believe in.)

Of course, a man needs to be realistic and fair about what is and isnt acceptable in this area. Some guys freak out if his girl even talks to another guy. A girl wanted to try out for backup vocals in my band, but her BF wouldnt let her. Stuff like that is over the line. There is a big difference between insecurities, and real reasons to have concern, and as men, we need to have the responsibility to know the difference.

Randomly talking to a guy in the bar or something= ok. Flirting with said guy, and getting his number and meeting him for 'coffee.'=not ok.

Having close male friend before you met, and still being friends with him after you date= ok Spending the night with him=not ok.

 

[Blue Phoenix]

It´s necessary more info about this situation, but in general it sounds fishy.

These many friends are what she needs to pump up her self-steem.

I wouldn´t make her my GF. It´d be just an affair or something not so serious. I´ve seen cases that when the BF is not around, his GF would find a male to be with her all the time, as a "replacement" because she needs men looking at her. The probability of cheating is greatly increased.

Once a girl like these ones, who had a BF, said to me "I went to my "friend"´s house to pick up a dictionary". Lol. Yeah, right, she went there to pick up a D!C. lol. This same one, once "disappeared" with another friend of mine, they never missed any classes, but this day BOTH missed this class. I´m sure something happened.

Another thing, and this is a HUGE red flag: your GF doesn´t mention she has a BF, and/or acts as if she was single when you´re not around. It would be good idea to set up a person to test her here.

She prefers the company of other men because she can get away with crap and bad behaviour. Most guys will put up with her crap because in the back of their mind they hope that one day, they will be able to fvck her if they supplicate her now.

*http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=62297&highlight=male+friends
http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=88877

 

[SmoothTalker]

Slickster, good advice, but I have a question about your walking out move.

I see what you're trying to convey there, but there have been times when I am out on a date, and decide to quickly pick up a call from a friend (who may be female) because I think it's important. Obviously I try to focus on the person I'm with, but you know, stuff comes up.

If you've done that yourself, wouldn't it just come across absurdly hypocritical to call her out so dramatically for doing it once?

 

[King Turi]

If the chick has heaps of male friends I wouldn't go near her anyway.

As has already been said by jonwon, they come with problems.

No joke, every single chick I've met who has had mostly male friends has came with problems and is a wh0re.

So yeah, I know now to steer clear of these women.

 

[BigJimbo]

If the chick has heaps of male friends I wouldn't go near her anyway.

As has already been said by jonwon, they come with problems.

No joke, every single chick I've met who has had mostly male friends has came with problems and is a wh0re.

So yeah, I know now to steer clear of these women.

This is someone who speaks the truth! Bravo to you. Here is a hint to all the guys stuck in America. Your gf's are probably banging other guys. It has become a cultural norm. The oddest thing I have seen in America is the flip-flop wearing brigades love for gay men. Here is a hint - Many of those gay guys are getting more action than you are! Trust me! Just because a guy calls himself gay doesn't mean he won't sleep with a female every now and then.

P.S. Yes, I do have an issue with females who wear flip-flops out. If a 17 year old Russian girl can walk around all day in heels so can Emily Sue.

 

[Slickster]

But sometimes there are grey areas where she'll want to go see male friends for coffee, is this the same riot act you should run about not being comfortable with it but it's completely fine with you?

I imagine a lot of women will say they won't and do it in secret making sure they don't get caught. You won't know straight away because she'll be secretive so what do you do then if you don't find out?

Will it not seem insecure if you tell her you're not comfortable with her seeing guys for coffee?

No riot act Drifty. A calm and cool conversation about how if she's dating other dudes then I'm not wasting my time with this girlfriend/boyfriend bullsh!t. It doesn't matter if it is coffee, lunch, phonecalls, or whatever.

If she's doing secret sh!t behind your back then what can you do? If you are totally paranoid all the time then you might as well dump her anyway.

As far as appearing insecure I don't think so. I'm simply letting her know my standards. If she wants to continue dating other dudes then I won't waste my time pretending she is my girlfriend. This is done in a civilized way. No yelling screaming or arguing about it. Lay it out there for her and be prepared to walk. This is called demanding respect.

The point is that if your girl REALLY wants to be with you then she will do EVERYTHING possible to let you know that YOU are her guy. If you tell her that something makes you uncomfortable then it better stop immediately. If not, she is telling you with her actions that her IL is low, she doesn't respect you, and she's looking for a replacement.

 

[Slickster]

Slickster, good advice, but I have a question about your walking out move.

I see what you're trying to convey there, but there have been times when I am out on a date, and decide to quickly pick up a call from a friend (who may be female) because I think it's important. Obviously I try to focus on the person I'm with, but you know, stuff comes up.

If you've done that yourself, wouldn't it just come across absurdly hypocritical to call her out so dramatically for doing it once?

If I was on a date with a new chick my cell is turned off. If it does happen to ring then I never answer.

There is no such thing as female friends. There are chicks you are trying to sex and chicks you know as acquaintances. Regardless I don't answer calls from either if I'm with a date.

 

[eaglez1177]

Great advice Slickster...this is a great thread too

 

[The Inside Man]

They aren't friends, they're orbiters, and the girls they orbit are AWs. Huge red flag. My ex did this, which is why I walked. It's very disrespectful for girls to do this if you are involved. If you're not involved with them already, steer clear. Straight bull$hit no real man would put up with. But you may have to leave the US to find a girl that won't do it.