Dilemma with women who need rescuing

[Perseus]

Hey everyone,

Been reading the forums for the past week and I've learned a lot. A lot of the stuff is gold. One trend of advice I saw was that we should not "rescue" women. Unfortunately I have something of a rescue complex. I go weak for girls who need rescuing. To put a definition on that, I mean girls who are messed up by previous relationships, or girls who are currently emotionally messed up because of her environment (work, family, etc.)

If you're not supposed to rescue/save a woman whos misdirected/messed up, what should you do instead? Its hard for me to see someone who's messed up, that I'm attracted to, and not do anything about it. At the very least, I want to pump some self-confidence into these women.

Any advice is very high appreciated.

EDIT: Background information. Let me say that I live in Shanghai, China. The city where most foreign men are users and sharks, and where a lot of Chinese men have no game, are judgmental and cheat on their wives with prostitutes. Recently I caught feelings for the girl I'm currently with. She does not have low self-esteem and she is very balanced in the other areas of her life. From what she tells me, I INFER that she is a victim. She doesn't tell me she's a victim. I know, I know. Maybe shes just painting a picture. But let me share the situations so you can come to your own opinions:

She got in an LTR with a guy and was very attracted to him. She was still very young and naive. The guy liked to make her seduce other guys, and fvck them afterwards. He also liked to watch her fvck other guys, and asked her to fvck his friends. That episode drastically changed her personality and background into a darker one. You guys know this as well as I do. When a woman is attracted to you, she'll do anything to please you. What happened to her, my friends, is manipulation.

Another, she got in a relationship with a guy who told her sweet nothings (I like you, a lot. You're my only one, etc. etc.) She believed him. But then he ended up just calling her when he wanted to fvck. I could tell that both incidents affected her and made her a victim. I don't believe she makes herself a victim by intent. She's incredibly smart, sexy and very talented.

She's got a history of guys not caring about her, guys using her, guys lying to her. She's become a cynic. Why? Like I said, most guys in this city are bastards. There are probably a ton of other reasons. She probably takes relationships too seriously for her own good, especially in this city. As for me, I can say no (this is in reference to VU's quote about what you can't say no to you are its slave.) I can walk away if I need to. I'm no average frustrated chump. She is not someone I'm attracted to simply because they are a victim, but someone I admire and like (but has been hurt in the past), who I would like to help by setting a good example.

 

[slaog]

You can make people feel good by telling them positive things about themselves etc. You cannot change people though. You can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink as they say. So show people how they can improve but they'll only improve if they want to.


Before trying to help these girls you can start by helping yourself. You have a captain-save-a-ho attitude and this always leads to misery. It's best to cut troubled people out of your life if you want to have more quality relationships. At least don't invest anything emotionally into these trouble girls.

 

[Perseus]

"You can make people feel good by telling them positive things about themselves etc."

Thats what I've been doing

"Before trying to help these girls you can start by helping yourself. You have a captain-save-a-ho attitude and this always leads to misery. It's best to cut troubled people out of your life if you want to have more quality relationships. At least don't invest anything emotionally into these trouble girls."

Excellent point. I've seen the captain-save-a-ho term a lot on this forum and I can see how things could turn out bad. I also see the perfect logic behind not investing anything emotionally into these troubled girls. The thing with these girls, though, is that the ones I'm after are solid people. They have solid confidence and they're very intelligent. Its only a part of them (or her, in this case, because I'm currently involved with a girl like that) that needs rescuing, and thats why I like to dive in and help out. I do this for a lot of people and I don't expect anything in return. I am asking, however, for to find out what I should do if I am attracted to this girl.

For the girl I'm currently involved with though, I am trying to help her by being a good example and removing her cynical attitude towards all the bastards that have been in her life before. Used her, ditched her, never really genuinely liked her as a person. I was attracted to her already. Now that shes opening up and I'm finding out these things about her (this was a few weeks ago -- I already broke through her barriers,) I wanted to reconcile what I'm doing with what people on this board think. I do know that if I leave her, I'll be damaging her even more by creating a larger and fresher wound. What should I do?

Important: This girl has great looks, great personality, great body, very unique job and interests. I like her a lot. But the fact is that shes looking for a serious relationship and already likes me. If I drop her (I have a hard time committing. Plus shes several years older than me,) I'll be messing her mind up. Right now though she is genuinely happy.

Whats the verdict, what do you guys think I should do?

