Did I play this right? - Walking out

[hansol]

Hey guys,

Just wondering if I can get a critique of how I handled this, as I'm torn between two opinions.

Backstory is that I have been seeing this chick for about a month now. Nothing exclusive, I'm focused on work more than anything these days so it's a casual thing. She's just been out of a long term relationship with a messy on-again-off-again breakup where she and the ex are still in touch, so that's a red flag for me, but again, being a casual thing, I'm not gonna hold it against her.

Anyway, she invites me over for the night, so I head over, we get in bed, start watching a sitcom on the tv, make out a bit, whatever. During this time, she's tapping away on her phone. Not a big deal, we all text these days. But she keeps at it constantly, enough that I look over and just to give her the "wtf" look and see who she's chatting with that's so important. Turns out it's the ex.

But again, fine whatever, but she keeps at it for the rest of the 25min show. Finally I said something, basically saying "K this, no more. I'm here, don't be rude." She rolls her eyes a bit, stops and cuddles, but then goes back to it while I keep watching the show.

So at this point I got annoyed. I mean shooting a text here or there, fine, but when we are there to hang out and bang, my expectation is that she is all there. So I got up and walked out. She wasn't thrilled, saying "don't leave, don't give me ultimatums, what do you expect from me." blah blah blah. Regardless, I was so turned off and tired I just wanted to go home.

I'm of two minds on this. (1) I did the right thing. I told her my expectations, she defied them, I walked away. But I'm also thinking (2) maybe I should have laughed it off, not showed any indication that it bothered me, and stuck around. Thoughts?

 

[The Gambler]

My opinion is that this was no different than you two being on a date somewhere, and she saw her ex and chatted with him the whole night. No difference. My guess is that she invited you over before she knew her ex would be getting back in touch.

Run, don't walk, in the other direction my friend!

The Gambler

 

[Wilko]

Fvck yes you did that right thing, that was total horsesh!t on her part.

It was the right thing because it was what YOU actually wanted to do, it was an authentic response. Not every situation needs to be constructed so as to maximise the chances of you getting some - if you're doing that, you're still a slave to the pvssy.

Time to level up! No need to doubt yourself, keep trusting your gut.

 

[SecondHalf]

Very rude. You did the right thing.
Odds are she was stoking the fire about being out with another man to her ex.
You were not the priority that night.
Odds are, you won't be able to boink her anyway.

Hate CrackBerry addicts regardless of who they talk with.

SH

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Hansol,
The hold this "Ex" has on this stupid Woman must be like Araldyte...Any red blooded Male,who tolerates Telephone contact,while Bedding a Bird,needs shooting....this really is the dizzy limit....No Contact!

 

[scrouds]

Piss or get off the pot.

If you want sex, take the phone out of her hands, put it face down on the dresser and keep her busy with something else.

If she puts on the brakes, game like any other LMR. If she goes back to the phone, take it out of hands, throw it on silent and put it face down again and continue where you left off, usually a step down or 2.

If she gives any more resistance, or goes back to the phone, bail posthaste.


But just sitting there watching tv, what do you expect? Keep her "busy" or otherwise focused on you, not the tv. If I'm coming over for a booty call, I'm escalating from the moment I set foot through the door. You can watch tv after. Or make your excuses about a long day tomorrow.

 

[Findog]

You did the right thing. It was disrespectful on her part. If you're not exclusive, she can see and talk to whoever she wants when you're not around, but when you're spending one on one time together, your focus should be on each other.

 

[Boilermaker]

if you stuck around, you could have got laid maybe.
but her response

"don't give me ultimatums"
"what do you expect from me?"

validated and double-checked your decision.

That was a good call, and this is the type of woman (or situation) that I strive to avoid ...

You did well brother.

 

[Colossus]

Good call.

Personally, I would not talk to her again, unless she asked what my deal was at which point I'd tell her that is straight up rude and I have a one-strike policy for that. All men need to define their one-strike policies. Dissing you in public, standing you up, texting the ex; whatever it is, stand up for yourself and stick to it.

Let me ask you something: Do you think it would be acceptable for your gf or wife to do that? Of course not. So why should you make a concession just because you are only "out to bang" a girl. Value yourself, man. Demand the same level of respect from every woman you get involved with. Be consistent.

And never be afraid to leave a woman for legitimately disrespecting you. You will be a better man for it 100x over.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

And now for a contrary opinion:

Is it possible that she invited you over to bang her silly, and ended up watching TV in bed? Could that have been why she was texting?

She could be on some board right now saying:

"I invited this guy over cause I needed some dyck but all he wanted to do was watch TV! Then he got mad at me for texting? WTF?"

Anyhow, what you did was right, since it was bothering you.

You told her it bothered you, she rolled eyes, you bailed.

Well played.