Difference between being attractive and being average

[frontseatjuan]

I know some may have been attractive for all their lives, in that case, they will not experience the feeling of being an invisible man in front of women.

I personally have had the taste of being that "invisible guy" thanks to a period of being fat, and I can tell that there is a huge difference in the attention you get between being good looking and being considered average. On the other hand, I consider myself fairly good looking so I have had both worlds experiences.

Have any of you guys have gone through the same thing in your life, when you suddenly became unattractive for a period of time, and at that time you realized that what you have taken for granted (the attention and receptive of women) was actually a luxury not all men have.

 

[evan12]

Yeah I was good looking guy before, and it was easy to me to approach women as they was nice with me usually , but after I start losing my hair and growing belly, women became more hostile to me, and they less "welcome" my approach, now after I lost partially my belly they get back to smile , but I think I need to work more on my personality , I think some people loose weight but still have the mentality of fat person .

 

[confuscioused]

No doubt when I was skinny, my personality and aggressiveness got me laid, when I was fit and in my 20's and weighed about 200lbs I got more attention from more attractive girls that I didn't know what to do with myself. Insecurity and inexperience messed up some of the opportunities and I capitalized on others. When I weighed about 220lb with a beer belly that was enough for the girls that liked me when I was 200lbs to run to the hills. Fact is the way you look is a huge factor in getting it but CONFIDENCE is the beat all even a false sense of it will open doors as long as you are not a big mess.

 

[Zarky]

I have a feeling this is yet another PUAhate "looks mean everything" trolls, considering the OP has a grand total of 2 posts to his name, but I'll bite.

I've found that being attractive makes it easier to approach, but you still have to approach. When I do myself up, comb my hair, put on stylish duds, wear shoes that make me look a little taller, etc., things do come a little easier.

Though it's pretty damn hard to compare yourself to guys who are much more or less attractive unless 1) you had a radical self-transformation or 2) you were in a horrible accident.

A friend of mine was in a motorcycle accident and ripped his face open. He went from a 6 to a 4, and is gradually coming back to a 5 but has a big scar. He hasn't seen his success rate change all that much, strangely.

I think the things that kill you as a man, as far as looks go are:

1) being really short
2) being really tall and skinny
3) being really fat
4) being comically over-muscled
5) being bald (for some women)

Note that those are pretty extreme. Whereas men rate women from 1-10, I think women rate men from 1-3. 1 is ugly, 2 is average, 3 is really hot.

I think women's "average" encompasses most men her age. A small percentage of men are ugly to her, and an even smaller percentage are hot to her. Most fall into the "meh" category. She is neither repulsed nor particularly attracted to them.

Chances are you fall into the average category for most women. And that means she'll be judging you on other things as well.. money, car, job, confidence, "game," etc. etc.

It would be evolutionarily disadvantageous for women to judge men entirely based on men's looks. Because men don't bear children, they contribute in other ways. Therefore those other ways are just as important as looks to women.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Yes as my hair got thinner, not even receding not really balding just visibly thinner on top, when I stop using minoxidil on and was taking a break from dating for several months. It's made a HUGE difference in less sexual success with females. I was shocked.

I always thought for several years now after hard core gaming that looks and appearance matter the most. I noticed for years that some guys with varying personality/game, even myself using varying personality/game, and even rotten personalities/game had more success. I tried using better looking guys for online profile experiments etc. I've come to the conclusion that attraction for females is mostly visual and based on appearance and they fill in the personality.

 

[expos]

Had the best luck when:

I was 177-185 lbs (I'm 6-2) and hitting the weights and doing a little cardio. I would also spike style my hair and wear tighter fitting clothing. I sort of looked douchey at times but I did notice women looking at me in malls, restaurants, etc.

Had the worst luck when:

- I ballooned up to 190 lbs and wasn't doing much working out...so I looked soft and bloated in the face. I also shaved my head..which wasn't a good look for me. I looked like a guy who just played video games all day.

