Did my Girlfriend Cheat?

[GaelicSoul]

Hi All,

This is my first post so id like to say hello to everyone. Im going to cut to the chase here, i have been going out with my GF for 1.5 years. I trusted her and was very happy with our relationship. However when we met up after christmas she was acting funny, distant towards me, and not very imtimate. We both went to my cousins wedding I know that she was texting a guy that whole night we were out. She was acting suspicious, texting under the table and this went on all night. I know she has been texting this guy since. Since then i have confronted her and asked who she was texting that night, and i asked her who this guy was and why she was so anxious and nervous that night, she lied to me and said it was her girlfriends she was texting.I checked the number and it was a guy. I didnt get to read the messages as she deleted them. She told me that nothing was going on, and she loved me blah blah. When i asked her who this guy was as i had his number, she said he was friends with her mate, and he was back foor christmas and that she was never with him. She asked my why i was being suspicious, and didnt i trust her? I have given her the benefit of the doubt, as i have no solid evidence she has done anything, and it may have been some guy filling her head with crap.and since our chat she has been very intimate and loving as normal. However if nothing happened y did she lie to me about him?? Do i call her out and say listen im not happy, and i think something happened over this christmas. You can tell me the truth and we can discuss, if not good luck... Confused irish man

 

[GaelicSoul]

Yes i do, we are very close, shes been a great girlfriend in the past, and we havent had a trust issue with before. But she has lied to me, and the fact it things were fine before christmas, then she goes home and shes acting cold, anxious and is clearly texting this person indicates that something is/was happening. She may or may not have done anything, but if she hasnt i would like to think she could have just told me about this guy. I cant be making excuses for her like this, it could be nothing, and perhaps she didnt want to tell me some guy was chatting her up as it would have bothered me. We have talked about things and she seems like shes back to her old self,making plans together, and is interested in me physically again touching, hugs, sex etc. But i cant help but feel im in the dark, and something happened. Her friends are cowards and wont tell me, and i have nothing but my intuition. This is a decision i will have to make soon or its going to be a constant weight on my mind. How do i call her out and get the truth, or should i bide my time, give her the benefit of the doubt and keep an eye on the situation.

 

[Captain]

Does it matter? She is lying to you, she isn't exclusive relationship material.

 

[tafakna]

We both went to my cousins wedding I know that she was texting a guy that whole night we were out.

You should have confronted her much earlier, it's absolutely unacceptable behavior and by not acting sooner she lost her respect for you.

It's not her friends that are acting cowardly, it's not in their job description to be on your side. It's you that so far has been the coward.

The more you delay acting like a man, the more likely is that this will end VERY badly.

 

[GaelicSoul]

Listen,

It was brought to my attention that she was texting all night by my sister who was sitting near her, i was at a different table. She was fine with me whenever isaw her, however i was able to check her phoner bill as i was suspicous and i saw this number multiple times that day, and following. I have confronted her, evening mentioning the guys name whom she was texting, she assured me nothing had happened with this guy, but didnt admit he was texting her all that day. I cant just go up to her and show her phone bill and say here explain, if nothing happened and im wrong then trust is gone and she'll think im a stalker. I have asked her plain out to her face wha was wrong with her and did anything happen over christmas, she said nothing did. I checked her phone the night of the wedding and i saw she a text from a friend saying "i promise i wont say anything to the girls, you know i wouldnt do that to you..!" It just doesnt add up

 

[Tiguere]

Like someone said...if she hasn't cheated ....she will. Just the fact she lied to you is enough for you to walk away.
She lost respect for you by lying.
The only way to gain het respect now is by you to start displaying self respect.

The way to do this is by telling her you need your space since you feel she crossed an important boundary(lying about texting )

The less you talk the better.

If you don't respect yourself don't expect the respect of others.

 

[Teflon_Mcgee]

She probably cheated. But maybe not.

To me the question is irrelevant when you look at the facts.
1. Secretly texting some guy
2. Denying secretly texting some guy
3. "i promise i wont say anything to the girls, you know i wouldnt do that to you..!"


Something shady is going on. A good woman would avoid this behavior entirely. Even if it's half-way innocent right now it just goes to show you she's capable of sneakiness and hiding stuff.

I would drop this girl ASAP!

 

[bukowski_merit]

You sure this is your first post? About 2 weeks ago someone was posting almost the SAME exact story on here.

Since then i have confronted her and asked who she was texting that night, and i asked her who this guy was and why she was so anxious and nervous that night, she lied to me and said it was her girlfriends she was texting.I checked the number and it was a guy. I didnt get to read the messages as she deleted them. She told me that nothing was going on, and she loved me blah blah.

