Direct approach and a common problem

[Colonizer]

I was walking in a mall and suddenly I spot this HB. She was sitted alone. I go directly to her:

C: Hi, I’m not gonna forgive myself If I don’t do this, I think you are very beautiful, and I would like to meet you.
HB: I’m waiting for someone
C: Don’t worry, we can wait together, just say to him we are friends from college..
HB: Yeah, but (I don’t let her continue)
C: I’m C by the way, and you?
HB: HB
C: Then nice to meet you HB (shake hands)… tell me something about yourself
HB: The person I’m waiting is coming in any second
C: I understand, but I can’t leave without something (I gave her my cell and say “write ur #”.

She complies, I call her to check if that was her real #. I say to her “let’s practice, you are gonna say: Hi sexy guy, I was just waiting for your call” and when I was about to continue with this little game she says “I’m not gonna do it. I think it’s stupid. This has never happened to me. Why are you talking to me?”

I answered: Just like I said, I want to know more about you
HB: Yes, but I don’t understand. You are a stranger bla bla bla
C: Well I gotta go, nice meeting you. Give me a hug.
HB: No! (I wasn’t going to take a no for an answer, so I hug her. It’s just a hug so why not?)

Here I know I shouldn’t have said “give me a hug” but instead just done it. After the approach I had this feeling of “I’m not going to see this girl never again”. I’m afraid she is going to flake.

Here is where I need your help direct players (I wrote DIRECT players, if you haven’t done a lot of direct approaches please don’t reply). Lately a lot of girls I opened direct acted that way. I mean, like they couldn’t believe, or didn’t want to believe a guy could be so direct with his intentions. It’s like they were in shock sometimes, and decide to assume is all a lie. I tell you guys, this girl was definitely my type. I really felt it when I said the direct opener.

 

[mustfirstregister]

Congrats! in the Dapproach. But I'm sure she is flakin.

 

[bam bam]

Quick comments before I go into work i'll add more later..

Openers are cheesy...

Opening woman who you haven't made any eye contact with is a bit creepy. You can't just pop out like jason and expect to get a warm welcome.

Biggest prob with day game is you need to be fast on your feet to build a bit of rapport with the person. Which you clearly did not do at all.

Calling right after you get their number is suppose to do what? To make sure it's her real number? haha you kill me... what if it wasn't? What would you have done? beaten her on the spot or told her ok now give me your real number since that one was fake... common dude that's just lame to do...

You have to establish something beyond the fact she's beautiful and you want to say hi. Talk about what she's doing (where you are).

You can't expect to get a number and have anything come from it without doing ground work.

Your intro is fine I hate it but as long as it gets you in the door it's no big deal. Your second thing to get there is a convo with her something where you're able to click or connect with each other. Plus why are you getting women's numbers if you dont know anything about them? The whole idea is to talk to woman you find attractive and then get along with them. Doing what your doing you'll get the big fat donut unless she has love eyes when she sees you.

If not I suggest dont go for the number close get an email or something less personal which will allow you to get to know her a bit more before she commits to picking up your calls or responding to your text.

Final note... she told you not to hug her... why r u hugging her after she told u no? This isn't the playful hug after she's flirting with you and you say bye she says no and you give her a big hug... this is just a blunt no dont hug me and you still went on to her hug... your lucky she didn't scream rape or run away... haha

 

[bam bam]

all approach btw is direct lol Unless your transitioning to a girl from her friend(s). Are you talking about day game or day/nite game because both are rather different.

 

[Colonizer]

First of all, thanks for the quick reply Bam bam

Opening woman who you haven't made any eye contact with is a bit creepy. You can't just pop out like jason and expect to get a warm welcome.

Actually there was a previous eye contact. She knew I was going to talk to her, I made it pretty obvious with an smile, BL. I didn't mentioned because if things would have gone wrong since the beginning, it would have been a complete C&B.

Final note... she told you not to hug her... why r u hugging her after she told u no?

I thought she was testing me or sth.

your lucky she didn't scream rape or run away... haha

Come on man, it was just a hug. I don't see anything risky on doing it.

Are you talking about day game or day/nite game because both are rather different.

I approached her in a mall, day game.

 

[rushing dude 123]

I was walking in a mall and suddenly I spot this HB. She was sitted alone. I go directly to her:

C: Hi, I’m not gonna forgive myself If I don’t do this, I think you are very beautiful, and I would like to meet you. (nice opener)HB: I’m waiting for someone (resistance!!!!!!)
C: Don’t worry, we can wait together, just say to him we are friends from college.. (This is where you lost it, you didn't disable the resistance and you wanted to tell someone you are FRIENDS because u think its bad for her to be talking to you if she dosn't know you, you have already planted yourself as someone who is trying to slyly get under her radar)
HB: Yeah, but (I don’t let her continue)
C: I’m C by the way, and you?
HB: HB
C: Then nice to meet you HB (shake hands)… tell me something about yourself
HB: The person I’m waiting is coming in any second
C: I understand, but I can’t leave without something(This was a bit submissive in my opinion like your pleading for it) (I gave her my cell and say “write ur #”.