 

[Perseus]

One more thing I forgot to ask in my previous post, you say "before trying to help these girls you can start by helping yourself," what do you mean by that?

Help myself how? I see myself as a self-actualized person with solid inner game. I have no major issues of my own (except commitment.) I just have a weak spot for vulnerable women. I want to help them.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Women don't need rescuing. If they want help they will ask.

 

[Perseus]

Women don't need rescuing. If they want help they will ask.

Good point.

 

[Perseus]

I'm still tryin to figure out the logic behind "before trying to help these girls you can start by helping yourself"

 

[Alle_Gory]

If you really want to help, the best thing to do is ignore the problem. Show her a good time, be friendly, don't be a therapist, don't be a shoulder to cry on. Just be friends with her, when she starts the bullsh*t then leave her alone to deal with it. It's her problem not yours and only she can help herself.

And don't get attached. From the sounds of it the chick is damaged goods.

"You can make people feel good by telling them positive things about themselves etc."

Thats what I've been doing.

Good. By being positive yourself you can influence her to be positive.

The thing with these girls, though, is that the ones I'm after are solid people. They have solid confidence and they're very intelligent. Its only a part of them (or her, in this case, because I'm currently involved with a girl like that) that needs rescuing, and thats why I like to dive in and help out. I do this for a lot of people and I don't expect anything in return. I am asking, however, for to find out what I should do if I am attracted to this girl.

You do nothing. Influence her. Get her to do good things and tell her how awesome she is for doing them... etc. Just treat her well but don't stand around if she starts to bring up the bullsh*t from her previous relationships or problems. You're not a therapist. You're more like a role model.

For the girl I'm currently involved with though, I am trying to help her by being a good example and removing her cynical attitude towards all the bastards that have been in her life before. Used her, ditched her, never really genuinely liked her as a person. I was attracted to her already. Now that shes opening up and I'm finding out these things about her (this was a few weeks ago -- I already broke through her barriers,) I wanted to reconcile what I'm doing with what people on this board think. I do know that if I leave her, I'll be damaging her even more by creating a larger and fresher wound. What should I do?

Do your thing and don't worry about her.

But ask yourself this question: Why did she continue to date these bastards? One after another. What the hell??

Important: This girl has great looks, great personality, great body, very unique job and interests. I like her a lot. But the fact is that shes looking for a serious relationship and already likes me. If I drop her (I have a hard time committing. Plus shes several years older than me,) I'll be messing her mind up. Right now though she is genuinely happy.

Big problem. Don't get attached. Be friendly, be nice, but DO NOT INVEST YOURSELF. Only give her and show her things you are prepared to lose. Your affection is not one of these things, keep it for someone who is genuinely worth it.

She's not relationship material. All her relationships have failed miserably and she's been scarred because of them. If you can get her to see you as a friend then get her to a good therapist that would be the best thing you can possibly do for her. Tread lightly here. She will take it as an insult if you do this wrong.

 

[Perseus]

Allegory thanks for going through all of my posts and giving appropriate responses. I do have a few follow-up issues though,

"Big problem. Don't get attached. Be friendly, be nice, but DO NOT INVEST YOURSELF. Only give her and show her things you are prepared to lose. Your affection is not one of these things, keep it for someone who is genuinely worth it."

Quality women are hard to come by, and she is one. I've dated and picked up dozens of chicks. Shes the only one that hits the mark in most of the areas I find to be attractive (genuine, makes me laugh, good to her parents, mature, smart, talented, hot, etc.) She's not perfect, but shes the best I've met so far.

"Do your thing and don't worry about her.
But ask yourself this question: Why did she continue to date these bastards? One after another. What the hell??"

My girl friend (just a friend) raised the same question -- and the fact is that she didn't go out seeking these bastards. Most men in the city are just bastards. True story. "Good" guys, per se, are hard to come by (usually already married.) I've lived here for 11 years and I know the deal. We both live in Shanghai, China. For those who don't know, 99% of the city (Especially foreigners) are bastards. Out for a easy **** buddy (because a lot of Chinese women are gold diggers, and local Chinese men have weak game generally) and not hesitant about playing with emotions.

Dude, I got balls and I got passion but I also have a strong conscience. The fact is that her relationship history makes it hard for me to leave her (if I ever decide to... the biggest issue is our age difference) ESPECIALLY since shes now very attracted to me.

"She's not relationship material. All her relationships have failed miserably and she's been scarred because of them. If you can get her to see you as a friend then get her to a good therapist that would be the best thing you can possibly do for her. Tread lightly here. She will take it as an insult if you do this wrong."

