Dilemma about my future

[Gman]

Hi. Im in a 6 month relationship. My first girlfriend. She's had several boyfriends. we're both 18. both in same course in same college.

I have a deep love for her, i dont think im 'in love' though, cos i dont have 'bells ringing'. But i care for her more than anyone else outside my family.

But im insanely jealous that she's had past boyfriends, and i haven thad any other girlfriends. Im worried that we'll stay together now for a long time if not forever (i know it sounds silly but thats wat i think), cos we're really compatible personality wise. But being 18, I NEED to play the field. I'll feel really cheated if i stay wit her then get married, having not played the field. She's played the field. In the first term of Uni when we hadn't met, she PULLED 5 guys, i PULLED NOBODY. I feel thats so unfair of life.

When i think of leaving the relationship, I get cold feet cos I wonder if she's the best I'm destined to meet (intelligent gal, good personality, socially competent, excellent prospects), and by breaking up im throwing it away.

Right now, i've resolved to stay with her, just to see where it leads. Im working on the assumption that if i get uneasy enough, i'll leave in future. Thing is tho, I left for 3 weeks recently, and got so depressed i got back with her. In those 3 weeks i tried my hardest to pull, and failed miserably.

I feel like im wasting my youth in a LTR, when i'll have an LTR later in life i.e. marriage, whereas this is the only time to have flings and play the field, which i am squandering on an LTR. Am i wasting my time like this? Or am i not>? Im 18. Is time slipping away from me fast, or do i have ages and so shouldnt worry about this and just be with her for now cos it makes me happy?

Then i think, if we did split, her, being a gal, would get all the men she wants, she wouldnt be alone for long. Whereas me, a shy guy and not a DJ, could go months, years alone before finding another gal who would pull me. seriously im not exaggerating. Im not ugly, but im not good at pulling. at all. So i think, why spend my youth alone? Spend it with her, have fun with her.


wat do u think?

 

[nan3109]

Well, you could always meet girls who have an EXTREMELY high interest level and bang that girl on the side. Then dump that girl and find another while keeping your girlfriend.

You'll be playing the field without a commitment to any of these girls on the side. Your g/f won't find out, you'll be getting busy and hitting all the girls you want to try out before you seal the deal and get hitched.

 

[Julian]

Dude your cheating yourself.

Theres always someone better out there. Saying something like "This is the only girl im destined to be with" is SO AFC.

You weave your own destiny, i believe in fate to a certain degree but its your decisions ultimately that decide that fate.

Ill tell you like this, It doesnt matter wether you stay with her or not, if your break it off now is irrelavant. Fact is, relationships between 2 18 year olds always ends in disaster. Face it, you guys will break up eventually.

 

[MR_PERFECT]

GMAN, you must leave your relationship. You are to young and experienced, you will cheat on her sooner or later. You're going to recent her past more and more until it destroys your relationship.

 

[Walden]

I have been in exactly this situation.

It will most likely cause your relatinship to break up.

So tell your girl what you're thinking. Your only other option is cheating on her , which from the sounds of things is a stupid idea.

I was in a full on live-in relationship with my first 10, and I still had to go cheat on her for that reason.If I had my time again I woulda just told her what was on my mind (and as*banged her fat friend).

 

[Gman]

thing is, I'll feel really shi*e about myself if i cheat on her, so so far i havent. Plus im thinking if htis is meant to be one really special relationship, i dont want to poison it by cheating on her.

I've told her that in my life plan, i intend to b with more than 1 gal in my life b4 i settle down. She's just said that ok watever, but if our relationship is meant to be, it will be, and if it is meant to be, that i wont regret just being wit one gal. I made it clear to her that the way im thinking, i WILL need to b with other gals later on, but i conceded that yes, i could conceivably change to not want that, in the future (tho i right now doubt it).

In many ways i wish id met her after i had had my flings, like shes met me after shes played the field. I feel so bitter that while i only been sexually awakened in past 6 months, she had her first snog at 13 and has had so much more fun and experiences in her 18 yrs. Lifes not fair, that gals can get it whenever they want, but theres lots of guys like me who cant, and are in a different league. Oh well, never mind, cant do much bout that.

Im not too old yet tho am i? I can still stay wit her, not cheat on her, and see how it goes, cant i? Im too young surely to be thinking im squandering my limited time? Loads of ppl at 18 are in relationships arent they>? HelP!

 

[Oscar Wilde]

Dude, relax, plenty of time. Don't fsck up something half-decent for no good reason. See what happens for the next few months.

And I recall you posting this same question a good few weeks back - go look at the answers you got then.