- I hit around 150-155 lbs because I was running a ton. I looked sickly and older because my face was so caved in. I had NO body fat. My hair was also longer and shaggy at certain periods and I think that made things even worse. But I was obsessed with being a great runner and saw my skinny body as product of all that training. I was proud of what I achieved, but I did not look good.

-----------------------

So in closing, don't be a skinny distance runner, but not some bloated guy either. Just hit the weights 4-5 times a week and do some cardio 3-4 times a week. Also eat well. A good body should come of this....

 

[floydb25]

Yessir... made a huge difference once I got into shape and started getting pimped out... vice versa for the girls. And now that I've gained weight, don't take care of my appearance, and live like a hermit. It's a whole different world, both ways.

I still don't agree that you have to approach, but you SHOULD, because those who approach are usually aggressive, crazy, and/or slutty. I guess it also depends on how attractive you are.

 

[frontseatjuan]

Yessir... made a huge difference once I got into shape and started getting pimped out... vice versa for the girls. And now that I've gained weight, don't take care of my appearance, and live like a hermit. It's a whole different world, both ways.

I still don't agree that you have to approach, but you SHOULD, because those who approach are usually aggressive, crazy, and/or slutty. I guess it also depends on how attractive you are.

yeah right, that's why you suddenly become so active on here lately.

Don't be a nolstagia old man, dude.

 

[zinc4]

girls who approach are very low quality in general, good for ****ing and that's it...my kind of women!

 

[Mike32ct]

Yes.

1. When I had a thick messy/spiky head of hair and worked out aggressively, I was probably a very high 7 or low 8 in looks. I did pretty well with the ladies. Like many good looking guys, I was convinced I had "game" LOL. Makeouts and lays with chicks were reasonably easy to get. A few women called me hot. Even this gay bartender nicknamed me "Sexy Bastard" lol. That kind of creeped me out lol.

2. Once the balding got worse and I was forced to have a shorter boring hairstyle and I worked out less due to long hours at work, I was no longer on the map. I'm limited to the rare cougar or MILF that likes me these days.

 

[frontseatjuan]

Yes.

1. When I had a thick messy/spiky head of hair and worked out aggressively, I was probably a very high 7 or low 8 in looks. I did pretty well with the ladies. Like many good looking guys, I was convinced I had "game" LOL.

2. Once the balding got worse and I was forced to have a shorter boring hairstyle and I worked out less due to long hours at work, I was no longer on the map.

 

[Stagger Lee]

Yes.

1. When I had a thick messy/spiky head of hair and worked out aggressively, I was probably a very high 7 or low 8 in looks. I did pretty well with the ladies. Like many good looking guys, I was convinced I had "game" LOL. Makeouts and lays with chicks were reasonably easy to get. A few women called me hot. Even this gay bartender nicknamed me "Sexy Bastard" lol. That kind of creeped me out lol.

2. Once the balding got worse and I was forced to have a shorter boring hairstyle and I worked out less due to long hours at work, I was no longer on the map. I'm limited to the rare cougar or MILF that likes me these days.

There seems like there are mostly two kinds of guys. Those that are good looking and attribute their success with women to personality/game. And those who are not good looking and contribute their lack of success to personality/game.

It understandable when something so minor like thinning hair can make you unattractive to women despite you might be 6'1 and fit with a decent complexion. It's not so much that you have to be very good looking although that helps immensely, but you have to be at or above par in almost every area. You could be at or above par in almost every area- height, fit, good complexion and skin and ONE thing below par maybe hair or teeth and you're rejected because of it.

Only once there's no particular flaw in your looks/appearance however minor does personality/game matter. And it doesn't matter much as long as it's not extremely bad-shy, introverted, too effeminate or too aggressive, or autistic.

 

[SteR]

I know some may have been attractive for all their lives, in that case, they will not experience the feeling of being an invisible man in front of women.

I personally have had the taste of being that "invisible guy" thanks to a period of being fat, and I can tell that there is a huge difference in the attention you get between being good looking and being considered average. On the other hand, I consider myself fairly good looking so I have had both worlds experiences.