I wouldn't be so quick to jump to the conclusion that shes not relationship material. Most relationships do fail, and especially since we both live in Shanghai, I can fully (FULLY) understand. Most Shanghai women are shallow and materialistic as hell (yet they are the ones in pseudo-stable relationships.) SHES DIFFERENT. THATS why I like her. She's scarred from past relationships and I think that her being with me will help mend those scars (BUT IF I LEAVE HER, I think I'll have unintentionally made her worse.) Therapy is out of the question. Her pride would never accept it, plus there are LITERALLY no good therapists in China.

 

[PeeGee]

It's easy to generalize and it's easy for the guy to become defensive against generalizations.

Regardless, if you are performing an act with the expectation of a certain reward/payment for that act, you are being manipulative. When you said something to the effect that your friendship with a certain girl could be in jeopardy if you leave her, you are in essence saying that she 'should' get with you, because if you and she do not hook up there will be emotional problems as a consequence.

That should never be something you even worry about. Furthermore you shouldn't be defining the relationship in the frame of what you can do for these girls -- do you not see what the problem is with this type of thinking?

Finally it should be the girl who looks for the 'fixer upper' because it's an emotionally charged, selfish and egotistical goal. Guys shouldn't do that because it's a waste of resources that could be spent on a girl that is better to start with, among other more pragmatic reasons. In short, don't look for a fixer-upper; find something that isn't broken.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Quality women are hard to come by, and she is one. I've dated and picked up dozens of chicks. Shes the only one that hits the mark in most of the areas I find to be attractive (genuine, makes me laugh, good to her parents, mature, smart, talented, hot, etc.) She's not perfect, but shes the best I've met so far.

You don't know that. She might appear that way now but it really takes time and trials to know someone.

My girl friend (just a friend) raised the same question -- and the fact is that she didn't go out seeking these bastards. Most men in the city are just bastards. True story. "Good" guys, per se, are hard to come by (usually already married.) I've lived here for 11 years and I know the deal. We both live in Shanghai, China. For those who don't know, 99% of the city (Especially foreigners) are bastards. Out for a easy **** buddy (because a lot of Chinese women are gold diggers, and local Chinese men have weak game generally) and not hesitant about playing with emotions.

Dude, I got balls and I got passion but I also have a strong conscience. The fact is that her relationship history makes it hard for me to leave her (if I ever decide to... the biggest issue is our age difference) ESPECIALLY since shes now very attracted to me.

Oooooohhhhhh!!!! Yeah, I get it now. You're right. Most Chinese people I have met here in Canada, the ones "fresh off the boat", are cold judgemental bastards. No offense, but this is my experience. Maybe its the stressful culture.

I wouldn't be so quick to jump to the conclusion that shes not relationship material. Most relationships do fail, and especially since we both live in Shanghai, I can fully (FULLY) understand. Most Shanghai women are shallow and materialistic as hell (yet they are the ones in pseudo-stable relationships.) SHES DIFFERENT. THATS why I like her. She's scarred from past relationships and I think that her being with me will help mend those scars (BUT IF I LEAVE HER, I think I'll have unintentionally made her worse.) Therapy is out of the question. Her pride would never accept it, plus there are LITERALLY no good therapists in China.

You're right. I was assuming but you can't tell me she IS relationship material unless you have known her for awhile.

Fixer uppers don't work unless the other person IS trying to change for the better. Is she trying to change?

 

[Rhoto]

I go weak for girls who need rescuing. To put a definition on that, I mean girls who are messed up by previous relationships, or girls who are currently emotionally messed up because of her environment (work, family, etc.)

Why? Have you tried to confront your issues regard your Cpt. Save a Ho Complex? Because it says a lot about the kind of person you are.

Quality women are hard to come by,

Wrong.

I've dated and picked up dozens of chicks.

Maybe you should try hundreds, before you decide to buy?

Shes the only one that hits the mark in most of the areas I find to be attractive (genuine, makes me laugh, good to her parents, mature, smart, talented, hot, etc.) She's not perfect, but shes the best I've met so far.

So that's it? You're gonna call the game now?

Have you been to Paris in the Winter? Have you experienced Carnival? Have you ever seen the South Island of New Zealand? Have you seen the rest of the world, and the women that inhabit it? My bet is no. Perhaps you should, instead of convincing some damaged goods, that you're not a bastard.

