Dinner date explained

[DonJuanabe]

It is a different thing for men and women.

For men it is a means to an end. We have to eat so it kind of accomplishes that, but mostly it's because women like it and we might get sex from doing it. Men are just as happy to see a standup comic, play basketball, grab lunch, whatever if sex was the end result.

For women the dinner date is a process. It start with thinking about it, then getting dressed and putting on makeup, conversation before going to dinner, being at the restaurant, taking in how she feels, comparing her date with the other men in the restaurant, seeing how her date interacts with the waiter, is her date decisive with his order (good) or can't make up his mind (bad), etc.

From start to finish her date is much longer than his and far more complex.
His focus is on conversation, making her laugh, etc. Her focus is on how she feels starting when she was getting ready, through the date, then to the end -- and whether she feels it should end or continue back at her place.

The dinner date is a rite of passage to coupledom.

 

[backbreaker]

the problem witht he dinner date isn't so much that you are paying for dinner, at least the way i see it.

the problem with the dinner date is that it lacks character/imagination. by taking a woman out to dinner you are no different/interesting than any of the other 10 guys who want to PIITB. In that sense, it fails horribly.. if a woman is hot, i guarantee you she gets taken out to eat multiple times a month... the girl who brought me here in 2002 2 times a week easily. at least once by me lol. maybe once by her actual BF, maybe even more than that from time to time. all you are doing is showing that you are one of 10 guys who has the ability to take out to eat.

lol my wife and i play a game when we go to chain resturants like red lobster / chili's, we call it "guess the couple who is not ****ing lol". we we take shots of whatever we drink and look around the room and debate on which guys are just there as friends and which guys are actually getting some

if a woman is clearly head over heels for me or i am just really hungry lol and can't find better time to squeeze in a date i can make a clear exception to the dinner date.. it's not black and white. but just a girl you met and you went to the movies and now you want to go out to eat.. take a ticket and get in line buddy.

also by not going wtih dinner the first date, it will chase off a LOT of flakes;girls who just want to do something and aren't interesting. or want a free meal. i just flat out refuse to go out to dinner on a first date under any circumstances.

again, keep in mind that you have to go into a process like, is she a fit for me. taking a girl out for dinner reeks of qualifying yourself. making a girl come to a jazz spot with me to lsiten to a live set is me qualifying a woman beucase that's the type of **** i do on a normal basis.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Not discounting what you wrote BB, but at some point there *will* be a dinner date. That first dinner date matters a great deal. Maybe it's early on because you're both really busy with work so dinner fits in well, maybe it's after a month and you've been going on informal dates consistently, but it will happen if you are dating seriously or want to date seriously. It is a good idea to understand what is going through a woman's mind at that time -- it isn't the same thing as what's going through a man's.

 

[backbreaker]

Not discounting what you wrote BB, but at some point there *will* be a dinner date. That first dinner date matters a great deal. Maybe it's early on because you're both really busy with work so dinner fits in well, maybe it's after a month and you've been going on informal dates consistently, but it will happen if you are dating seriously or want to date seriously. It is a good idea to understand what is going through a woman's mind at that time -- it isn't the same thing as what's going through a man's.

we are saying the same thing basically.

You are correct in the sense that, the real life hussle and bustle of being an adult in america, there's gonna be a time where if you go enough dates with someone you are gonna eat out. it's gonna happen. to paint a black and white line against dinner dates is just silly.

all i am saying is that, there is

you know what, i can say it better like this.

there are levels of qualifying. this is a new idea so bear with me lol.

you have first level qualifying. first level qualifying consists of things like

is he/she hot?
am i attracted to her/him?
do i want to spend time with person?
is this person fun to be around?

this is a more complex explanation of the rule of action dates. Action dates, generally bring out the fun in you. She associates you with fun. you get hormones and **** going up and downa nd all that good **** and somehow all that equates sex, how i don't know but it does lol.\


then (assuming you played it right), you end up over her house, she ends up over yours, a few of these action dates, the clothes comes off and the sparks fly. things settle down, you start to make a habit of seeing each other. now the qualfying questions change beucase the first quesitons have been answered


is he romantic?
can he hold an intelligent conversation?
can he make me laugh?
is he cultured? does he know how to act in public?
how does this guy compare to other dates i have been on?


these are 2nd level questions.


this is what i am saying; for the most part, we are saying the same thing. i agree with your post. however what i was pointing out is that, trying to control the frame on a first date at a restaurant is like having the ability to chose your last meal on the day you are going to get excuted.. in the grand scheme of things it's pissing in the wind. lol you're gonna die anyway.

in short, you can't try to answer 2nd level questions before first level questions haven't been answered. you can't show a girl that you are romantic if she hasn't figured out she wants to **** you lol. she doesn't give a ****. she doesn't care about how good you can hold a conversation with her if she doesn't think you are fun to be around. it's pissing in the wind.

all i am saying that yes there is a place in time for the dinner date, but just as important as knowing what is going on with the date is making sure that the date itself is being used in the proper context.. to answer 2nd level questions, not first level questions

 

[nismo-4]

Dinner dates are only for women you've already banged! Don't you get it?

