did i make a mistake being too cheap?

[J Roc]

but the point is why wasn't she interested?

she offered her number to me.. clearly that's an interested girl (or was). i promised nothing during our initial convo.. she didn't ask me my job or where i lived. so i thought she was genuine. yes i was dressed well but nothing to indicate i attract gold diggers.. she's rich herself.

Getting a woman's number doesnt automatically means she is interested in this day and age. Women give out their number to many dudes just to get attention or free meals. She failed your test. NEXT!

 

[big_weezy]

Getting a woman's number doesnt automatically means she is interested in this day and age. Women give out their number to many dudes just to get attention or free meals. She failed your test. NEXT!

but she gave it to me without me even asking for it.. does that not still indicate interest?

 

[J Roc]

but she gave it to me without me even asking for it.. does that not still indicate interest?

Not necessarily. She could have just wanted you to take her out to a bar, satisfy her hunger and quench her thirst, hugged you goodbye and had one of her men come over to fukk her brains out. The man dictates the date. If she wasnt down to meet up at a dessert bar (women love desserts) than she wasnt really feeling you.

 

[vatoloco]

but the point is why wasn't she interested?

she offered her number to me.. clearly that's an interested girl (or was).

Sorry weezy but you're falling for the Phone Number = High Interest Fallacy™: "Just because a girl gives you her number, it doesn't mean she actually likes you." clicky

I know that she herself offered it but still, "it don't mean nothing" 'til you guys are doing the Horizontal Mambo. Actions trump everything.

Based on the interaction, Imma have to say that the problem wasn't the humble setup of the date. The problem was that she wasn't sexually interested in you. She wanted a girlfriend to rant at and [prolly in the future] text with.

Textbook case of Low IL and wanting Orbiters. Nothing more.

Remember: Actions talk, Bullshit walks.

Edit: Oops, late again. J Roc already covered the Fallacy. +1

 

[SgtSplacker]

Sounds to me like she keeps you around as an orbiter to validate her and figured she would have a drink with you to pass the time. I mean after all she knows she's not gonna have to pay for anything. Forget that HO!

 

[thevilittletroll]

kinda sounds like she was working things out with other options and was still curious if her inital attraction for you was real. if your on a date with a girl and she's having a bad time being all moody. its your job to get her out of the funk. get physical with her, tickle her, thumb wrestle, tease her like a 3rd grader. anything to get her laughing. its also possible that some girls do this as a s-hit test. how do you act when i'm being pissy and b-itchy. do you buckle under the pressure, turtle up or walk away. you failed her s-hit test. unfortunately some girls need to be entertained and are high maintinence. yes they are a pain in the ass but if you know how to get pass the test you will at least get laid.

she picked a place close to her home cause its low investment for her. she knows nothing about you, if you come across creepy she can bail and not be far from home.

dont over analyze everything and take it easy with the text and phone calls. you kinda came across a little desperate when planning the date. suprised she didnt flake. lower the value of the date, if it seems like its a big deal to you she feels too much pressure that the date has to be perfect and you both live happily ever after. if she says she's busy on your inital date offer say i might not have another date free for a couple of weeks. if there is no counter offer then there's probably low interest. i try to keep dates spontaneous and ask them day before or morning of.

 

[Aristippus]

I think AT FIRST, when she first met you, she might have had high interest. The fact that she wanted to meet for drinks close to her place meant she was either looking for an easy way for you both to be alone after drinks, or to bail, depending on how things went on your date.

So if you both hit it off well on your date and you had both enjoyed a couple of drinks together, she could suggest you come to her place. Women will use innocent excuses to be alone with you if they hope things will move forward. She'll never say "I want to meet at this place close to where I live so if things go really well, you can come over and f*ck my brains out."

I think initially she was interested but then you killed that interest through either not moving forward or by your demeanor or behavior. If you were a bit too try-hard, that could be a turn-off.

As far as going on dates like playing golf or tennis. I say save these things for when you've already been sleeping with her. I think more relaxed, less active things are better for first dates. The exceptions to this might be dancing and games that aren't as physically demanding (think games like pool/billiards vs. tennis). Going for drinks or for hot chocolate or coffee are good.

Dinner? Don't fall into that trap. Everyone does that and it gets expensive. Save dinners for women you're already sleeping with. The exception here is if you cook dinner for her at your place or she cooks dinner for you. Anyway, just a few thoughts.... In the end, remember, it's not about getting the woman to like you. It's about finding women that already like you. Then basically all you have to do is learn to move things forward simply and easily.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Before I begin, let me stress that this guy's posting of his text conversations back and forth with this chick is yet another prime example of why I always say:

TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

This part sealed it for me:

i couldn't understand why from yesterday her IL dropped, she didn't put kisses at end of her texts, i was just a bit confused.