 

[Unbridled_Phoenix]

I'm compelled to share with you one of my world-famous anecdotes regarding women:

"Ride in on a white horse, ride out with a knife in your back."

You are a Captain Save-a-Ho, my friend. The first part is identifying the problem. Now you must rectify it.

What my quote means to say is that you should NEVER come into a relationship by "rescuing" somebody. Without exception, as soon as they get better, you will be associated with the "bad feelings" and immediately dumped, or she'll cheat on you with the biker gang before dumping you. Women don't respect a man who "rescues" them. It isn't fair, but as you will come to see, there's nothing fair about this game.

Another reason to avoid the Broken Birds is that BPD Standard Operating Procedure is to ensnare you in her web by making you feel compassion for how she's been "victimized" by all men before you.

Besides, a relationship seldom grows from the Captain Save-a-Ho mentality; you will inevitably hear "You're a nice guy, but LJBF." And then she's on to the next masculine bastard who will pump her and dump her, and the next nice guy shoulder to cry on. They do the same thing over and over and over...

Letting go of the Disney movie fantasy is hard at first, but you MUST do so. I see you are new here; read the Iron Rules of Tomassi and The Book of Pook, just to get started. Before you go into a posting frenzy, read everything on this site, you will find a wealth of information and a plethora of perspective to employ in formulating your new outlook.

 

[Alle_Gory]

Women don't respect a man who "rescues" them. It isn't fair, but as you will come to see, there's nothing fair about this game.

Truth.

Problem is. I don't know why its like this. Anybody who know care to chime in?

Another reason to avoid the Broken Birds is that BPD Standard Operating Procedure is to ensnare you in her web by making you feel compassion for how she's been "victimized" by all men before you.

We don't know if she's BPD. Maybe she's just depressed and a little bitter. Not a good way to start out a relationship with someone anyways.

 

[Perseus]

You are a Captain Save-a-Ho, my friend. The first part is identifying the problem. Now you must rectify it.

Another reason to avoid the Broken Birds is that BPD Standard Operating Procedure is to ensnare you in her web by making you feel compassion for how she's been "victimized" by all men before you.

Besides, a relationship seldom grows from the Captain Save-a-Ho mentality; you will inevitably hear "You're a nice guy, but LJBF." And then she's on to the next masculine bastard who will pump her and dump her, and the next nice guy shoulder to cry on. They do the same thing over and over and over...

Actually I'm not really Captain Save-A-Ho, and I haven't been since the first week and a half of the relationship (we're one month in.) She is solidly attracted to me now. Likes me A LOT. I won't (and haven't ever since I got in the game) get LJBF. In fact I wouldn't mind too much if I did get LJBF (if she thinks we should just be friends, **** it -- we're not meant for each other. I got a ton of options.) I think you're generalizing by assuming she has BPD. She doesn't.

So that's it? You're gonna call the game now?

Have you been to Paris in the Winter? Have you experienced Carnival? Have you ever seen the South Island of New Zealand? Have you seen the rest of the world, and the women that inhabit it? My bet is no. Perhaps you should, instead of convincing some damaged goods, that you're not a bastard.

That's a problem, I know I'll be missing out on trying out girls from around the world. But dude if it comes down to it (its a big IF) we could experience those places together. Why not. She's both a dancer (Loves Salsa) and an avid traveler.

Why? Have you tried to confront your issues regard your Cpt. Save a Ho Complex? Because it says a lot about the kind of person you are.

I can see now why it's an issue for AFCs. Alle Gory hit the point. "Women don't need rescuing. If they want help they will ask." I will always have the complex, but I can keep it under control. Alle Gory, thanks for helping me solve that question. And Rhoto, in my experience quality with WITH the characteristics that fit my tastes are indeed hard to come by. MAYBE that's because of my environment alternating between College in the states and Shanghai, China, but that is the case so far. You're right though, the world is open to me. But its hard for me to find someone I like and I've found that person right now. Hard to drop her, yet she wants a serious relationship.

Regardless, if you are performing an act with the expectation of a certain reward/payment for that act, you are being manipulative. When you said something to the effect that your friendship with a certain girl could be in jeopardy if you leave her, you are in essence saying that she 'should' get with you, because if you and she do not hook up there will be emotional problems as a consequence.

That should never be something you even worry about. Furthermore you shouldn't be defining the relationship in the frame of what you can do for these girls -- do you not see what the problem is with this type of thinking?

