Dissect what I did wrong here comprehensively please

[jnMissouri]

Very short version. Colleague who got my number from her friend texted me her number. It was obvious she was interested in meeting me, etc. It was always two steps forward, one step back like she was playing hard to get. If I thought she wasn't interested and backed off, she would come engage me again using her friend to come over start a conversation first, then she herself would come join it and her friend would immediately leave us alone. We eventually went on a date, two steps forward, one step back. The first time I had asked her to join me for happy hour she told me she would let me know then the day and time of happy hour I had suggested she texted me asking if I was still going to happy hour. I told her I had already left for the day. She said she had too (then why did she ask me?? lol). So I backed on and she came and engaged me again at my desk. Using her friend to do it. I asked her out again, she agreed. Then she cancelled the morning of citing how she was so busy at work. Third time I EASILY got the date with her. She even told me what days she was running family errands and that she would be free Saturday...So we finally go out...

On the date she was flirty and there was a lot of kino/touching, but she also seemed distracted, texting her cousin halfway through almost constantly. I called her on it, and started to leave when the activity was up anyways. She apologized outside later. Then 20 minutes after the date she texted me that she had a great time. I had paid for the date by the way, that seems to be the norm everyone agrees, even the gurus. Anyways, I took this text as a sign of HI and suggested she cook us dinner at her place (I live far away from her, etc.). She agreed.

We talked about the dinner a bit once more a week later, she said she had not gotten a menu or food yet, I teased her. She said she had been busy and that she started exercising and taking English classes. So I joked how I can help her get some exercise and I would teach her English if she taught me her language. She laughed and asked what kind of excercise.

Now the part I think I messed up. I suggested we watch a movie (I meant a redbox movie, like at her place, but wasn't clear). She asked what kind of movie. I told her she'll like it, not to worry, and that she should let me know otherwise I'll make other plans. Boom, all of a sudden a girl who always texted me almost within an hour or minutes didn't text me for 3 days. I reach out again clarifying that I was talking about hanging with my friends (I was really talking about other women I'm dating hoping it would increase her interest and get her to say yes) and that I want to get to know her better. Next text, we should be friends, have fun with your buddies, etc.

I think that jealousy tactic is where I lost her. I didn't text her anymore than once every 3-5 days usually. I didn't compliment her. I used the usual C&cky comedy stuff on her and she LOVED all that. So is this likely where I lost her? Some have told me yes, very likely.

So other than NOT having used the jealousy tactic on her, is there ANYTHING I should have done differently? Been direct that she seems too unavailable and walked away and let her come to me? What?

 

[GT40]

I think you moved to fast trying to get to her place. AKA get into her pants.

Suggesting she cooks dinner ? She might be a lousy cook. Or doesn’t like to cook. Slow
Down man and be smooth.

 

[backseatjuan]

Some women are *******s, they have no intention from the beginning on fvcking you, just toying with you. She's not worth your time. I'd loose all interest in her, and let her come around.

Fvck up, let's see, jealousy thing. Why in the hell would you date a woman if you have a girlfriend? That just plain weird, especially for a girl that is gaming your ass, playing hard to get.
Another thing is dinner and movie at her place. Don't you have your own place? I mean that's the type of question she would ask herself, is this guy lives with his parents or something.
Now kino and touching. Do you think at that place you two went to anything would happen, or at least that day anything would happen, sexually? If yes, then kino and touching is just the thing, but if no, why validate her ass.

Now let's throw out the generalizations out, because all that above is in general, it just might not be applicable in your situation with this girl. You told us that she is taking English classes, that means she is foreign. I knew this one girl one time I met her on OLD, our first, 2nd and I believe even 3rd or was there ever 3rd date I don't remember, it was boring as fvck with her. I did everything right. Eventually I tried last final time in the car kiss her, she didn't want to, it was like she wasn't into me. I said ok let me take you home, and there you go, she said no, and began kissing. Turns out, that b1tch was inexperienced foreign girl from Uzbekistan, didn't know how to kiss well, didn't do head well, sucked at relationships, and pretty much was lame in bed. But had great tits and ass. After fvcking her in the evening she didn't let me sleep all night, she told me she couldn't sleep, she wanted to fvck more. The whole night, through the morning. She had some sort of sexual disorder or was just hungry for sex and had problems sleeping. Plus she was a clinger. I used her for sex and passed her onto my friends. I didn't want to see that girl. What I'm saying, she just might svck at interacting with me. It is possible especially if she is foreign.

