Dinner with the Ex-Girlfriend! Help!!

[Nightmoves77]

I will probably roll this one over in my head since I don't have to make up my mind until tomorrow...

Part of me says, "Don't go!"

Part of me says, "Go, so you can say hello when we run into each other among friends..."

Part of me says," Tell her I'm not ready to meet her yet."

 

[cave dweller]

dinner

Hey,

I will say again...Quit wasting your time with her.

Forget the dinner.
To hell with her.
Move on.

cave dweller

 

[Trance]

Phone her:

She: Hello!
You: Hi there! Listen, something came up, and i cant make it to our dinner..

a) She: Oh... ok
You: Ok, so maybe another time (like never)

b) She: Oh.. so lets make it day X
You: I cant also, i'm very busy all week/month

c) She: Why? (if she dares to ask why are you canceling, you do the kill)
You: I'm going out with my girl (this will drive her nuts)


Take this advice from someone who has been there! If you want her you CANT be with her. You will **** up, or even if you dont she'll think you are still around for her. YOU CANT DO THAT!!
You cant have free time for her!! If she's no longer your lover, she's no longer important!!

 

[Black Panther®]

Originally posted by Trance
Phone her:

She: Hello!
You: Hi there! Listen, something came up, and i cant make it to our dinner..

a) She: Oh... ok
You: Ok, so maybe another time (like never)

b) She: Oh.. so lets make it day X
You: I cant also, i'm very busy all week/month

c) She: Why? (if she dares to ask why are you canceling, you do the kill)
You: I'm going out with my girl (this will drive her nuts)


Take this advice from someone who has been there! If you want her you CANT be with her. You will **** up, or even if you dont she'll think you are still around for her. YOU CANT DO THAT!!
You cant have free time for her!! If she's no longer your lover, she's no longer important!!

but if the woman has enough common sense by B, she will know that he just does want to go out to eat with her and that he is not willing to do it period.

But like he said if she dares to go past B and goes to C with a question like that, Jesus christ i'd go for the kill, the funeral and the afterlife on her ass.

 

[catch]

what if you did go to diner tho?????

what would be the diference between success and failier?
i know i know every body is all up for the ganji games, let her find out what shes missing, but i just cant help thinking of an even better way...

weve been anticipating this girls game plan, not only are we reading her mind but we are seeing into the futer! how do we know know all this? what if we are wrong !!!

nm77.. you will probably go to diner anyway.. i can tell..and if you do your going to need to know a couple of things.. you also need to take a few aspects into consideration..

1) why is she doing this... really


2) what does she really expect to achieve..


3) she knows you... what does she think you will do..


4) how can you turn the tables to your advantage..


5) yes i know this isnt a criminal investigation..


do you know what reverse psychology is?

now this is only dinner, but what you do and how you do it is a very big deal... ime not encouraging you to go through with the dinner, hell no.. its just, if you do.. then.. you need need to be able to play your cards right...

The Dinner
on arrival
when you get there, you must be yourself.. you havent changed because of her.. treat her like an old time friend you havent seen in years, be happy to see her.. this is the first impression, your setting the scene for the whole lunch... when she sees you are happy then she will be instantly confused..( taking into consideration that she may be expecting you to be down and upset seeing her again) otherwise she will just enjoy atmosphere...

1) maintain this posotive state through out!

now your talking, laughing an stuff, when she brings up other men you must be ok with it.. its cricial that you dont get angry, sad, or whatever show her that your happy with that..she needs to know that you dont need her period! congratulate her if you want..

