Disqualify the General, Qualify the Specific

[Spirit Fingers]

The difference between lame, supplicating compliments and powerful qualifying compliments is that lame compliments are to general traits the girl has, while powerful compliments are specific to the girl.

A common social error made by guys (and girls) is trying to qualify someone on a trait they have which they share with a lot of people. For example, saying that you like girls of her race, or hair color, or complimenting her on lame stuff which isn't really unique to her. Also, complimenting her on being good looking in general without saying anything specific to her (direct openers don't count because they're not actually qualifying her, they're just giving you a situationally relevant way to open her). This is the AFCs do. It comes off as lame because in the back of her mind she knows that she didn't really EARN the compliment, and you're just doing it to try and make up for your lack of value. Examples:

(After talking to a girl for hours)
Guy: You know, you're really beautiful (and not saying anything SPECIFIC that he likes about her looks)
Girl: Uh, thanks (thinking: weirdo)

or

Guy: You're Japanese? Awesome!!! I only date Japanese girls
(attempting to raise your value by qualifying her on something she didn't put any work into, comes off as lame)

or

Guy: So what do you do for fun?
Girl: Um...I dunno...I like watching movies
Guy: Really? I like movies too. We should catch a movie together sometime (Rewarding her with a compliment and show of interest for a lame response which isn't unique to her. The girl will know that she didn't really deserve this, and the guy's value will go down. She'll sense he's chasing her.)
Girl: Uh...I'm busy...

Instead of doing this, set yourself apart by disqualifying general characteristics. A good example of this is how Dimitri tells Japanese girls that he never dates Japanese girls (and then later he ****s them . You can disqualify a girl on any general characteristic she has about her. In fact, sometimes it's necessary for a girl to feel fully qualified for you that shut down her lame attempts to DHV and disqualify her on them. Examples:

Girl: Yeah I didn't think this outfit was anything special, but all these guys were staring at me when I was walking down the street today (trying to DHV by showing that other guys are attracted to her)
Guy: Really?!?! High five! (then takes his hand away when she goes for it and makes her look dumb, and playfully shuts down her lame DHV)

or

Guy: Usually I'm not attracted to girls who are blonde/short/tall/older/younger/whatever general trait, but I like you because you're (specific trait). (makes her feel more qualified because she feels she was initially at a disadvantage to other girls in getting you, but overcame that through the work she put into getting you)

or

Guy: So what do you do for fun?
Girl: Um...I dunno...I like watching movies...
Guy: Wow, that's awesome. I can just see you on a Friday night, and all your friends are like "hey, lets go out and get drunk," and you're like "noooo, I don't like going out, I gotta stay here and watch MOVIES..." (playfully shutting down the lame DHV attempt because it's not unique or special to her)
Girl: Haha, shut up, I'm not like that (qualifying herself)
Guy: Well, that's good (goes into stories about his life to make her open up more)

The things which you should qualify her on should all be specific to her. The more specific to her they are, the more powerful the qualification is. This is why while general direct openers (Hey, I think you're cute) work, specific direct openers (Hey, I saw you walking here wearing that crazy purple hat and sparkly shirt, and I
think you look really amazing) work better. Examples:

Guy: Are you adventurous?
Girl: Yeah, I like to do crazy things. This one time I decided that I wanted to go skydiving...I was so scared when I was in the plane, but finally I got up the courage and I jumped out, and it was one of the greatest experiences of my life.
Guy: That's really cool. I like girls who do crazy stuff like that. (rewarding her for a genuinely interesting DHV story, which is unique and specific to her)

or

Guy: So what do you do for fun?
Girl: I'm a writer, I'm working on my own novel right now.
Guy: Really...I'm actually a writer too. You should show me some of your work sometime (Rewarding her by showing interest in something unique to her, comes across well)

So remember: Disqualify the general, qualify the specific. Playfully shut down lame DHV attempts, and qualify the DHV stories of the girl that are unique and specific to her.

-Dan

 

[scorpio king]

the post is good....I mean, the post was well-detailed.

 

[fan27]

One of the better posts I have read in a while.

 

[syemour]

wow. good stuff.

 

[Seran]

Originally posted by Spirit Fingers


Guy: You're Japanese? Awesome!!! I only date Japanese girls
(attempting to raise your value by qualifying her on something she didn't put any work into, comes off as lame)

....

Instead of doing this, set yourself apart by disqualifying general characteristics. A good example of this is how Dimitri tells Japanese girls that he never dates Japanese girls (and then later he ****s them .

I have a question about this specific example - if you said you don't date Japanese girls, won't that end the conversation right there? And what if she says "Why don't you?" - how are you supposed to respond with something that doesn't sound dumb or (even worse?) racist?
is Dimitri a real person?

 

[Seran]

Originally posted by The_Shezzler
You have a lot to learn my friend.

Read before posting.

Sarge On...

 

[Spirit Fingers]

I have a question about this specific example - if you said you don't date Japanese girls, won't that end the conversation right there? And what if she says "Why don't you?" - how are you supposed to respond with something that doesn't sound dumb or (even worse?) racist? is Dimitri a real person?

Dimitri is a real person. He's one of the guys who taught me my game.

When you say that you don't date Japanese girls or redhead girls or whatever, it will only end the conversation if you are serious and negative about it. If you are PLAYFUL with it, then it won't end the conversation.

What Dimtri does in this example, when the girls asks him why, is to say "because they're all crazy...we can be friends though (said with kino)". The girl knows he's just kidding, but she's also subconsciously accpeted the frame that her being Japanese has created a handicap that she has to overcome.

The key is when you are asked why, don't respond logically. Just be like "because all redhead girls are crazy" or "because girls with big purses are always hitting on me" or something like that. Keep it playful and FUN.

-Dan

 

[Seran]

i see thanks
but he has to qualify the specific, right? or do you just disqualify her for being Japanese and go on to something else?