Disappointed with myself, so now time for some scientific experimentation

[SDBmania]

Well, today I lent myself to science. I went shopping for some items. Mostly shipping material and some new sun glasses. I was tring to see if I could approach women. The result? Failure. I came close, but I did not reach my small goal of at least approching one woman. Arg. Towards the end of my test, I went to the super market. I was looking at crackers(not white people, actual food) and a girl entered the ile and looked aswell. She was quite close, but at a safe distance. At this point I started the 3 second rule, which I extended a few more seconds. Needless to say I did come up with something to say, but froze. This may seem like a step backward, but I see it as a good thing. This just shows I where I need improvement. At least now I am able to seriously consider approching(which is better then before). However, this is still an unsatisfactory result. I believe I was still too focused on not looking like an idiot and getting her digits, instead of not caring weather or not anything would happend. I could have just as easily said something funny and left it at that. I should not have focused on the "hunt" so to speak and just on being friendly. But anyway, I think I was preassuring myself too much to approch.

I thought that a neat idea would be to look at this in a more scientific perspective. I find that the less I trust my emotional side and the more I trust my rational side, the more bold and or darring I become. I cannot completely stop listining to my heart, because I am an emotional person. I think of my self as a balanced thinker. I used to not listen at all to my brain and now by doing half-in-half I think I will fare better. I don't think I could ever be a total DJ, for it's just not my style. I don't like acting like a ladies man nor do I like being ****y(unless I make it clear that I'm being humorus and in reality am not ****y at all). And sex is NOT a goal for me. Yah, I'm not going to be a virgin forever, but I'm certainly not going to just "put out" for anyone. I have too much respect for myself as a man to do any less. However, I do need to change a little bit more and I think I have just the idea how to do it. This is partly inspired by the DJ Bible its self:

1. Identify the problem: I can't seem to approach women that I'm attracted to in a non-controlled enviroment. This was due to too much planing. Also insecurity also plays as an issue.

2. Hypothesis: If I focus just on being myself and building up my confidence, I should be able to approach women that I am attracted to.

3. Deductive reasoning: In order to eliminate insecurity, I will think of myself as the best dressed and best looking guy. I will pump up my ego(or confidence) being sure to not become to ****y(that's where my funny bone comes in). Also, will allow myself to do this and tell myself that it is ok.

4. Data collection and analysis: I will test my hypothesis and see if I can indeed improve my self this way.

5. Derive conclusion: I will then beable to determin if my hypothesis is correct.

This is a new approach that seems for wrapped in logic then feeling. A bit extreem, but I think it will help to give an idea how I can better balance my logic with my emotional self. I will go up to women in groups or by themselves(without men with them of course) say this: "Hi, my name is x and I am running an experiment. I'm trying to see if I can approach women that I am attracted to. I thank you for your participation, have a good day."
I am not sure if I can do this, but I will try. I will post my observations and my results later on in the week. So, wish me luck fellow scientits!

 

[Ricky]

Just say hi. Then, make an observational comment.

Good ones are like this:

1) I'm too indecisive to decide what brand of laxative to buy. You look like a laxative user, what would you recommend, the Mega Colon Blow or the Anal Volcano brand?

 

[DEKKA]

Originally posted by Ricky
Just say hi. Then, make an observational comment.

Good ones are like this:

1) I'm too indecisive to decide what brand of laxative to buy. You look like a laxative user, what would you recommend, the Mega Colon Blow or the Anal Volcano brand?

go with the anal volcano ricky

 

[Jake Steed]

SDBmania,

Your post can actually be very helpful to people on this board. This whole "science vs. emotions" thing is a big deal for young guys. You're kind of on the wrong track, though. I'll explain.

I was once like you. I was very nervous approaching women. We've all been there. For whatever reason, I would get nervous and talk myself out of approaching, then end up kicking myself over many, many missed opportunities.

Somewhere along the line, I came out of my shell and started putting myself on the line. I started approaching women and talking to them. I got shot down. A LOT. But I also had successes.

Don't get me wrong, my game never evolved into "perfection". There are STILL times when I will talk myself out of saying hi to a hot girl when I know I should. That little insecurity in your head never REALLY goes away--the best thing you can do is to get to know yourself--what's going on in your head so you can identify those insecure feelings and deal with them. For some people, they are plagued by it forever. For others, it's not a big deal.