2) be happy that she can find other men..

this is where it gets interesting, the questions will no doubt be asked,

1) do you want to see me again?
2) do you have other girl friends?
3) can we start over?
4) do you still love me?


all these crapy, shyty sloppy, girly bull shyt questions that involve you giving up the chase an giving her the answers...
tell her what she doesnt want to hear, IN A NICE FRIENDLY POSOTIVE WAY...

now what do you do when she tells you what you dont want to here...??? cry..? runaway or punch a brick wall??? ha ha
what if she said yeah

1)i have a new boyfriend
2)i dont think we should see each other again
3)ime not willing to have a relation ship
4)ime glad were friends now
5)no you cant have one last kiss..(joke)



reverse psychology

when these statements come about, and they will,
she will not be expecting a sincere agreement.. you will not be holding on to her ankle as she walks out the door.. oh no...
she may be expecting you to give in an tell her how much that you still want her, or even beg for her to come back!!

ime not going into a ful discription of reverse psychology but it works on the principle of hidden agenda... when she says that she wants to be friends but still loves you then when you agree and say, yeah thats the best thing for us, she will experience the fellings of loss..
youve maintained the posotive fellings from the start and now she knows shes lost you and all the good feelings you bring to her...
but thats if you do decide to go

 

[00Kevin]

maybe she just wants to f-cuk?

 

[Fenderules]

for god sakes stop trying to see what "she thinks". thats not important because you will never know for certain. Ask yourself what "i think" and the relevance has to the situaiton. I mean if you really have strong feelings have face the fact that your prolly gonna get burned and is it worth seeing her again to bring up those feelings again. If you think you should not be with her but a part of you does........avoid her at all costs.




Its up 2 you. If you really think you can handle get burned you could go to dinner but you will prolly wanna punch yourself in the face at the end of the night.



I do say go to dinner with her for sure......just maby right now may not be the best time. You could put it off but i would still go.....to see how she is as a friend....but if you see further then that i would not do it cause i do not set myself up in getting burned anymore with my feelings.

 

[quest]

Originally posted by pff
"Look, ex-girlfirends are like reading a book...even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time...it still has the same ending."

how good is that quote!
i've gotto store that in the memory bank..

 

[tonysat]

i like what pff said.. very true..

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by pff
"Look, ex-girlfirends are like reading a book...even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time...it still has the same ending."

That was fvcking beautiful man....

 

[Nightmoves77]

Thanks for the posts!!(Some were just too good!)

I mulled it over for the most part...

I am going to be too busy for lunch this time... Some work has come up.

However, I will eventually have to go because of a lot of mutual friends involved... She will not expect me to put her off. I consider it a small moral victory!!

 

[Desdinova]

I'm with NewMan. I've been through this crap before. Two months after my ex left me, she calls me up and got the answering machine. She wanted a copy of her resume, and wanted to get together for coffee so I could give it to her.

I didn't call her back. I saw no need for us to go for coffee for that purpose. I also knew she was missing the communication and friendship aspect of our relationship, and I wasn't going to give her that. I took her resume, put it in an envelope, and mailed it to her. Coffee avoided.

A month later she called me up (again got the machine) and told me she got a piece of mail we needed to discuss. She suggested going for coffee again. I just ignored the message and didn't call her back.

About a year later, some mutual friends wanted to go out to the bar with me. They asked if it was okay if my ex came along because she wanted to talk to me. I said "sure"

We went to the bar and I said hi to her. Technically, I talked to her, but I was too busy all night hitting on other women and getting phone numbers. I did it all in front of her. At the end of the night, she said "I really wanted to talk to you but maybe some other time." I said "sure" and nothing ever happened. It felt great having the tables turned and I took control of the situation.

Don't let her have her cake and eat it too. Don't bother calling her back, and don't go to dinner with her.

 

[Aru]

Isn't it funny how the breakup of a LTR with the words "I need to find myself" is rarely about her actually trying to discover who she is/what she wants but more usually includes her lusting after/chasing/fvcking new guys for some period of time and then calling you after she's had her fun to come back to her.

 

[NewMan]

***
However, I will eventually have to go because of a lot of mutual friends involved... She will not expect me to put her off. I consider it a small moral victory!!
***

Don't try and pull that game on us.


We know better.

You don't HAVE TO go. You don't have to do anything.

Mutual friends or not. It is irrelevant.

You want to go, because you want her back. Say it like it is.