Have any of you guys have gone through the same thing in your life, when you suddenly became unattractive for a period of time, and at that time you realized that what you have taken for granted (the attention and receptive of women) was actually a luxury not all men have.

Well personally I've experienced both sides of the coin.

When I was young, up until around ~16 I was painfully shy. I was also a bit chubbier when I was a kid, but this got worse and worse until I became obese. Anyone who's been in this situation knows how horrible it feels to be ignored by women. When your buddies are all out flirting with the girls and they completely ignore you.. well, I can't think of many more painful experiences I've had than that. I can actually recall a lot of nights I cried myself to sleep as a kid, wishing things were different.

Funnily enough when I hit 16, for some reason I still don't understand, a particular girl took a liking to me. This got me motivated to take care of myself and within a year or so I lost all of the weight. Obviously I was still painfully shy but my exterior was different and there was a shift in how people reacted to me. What I also found out, once the weight was gone, was that I was considered quite attractive.

Fast forward, say a decade, of getting heavily involved in working out/playing competitive sports and the difference is night and day. The feeling of getting checked out by girls is all the more sweeter for having gone through the horrible experiences as a kid. I honestly think one of the greatest feelings you can experience is knowing that hot girls are scoping you out. Nowadays I get girls eyeing me up that would never have even acknowledged I existed as a kid. The dark side of this is obviously realising just how shallow girls can be.. but then again I think that goes for all people. The harsh truth is that people are generally attracted to people who take care of themselves. I wouldn't go for a fat slob who had no self-respect.. why would women be any different? But c'est la vie..

 

[sambwoy]

Well personally I've experienced both sides of the coin.

When I was young, up until around ~16 I was painfully shy. I was also a bit chubbier when I was a kid, but this got worse and worse until I became obese. Anyone who's been in this situation knows how horrible it feels to be ignored by women. When your buddies are all out flirting with the girls and they completely ignore you.. well, I can't think of many more painful experiences I've had than that. I can actually recall a lot of nights I cried myself to sleep as a kid, wishing things were different.

Funnily enough when I hit 16, for some reason I still don't understand, a particular girl took a liking to me. This got me motivated to take care of myself and within a year or so I lost all of the weight. Obviously I was still painfully shy but my exterior was different and there was a shift in how people reacted to me. What I also found out, once the weight was gone, was that I was considered quite attractive.

Fast forward, say a decade, of getting heavily involved in working out/playing competitive sports and the difference is night and day. The feeling of getting checked out by girls is all the more sweeter for having gone through the horrible experiences as a kid. I honestly think one of the greatest feelings you can experience is knowing that hot girls are scoping you out. Nowadays I get girls eyeing me up that would never have even acknowledged I existed as a kid. The dark side of this is obviously realising just how shallow girls can be.. but then again I think that goes for all people. The harsh truth is that people are generally attracted to people who take care of themselves. I wouldn't go for a fat slob who had no self-respect.. why would women be any different? But c'est la vie..

I never had a weight problem, but I do have a hole in my chest, and I don't know how I can work it. You feel like the young male equivalent of an elderly man who gets mocked and humiliated by passers by just for existing. Also I have aspergers which can be a significantly big negative. The way the media treat the 'not-so-hot' guys on talent shows and dating shows is rough. Flip the genders round, and the guy would get a proper haranguing at what a 'cruel heartless bastvrd' he is.

I was laughed at by girls on the bus to college just for existing, no matter what opportunities arose to meet new people, the isolation treatment was the same.

 

[SteR]

I never had a weight problem, but I do have a hole in my chest, and I don't know how I can work it. You feel like the young male equivalent of an elderly man who gets mocked and humiliated by passers by just for existing. Also I have aspergers which can be a significantly big negative. The way the media treat the 'not-so-hot' guys on talent shows and dating shows is rough. Flip the genders round, and the guy would get a proper haranguing at what a 'cruel heartless bastvrd' he is.