Nah man I'm not expecting any reward. Its definitely not a situation where I'm threatening our friendship to get her to "get" with me. She "got" with me early on after. Trust me, I had to run SOLID and CONSISTANT game to not only seduce her right off the bat (we weren't friends to begin with) and to get her into bed. Then I caught feelings when I found out more about her.

I can see what you're getting at, and thats not what I'm doing.

You don't know that. She might appear that way now but it really takes time and trials to know someone.

I've been with her almost everyday for the past month (I know. I shouldn't be with a girl that often especially at the beginning of a relationship. But I'm spontaneous enough to keep it fresh. The point is, I know her quite well, plus I'm very intuitive. However, yes there is a chance that I don't know her well enough. But someone once said 'If you want to get into a LTR with a girl watch how she treats her parents and the waiter, because no matter how sweet she is to you now that is how you are going to end up being treated.' She treats her parents very well."

Oooooohhhhhh!!!! Yeah, I get it now. You're right. Most Chinese people I have met here in Canada, the ones "fresh off the boat", are cold judgemental bastards. No offense, but this is my experience. Maybe its the stressful culture.

Yeah man glad you can understand. They're the same way here. I agree, in large part it's the culture.

Fixer uppers don't work unless the other person IS trying to change for the better. Is she trying to change?

She is trying to change, and her problems aren't really the issue anymore. When we're together, she spends her time enjoying my presence. See though, my concern is that when I leave I'll actually be screwing her up since I'm building up that attraction in her.

 

[jophil28]

I'm still tryin to figure out the logic behind "before trying to help these girls you can start by helping yourself"

IT means that your time and energy is best directly invested in improving the parts of your own life which will bring you future dividends.

Trying to fix "broken" woman is a long exhausting struggle with little positve result. Its like pushing a load of bricks up a long slope in a wheelbarrow while and all the bricks keep falling out and sliding back down the hill.

Mostly those woman are eternal victims who are skilled at presenting as hapless, helpless, sweet 'girls next door.' Their favorite story is "he did me wrong" ...which is told to elicit your sympathy and trigger off your male desire to shield and protect. Enter Capt -save -a ho.

IF you become partners in their suffering you may eventually become the latest "abuser" in their life . Why? Because victims ALWAYS need at least one bad guy so that they can maintain their victimhood. Your role will perhaps change from 'rescuer' to 'abuser' and she will the recruit a new ' rescuer' to whine about YOU.

 

[Perseus]

IT means that your time and energy is best directly invested in improving the parts of your own life which will bring you future dividends.

Trying to fix "broken" woman is a long exhausting struggle with little positve result. Its like pushing a load of bricks up a long slope in a wheelbarrow while and all the bricks keep falling out and sliding back down the hill.

Mostly those woman are eternal victims who are skilled at presenting as hapless, helpless, sweet 'girls next door.' Their favorite story is "he did me wrong" ...which is told to elicit your sympathy and trigger off your male desire to shield and protect. Enter Capt -save -a ho.

IF you become partners in their suffering you will eventually become the latest "abuser" in their life . Why? Because victims ALWAYS need at least one bad guy so that they can maintain their victimhood.

I see, thanks for clarifying that point. So you think these women will ALWAYS have these problems, or at least for a long time?

Actually let me clarify one point. My bad for not stating her earlier. From what she tells me, I INFER that she is a victim. She doesn't tell me she's a victim. I know, I know. Maybe shes just painting a picture. But let me share the situations so you can come to your own opinions:

She got in an LTR with a guy and was very attracted to him. She was still very young and naive. The guy liked to make her seduce other guys, and fvck them afterwards. He also liked to watch her fvck other guys, and asked her to fvck his friends. That episode drastically changed her personality and background into a darker one. You guys know this as well as I do. When a woman is attracted to you, she'll do anything to please you. What happened to her, my friends, is manipulation.

Another, she got in a relationship with a guy who told her sweet nothings (I like you, a lot. You're my only one, etc. etc.) She believed him. But then he ended up just calling her when he wanted to fvck. I could tell that both incidents affected her and made her a victim. I don't believe she makes herself a victim by intent. She's incredibly smart, sexy and very talented.

She's got a history of guys not caring about her, guys using her, guys lying to her. She's become a cynic. Why? Like I said, most guys in this city are bastards. There are probably a ton of other reasons. She probably takes relationships too seriously for her own good, especially in this city. As for me, I can say no (this is in reference to VU's quote about what you can't say no to you are its slave.) I can walk away if I need to. I'm no average frustrated chump. She is not someone I'm attracted to simply because they are a victim, but someone I admire and like (but has been hurt in the past), who I would like to help by setting a good example.