Osc.

 

[Gman]

lol oscars on the button

oscar ur right, i did post something similar earlier. this is a flaw of mine, i cant lay an issue to rest, i keep revisiting it!

but ur the 1st person whos reassured me that its ok to stay and its not too late or anything. thank u for that. i'll try that for now.

thanks bro

 

[die4me]

I'd be worried too. How old are you? If you're below 20, wait for her to make a mistake and dump her. Then go and play the field all you want. Don't tie yourself down so early. Keep looking for something better. The girl you should tie the knot with should be close to perfect.

 

[Gman]

d4m, its not so simple!

yo die4me dude,
it aint that simple, she wont make any such mistakes! and any lil slip ups she does, well, i could dump her for them but she and i wil both know it wasnt even a reason to break up.....

right now i guess i'll just take it by the day. I feel like uni life is slipping by, but then i think back to before her, when my 'pulling skills' were non existent and i had had no gals at all, so maybe im bettr off with keeping wat i managed to get, at least for the time being...... im 18 by the way, going to be 19 on monday!

 

[NewMan]

Ok - same situation

Gman,

I was in exactly the same situation - although I was older than you. I had no luck with women, then this hot - and I mean hot chick, that could get anyone she wanted - went for me. Like an AFC, I pulled away - she chased me, and we got together. She was awesome in every way - would never cheat and was so damn open and honest.

She had had lots of experience - I didn't. The problem is that she told me about it, and I was so jealous - it Fvcked up our entire relationship - no I fvcked it up. The jealousy got to me, and I tried to control her - I tried to blame her for it. Wrong thing to do. We stayed together - I was not strong enough to leave - I was weak - she was so hot, I couldn't get the courage to leave her - because I thought I'd never get another chick like her - and like you I though she would go out there and be banging other girls.

Dude, this is about you not her. Your with a georgeous woman - why beat yourself up about not being with anyone else? It's just the fact of life. The fact is you have a great chick NOW - don't live in the past or the future live in the NOW.

When you were alone for all those years - if someone came up and offered you your GF and said you can have her - would you take it? YES you would have - you probably dreamed about a girl like this - and know you have her your going to Fvck it up, because you aren't good at getting chicks.

Your a Fvcking idiot. Look at what you have and keep it. Try your best, get as much ecoerience with her - do as much as you can wiuth her and live your life. If things don't work out you will be able to move on - and yes there are other women out there that you can get. But you know what, when you meet that other woman, you will have all this time with your current GF - memories, experience and life's pleasure.

Believe me, Fvcking some random chick you picked up in a bar, is nothing compared to Fvcking a girl that wants to be with you, that you know is 100% trustworthy, honest and CLEAN.

Trust me from experience - I've been there. You think the grass is greener on the other side - but it's the same Fvcking grass - maybe a little taller or thivker - but it's the same grass.

My advice, Go home, run a bath for your GF, light some candles play some music and bang the crap out of her. Enjoy her, because it's what it's all about.

Good luck.

 

[comote]

I say ask yourself honestly, if you had 10 different hot women coming on to you would you stay with your current gf? If not then maybe you should move on. I was in a similar situation and was weak as well(going back after a few weeks). The second I got into a situation where I was better able to pull women I felt I had cheated myself and it drove a wedge between us. We ended up breaking up again and then she was hurt more than she would have been if I would have just stayed away from her after the first breakup.

 

[Gman]

all good points

all good points guys. FYI, my g/f is lovely, her personality is magnetic, but she aint the HOTTEST babe. shes ok looking, know theres better but im not stupid enough to cite that as the only reason to break up. thats y im stil with her, cos i can look past, most of the time, the fact that i could b with some1 prettier (im sue it works the other way too, sure theres better lookin guys than me etc etc.)

Fact is, right now I know i cant stay with her til death do us part, and I know sometime in future i'll feel time reallyis slippin by and i need to experience other women b4 i settle down. I guess its too damn bad then that if we are perfect together, this issue will poison an otherwise excellent relationship. But if i dont experience other gals, i'll poison relationship anyway with my regret and resentment.

So i know i'll break up with her. But i already did a while ago, couldnt stand it and now we're bak together. its a pointless repeating cycle as i see it, cant break it so i shouldnt worry bout it.

Also, I guess as you said, i shud enjoy the present. just cos i think we'll split up in future, doesnt mean we cant enjoy today. the analogy is that just because we're all going to die someday, doesnt mean we lie in a hole in the ground today and die. We live today, make the most of it, not worrying that one day, it'll all be over. thats the attitude im taking with the relationship.