Difficult situation: interest but...

[Don Mohito]

I've been knowing this girl for over a year and meeting her (quite often) at the local latin dance club.

As far as she's concerned, she moved from an other country to follow her boyfriend (he's from a very wealthy background while she's poor, so the financial aspect may be important here).

Before knowing about the bf, I invited her once for a drink, she rejected and I stopped it at that point. I have other women around so I do not particularly "need" her.

A couple of weeks ago, she suggested hanging out outside the club so we arranged a "date" (last week). She told me then about issues in her couple, her losing interest in her bf... We had drinks (she paid for all of them), enjoyed our time and i kissed her on the way back. All this time, she has kept on messaging me.

I was at the latin dance club yesterday and she was consistently looking for me, we danced... At the end of the night, I joined her table. The club was closing and she was supposed to sleep at her friend's. While her friend was still chatting other peeps, I suggested that we make a move for a while and she would then be joining her friend later. She was clearly hesitating, so I excused myself and left. She called me immediately to offer to drop me home with her friend but I refused.

In a nutshell, there are signs of interest but also an obvious fear of intimacy. Next steps?

 

[jophil28]

I've been knowing this girl for over a year and meeting her (quite often) at the local latin dance club.

As far as she's concerned, she moved from an other country to follow her boyfriend (he's from a very wealthy background while she's poor, so the financial aspect may be important here).

Before knowing about the bf, I invited her once for a drink, she rejected and I stopped it at that point. I have other women around so I do not particularly "need" her.

A couple of weeks ago, she suggested hanging out outside the club so we arranged a "date" (last week). She told me then about issues in her couple, her losing interest in her bf... We had drinks (she paid for all of them), enjoyed our time and i kissed her on the way back. All this time, she has kept on messaging me.

I was at the latin dance club yesterday and she was consistently looking for me, we danced... At the end of the night, I joined her table. The club was closing and she was supposed to sleep at her friend's. While her friend was still chatting other peeps, I suggested that we make a move for a while and she would then be joining her friend later. She was clearly hesitating, so I excused myself and left. She called me immediately to offer to drop me home with her friend but I refused.

In a nutshell, there are signs of interest but also an obvious fear of intimacy. Next steps?

Can the B/f dance Salsa ? Perhaps he is a weak "lead".

 

[Mr. Me]

There isn't a Fear of Intimacy. There's a Reluctance For Intimacy, but not Fear. She didn't have a fear of being intimate with her BF, did she? Don't be her psychiatrist and attempt to attribute cause to her.

Sounds like she's leaving her BF and lining up the next guy to bail to. That may be you. But did you go to kiss her first, or was she giving you that inviting "kiss me" head tilt/proximity stance? I ask because I want to figure out her interest: is it beyond just lining up a guy she knows was interested in her?

She's paying for her own drinks and hesitating about being alone with you, so she's acting like she's not wanting anything that may make her feel obligated to you. She's still with her BF, so I wouldn't bash him when she talks about how she's losing interest in him. You don't want to inadvertently say something about him that all of a sudden makes her defend the dude. When she's telling you this stuff, she's making an emotional bond with you. You just keep dancing with her and make sure she has fun, that's probably where her BF's fallen short? You be like the carrot dangling in front of her, so that she's motivated to finally dump him and come to you.

 

[Metro3pilot]

Rationalization :

an obvious fear of intimacy

Reality:

There's a Reluctance For Intimacy

Rationalization :

there are signs of interest

Reality :

I invited her once for a drink, she rejected

Reality :

I suggested that we make a move for a while and she would then be joining her friend later. She was clearly hesitating

Reality :

she moved from an other country to follow her boyfriend

Don Mohito when he chases other chicks and bags one = :rockon:
Don Mohito when he chases this chick after another couple months =

Rock On Don Mohito

 

[ZenGodMod]

LOL @ Metro!!!! You cracked me up!
Let me try:

Rationalization:
"In a nutshell, there are signs of interest but also an obvious fear of intimacy"
Reality:
"As far as she's concerned, she moved from an other country to follow her boyfriend (he's from a very wealthy background while she's poor, so the financial aspect may be important here)."

Hope that was not too bad for an amateur like me!

 

[Jitterbug]

As far as she's concerned, she moved from an other country to follow her boyfriend (he's from a very wealthy background while she's poor, so the financial aspect may be important here).

....

A couple of weeks ago, she suggested hanging out outside the club so we arranged a "date" (last week). She told me then about issues in her couple, her losing interest in her bf... We had drinks (she paid for all of them), enjoyed our time and i kissed her on the way back. All this time, she has kept on messaging me.

...

Next steps?

For the next step, I'd find out if she's got residency in your country yet and whether she still needs her BF to be her guarantor/sponsor. Additionally, check if she has a job and can financially support herself. By the look of it, as soon as she doesn't need this guy anymore financially and legally (i.e she can stand on her own two feet without having to rely on him to stay in the country), he's on his way out. It's very common with those chicks. I came from a (skilled) migrant background so this is familiar territory for me.