Did losing your virginity help you with your self confidence?

[nightcrawler]

Responses preferred for those who lost it in their 20s-30s.

Basically, I just don't feel worthy to be with girls. I know this is a deep inner game issue and I HAVE been trying to improve myself (lifting weights, losing weight, etc.) but I still feel like crap.

Confidence comes from experience, and I got none, so is this the reason why I still feel this way?

For example there's this very hot blonde girl that sits next to me. When I see myself and I see her I say to myself "in your dreams"..yet she seems to like me. But I can't bring myself to ask her out on a date and such. She seems so experienced and so sexy and so mature..I see myself as a chump who's still a virgin.

I can hold conversations just fine and aren't ackward/etc..in fact I can be interesting but I just don't feel like I am of any worth.

So I wonder, will having sex finally let me go of these childish concerns? and will becoming good in bed finally give me the last push I need to become what I want to be?

 

[Technical1]

yes, you probably do need to lose your virginity, if only to demythologize the concept of sex you have in your head.

Basically, I just don't feel worthy to be with girls.

thats really borderline offensive to me, with that statement you reach the farthest non plus ultra of AFCness. Worthy to be with girls? You are a man, thats what girls are made to get all over. Evolution has programmed them to want to svck your ****, if you only have the strength to get to that point.

If you could just shed some loser believes and get some stride, they'll be fantasizing about you. But I know you (I think), are you the kid with his head down, who mumbles his phrases, doesnt dress nice, doesnt groom himself well, cant project his personality, and cant dominate with eye contact, and secretly worries about being a freak/dork/loser? You probably wear all these loser beliefs on your face when you go to school or work everyday. Women wont want to have sex with that.

This is all changeable. I cold approached and tongue kissed a girl tonight, four weeks ago I was still half-crushing on a girl from my distant past who I never even got to first base with. Follow the advice of the more mature and articulate posters on this forum and never show me or anyone else the callow, self-doubt-ridden pitiful part of you which you showed when you wrote the text for this post!

 

[Jitterbug]

If it bothers you that much, go to a legal establishment (not sure where you live, but around here brothels are legalised and regulated) and get it over and done with. A long time ago, dads used to take their teenaged sons to those establishments to lose their virginity.

Don't think it'll improve your self-worth and what you think about yourself, but it might remove a major excuse for you to start working on the real thing.

 

[nightcrawler]

yes, you probably do need to lose your virginity, if only to demythologize the concept of sex you have in your head.



thats really borderline offensive to me, with that statement you reach the farthest non plus ultra of AFCness. Worthy to be with girls? You are a man, thats what girls are made to get all over. Evolution has programmed them to want to svck your ****, if you only have the strength to get to that point.

If you could just shed some loser believes and get some stride, they'll be fantasizing about you. But I know you (I think), are you the kid with his head down, who mumbles his phrases, doesnt dress nice, doesnt groom himself well, cant project his personality, and cant dominate with eye contact, and secretly worries about being a freak/dork/loser? You probably wear all these loser beliefs on your face when you go to school or work everyday. Women wont want to have sex with that.

This is all changeable. I cold approached and tongue kissed a girl tonight, four weeks ago I was still half-crushing on a girl from my distant past who I never even got to first base with. Follow the advice of the more mature and articulate posters on this forum and never show me or anyone else the callow, self-doubt-ridden pitiful part of you which you showed when you wrote the text for this post!

Not quite I dress decent, I can hold conversations, I can dominate eye contact and can be assertive. I guess the only downside of mine is the hair, but I am growing it so I have to deal with that for awhile. It shouldn't be THAT big of a deal though.

I don't feel worthy as a man..sexually. My pride won't let me have sex with a prostitute, and I feel bad that I might *** in 2 secs if I actually do get in bed with a girl/my **** might be too small/can't get it up.

Having sex with a prostitute will be a huge blow to my pride, but it will get the whole sex ordeal done. But I wonder if I will be even more down on myself for having sex with a prostitute...I don't want to take the risk.

And having sex with a real girl...well I can't even ask them on a date

decisions decisions decisions...

 

[DonJuan11]

Not quite I dress decent, I can hold conversations, I can dominate eye contact and can be assertive. I guess the only downside of mine is the hair, but I am growing it so I have to deal with that for awhile.

What do you mean the hair? Because if you are losing your hair, you are in trouble dude.

 

[Craig_87]

In a word.....sounds to me like you need to lose your virginity for your own sake....but when you do...theres a good chance it wont be what you were expecting.....

Dont think about losing your virginity as such...concentrate on enjoying yourself....if as you say you can talk to women fine...no problems there...youll build up the courage to start asking them out. So what if theres rejections..everyone has them

If worse comes to worse (not the best scenario here) but if a girl really likes you, they may even ask you out....which is bad in one way, but in your situation good....

Basically tho dude, just go and give it a go....go out clubbing...have a good time...thats the more important part...enjoy yourself, show them your enjoying yourself...

You need to read the DJB....have a look at "The Fifteen Lessons"...

As you think, you shall become

Thats the important part in your case......

 

[nightcrawler]

What do you mean the hair? Because if you are losing your hair, you are in trouble dude.

Nah I'm not losing my hair, I simply look ridiculous because it's in the growth process. Ultimately I'm gonna go for a long layered cut.

I know it's just a matter of getting it over with..but I want to do it legitimately, even if it's just a one night stand, I want to earn it. Easily said than done

 

[wolf116]

Yes it dose help, bigtime.