She complies, I call her to check if that was her real #. I say to her “let’s practice, you are gonna say: Hi sexy guy, I was just waiting for your call”(good, but i think her interest is low, so it would reduce its likelness of working, but try this )again and when I was about to continue with this little game she says “I’m not gonna do it. I think it’s stupid. This has never happened to me. Why are you talking to me?”

I answered: Just like I said, I want to know more about you
HB: Yes, but I don’t understand. You are a stranger bla bla bla (Resistance)
C: Well I gotta go, nice meeting you. Give me a hug. (U didn't defuse the resistance again, say something like well everyone is a stranger when you first meet them, but thats how you expand and live life meeting lots of new people from all around the world)
HB: No! (I wasn’t going to take a no for an answer, so I hug her. It’s just a hug so why not?)

Here I know I shouldn’t have said “give me a hug” but instead just done it. After the approach I had this feeling of “I’m not going to see this girl never again”. I’m afraid she is going to flake.

Here is where I need your help direct players (I wrote DIRECT players, if you haven’t done a lot of direct approaches please don’t reply). Lately a lot of girls I opened direct acted that way. I mean, like they couldn’t believe, or didn’t want to believe a guy could be so direct with his intentions. It’s like they were in shock sometimes, and decide to assume is all a lie. I tell you guys, this girl was definitely my type. I really felt it when I said the direct opener.

The way you should of handled it better in my opinion is when she said shes waiting for someone, you could of said something like "yeah i am waiting for my wife too she will be here any second....wow you look really hawtttt (jokinly)...look u know what i am just kidding i just wanted to speack to you for few minutes, whats your name?" that way you C&F the comment then you change subject without her even realising, .

I would of personally just took the simple route and did "o yeh i got to go as well anyway, but look i was just curious on what type of person you was, so give me your number (hand phone) and we will talk again sometime"

Don't get me wrong it was a good approach and i think you handled it very well and a lot better than most people would of in this forum, but i think you came off a bit to much trying to sneak past her defences, instead Just keep it direct, keep it on subject and keep it simple.

You got a skill in this i can see it, but you just need more experience to refine it. Keep approaching and don't try to plan everything, think on your feet be adapatable, sometimes everything won't go to plan.

Good job though, i am sure you will master this in the near future

 

[thegator39]

Someone has to say it...you were likely scaring the crap out of her. It sounds like she didn't want to be approached and likely has never been cold approached like that. You can't make something out of nothing. Find a girl that is interested and she won't resist.

 

[Zarky]

Find a girl that is interested and she won't resist.

Heh, kind of like saying "leave your doors and windows open and you might one day find a woman in your bed."

I say go for it, OP. If you can do direct, I say do it. You will freak out a lot of chicks but you will also get laid more than anybody else here.

 

[Colonizer]

Rushing dude 123, EXCELLENT advice, you have no idea how this will help my game, very appreciated

Zarky, I'm TOTALLY agree with you. That's the point. Almost nobody do direct game, it's a way to difference yourself from the rest.

 

[Pieceofsand]

I've done some direct approaches in the past and they did not go so well, that's the risk you'd take with going direct.

Bottom line is, if it fails..don't feel bad about it. Worse could happen is her rejecting you and walking away,maybe she'll tell her friends how weird you are, that's about it. Try to learn from it.

I'm still learning and I still get rejected, but I'm better than I was before I made the approach.

Keep it up!

 

[sux2bu]

You came across as being too pushy and she obviously put her biatch shield on maximum. Either that or she didn't like you at ALL. Or else she would have made time for you. Work on your social cues and body language feedback when pushing and pulling.

 

[j0n24]

You guys are making to many defensive comments for her part eve though we should be on the side of OP.

You guys say she is scared...of what? Yes she might not be use to people just coming up to her just due to how society is these days but so what? She has nothing to be afraid of she is in the MALL with people all around what is going ot happen? Is the op going to pick her up and take her to the restroom without ANYONE seeing...chick was just being an idiot.

Personally I dont like your opening....calling someone beautiful should NOT be the first thing you say to someone you dont know. I use the same opener but a little differently I actually used this last night and I got a number.

"Hey I had to come over here or else I'd be mad at myself but your the cutest girl I've seen in the past 2 days.''

She smiled really big then laughed saying "2 days huh."

Basically a neg and a compliment rolled up into one little remark.

The whole convo was bad though...she wasnt receptive so you should have just left...I would have made fun of her lack of social skills and would have to ld her she must be waiting for her mom cause her social interactions with other people is seriously lacking. IF you kept going and got the number on the paper I would have thrown it away while I walked away just to show her that I could care less about her or where the interaction went.