Realise the ONLY power you have over her, is not seeing her.

The power she has over you, is not being physical over you.

Your power over her, is not seeing/talking/being an emotional tampon for her.

By seeing her one on one, you give her all she wants - and she gives you nothing you want.

Be selfish.

If there is anything she wants to tell you - she can call you and say it. There is no need to meet.

I'd also recomend you do nothing with her and your mutual friends.

If you do, do not go one on one with her.

 

[Desdinova]

I will eventually have to go because of a lot of mutual friends involved

Your mutual friends should know that there's 5hit between the two of you and understand if you avoid her for a while (or even forever).

 

[Nightmoves77]

I think I'm on the right track for now!! "Newman" you got me thinking right off the bat! And "Catch" thanks for showing me the flipside of what I would deal with... Games and Reverse Psychology!(Someday maybe, but not this weekend!!)

She needs to realize that I am not there... At ALL!! I am not going to be an emotional shoulder for her while she's with/chasing new guys! B-Bye! If my only foothold on her is to not see her, then so be it!

Told her voicemail(ok easy part!) I had to work and we would have to do lunch some other time... Then she called back and I didn't bother to answer and don't plan on it! After 5+yrs... I'd say that's not too bad!!!

!!!!!Thanks to everyone who posted!! I needed that!!!!!

I'm sure I'll be needing some more advice in the future.. I wish I would have found this site sooner!!!!!

"Look, ex-girlfirends are like reading a book...even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time...it still has the same ending."

Great Quote!!! I hate re-reading books!!!

 

[cave dweller]

don't

Hey,

Don't go to lunch, dinner, coffee or play any games with her.

Don't return any of her voice mails or phone calls.

It is over, so, forget her and move on.

Your friends will understand.

cave dweller

 

[Black Panther®]

Originally posted by Nightmoves77
I think I'm on the right track for now!! "Newman" you got me thinking right off the bat! And "Catch" thanks for showing me the flipside of what I would deal with... Games and Reverse Psychology!(Someday maybe, but not this weekend!!)

She needs to realize that I am not there... At ALL!! I am not going to be an emotional shoulder for her while she's with/chasing new guys! B-Bye! If my only foothold on her is to not see her, then so be it!

Told her voicemail(ok easy part!) I had to work and we would have to do lunch some other time... Then she called back and I didn't bother to answer and don't plan on it! After 5+yrs... I'd say that's not too bad!!!

!!!!!Thanks to everyone who posted!! I needed that!!!!!

I'm sure I'll be needing some more advice in the future.. I wish I would have found this site sooner!!!!!

"Look, ex-girlfirends are like reading a book...even if you read it again, and enjoy it a second time...it still has the same ending."

Great Quote!!! I hate re-reading books!!!

Im glad and happy for you.

I was kinda surprise you did so though, cause your mind made up basicly to go to this dinner.

Congrats man.

If she insists in calling again and in making another date, pick it up and tell her you going out with your girl like somebody mentioned earlier in this thread.

 

[Ricky]

I have an ex that wants to get back to me and an ex I want to get back with. They are two different girls.

I don't want the one that wants me and I want the one that doesn't want me.

I am cutting off contact with both. The only reason I kept in contact with the one I don't want is that she has had a horrible year where two of her family members died. She is a friend and I love her that way only. Unfortunately as part of being a good friend to her about that, I hear her relationship failures, although she refuses to listen to me talk about any new girls.

Funny how it is.

The ex I want back? She never calls and only occasionally emails.

**** her it's her loss.

 

[Nightmoves77]

Right Move!!

Howdy:
I think you are doing the right thing!! I haven't spoke with my X in pretty much a year. It is tough to do, but everytime I think about it. I realize this statement!!

"She just wants to use you as her emotional tampon!!!"

Then you can move on!!! I have been dating multiple girls now and I don't even go back there. Trust me, it will happen, mine was an LTR of multiple years... So chin up, smile at all of them and see what happens!!
-NightMoves77