It's hard to explain this to a guy who probably isn't too well versed in relationship dynamics - but you went about this all wrong... The minute you cared is the minute that she grew even more attracted to whoever this person is that she is texting. You showed insecurity, jealousy, and you spoke to her in a logical way and got logical answers. It's almost stupid to say this to you - but if you valued yourself and believed you were the best thing she could get (in and out of bed) - you wouldn't care at all about what she may be doing behind your back... You may have a lot of "buts" and there's guys who will disagree with me on this... But, you certainly have given her a lot of power now. If she messed with this guy or not - she has successfully given you fear of lose.

When i asked her who this guy was as i had his number, she said he was friends with her mate, and he was back foor christmas and that she was never with him.

She has successfully put you against this guy. Very powerful manipulation tactic. You fell right into it.

She asked my why i was being suspicious, and didnt i trust her?

woman-ese translation: "why are you acting like a woman?"

I have given her the benefit of the doubt, as i have no solid evidence she has done anything

Except be a manipulative drama hor.

and it may have been some guy filling her head with crap.

Or filling her with his seed.

and since our chat she has been very intimate and loving as normal.

She is getting turned on by having successfully pitting two men against each other to compete for her.

Do i call her out and say listen im not happy, and i think something happened over this christmas.

If you're not a lion - you are unfit for her jungle. Do not have a logical conversation with her, be silent and unconcerned. This may not make sense to you - but the more of an issue you make of it - the more chance she will cheat on you. If im talking to a girl with a boyfriend and she's suddenly like "i've been told im no longer allowed to talk to you" - i know it's easy going from there. If you're going to have a logical conversation with her - it better be that you are leaving her because you want to experience other women (or something along those lines). Having a talk about this will only give her more power. She will test you to see if there's any consequence other than your anger and disappointment. So if you're going to bring the "logical talk" gun to this battle - you better know how to use it... Because she will test to see if you're willing to pull the trigger, or just open your mouth.

You can tell me the truth and we can discuss, if not good luck... Confused irish man

Nothing i tell you will work unless you stop supplicating, believing this womens bullsh!t, and allowing the woman to be the prize.


I'm not entirely sure as to what you want to achieve by having another talk with her. If she cheated on you and you want her to admit it - good luck with that. She's already told you nothing happened - and that's her logical answer. If you have a 10 minute or 5 hour talk - you won't get anything besides that. You WON'T know the truth. You either accept that and forget this or don't and move on.

 

[jonwon]

Hi All,

This is my first post so id like to say hello to everyone. Im going to cut to the chase here, i have been going out with my GF for 1.5 years. I trusted her and was very happy with our relationship. However when we met up after christmas she was acting funny, distant towards me, and not very imtimate. We both went to my cousins wedding I know that she was texting a guy that whole night we were out. She was acting suspicious, texting under the table and this went on all night. I know she has been texting this guy since. Since then i have confronted her and asked who she was texting that night, and i asked her who this guy was and why she was so anxious and nervous that night, she lied to me and said it was her girlfriends she was texting.I checked the number and it was a guy. I didnt get to read the messages as she deleted them. She told me that nothing was going on, and she loved me blah blah. When i asked her who this guy was as i had his number, she said he was friends with her mate, and he was back foor christmas and that she was never with him. She asked my why i was being suspicious, and didnt i trust her? I have given her the benefit of the doubt, as i have no solid evidence she has done anything, and it may have been some guy filling her head with crap.and since our chat she has been very intimate and loving as normal. However if nothing happened y did she lie to me about him?? Do i call her out and say listen im not happy, and i think something happened over this christmas. You can tell me the truth and we can discuss, if not good luck... Confused irish man

Are You jelouse?

Your GF is texting a guy.

Your GF lies to you about texting a guy; your GF looks you in the face and tells you a lie, then you believe her when she tells you something else?

You feel you can't trust your girl? Do you wonder why?

No1: Dump worthy problem. Your GF is texting a secret other guy. Dump worthy right there. Cheating or not, WTF is this?! Is this what you want in a girl?!

Not only is she texting some other guy, she lies to you about the situation. If you wasn't jelouse before, this shi* is sure to make any man question his women.


"She asked my why i was being suspicious, and didnt i trust her"?

If a women ask's if you trust her, you can bet your next pay check she is at least thinking if not activly sucking another guys coc*.

"have given her the benefit of the doubt"

This is why your GF is doing what she is doing, because you lack the ball sack to do the neccassary.

If your girlfriend is texting another guy and does not tell you from the start who he is and keeps him a secret, then lies to you. There is only one outcome, that is to drop her like a sack of shi*. Anything else, especcially 'giving her the benifit of the doubt'. Will do nothing but show her what a spinless little beta boy you are and further allow her to get away with more shi*, because you know 'you'll give her the benifit of the doubt'.

If you would have dumped her, she would have at least crawled back with her tail between her legs and begged for forgivness. Now she has been awarded by her poor behaviour and you can bet your left bollock, you've got more to come on the horizon.