See that? Because she didn't add some kind of face at the end of her sentences, now he's all worried about what it means. PHONE CALLS, PEOPLE, MAKE PHONE CALLS INSTEAD!

Anyway... to the OP, you have to have more confidence in yourself. Almost everyone on here is saying you had a shot at having sex with this girl, and the only thing that held you back was your mind set.

Even if it wasn't specifically spelled out for you that she was DTF, there were TONS of hints along the way that, were you of a more positive mindset, you could have used to your advantage to hook up with this chick.

Let's do a walk-through, shall we?...

i tried picking up this girl in a sandwich shop on Sat evening, she was waiting for her friend.. we had a nice convo but it only lasted 5mins.. her friend came by but she goes 'let me give you my number..' so clearly she was interested.

She voluntarily gave you her number without you having to ask? She was DTF. Otherwise, she would have just given you a polite "Well, it was nice to meet you" and walked off.

fast forward today at 5.30pm her tone suddenly changes..

her: Hi there could we meet near to my place there is on pub could the reindeer pub, because i do not have time and i want to be next to my place ok?

i was thinking wtf.. she seems like being difficult now, i thought maybe she had other plans after or double booked a date who knows.

You viewed it as her trying to "change the frame" or be lazy. I read it as she's DTF. She wants the date to be closer to her place? Easy access.

Oh, and she mentioned a pub, too?? You suggested hot chocolate; she suggested alcohol because she's DTF and could use it as an excuse for any sexing that went on later.

Plus - and here's where YOU should have definitely picked up on something - if it was nothing more than a walk to her place, YOU should have offered to stop by and meet at her place so you two could walk there together. I also would have tried something more bold, like saying "as long as it's near your place, you want me to just pick up some drinks and meet you at your place instead?"

Seems a bit forward, but I've done this before and it's ACTUALLY WORKED. You'd be amazed how far you can get with a girl if you take initiative and just ask for what you want.

we meet outside.. she isn't even dressed up, she's wearing juicy couture velour sweat suit with ugg boots and a low v neck cut top showing her boobs.

It's wintertime and it's cold. Plus, she was probably hoping she wouldn't be in those close for too long 'cause she was DTF.

i greet her and she seems relatively happy. i asked her where she had to be she said nowhere, so i was thinking so why dont u have time.. wtf..

She had nowhere to go because she LIED to you. She made up that story so she could get you to agree to have a date near where she lived so it would be easier for you two to go up to her place afterward because she was DTF.

i get us a drink then we talk, but her body language is completely negative.. arms crossed, in a bad mood yawning. she looked nice and smelt nice but was dressed like a tramp.

Her arms were crossed because you were not getting it. She was yawning because she was acting like she was tired so you'd say "Wow, you look tired. Maybe we should just chill and watch a movie at your place?" That way, you could both go back to her place because she was DTF.

she said she was laughing when i suggested the hot choc idea.. and that got me thinking maybe the reason she lost interest is cos i didnt' offer the typical dinner drinks deal she's used to?

No, she laughed at your idea because she was thinking "he wants to try to bed me with hot chocolate? What about suggesting some adult drinks - at least then I'd get in the mood even more to be DTF!"

when i said goodbye i made the mistake about talking about the next date saying she should come down to visit me and i said we'll go to the chocolatier.. she looked at me annoyed cos i just seem to gravitate towards places with chocolate haha..

And now you look boring. You mentioned 2 activities that mention chocolate, which shows her you don't have much variety. And, once again, not a very adult activity.

Now, all of the stuff I've just said, along with what others have said, could very well be inaccurate. After all, YOU were the only one there with this girl. But the bottom line is, there were enough things she threw your way that indicated, on some level, that if you read her right and made the moves you needed to make at certain intervals, you definitely could've gotten laid by this girl.

Hopefully she's not too turned off at this point and will go out with you again - but, if and when she does, try to catch at least SOME of the signals she throws at you, and see if they can be interpreted as signs of being DTF. If not, that's fine as well, but don't be of the mind set that because you've only known her a short time that she isn't thinking about it. I used to have this same problem, and found out later that a lot of the moves girls were making towards me that I thought were them just being friendly turned out to be indicators that - you guessed it - they were DTF the whole time!

Hope this helps!

 

[big_weezy]

Before I begin, let me stress that this guy's posting of his text conversations back and forth with this chick is yet another prime example of why I always say:

TEXTING KILLS RELATIONSHIPS.

This part sealed it for me:

See that? Because she didn't add some kind of face at the end of her sentences, now he's all worried about what it means. PHONE CALLS, PEOPLE, MAKE PHONE CALLS INSTEAD!