Case closed.

 

[The Gambler]

Dinner dates are only for women you've already banged! Don't you get it?

Case closed.

No, I don't get it.

I guess I must be the exception to the rule, because pretty much every chick I've ever slept with enjoyed at least one dinner date with me beforehand. Obviously I didn't do or say anything to ruin my chances with these ladies, and maybe that's why some guys fail (sitting at a table with a woman for an hour and babbling like an idiot). But if you know how to play your cards right, like the OP mentioned, and do more listening than talking, the woman has the potential to feel an incredible bond with you.

All the usual rules of conversation apply. Read up on 'em if you don't know what they are.

The Gambler

 

[sighsigh]

Meh, maybe.

But I basically agree with nismo-4. You don't want to do a dinner date (or any formal-like date) until you've seen each other for some time. You should aim to keep your initial dates informal, not drawn out, and involving physical movement and action. She's going to have more fun that way, and that's what really matters and the prime thing that is going to get you laid.

 

[backbreaker]

the correct line is right in the dead center of the gambler and nismo

going on a dinner date if you know what you are doing, as long as you are using it to answer 2nd level questions and not first level questions, is not going to stop you from getting laid

however, i have never in my life gotten laid beucase of a dinner date.


petter put, all you can do is hope to not **** iup what you were already going to get anyway by going on a dinner date. that really is the best case scenario. if played well this is not a problem.

 

[Gangster Of Love]

Let's face it, dinner dates are not ideal for most.

If you are pretty descent at dealing with women, you can go to dinner or whatever, and get laid in spite of..

If you are good with women, period, it doesn't matter what you do, or where you go.

MOST here simply cannot afford and should not use dinner daates very early.

I ALMOST never buy food for women when first meeting them. The times that I do, I don't even think twice about it as it just comes up and I don't start thinking about rule or that sort of stuff. And every single time it leads to the outcome I want. I only buy food for women I want to spend time with, and usually I only spend time with women who are already into me. I don't waste my time with high maintenance broads, unless they are already extremely into me, and I don't have to work that hard.

Let's face it, most in here can't pull it off. A lot in here say that coffee dates are not good; however, any setting is only as good as the guy's game. The no dinner until after sex guideline is just that, a good guideline; just remember, never get too attached to rules or script. I cannot tell you how many times I have missed out on opportunities, specially when I first started experimenting with dating advice, just because I was so caught up on rules/guidelines.

 

[DonJuanabe]

Dinner dates depend greatly on demographics. If you are in high school, college, or even in your 20s out of college they are iffy and should be treated as special.

But when you are in your 30s+ and work full time they are both appropriate and fit into most people's schedules. If you are putting in 40, 50, 60 hours each week dinner dates are actually easier to do than other kinds of dates -- you simply don't have time for other things let alone your own personal shyt.

Moreover, for women who are 30+ years old and have a career, a dinner date is a big deal in terms of whether they'll have sex with you. This isn't a per se rule but should not be taken lightly. They too only have so much time for dating and they know, as a couple, dinner is the easiest way to spend time together if both partners are working full time.

 

[nismo-4]

Moreover, for women who are 30+ years old and have a career, a dinner date is a big deal in terms of whether they'll have sex with you. This isn't a per se rule but should not be taken lightly. They too only have so much time for dating and they know, as a couple, dinner is the easiest way to spend time together if both partners are working full time.

Yes, but the woman has already decided whether or not she'll have sex BEFORE the date even happens. She knows how far you'll get. You don't. It don't matter whether the woman is past 60. Most of the time she's looking for a free meal from a chump. I've been that chump before. But now, it's my way or the highway. Dinner date my ass. Not before we f**k!

 

[Gangster Of Love]

A HQ woman will be down to do whatever you want, as long as you game well.

Exactly. Anyone not getting enough of what they want, listen to the advice on SS666's post.

You will be surprised at the # of "HQ" women who often invite me to their place for a home cooked dinner, often after our first meet and greet. I am talking about women who have a career (attorneys, accountants, nurse, financial analysts)and options with men. At no point does the dinner dilema ever come up. You will be surprised how flexible women are or become when they want to spend time with you.

 

[zekko]

I enjoy dinner dates (henceforth DD). I don't get all the hate?

Yeah, I think that if YOU want to go out and eat, go out and eat. I always feel like if I'm hungry, I'm going to eat. If there's a girl around, she's welcome to join me. I'm used to cooking though, so if I get hungry I usually end up grabbing some food from the grocery store, enlisting her in aid in cooking (give her something to stir), and make us a meal myself.

Seems like with most of the guys here, the dinner is more about sex than food. Like if I feed her, she had better give me sex. Or if she gave me sex, then I will reward her by feeding her. Lol.