When I started having successes is when I started realizing that approaching women was not the end of the world and that even after hundreds of rejections, I was still alive. In fact, I was a stronger person. The EMOTIONAL INVESTMENT of approaching and putting myself on the line diminished so much it almost became non-existent. I remember on holiday over a few days I went sarging/clubbing with SexPDX (he lives in my home town) and I think we approached over 50 women. Singles, groups, whatever.

It was fun to be emotionally un-invested because there was no chance I could be humiliated, even if I struck out. BUT HERE'S WHERE THE DANGER IS-- you cannot completely detach yourself from your emotions. To do so would be to make yourself something other than human. It's impossible. And in the relm of scoring women, it will actually be counter productive to you. Once I started to figure this out, I actually became a lot more aware of what was going on in women's heads and I had a lot more success.

For example, many guys on this board, much to my frustration, view women as if they were computers. They think if they plug in pattern X, C&F routine 69, do an about face and hop on one toe, they can seduce any woman. Bullshyt. Women don't work that way.

The sooner you realize that women are EMOTIONAL creatures and their actions and reactions are motivated by emotion, you will have a LOT more success with them.

It's about empathy and observation, not manipulation. You cannot "trick" a woman into liking you with some fVcking "Peacock 221 pattern X".

I think this scientific approach comes from most of the idiots here being computer nerds who think they can scientifically compartmentalize women so those same women can't break their hearts like they've been doing for years. They are hoping to discover some magic formula that will make the head cheerleader stop fvcking the jock and actually give him a shot--or he hopes to get revenge on her for rejecting him.

The sooner you drop this scientific bullshyt and start really connecting with women on an emotional level, you will start to truly understand them (as much as a man can hope to).

Now back to you. Why shouldn't you try to eliminate your emotions when you're interacting with women? For one, because it ceases to be FUN. If something's not on the line, what's the point? When you finally have that first success, you will understand what I'm talking about. That rush of adrenaline when you make that connection with her is like little else in the world. You can't get that without there being an emotional connection with her.

And I'm not talking about being "AFC" or any of that bullshyt. I'm talking about you identifying within yourself what's going on with your emotions and acknowledging that yes, she is a human being, not a computer, and neither are you.

The second reason you shouldn't try to take this foolish "scientific" approach with women is they can sense what you are doing on a subconscious level and it will fvck up your success rate. They won't be able to quite put their finger on it, but something about you will be fake to them and they will be turned off. Remember, they are emotional . Connect with them on THAT level.

Women are not computers.

Jake

 

[SDBmania]

How refreashing

Hmm, I guess I never looked at it like that before. It's true, you will never be able to eliminate the risk factor completely and I should not block out my emotional side completely. My goal is to have a balance. I seem to allow myself to be bolder when looking at things more logically, however, then I loose that drive to approach. Logic would then go on to say: "what's the point? Why even bother?" So, I instead of making this look like a study, I shall do something different. I should just challenge myself, but not act like this is some pet project of mine. I suppose I'm just a bit tired and I am doing my best to change/improve who I am. The problem I have is the whole C@F thing and the paranoia of being controlled. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting a woman control you as long as you get to take control as well. I just need to work on the approaching part. I think If I could get into the party scene it would be easier, however, that's kind of hard when your social life is low. Still, I think that tomarrow I'll just spend the day at the mall, just to get the feel of it. I can learn it's layout more and I may as well make a list for holiday shopping. Right now, I just feel bored and frusterated. Since college was my prime spot for my social life, all I have is work right now. I took off this semester, but I'm going back. I would like to prepare myself more, so that is why I'm trying to get out any way I can! I am going to read the DJ bible a bit more since it has helped a bit, but I prefer to do things my way and I'm not affraid to give control away now and then. I'm for equality, not geing wipped or being the wipper.

Now, I just got to figure out what I'm going to do with this clipboard that I bought. Man, sometimes I even amaze me.

 

[DankNuggs]

Jake-

That post was bible material.....I wanted to give him advice along the same lines...but you said it phenomenally...


I also think that breaking out of your shell is a product of developing and feeling good about your personality...I think alot of times the people who are quiet in front of strangers, but characters in front of their friends, feel very nervous about opening up their personality to the world. We tell people to be C&F, because we know that its a personalilty trait that people enjoy, and its addictive, lighthearted, and fun natured...