Jelousy or not, acting like it was nothing or not. Your GF was texting some secret other guy. Also if your the guy who posted before, and told us you GF attitude has also shifted. You dont need to be a brain surgen or have a PHD is relationship dynamics to see what is going on.

Look at a womens actions and not her words! Repeat that line 10x, till it sinks in.

 

[Reyaj]

Your gf is a whovre. She lied to you about who she was texting when you first asked her... There is something going on.... Confront her sternly but relaxed, and then Next her... you can do better than that filthy pig

 

[shaunuk]

I would say to her. . .

"Darling I think we should cool off a bit and start seeing other people. I'll still see you now and then but there's a few birds I really wanna get on at the moment. That's OK by you isn't it?"

AND GO THROUGH WITH IT.

Chances are, she is into some guy, IF she hasn't already fvcked him. From the sounds of it, it's already over. It's pretty clear what's going on - classic sketchy behavior, lying, etc. Clear as day. Say the above line so that you have a chance of getting her on a leash for a shag now and then - but you're single and finding new girls.

 

[Trader]

Don't look at this whole texting event as something that magically happened all of a sudden.

There really are two possibilities

1) Her interest in you became low, and you failed to realize it (epic mistake by guys, they assume that they are bf/gf so her interest level is automatically high, wrong)

2) She has bad character and is a cheater

Usually it is a combination of the above (with shades of gray)

The reason why these type of threads are useless is because the original poster always has ego involved. He will refuse to admit that A) he allowed a girl to lose interest in her B) he had bad judgment in choosing a girl with a shady character

To the OP - I'm not going to bother giving you any advice - all I'm going to tell you is try and remove your pride and ego from this situation - that way you can look at it objectively.

 

[GaelicSoul]

Thanks Guys, im going to take a step back observe and calm down. I will make a decision when im ready.

 

[Bible_Belt]

One of the things that women do to men is that they cultivate their next relationship at the same time as their current relationship is ending, aka 'branch-swinging.' They don't let go of the vine behind them until they have a good grip on the vine in front of them.

 

[tafakna]

You don't need to become a stalker or even sound jealous.

In life there's no room for the 'accommodating boyfriend'. Getting things moving in the right direction is as easy as doing the same thing (chatting/texting other girls while she's around). People find it very easy to rationalize their misbehavior as something normal, until it happens to them.

If she starts thinking that she got off the hook easily, be ready for a lot of problems in the near future and a lot of posts here in sosuave.

 

[TizZle]

One of the things that women do to men is that they cultivate their next relationship at the same time as their current relationship is ending, aka 'branch-swinging.' They don't let go of the vine behind them until they have a good grip on the vine in front of them.

Right here^^^ Get the fvck out of the relationship, i can explain but it should be apparent what you need to do. You're holding on because of feelings.

 

[slaog]

She was acting strange around christmas but is back to normal now.

When i asked her who this guy was as i had his number, she said he was friends with her mate, and he was back for christmas and that she was never with him. She asked my why i was being suspicious, and didnt i trust her? I have given her the benefit of the doubt,

Theres your answer above. I think by now its clear that for that period YOU were number 2 in her mind and it sounds like shes just settling for you until something "better" comes along.


You have to ask yourself why she is not that attracted to you and also what you're going to do about it. Theres no doubt she had cheated or intended to cheat so shes a cheater. How old is she?

 

[Rescue Mission]

you should really learn how to be a man and how to respect yourself

you have no business giving this girl any kind of commitment, and you have no idea how to maintain a good healthy relationship. You need to stop having a goddamn girlfriend until you know how to set rules and boundaries within a relationship.

In fact, can you even answer me this one question: why are you committed to this woman?

 

[Brighty]

While you're taking some time to cool down, I HIGHLY suggest reading this three page thread on a situation very similar to your own and what the topic creator ended up doing. You may find some similarities in his scenario that are applicable to your own and it may help you make a final decision, as well as a look at the different stages the topic creator went through. It's interesting to see the topic creator evolve a bit to his ultimate decision and dealing with it after.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=169956

Again, you owe it to yourself to read this topic ALL the way through in its entirety. The points that Gangster of Love make are pretty spot on and the advice given by other members have some bearing on your situation as well.

 

[WaterTiger]

Is she cheating on you? Possibly, but there is no concrete proof.

She IS however, doing something secretive & shady with the texting and all. And it's too secretive to tell her boyfriend of a year and a half. She should be whispering all kinds of secrets in your ears, but she doesn't trust you with THIS one!

And this "Don't you trust me?" line is CLASSIC trying to change-the-topic-behavior, trying to blur the point. The point is that she doesn't trust YOU enough to explain her behavior. She just throws up a smoke screen.

Dump this girl instantly.