I was laughed at by girls on the bus to college just for existing, no matter what opportunities arose to meet new people, the isolation treatment was the same.

Surely your problem is hidden with clothes though? The problem with being fat is you can't hide it, ha. Sheesh, I'm getting flashbacks now of when I was a young kid in gym classes having to do 'shirts v skins' and the amount of shame/humiliation I felt when having to take my shirt off.. ack.

Having said all this, the reason I've managed to change so much now is through clinging to those memories and recalling them whenever I felt like skipping a workout/eating junk etc etc.

All I can advise is that you really push yourself to be the best you can. If there's any way you can improve your lot then make sure you do it.. it just makes you appreciate it all the more when you get there

 

[floydb25]

why are you living this way? Do you have a physical disability now, that you didn't have back then?

Nah... just got tired of it... the people I was attracting, and crowds I was getting involved in as a result. The same crowds and personality types many girls flock to. It really is a double-edged sword. To attract a lot of women, you have to look and act a certain way, and be perceived as a certain way. But with that comes a lot of BS. I mean, you're gonna be social, out-going, "cool", and have all these fake friends, critics, and haters everywhere. Plus most of the women are ****, but that's what they flock to.

I prefer being left alone, and not worry about anyone else. Plus it's too much maintenance to get all ready just to go outside, look approachabe / social, and having all these fake ****-offs come up to you. I have insane social skills, but don't like people, and keep it to myself.

Even bishes are very shallow and disrespectful in their demeanor towards you. All they care about is "hot" and "sex". But those are the ones who are going to notice you most once you get all pimped out... Whereas, they don't notice you AT ALL when you look like a caveman, avoid people, and dress like a homeless person.

Some chicks still look or start a brief conversation, but I either avoid them or keep it real short. It's certainly not as abundant as when I was in shape, etc, which is fine. They used to go nuts - it really does make a difference between "hot / sexy" and "cute / attractive". If you're good looking and out of shape - they still notice. Even back in the day, chicks would say I was cute. But it's a whole different world once you get into shape, take care of your appearance, and become a social beast. Whether that's a good thing depends on how you view it, and the kind of person you are. I was always a shy, reserved, overly sensitive loner, so it didn't mesh well. Plus it was all really fake and tiresome.

The chicks here are also no where near as aggressive or forward as they were up north. Much more reserved and passive, and passive-aggressive. Even if they dig you, they won't say it, or act on it. Most people here are like that, but friendly on the outside. Awesome! That's how I like it.

But who knows what the future might bring... This is all still new to me. Living on my own, not having (or wanting) any friends, not knowing many people, not being approached by anyone... used to be around packs of people everywhere; socialized with and befriended everyone; had girls approach constantly. But 90% of those people were fake, and some were even quite toxic. Definitely damages you, and makes you re-evaluate everything. But you do learn a LOT from it.

Anywho, that's my story so far.

 

[floydb25]

girls who approach are very low quality in general, good for ****ing and that's it...my kind of women!

Ha Ha! Very true. Most are crazy sluts or bishes with issues. My ex friends were all about it, but they were aggressive, dysfunctional, and crazy themselves.

 

[Big Nuts]

I've been blessed with some looks, but still:

1. Be thin (no bellies, not necessarily 6 pack)
2. Groom your hair and nails so you look like u care.
3. Have some muscle (make sure shoulders are outside your waste, V-shape)
4. White teeth (crooked, missing??...fix them, worth the investment)
5. Have some f*cking style for f*ck sakes (well fitted clothing)
6. Carry yourself with an aura of confidence (never look straight down when u walk)
7. Shower u dirty f*cker and brush your teeth.
8. Mild scent/deodorant.
9. Trim or eliminate all excessive body hair (back, balls, ears, nose, ass)

Following these you will FEEL good too...if you feel good, you wheel good...then ya reel good!!!!!!!

Caring about how you look is not BETA of faggy!