When you truely value your personality, you will open up...In the meantime, work on the traits of your personality that you think needs improving. (i.e. I tend to be negative at times, I tend to be offensive, I openly ridicule people for no reason....etc..)

 

[k3000]

I also think that breaking out of your shell is a product of developing and feeling good about your personality...I think alot of times the people who are quiet in front of strangers, but characters in front of their friends, feel very nervous about opening up their personality to the world.

We tell people to be C&F, because we know that its a personalilty trait that people enjoy, and its addictive, lighthearted, and fun natured...

i know this situation well because i have a naturally c + f personality in front of my friends. i used to feel weird, sort of dirty after a good night where i was funny and the centre of attention. this was because i thought my personality was flawed and that i should hide my real self because it had never got me anywhere in the past. now i know that the way i naturally am is cool.

being a DJ is about being yourself despite what the article "why not just be yourself" on the main site says. youve got to feel good about your natural personality beacause you cant change it. you cant become a different person with a different set of mannerisms and inclinations but you can make better decisions. you can decide to like yourself the way you are and not let anyone push you around or whatever.

my mistake was that i thought that my lack of success with women (and people in general) was to do with the fundamentals of my personality when it was in actuality the choices that i made that were bad (ie. not standing up for myself).

now that ive rectified this problem i feel much more confident with strangers and i can be c + f with pretty much most people if i think its appropriate.

 

[xblitz44x]

"the best thing you can do is to get to know yourself--what's going on in your head so you can identify those insecure feelings and deal with them." -Jake

Very good point. Our outlook of each situation will automatically shape our thoughts, actions, and eventually the outcome. I am dating a girl who, in the beginning, I assumed was a huge game player.

My Outlook
She did a few things that *could* have been considered playing games, but nothing concrete. But I was operating from my own fvcked up paradigm. Things happened to me in the past (I was hurt, played, etc) and I never appropriately ironed them out. My outlook.

My Thought
So I assumed this girl was playing games, just like the rest of them. Every thing she did, I analyzed and assumed that she was losing interest, or toying around. That was my misperception. My thought.

My Actions
From there, I adjusted my actions to deal with it. I started becoming more defensive. I deleted her number once. I was acting like a big baby when she wouldn't return my call. My *actions* were a direct result of my (mis)perception of the situation ("she's playing games"). My action.

The Outcome
And now, she very well may see how fvcked up and 'out of left field' these actions really are because they have NOTHING to do with the reality of the situation. Those games she played weren't games at all. She really *did* have to study, she didn't want to sleep with me because she *couldn't* go to sleep in a small bed with somebody else...things that I was mistaking for games because another girl fvcked up my outlook before. So now this girl may or may not bail because I'm acting like a jackass. The outcome.

Do you see?

Everything we do: outlook, thought, action, outcome.

In your case you have trouble approaching, your outlook is a troubled one. One that is going to always yield fvcked up thoughts, which breed fvcked up actions, which breed fvcked up outcomes. It ALWAYS happens this way. Why do you feel it is such a big deal to approach a woman? What do *you* think she feels? And why is it that just because *you* think she feels this way (with no evidence or proof whatsoever) this will have anything to do with HER past exeriences that shape her own paradigm? Change your outlook. Look around for 'reality'. People enjoy meeting people. Some won't, but those can't bother you. If it bothers you that somebody does not like you...that is another outlook that you have to change.

For now work on something as simple as having a conversation with a stranger. You're just making friendly conversation, sincerely showing interest in them. Your outlook.

"I'm just going to go up there and chat it up. No expectations. Nothing bad could come out of this because I don't have to "succeed" at anything. I just have to talk, and chat which I do with a million people anyway". Your thought.

You walk up to the girl/guy...whoever you decide to chat with. You come across as relaxed, and YOURSELF. You seem very natural and secure with yourself because you are seeing the situation clearly, for what it is, based on facts, and not a fvcked up misperception. Your actions.

She either enjoys your company, there was chemistry, and you exchange contact information. Or she doesn't feel in the mood to talk to strangers, she is involved with somebody right now, or there just isn't physical attraction. The outcome.

Have fun, and reeeeelax.

 

[Ricky]

Like those comments xblitz.

Sorry for my joking comment earlier guys. i was in a sarcastic mood last night to say the least.