Difference between being a jerk and C&F?

[Jokerlsk]

I listed all my problems out on a sheet of paper, and this one seems to be my biggest one. Being ****y and funny is something that comes natural to me when i'm talking to my guy friends, and I don't have a problem with that, but with girls, I seem to struggle because I go overboard. I can't differentiate the difference and it makes me come off as a douche bag. Sometimes, especially on a bad day, like today, I come off as a huge *******.
For example, this AFC told this girl that EVERYONE in the class is interested in, including me, even though I try to resist. That she was sexy. And I was right next to both of them and I said, "Why are you lying to her?"........ *Facepalm.*
I've been practicing with this girl because It's someone everyone likes, so I feel like I have to put her down. I don't know why I'm like that, I just am. So she told me that, "She use to think I was a nice guy, and that now I'm an *******." I KNOW that I crossed the line about what i said, but sometimes i say things just to see how people will react. It's like I'm sadistic...
I need to learn how to handle this. Any advice

 

[FairShake]

I think you have to ration it out. If you tease people all the time you really ARE a ****head and not a Don Juan.

If you keep it playful, sparing, funny, and with a smile it's seen as casual and cool confidence.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Idk, lately I've just been getting pissed off more often. When i was younger i use to get frustrated and explode, and it's like I'm doing it all over again, but just an older version. Like today, in math class, i didn't get something that everyone else, even kids who are failing get, and it ruined my day. I also failed a quiz i should of made a 100 on, and it's just pissing me off. It's like i want to kill someone

 

[Mangina]

The difference is the funny part. You have to be funny and playful.

 

[playerone]

It's just your mood affecting you right now, it seems. You're doing well with being ****y, just do it with a smile, tease the right way. You can't go ****y & funny all the way with someone. Keep it 50/50, balance the C&F with normal conversation. It's like telling someone a joke he has heard before.

It's good to hear that you are applying the C&F, though. That's the first step, now you'll fail a few times to truly understand how to be a natural at it.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Hmmm. Haven't been on in a while, but here goes.
I notice that I have defense mechanisms because i'm really introverted. I've got a lot of guy friends but I'm more of a loner deep down inside. I prefer being alone in my room, studying, and listening to music, or writing or playing music on guitar. I'm not considered artistic by the kids at my school, but people have told me that I think I'm better than everyone else. I've been trying to fix this by not answering as many questions, but I'm in a class full of stupid kids, and I'm an AP/Honors student that just wanted a break class, so the kids in my class hate me for it. I've noticed that I've inherited a lot of my dad's personality traits, which include crossing my arms and keeping firm contact. I also realized that I very rarely am enthusiastic about things, and have a dry, sarcastic, humor that offends people who don't know me. People in that same class call me the "Genius" because i always score the highest, and i'm usually ridiculed by the teacher because he also thinks that I'm arrogant.
I"m not gonna lie. I am arrogant, but not so much this year than previous years. It's just that I know who's smarter than me, and I know who isn't. Some of my friends have told me I act too much like an adult at times, so that's probably something I need to change, but honestly, I'm not interested in parties, and stuff like that.
I really need to find a median. Last year, and years before that I was too much of a classclown, I gained a bad rep from it, and my grades suffered, and this year I'm too stern and arrogant.
Also, when I've tried to give someone a compliment, which i don't usually, they usually don't believe me and say that I don't mean it.

 

[EnjoysWatches]

Ya, I have the same problem. I am kind of a ****y ******* and don't really know where to draw the line. I can usually tell when I go to far though so I guess that's a start. Just got to keep workin' on it.

 

[MillenniumMike]

It takes practice, it is pretty much an art form. Follow everyone's advice and smile more and do it with a certain tone of voice. Also be alert when teasing about someone's looks it takes finesse. With ****y funny you have to be super indirect with your approach. Look into negs and Back handed compliments, they are supposed to be nice but end in a tease. Just modify your format of ****y funny.

 

[cola]

Yeah been there.
Just try not to "try to act" cool. <-- read that sentence carefully.
And if your not in a sociable mood don't speak unneccissarily.

And there's nothing ****ing wrong with being nice to females..
Why don't people on this site get that?
You can be nice as long as she knows you won't tolerate disrespect from her.
So convey that frame and be you.

 

[Jokerlsk]

The thing is, is that I'm actually very good with back handed compliments, but I take them too far. I think I'll try smiling more today at school and see where it goes from there

 

[Scars]

You publically insulted a girl, there's nothing ****y or FUNNY about that.

 

[Mr CIDH]

When I started out testing women with this forum in mind I started as more jerky/****y. Talk, make friends, then find out if she likes you and find out your friends zoned seemed a lot of work, I assumed on the jerkier side that would not happen. Jerky/****y worked some, but yeah made some women mad and it was more of a magic act than showing any of myself. Since I added more funny things less jerky thing have improved a lot.

Funny saves you a lot of pissed and hurt women, I am now 75% funny 25% ****y, im back beeing friendly as I was, just more confident. No more pissed off women and its way easier this way.

