Disillusioned about dating

[Santos]

Hey guys

I haven't posted her or done any dating for about 1 and a half months. Been busy with my exams and other university stuff.

I was wondering if you guys could clarify things for me? My friend of 8 years pretty much stopped hanging out with me or anyone else since he met the first GF in his life about a year ago. He only sees her on weekends and calls her a lot in the week. We had about 8 21sts this year and he came to about 7 of them (mutual friends) but that's pretty much the only time I've seem him this year. I mean he sees her 2 days a week, which isn't a lot. But what about me? I mean he met HER when he was hanging out with ME and my other friend at a club, like we USED to do.

When his GF doesn't WANT to see him, then he will ask to hang out with me. I've been pretty patient with him, despite his AFC behaviour, but I've had some real LOWS this year and my buddy WASN'T there for me. I know that he really loves her and wants to be with her, but I still think he needs to make time for his friends. I just can't imagine how I could BE like that if I had a serious GF. But then another friend of 3 years is doing the same thing expect he sees his GF EVERYDAY. Most of my friends and I were pretty much SINGLE most of highschool and only started dating about 2-3 years ago. I can think of two other friends that do the same thing.

I don't want to be an ******* (if there's anything worse than a friend who ditches you for pvssy, it's a friend that *****es about you ditching him for pvssy ). Is this pretty much how a serious realationship is? You stop hanging out with friends, have no hobbies, etc?

I've been really patient but now I'm just getting pissed off, my weekends for the last month I've been at home, sitting on my ass, because I'm no longer needed by my friends who have "moved on to better things". I don't want a boring life like that...

I like time to myself, and doing this like play PC games, chess, guitar, etc. I don't want to have to spend 100% of my time with a GF. I want time to myself, and with my friends. I mean I actually KNOW what it'll be like to have married friends because that's pretty much how my friends act now.

I'm obviously going to try and make new friends, and date again. But I'm confused now. I think I've pretty much lost my two closest friends to women, if they stay with there GFs I won't really see them again.

In need of some DJ wisdom. I know the DJ principles "bro's before hoes","not acting afc" but what about how things actually ARE?

Thanks
Santos

 

[Doppler4000]

I know certain people who I can count on to basically disappear while they're dating someone and then they show up more once it's over. I make sure that I never act that way, and I don't really respect that sort of behavior because I don't think that's what being a friend is really about... but that's just how it is, and there really ain't much you can do about it.

 

[golf299]

i had the same thing happen to me with one of my good friends. it was really bugging me, so me and one of my other friends went to the source. we were out at lunch one day and we explained to him what was up and how we felt.

at first his response was classic AFC, i couldnt believe it. he said, "i've only seen her four times this week." FOUR times?! i said "we've only seen you twice in the past month!"

after that, things began to change. he started hanging out with us more and not being so attached to her, even though he hangs out with her whenever possible, he does make time for us now. he has even said "she wants me to hang out with you guys." so i guess he had a talk with her about it too.

we talked to him, he respected us and responded. thats all you can hope for. but you have to give it a try, you can't just sit around and be mad about it.

good luck!

 

[becker]

The problem is that in the end, all guys want women. Unless you're gay, a woman will always be more desired than a man. Therefore, if you have a GF, then you have the woman that you've wanted.

I've lost friends because of hanging out with GFs all the time, but let's be honest here, that's the way the cookie crumbles. Friends can come and go just as much as GFs in my experience. I have some best friends in the past who I don't even talk to anymore, whether it be because I've made new ones or just inconvenience.

 

[Wong Fei Hung]

I have not lost any of my friends since I started dating. I never put the girl first. I think if they are your friends they will understand. That does not mean forget about your buddies. I dont call the girl more than once a week. I call my friends more than once a week. The girls I dated actually got scared that I didnt like them.

The girls who told me to spend more time with them are gone and the ones who want any amount of time with me is still here. Some girls like it when you show that you have friends that surrounds your life and dont mind including her into it.

 

[DEKKA]

if you're too whipped to hang out with your boys you're beyond help and already past the point of no return. dont worry... his AFCness will bring you two love birds back together