 

[jnMissouri]

I think you moved to fast trying to get to her place. AKA get into her pants.

Suggesting she cooks dinner ? She might be a lousy cook. Or doesn’t like to cook. Slow
Down man and be smooth.

I don't think that would be it, here's why:


1) This has worked great for me in the past. I see where it can backfire with some women, but nothing says c&cky/funny like asking something like this. Plus having coffee or drinks for a second or third date would get boring for them after a while, and activities are expensive, waste of money if it doesn't work out and you don't really get to talk.


2) Also she texted me right away after the date saying the had a great time. I suggested she cook us dinner next time then. SHE IMMEDIATELY AGREED. Now at this point I stopped texting her. I didn't text her for maybe 3 or 4 days. Maybe I should have set a date and time right then and there perhaps, but I figured two steps forward, one step back, play it cool, don't be predictable.


3) It seems to me she stopped texting me (which was her response to my attempt to watch a movie together) right after I used the jealousy tactic, letting her know I would make other plan if she was too busy. I really think that's the biggest mistake I made. That killed it. And I let myself getting INTO that position by not setting up the date and time for the dinner right then and there when she agreed.

 

[jnMissouri]

Some women are *******s, they have no intention from the beginning on fvcking you, just toying with you. She's not worth your time. I'd loose all interest in her, and let her come around.

Fvck up, let's see, jealousy thing. Why in the hell would you date a woman if you have a girlfriend? That just plain weird, especially for a girl that is gaming your ass, playing hard to get.
Another thing is dinner and movie at her place. Don't you have your own place? I mean that's the type of question she would ask herself, is this guy lives with his parents or something.
Now kino and touching. Do you think at that place you two went to anything would happen, or at least that day anything would happen, sexually? If yes, then kino and touching is just the thing, but if no, why validate her ass.

Now let's throw out the generalizations out, because all that above is in general, it just might not be applicable in your situation with this girl. You told us that she is taking English classes, that means she is foreign. I knew this one girl one time I met her on OLD, our first, 2nd and I believe even 3rd or was there ever 3rd date I don't remember, it was boring as fvck with her. I did everything right. Eventually I tried last final time in the car kiss her, she didn't want to, it was like she wasn't into me. I said ok let me take you home, and there you go, she said no, and began kissing. Turns out, that b1tch was inexperienced foreign girl from Uzbekistan, didn't know how to kiss well, didn't do head well, sucked at relationships, and pretty much was lame in bed. But had great tits and ass. After fvcking her in the evening she didn't let me sleep all night, she told me she couldn't sleep, she wanted to fvck more. The whole night, through the morning. She had some sort of sexual disorder or was just hungry for sex and had problems sleeping. Plus she was a clinger. I used her for sex and passed her onto my friends. I didn't want to see that girl. What I'm saying, she just might svck at interacting with me. It is possible especially if she is foreign.

Yeah, I did sense she was lame at a lot of stuff. Pretty sure that didn't help but I think my tactic backfired. Sadly I had learned that lesson before and even posted about it here long ago and found my thread from 5 years ago looking through my threads. Ugh. Learned anew.

 

[backseatjuan]

You have absolutely nothing to lose if you don't initiate any sort of date for 3 weeks, and then text her saying hello. Date with you, drinks, no kino, no touching, no kissing, no hugging, no sexual validation period. Then 2nd date in 1 week and back to your place and fvckk.