 

[DJDamage]

She got in an LTR with a guy and was very attracted to him. She was still very young and naive. The guy liked to make her seduce other guys, and fvck them afterwards. He also liked to watch her fvck other guys, and asked her to fvck his friends. That episode drastically changed her personality and background into a darker one. You guys know this as well as I do. When a woman is attracted to you, she'll do anything to please you. What happened to her, my friends, is manipulation.

Your girl is fvcked in the head. I don't care how much a woman is attracted to a guy, there are some things in life that if a girl doesn't feel right about doing she shouldn't do and fvcking other guys because her bf wants to is crossing that line. If she was so stupid to do this then its her burden to carry not yours.

Another, she got in a relationship with a guy who told her sweet nothings (I like you, a lot. You're my only one, etc. etc.) She believed him. But then he ended up just calling her when he wanted to fvck. I could tell that both incidents affected her and made her a victim.

I don't know how they do things in China (they got over a billion people over there so they are doing something right in that department) but when a guy calls a girl to fvck and she comes, then that's NORMAL! she isn't no victim so don't call her one!! she liked the sex long time too!! The very fact that she wasn't getting what she wanted from that "badboy" just made her more horny for him. He knew what he was doing.

I don't believe she makes herself a victim by intent. She's incredibly smart, sexy and very talented.

No offence but your girl is not too bright and she is a self perpetuate victim.

She's got a history of guys not caring about her, guys using her, guys lying to her. She's become a cynic. Why? Like I said, most guys in this city are bastards.

The problem with this girl is that as a self perpetuate victim and she likes the attention she gathers from her supposed victimhood. What she isn't telling you is that she is attracted to badboys and she probably walked all over some chump nice guys (who were genuine into LTR) back in the day. This is your girl modus operandi and that's the way she is programmed.

I would like to help by setting a good example.

Help her? or help yourself to some poontang in exchange for your moral high road guidance?! sorry pal but there are only two roads to take here that would lead to two different results:

1) You attempt to help her and steer her right but she will resist with constant drama and your captain-save-ho mentality would only make you less attractive in her eyes (you will become a "friend") and she will be fvcking badboys on the side.

2) You become the kind of guy she is attracted too - the so called bastards that you despise so much while fvcking her brains out and enjoying life without worrying about her because she is doing fine in her world.

She is what she is so don't try to save her but enjoy her.

 

[Perseus]

DJDamage, that's a pretty cynical response (you might say its a "harsh reality" but I reject that notion.) I think you're wrong. I'm a bad boy who knows how to treat a woman right, so I won't be one of those bastards (unless I get bored of her and leave her, which is what I'm concerned about.) I also fvck well enough in bed and know about attraction enough to keep her by my side. This is why I have no problem picking up almost anyone I want. I'm not trying to brag, I'm just stating the facts so you guys can better analyze my situation. I know how to obtain and maintain attraction. I think you're being way too judgemental in saying
1. She's fvcked in the head for what she did (you've never been in her situation, you wouldn't know. Naive girls who think they're in love do a lot of things. I know this by experience.)
2. That guy who used her, he's far from a "bad boy." And she stopped doing that sh1t once she found out what he was about (guy still calls her on the regular, to no avail.) The guy was feeding her lies and deceiving her to make her catch emotions. That's cruel.

The girl wasn't (Past Tense) too bright in the relationship department, true. Expected, given the environment in China.

 

[DJDamage]

(you've never been in her situation, you wouldn't know. Naive girls who think they're in love do a lot of things. I know this by experience..

You are making excuses for her behaviour, that's what the problem is. You are assuming that she is naive but there is another word for naive where I come from and its called "stupidity". When you feel you are doing something wrong and you hate it and keep on doing it then you are not naive but stupid. There is no other way to go around it. Who knows maybe she is lying about her stories or maybe she is lying to the fact that she loved being nailed by so many guys. Something ain't right about this girl and you are going to find out soon enough.

The guy was feeding her lies and deceiving her to make her catch emotions. That's cruel..

That's not cruel, that's game. She liked him and she went after him there is no mystery here or cruelty.

The girl wasn't (Past Tense) too bright in the relationship department, true. Expected, given the environment in China.

So now its the environment fault?! I see a pattern here, you blame everything about what happened to this girl around outside external forces instead of where the blame and responsibility is, which lies squarely on her shoulders.