You have to understand that daygame solely relies on 60% looks, 30% first interaction and how it interaction feels right off the bat and 10% game.

 

[Igetit!]

I agree with j0n24 in that your opening was sort of....well.....kinda whack,but I do give you props on even doing the approach,and a direct one at that.



That being said,my take on the whole interaction is as follows...

I was walking in a mall and suddenly I spot this HB. She
was sitted alone. I go directly to her:

C: Hi, I’m not gonna forgive myself If I don’t do this, I think you are very beautiful, and I would like to meet you.

As I said before,the opening was bad. You started off putting YOURSELF in a down/supplicating position. You called her beautiful,which is you prasing her,and on top of that,you were basically asking for her permission to get to know her.



You're the man,which means you're the prize,but you calling her "beautiful" and asking if you can get to know her,will cause her to FEEL like she's above you,like you're a groveling worm asking for permission to simply be in her presense.


You should have just bust out in a conversation with her. You don't need anyone's permission to get to know them,just start talking to them.

HB: I’m waiting for someone
C: Don’t worry, we can wait together, just say to him we are friends from college..
HB: Yeah, but (I don’t let her continue)
C: I’m C by the way, and you?
HB: HB
C: Then nice to meet you HB (shake hands)… tell me something about yourself.

One thing I have to give you props on....you seem to have a pretty decent frame control. You cut her off in mid-sentence by introducing yourself and even got her to introduce herself back to you,and shook hands with the girl.



Where you got off track was when you asked her to tell you something about herself.




Why would she do that? Why would she just start giving out personal information about herself to a complete stranger? That "tell me about yourself" question is too formal,too business like. It's something an employer would ask a potential new employee,not something a man and a woman who are feeling sexual attraction for each other would say to one other.

HB: The person I’m waiting is coming in any second
C: I understand, but I can’t leave without something (I gave her my cell and say “write ur #”.

She complies, I call her to check if that was her real #. I say to her “let’s practice, you are gonna say: Hi sexy guy, I was just waiting for your call” and when I was about to continue with this little game she says “I’m not gonna do it. I think it’s stupid.

I actually agree with her on this one. I'm at a mall minding my own business,and all of the sudden some stranger just blindsides me trying to get me to play some role playing game? You just went from being a bit agressive to being overbearing and pushy.

"This has never happened to me."

I believe her. I'm sure she's had guys ask her out before,but to have a guy try to get her to play along in some little "skit" you just off of the top of your head came up with....yeah,I believe her.

I answered: Just like I said, I want to know more about you
HB: Yes, but I don’t understand. You are a stranger bla bla bla
C: Well I gotta go, nice meeting you. Give me a hug.
HB: No! (I wasn’t going to take a no for an answer, so I hug her. It’s just a hug so why not?)

I don't think she was scared,but I do think you sort of made her uncomfortable.

She said,"I don't understand". She was taken back by your behavior. It's like,if you wanted to ask her out,then why not just ask her out. You twice told her you wanted to get to know her,told her you would sit there and wait with her,tried to get her to "role-play" with you by reciting some line,asked for a hug,then when she said no,you forced one on her.


Umm....don't you think that's a bit much?



You have the drive and the confidence,you just need to channel it into an approach that takes a girl's comfort level into account.

 

[Colonizer]

Good responses from a lot of you there. Your help is very appreciated :rock:

you were basically asking for her permission to get to know her.

Got it, I'll use the word "cute" instead of beautiful. But, how do you open direct? Could you give me some examples?

That "tell me about yourself" question is too formal,too business like. It's something an employer would ask a potential new employee,not something a man and a woman who are feeling sexual attraction for each other would say to one other.

So how do you get to know her? What do you say that doesn't sound too formal?

You have the drive and the confidence,you just need to channel it into an approach that takes a girl's comfort level into account.

I know, I need to improve my improvisation. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[Lucifero]

Congrats! in the Dapproach. But I'm sure she is flakin.

Did you touch her? If so, how did she react...and anytime a woman who you have approached says "Why are you talking to me?" it is a bad omen...why? Because it should be obvious why you were talking to her....you wanted to pick her up, duh!

 

[Lucifero]

C: Well I gotta go, nice meeting you. Give me a hug.
HB: No!

:crackup:

Thats a game over mate. Dont even call this ***** you are wasting your time.

 

[Lucifero]

Ok, you should NOT have called her "Beautiful" or even used that opener. It sounded like a lame pick up line and that turned her off from the start...thats a no-no!

Next time use an opinion opener...ask her about something she's wearing or lack thereof. Example: "Excuse me miss, you wear a lot of jewelery. Do you work at *Insert random jewelery store name here*?" Then you introduce yourself and change the subject..other example: "Excuse me miss, you are the first woman I've seen that does not wear a lot of jewelery, how come?" Introduce self and change the subject...you know the drill...