 

[marmel75]

How many threads are you going to make on this woman? It didnt work. Its over. Move on. Trying to figure out exactly what went wrong is pretty impossible and futile. The energy you are wxpending om this you could be expending elsewhere and on working to get other women. If this is a pattern then maybe there is something there...if this is just a single event then it really doesnt matter and you need to srop obsessing over it and move on.

And yes, you are obsessing over it...to a near stalker degree. This is getting a little much bro. Let it go.

 

[jnMissouri]

How many threads are you going to make on this woman? It didnt work. Its over. Move on. Trying to figure out exactly what went wrong is pretty impossible and futile. The energy you are wxpending om this you could be expending elsewhere and on working to get other women. If this is a pattern then maybe there is something there...if this is just a single event then it really doesnt matter and you need to srop obsessing over it and move on.

And yes, you are obsessing over it...to a near stalker degree. This is getting a little much bro. Let it go.

It's not about THIS woman. It's about figuring out where I went wrong. To learn the lesson. I thought that was obvious when the title says "Help me dissect what I did wrong here" but apparently not. I don't care about HER. It's about the lesson.

Apparent you had no answer to my counter to your assumptions that I moved too fast. As I explained, that's obviously NOT it. Pretty sure the jealousy tactic was it. She stopped texting me after that. 96% sure that's it.

 

[marmel75]

It's not about THIS woman. It's about figuring out where I went wrong. To learn the lesson. I thought that was obvious when the title says "Help me dissect what I did wrong here" but apparently not. I don't care about HER. It's about the lesson.

Apparent you had no answer to my counter to your assumptions that I moved too fast. As I explained, that's obviously NOT it. Pretty sure the jealousy tactic was it. She stopped texting me after that. 96% sure that's it.

If this happens all the time to you its one thing. If this is a one off situation then there is no point in trying to figure it out and even if you did it would likely be meaningless. Who knows why. Women dont make sense many times. That's the reason.

 

[jnMissouri]

If this happens all the time to you its one thing. If this is a one off situation then there is no point in trying to figure it out and even if you did it would likely be meaningless. Who knows why. Women dont make sense many times. That's the reason.

Fair enough. As I've noted in a few places, it only happened to me 3 times in my life. Twice at work, once in undergrad. For some reason if it's a place we see or know each other at this happens. I'm going to drop the jealousy tactic. It is where she stopped talking to me, and with good reason. She became guarded suddenly.

Lesson learned...

 

[jnMissouri]

Triggered her feat of abandonment, but she was low interest before this regardless.

Yeah, I think she friended me suddenly so she could save face after my comment.

 

[R.U.G.]

She wasn't interested in you sexually, but wanted the attention. Once you get brushed off the first time, you close that door until she comes around and chases you. However, do not date or fvck women at work. Nothing good can be had from this type of game. Just not worth the risk.

 

[Glassguy]

Troll!

 

[Ranger]

The movie thing was too soon based on the scenario you described.
That is a result of how you think.
C0cky funny isn’t a be all, end all. There is a level of the confident masculine man missing sometimes.

It seems like trying too hard. Funny is a natural flow from you seeing her insecurities and things she does and then contrasting them with the absurd.
It can be mildly self debasing but that’s a fine line.

Just my opinion but I’m going to state it. You are concentrating on PUA and not engaging her as a sexual, masculine being. How and what you think is coming out and she is detecting the disconnect.
Work on what you think. Is your frame a chump learning tactics or are you a sexual man engaging a woman?

 

[lizardking82]

This is either a troll or you are just bad at reading people's actions.

As some guys rightly reminded me in a thread I made about a week ago: when her behaviour is confusing to you = low interest. Girls or anyone else won't risk losing the time and attention of someone they appreciate.

Move on, go cold on her and on any woman who behaves like this.

 

[GT40]

Dude stop trolling for ideas. Too much text. You sound really Beta with asking her this and that. After two dates she’s gonna cook for you? Likely not.

You need to lead the date. Lead the pace.
Asking her to cook at her place says you want her in the kitchen. Then to next... get into her pants. Not happening. She wasn’t interested