Just lower your standards to find a girl to experiment on.

 

[Answers]

No it did nothing for my self confidence though I was glad to loose it but don't see it as that big of a deal.

 

[The Deacon]

Experience does help. Here's the thing, though. You need to reframe this whole "dilemma" you have. Instead of being the "inexperienced virgin loser," just think of yourself as the "budding flower whose blossoming is near." Okay, I didn't mean to sound cheesy there, but still.

I remember the first girl I ever made out with. She pulled away and said "you don't know what you're doing, do you?" I just said "teach me" and pulled her back in. Shoot, I was really bad at that thing back then, but hey, no one picks up a basketball and starts playing like Kobe Bryant. Don't be so hard on yourself.

 

[Gustav Yavo]

I wouldnt say it helps your self confidence, but i will say that each time you fvck, you just get more comfortable and more experienced for the next time. Which is very important, women love a good lover and one that can take control.
Dont put too much pressure on yourself and expect sex to change you into a new person, cause it wont. Dont expect your first time to be great either, cause it most likely wont be, unless the girl is "experienced", and even then you might pop your shot really early, but hey 5 mins later and you should be good to go again...
like The Deacon said, it takes practice to be good at anything, and besides, there is a good chance the first chick you bang will be nervous too

And don't be so negative. One makes their own self worth. You are the one that creates value for yourself. You have to believe you are the prize, and be confident enough to just go out there and get what you want. Your self worth will not increase cause you had sex, and you are not worth any less cause you havent had sex yet.

Keep your head up!

 

[j0n024]

Agree with everything that most of the people have said above me. But I think what you really have a problem is the whole "Porno" mentality, You probably watched some porno and saw the guys with huge a$$ tree d1cks and can last for an hour..well 15min's and you feel bad because you have a smaller d1ck and last for 2 mins (Guessing). I think that is your problem , youve been brainwashed by porno and now think your less of a man then some other guy that get's paid to have sex and is already mature.

I think you should relax and live life brother...just have fun with your life, dont worry about peer pressure because at the end of the day YOU know what YOU are and noone can change that. IF you have a problem with your d1ck size ...well there really isnt anything anyone can do about that(Yes the advertisments and pills but they really dont work) just be happy your average (I think) most women dont care about how huge it is ...unless they are *****'s in which case why should you care about their feelings? You can last longer by doing exercises you just have to look up on the internet kegel exercises and it will teach you how to last longer so you wont pop ..hell it helps if you jerk off and right when you feel your about to cvm stop wait a while then go again stop wait a while then go again..your d1ck will learn to hold it in after a while.

There is nothing wrong with you but your confidence...sex wont change that you need to learn to take control of your life and have a positive outlook on it before sex will become good.

 

[XTR]

Yes, I agree with j0n024 above, I'm still a virgin too, sometimes the weight of not having 'done it' hurts my confidence, but it can't be that bad.

The brainwashing thing is true, what matters in bed as I've been reading is firstly Dominance (girls wants to be dominated in bed), Emotional (don't just be a robot or a technical dude banging the chick without feelings), talking dirty to her, having Variety and Immersion (don't think too much, just enjoy the moment, and don't have any hung-ups on sex)

I think I know this year I will get laid, and I'm working meeting new people, approaching, etc. This can't be done overnight.

But I'd say what you need to CHANGE RIGHT NOW is one simple though:

BE POSITIVE

Doesn't matter what happens, always 'force' your mind to remove the negative thoughts with positive ones.

Eventually you will find the way, ATTITUDE is what matters here. Forget techniques, gimmicks, etc, just present yourself as a cool guy.

And **** off the idea you don't deserve girls, I've had this though in the past before, it doesn't make sense. Think of all the other jerks who get the hot chicks, you had spend time developing yourself on how to become good interacting with the opposite sex, so is time for you to be more 'KIND' with yourself.

Just get out there and DO IT.

 

[Tear Gas]

having sex with girls didn't raise my confidence..just getting enough IOI's or hearing from people that so and so girl likes me is enough to raise my confidence. Knowing that girls want to have sex with you is enough to raise your confidence, cause before you fcuk a girl, there must be attraction obviously..

 

[JackBauer24]

Think of all the other jerks who get the hot chicks

Thanks for pointing this out.

 

[Huffman]

It did raise my confidence a little. It rids you of that "everybody's done it, but I'm too dumb for it"-additude.

However, back then, I was very much AFC. So, in the long run, getting laid didn't help. It's discipline and action that did.

 

[ItsOnNow]

No.Not for me. Self confidence is still a big problem for me. I share alot of the same problems as the op, and its taken a huge toll on me. I feel unworthy as well. I know thats the wrong attitude. The right one should be they want my **** bad right? I constantly feel empty. I try to cover it,but I think most people can sense it.

I feel as though I have been out of things for so long now,its hard to get back in. I have felt this way a long time now,and its been a struggle to break otu of it. How? How do you do it? How do you basically become the ***** magnet? Ive spent so little trying to change things,I'm shocked. How much if any of this could be maturity problems?

 

[Supremo]

Everyone I've known or ever talked to has said that having sex changes your view of girls completely... in a good way.

A good way in the sense that, once you reach this point, it comes a LOT easier than before (duh). Knowing that "it's over with" just makes you a more confident guy.

It's like when NO ONE in the world could bench over 800 lbs, and as soon as one guy did it, a bunch of people did. Kinda like that except the 800 lbs is sex, that one guy is your first time, and the bunch of people is you having sex a lot.