 

[frontseatjuan]

Nah... just got tired of it... the people I was attracting, and crowds I was getting involved in as a result. The same crowds and personality types many girls flock to. It really is a double-edged sword. To attract a lot of women, you have to look and act a certain way, and be perceived as a certain way. But with that comes a lot of BS. I mean, you're gonna be social, out-going, "cool", and have all these fake friends, critics, and haters everywhere. Plus most of the women are ****, but that's what they flock to.

I prefer being left alone, and not worry about anyone else. Plus it's too much maintenance to get all ready just to go outside, look approachabe / social, and having all these fake ****-offs come up to you. I have insane social skills, but don't like people, and keep it to myself.

Even bishes are very shallow and disrespectful in their demeanor towards you. All they care about is "hot" and "sex". But those are the ones who are going to notice you most once you get all pimped out... Whereas, they don't notice you AT ALL when you look like a caveman, avoid people, and dress like a homeless person.

Some chicks still look or start a brief conversation, but I either avoid them or keep it real short. It's certainly not as abundant as when I was in shape, etc, which is fine. They used to go nuts - it really does make a difference between "hot / sexy" and "cute / attractive". If you're good looking and out of shape - they still notice. Even back in the day, chicks would say I was cute. But it's a whole different world once you get into shape, take care of your appearance, and become a social beast. Whether that's a good thing depends on how you view it, and the kind of person you are. I was always a shy, reserved, overly sensitive loner, so it didn't mesh well. Plus it was all really fake and tiresome.

The chicks here are also no where near as aggressive or forward as they were up north. Much more reserved and passive, and passive-aggressive. Even if they dig you, they won't say it, or act on it. Most people here are like that, but friendly on the outside. Awesome! That's how I like it.

But who knows what the future might bring... This is all still new to me. Living on my own, not having (or wanting) any friends, not knowing many people, not being approached by anyone... used to be around packs of people everywhere; socialized with and befriended everyone; had girls approach constantly. But 90% of those people were fake, and some were even quite toxic. Definitely damages you, and makes you re-evaluate everything. But you do learn a LOT from it.

Anywho, that's my story so far.

I think I know what you are talking about, so how about being a confident loner in the middle of the former society you were talking about. I mean there will be people who approach you but you can still reject those fake ones and befriend with those who suit you, if there is.

Personally, I don't think let your body become fat and do not take care of your appearance is a good thing to do. I know that I myself cannot do that, even when I really hated all the bullsh!t around me including people and fake status sh!t, I still take care of myself.

But who am I to judge you, everybody is different

btw for me the whole approach thing is not a must, if I want to and I can, I will. Otherwise, I accept that I fear of rejection and just go on, nothing to be ashamed of. I prefer one good natural relationship than numerous of meaningless thing. But in other to do that, I think I have to accept the fact that there is a chance that I will not have any.

 

[crossedup]

Hahaha confident loner, yup that describes me too. Used to be painfully shy, ugly because I was extremely skinny and had horrible acne. But I worked on myself and now have no problem attracting the people I want in my life, can't really remember my last awkward conversation. Looking better causes you to feel better and people are certainly more receptive to you.

I used to be invisible to people in general, was needy, conceited, desperate. I changed all of that and left the fake "friends" that used me. I have no ill thoughts towards them, they were only looking after themselves and I was a huge ***** anyways so it makes sense why they treated me the way they did. Never had any relationships, I was on no girls radar.

Anyways, now it's easy to attract the right people. Cute girls flirt with me and touch me. Having good looks is also very important in the business world. People treat you better, plain and simple. Some people just flat out look like leaders without saying a word. The older women at the office hit on me which I ignore and it only makes them do it more. They do everything I tell them to do its easy and they don't give me some of the sh*t they give other less attractive men.

You be the best man you can. Develop your looks and develop your mind. Your mind is what drives you to create a better physical appearance. F*ck alcohol, that stuff in long run, destroys your mind and your physical appearance. Learn how to game sober, will learn much faster and become much stronger.