Dinner with gf and girl roommate. Waiter flirts. What to do

[Mxrider736]

Went out to dinner last night with my girlfriend and our girl roommate. Our roommate is good looking but my girlfriend is a very pretty blonde. She gets attention often when we go out to bars but I feel men won't approach as easily and when they do and I come in they apologize and leave. Tonight this was not the case. Our waiter who was scrawny with a handle bar mustache. (typical Los Angeles hipster type) comes to our table with mild humor. Which was nice at first. Once he saw we would bite he immediately started giving my gf most of the attention. He offered us drinks and I didn't feel like having a beer but had a soda instead. When I ordered that I assumed he thinks he is older than me. I'm 23 and says ok get that right in for ya "boss" . This is the first thing to trip my radar. A subtle attempt at dominance. After that he contines to joke with my gf and rarely with myself and roommate. We make a joke about me ordering soda and I say ya mt dew is my weakness. He immediately returns with wow my weakness is sex drugs rock and roll. This angere me. The next time he comes back he subtly brags to my gf about him being a bio engineering major. Finally she gave him the hint that we were together and he Replyed wow she is a smart woman man don't let her go. (god). Finally he asked us to come back and see him again and it was done. Was given a **** test immediately after which I failed but was able to re gain myself later


Question is. How do you react to a situation like that. He is our waiter and has infinite confidence because if I throw a fit or say anything like its affecting me I'm automatically the offender. How does one deal with a charismatic phaggot like this when he is challenging my dominance and the girls don't even see it.

 

[pipe007]

oh well, let this be a lesson for you....
you need to maybe work on your sense of humor, laid back attitude and confidence... you need to have "it" when this situations come up...

I used to be like you and feel intimidated when I was in a situation like this, and jealousy would come up...

now I inmediately match the guy's energy and inmediately engage him and make friends with him... if he would have persisted and being disrespectful, I would have established my authority over my group by looking at him straight in the eyes and saying

"ok bro, thanks for your service, we will take it from here"

 

[vatoloco]

"Agree & Amplify"

 

[pipe007]

VATOLOCO
I understand the concept of "agree and amplify"
but you see to be using it as a major technique "universal" for most situations with women?

could you give examples in your own life as to how you use this? agree and amplify?
thanks

 

[Kbomb]

oh well, let this be a lesson for you....
you need to maybe work on your sense of humor, laid back attitude and confidence... you need to have "it" when this situations come up...

I used to be like you and feel intimidated when I was in a situation like this, and jealousy would come up...

now I inmediately match the guy's energy and inmediately engage him and make friends with him... if he would have persisted and being disrespectful, I would have established my authority over my group by looking at him straight in the eyes and saying

"ok bro, thanks for your service, we will take it from here"

This is great, cause the tension to which he will have to respond, and when he obviously doesn't respond since he won't want to lose his job, you will have taken over.

My thing would be the attitude that if he is a better man than you then so be it, let him take her. But there are no men better than you right?

 

[Mxrider736]

Ok I will work on that. Thanks guys

 

[Mxrider736]

This is great, cause the tension to which he will have to respond, and when he obviously doesn't respond since he won't want to lose his job, you will have taken over.

My thing would be the attitude that if he is a better man than you then so be it, let him take her. But there are no men better than you right?

This was what I was trying to do. I didn't show any emotion showing him I was not affected. But In doing so he took it farther.

 

[pipe007]

yea people will step on you if they dont respect you
buddy its real life out there, ITS A JUNGLE, and the stronger pushes the weak....

this is tough, but if you want a long term healthy relationship, you need to learn how to be her MAN

THAT means not being afraid of confrontation, and establishing your territory when needed from a position of power, not neediness.

the guy saw a green light, because he sensed you were powerless and probably a weak male (no offense)

trust me you can tell when a man has power, and you respect his territory by default...
people do that automatically.

 

[Alvafe]

curious about 2 things here

@Mxrider waht **** test toss at you? and how you did recover later?


@vataloco can you give more to us the just the Agree & Amplify? I think sharing some experience here would help a lot.

 

[pipe007]

here is my experience with agree and amplify

her: That guy over there keeps looking at me He is cute
Me: You should walk over and introduce yourself, you need more friends.

Her: I'm going out with this guy for a drink
Me: have fun (in your mind you go "next")

never resist or fight what she throws at you, you dance with it in total acceptance and throw it back to her with wit, and with a stronger punch...

her: I am not going to kiss you anymore
Me: great, so we dont need to do that anymore

her: I think we should be friends
Me: i thought you were only a friend.... at least I just like you as one

Her: My ex used to do that better
Me: True, then why are you here with me still?

NEVER ARGUE!! never try to engage in her drama, your attitude should be of CONFIDENCE PLUS INDIFERENCE!!!

 

[vatoloco]

VATOLOCO
I understand the concept of "agree and amplify"
but you see to be using it as a major technique "universal" for most situations with women?