Play hard to get, make ****y funny jokes, tease a lot. Be friendly, just don't be a clingy or desperate wussy. And yeah some women now call me 'jerk' or 'hes arogant, hes too picky' when I let em work for it. Thats another kind of '****yness' than beeing a jerk, 'hard to get' ****yness is fun.

****y + funny can go hand in hand with friendlyness.. jerkyness exludes that. Funny is what lightens things up.

 

[Duffdog]

The thing is, is that I'm actually very good with back handed compliments, but I take them too far. I think I'll try smiling more today at school and see where it goes from there

I think you actually did well. Remember, nice guys never get laid. *******s always get the girl-- If she actually got mad at me, I might take that opportunity to say something like: "a bunch of my friends are going to XXXXX, if you can keep your hands off me long enough, you can come also" If you are going to be so ****y and funny that you stomped on someone elses self esteem publicly, don't apologize for it and just roll with it. You will probably get further with this girl by being the opposite of what everyone else is.

As to your question about the difference between a jerk and C+F; I don't think that there is a difference in the person, just how he is perceived. I am a jerk to unattractive girls and ****y to hot ones, the fact that I don't care reinforces that position.

 

[Jokerlsk]

I've got a lot of learning ahead of me. Earlier this year I was considered a push over by a lot of people because i became content with being a nice guy, but then my 'friends' started taking advantage of me, and I wasn't getting anywhere, so I turned my back on that.
I'm quirky in someways, and I have a lot of defense mechanisms too. I don't know why, but I've been capable of 'getting the girl' before, it's just that once i've got her, I don't want her. I'm not a wimp, or a pvssy, but I know I'm a good guy, and I'm not interested in girls just for sex. I really just want to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that isn't strictly a friend.

I have a problem being an alpha male. I have principles, and morals that are engraved in my brain, but I don't seem to remember them until I have to. I only really get intimidating when someone in messing with my family, or I've finally exploded. My dad on the other hand is the exact opposite, he doesn't take **** off of anyone, and he is a true DJ. It frustrates me that I have such a great role model that's raised me and I can't live up to expectations. I really wish I could be more like him, but I always fail. If you've ever watched "That 70's Show" my dad is kind of like Red, and I'm like Eric, and that frustrates me even more. Becoming a dj in my mind is about becoming a man, and I'm always reminded of how far away I am from actually doing so. A man knows what he wants and gets it no matter what. I know what I want but I'm too afraid of getting it. I've got fake confidence. I'm only confident when I'm with a friend or something. I come as ****y, and arrogant because I have trouble being confident with myself.

 

[Mr CIDH]

I've got a lot of learning ahead of me. Earlier this year I was considered a push over by a lot of people because i became content with being a nice guy, but then my 'friends' started taking advantage of me, and I wasn't getting anywhere, so I turned my back on that.
I'm quirky in someways, and I have a lot of defense mechanisms too. I don't know why, but I've been capable of 'getting the girl' before, it's just that once i've got her, I don't want her. I'm not a wimp, or a pvssy, but I know I'm a good guy, and I'm not interested in girls just for sex. I really just want to have a relationship with someone of the opposite sex that isn't strictly a friend.

I have a problem being an alpha male. I have principles, and morals that are engraved in my brain, but I don't seem to remember them until I have to. I only really get intimidating when someone in messing with my family, or I've finally exploded. My dad on the other hand is the exact opposite, he doesn't take **** off of anyone, and he is a true DJ. It frustrates me that I have such a great role model that's raised me and I can't live up to expectations. I really wish I could be more like him, but I always fail. If you've ever watched "That 70's Show" my dad is kind of like Red, and I'm like Eric, and that frustrates me even more. Becoming a dj in my mind is about becoming a man, and I'm always reminded of how far away I am from actually doing so. A man knows what he wants and gets it no matter what. I know what I want but I'm too afraid of getting it. I've got fake confidence. I'm only confident when I'm with a friend or something. I come as ****y, and arrogant because I have trouble being confident with myself.

Read this:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?&p=1245490#post1245490

Is this why you get stuck?

 

[Lexington]

One of the best ways to be C+F is to constantly bag on her, but be nice to her in other ways. That is, hold doors for her, do nice and considerate things for her etc. Don't go overboard with it though....you don't want to be the classic nice guy.

 

[Jokerlsk]

Won't that be a little difficult in a classroom setting though?

 

[Jokerlsk]

bump

 

[Crazy Asian]

haha yeah i had a huge problem with this... well kinda still do.

for C&F u gotta say everything with a smile and make sure she knows ur kidding... that's why it should never be used over e-mail or text.

never saying anything insulting to her, but just be SLIGHTLY ****y.

quick example:
instead of saying : your hair looks weird
say : thats.... (pause(pretend to be searching for word))... interesting hair you have there <--- with a god dam smile!!

 

[Elmoshow21]

quick example:
instead of saying : your hair looks weird
say : thats.... (pause(pretend to be searching for word))... interesting hair you have there <--- with a god dam smile!!

Or you can go with my fav: "Hey ____ , that's a nice bird's nest you got going there" (pat your head)