Not Universal with women but, pretty much Universal when someone is trying to AMOG you.

could you give examples in your own life as to how you use this? agree and amplify?
thanks

I work in a place where technology is constantly abused. When I notice it, I inquire if there is something wrong with it. When they tell me No, I tell them "Well, I thought it was broken because you were [insert abuse here]. Perhaps we can help you..." You know what happens? The abuse stops. They have been embarrassed in public and do not wish to appear to be troglodytes in front of other people.

As I tell my young Padawans: "Always flip it around and make THEM look like an ass."

In my personal life, and especially around friends, we're always fucking around with each other. Whenever someone makes fun of me, I go with the flow (Agree), I take it to a ridiculous extreme (Amplify), we all laugh, and we move on to the next thing.

 

[omega05]

Yea I want to know the s### test as well.

 

[Mxrider736]

yea people will step on you if they dont respect you
buddy its real life out there, ITS A JUNGLE, and the stronger pushes the weak....

this is tough, but if you want a long term healthy relationship, you need to learn how to be her MAN

THAT means not being afraid of confrontation, and establishing your territory when needed from a position of power, not neediness.

the guy saw a green light, because he sensed you were powerless and probably a weak male (no offense)

trust me you can tell when a man has power, and you respect his territory by default...
people do that automatically.

I understand. Here are my issues. We have been together for a while. I'm not worried about her leaving me and I am in no way a beta male. However she is a fellow server and we usually try to be courteous to the waiters when we have dinner. My issue is this guy was testing me. If I would of started making fun of him or call him outright on it I feel like I would be showing like it affected me (which it was) the guy weighed about 140 pounds and of we were out and about he would never challenge me. But I feel like since I was seated. And didnt say anything he just felt free to white knight her the entire time. I just need to know how to assert myself without being obvious in front of the girls. And how to combat someone who is constantly sublimitably knocking at you and throwing punches.

 

[Mxrider736]

Also the **** test after she was very moody with me and Tryed to pick a fight. I kept calm and when we got home didn't say much. Just did work on my pc. I went to bed didn't cuddle or anything. The next morning I was out the door and she woke up and asked for a kiss. She got me for lunch at work and wanted more and more kisses when she dropped me off. I started off the day of texting when she texted me first. I got a few more tests which I deflected and then started poking fun. Seems ok now

 

[zekko]

Ordinarily, I don't mind if a waiter flirts a bit with my wife or girlfriend because it is giving her a good dining experience. But it does sound like your guy was actively disrespecting you. In which case you could always stiff him on the tip.

But I wouldn't go back to that place. If there's any sort of bad vibes going on, I don't trust people not to mess with my food.

 

[Mxrider736]

Ordinarily, I don't mind if a waiter flirts a bit with my wife or girlfriend because it is giving her a good dining experience. But it does sound like your guy was actively disrespecting you. In which case you could always stiff him on the tip.

But I wouldn't go back to that place. If there's any sort of bad vibes going on, I don't trust people not to mess with my food.

Well here's another issue. She works at a resturaunt right across from his. And his is Cali pizza kitchen. She loves that place. I will go bak again and sit with him. This time tho I will face the walkway instead of having my back to it. Also I will be aware of his game. I had a terrible day at work that day and just wasn't in a good mood already and was not prepared. Got cought with my pants down for sure. He gave me plenty of openings to poke fun and try and troll him but I just didn't take it. I was honestly dumbfounded by the whole situation. When we are out in the bar or club I expect it. I didn't expect it at dinner. But it can happen anywhere

 

[The Bat]

I think you should have played the "complete a--hole", acted cold, say, "Thanks", and IMMEDIATELY focus on your gf and roommate and start a new conversational topic that only three of you know about/partake in. Even then if the waiter lingers around, trying to give you more suggestions for food or make a joke, give him an icy cold stare and EMPHATICALLY say, "Thanks but we're good for now." and you WAIT for him to leave before starting the conversation back with your party.

I'm all for being polite to waiters ONLY if they are polite to the whole group I'm with and aren't picking and choosing who to be extra super-duper nice to or be funny with....by doing that, in my opinion, they are being rude to others in the party, and last time I checked, waiters are in the service industry whose purpose is to serve and please ALL of the paying customers, NOT just the hot ones.

 

[Zarky]

Never get friendly with the help. They're there to serve you, not be your pal. I have to say that even when I was your age I got respect from service people because I kept things strictly business and I never cracked a smile around them. As you get older it becomes easier.

Works both ways, too. I don't pal around with my clients. I take their money, do the best job I can for 'em, and I don't get chummy (and don't allow them to either). I think client/customer relationships should have as much emotional distance as possible.

 

[Bible_Belt]

Pay by credit card and when you sign the slip, in the space that says 'tip,' write "get your own woman." His manager will see it, and his behavior will become an issue, which it should.

You would also be doing him a favor to teach him a very basic lesson of waiting tables, which is to not cause problems between couples. That's bad service, and he doesn't deserve a tip for it.