Anyway... to the OP, you have to have more confidence in yourself. Almost everyone on here is saying you had a shot at having sex with this girl, and the only thing that held you back was your mind set.

Even if it wasn't specifically spelled out for you that she was DTF, there were TONS of hints along the way that, were you of a more positive mindset, you could have used to your advantage to hook up with this chick.

Let's do a walk-through, shall we?...


She voluntarily gave you her number without you having to ask? She was DTF. Otherwise, she would have just given you a polite "Well, it was nice to meet you" and walked off.


You viewed it as her trying to "change the frame" or be lazy. I read it as she's DTF. She wants the date to be closer to her place? Easy access.

Oh, and she mentioned a pub, too?? You suggested hot chocolate; she suggested alcohol because she's DTF and could use it as an excuse for any sexing that went on later.

Plus - and here's where YOU should have definitely picked up on something - if it was nothing more than a walk to her place, YOU should have offered to stop by and meet at her place so you two could walk there together. I also would have tried something more bold, like saying "as long as it's near your place, you want me to just pick up some drinks and meet you at your place instead?"

Seems a bit forward, but I've done this before and it's ACTUALLY WORKED. You'd be amazed how far you can get with a girl if you take initiative and just ask for what you want.



It's wintertime and it's cold. Plus, she was probably hoping she wouldn't be in those close for too long 'cause she was DTF.


She had nowhere to go because she LIED to you. She made up that story so she could get you to agree to have a date near where she lived so it would be easier for you two to go up to her place afterward because she was DTF.


Her arms were crossed because you were not getting it. She was yawning because she was acting like she was tired so you'd say "Wow, you look tired. Maybe we should just chill and watch a movie at your place?" That way, you could both go back to her place because she was DTF.


No, she laughed at your idea because she was thinking "he wants to try to bed me with hot chocolate? What about suggesting some adult drinks - at least then I'd get in the mood even more to be DTF!"


And now you look boring. You mentioned 2 activities that mention chocolate, which shows her you don't have much variety. And, once again, not a very adult activity.

Now, all of the stuff I've just said, along with what others have said, could very well be inaccurate. After all, YOU were the only one there with this girl. But the bottom line is, there were enough things she threw your way that indicated, on some level, that if you read her right and made the moves you needed to make at certain intervals, you definitely could've gotten laid by this girl.

Hopefully she's not too turned off at this point and will go out with you again - but, if and when she does, try to catch at least SOME of the signals she throws at you, and see if they can be interpreted as signs of being DTF. If not, that's fine as well, but don't be of the mind set that because you've only known her a short time that she isn't thinking about it. I used to have this same problem, and found out later that a lot of the moves girls were making towards me that I thought were them just being friendly turned out to be indicators that - you guessed it - they were DTF the whole time!

Hope this helps!

i have no idea why you and everyone else seems to think she was DTF, i 100% guarantee she was not DTF at all and only wanted to meet somewher near hers was cos shes a spoilt lazy rich princess who couldn't be bothered..

if she was DTF she would have given me some indicator of interest when we greeted each other.. she just seemed in a bad mood cos her ex contacted her yesterday asking to meet up and she said no. she was just p1ssy. hormonal, f knows.

just cos she suggested the pub nearby meant nothing, it was a crappy busy pub where we couldn't be alone together. surely if she was DTF she would have given me some indicator from the start that she was interested in me i.e. smiling or something.. instead she was just sulky and annoyed. she tells me she doesn't makes plans and didn't want to cancel so she chose somewhere near to her place.

i think you guys need to have been there to see what it was like.. she originalyl agreed to the coffee and was excited about it.. and then last min she tried to change it to the pub. her text about wanting to be close to her place and she doens't have time is cos she was lazy and didnt want to walk 10mins down the road.. i wont believe for one sec she was DTF cos she gave no indicator to me at all she was interested in that way.. it was not as if i wasn't sexual on the date.. i kino'd loads but she just looked bored even when i negged her relentlessly.

i think it's one of those things where there wasn't anything i could have done and should have chosen a different place for a date.

 

[cordoncordon]

This girl was DTF, after she met you initially. Not a doubt in my mind. She still was even after you suggested meeting her for a hot chocolate (WTF??).

She was so DTF that she made up some story so you could meet close to her house and at a pub, where ALCOHOL is served. If I had just met a girl and she told me that? Lets just say condoms would have been in my pocket when going to meet her. Would not be a question in my mind that this woman is at the very least making plans, if all goes well, to fawk you.

So what do you do? You text incessantly. Like a girl. You text too much. Too often. And too long. And you, for the love of all that is Holy, keep talking about meeting at a freaking cafe for some freaking hot chocolate like a gay thespian meeting his high society friends for tea and crumpets!

NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT AGAIN!

So she meets you and you still insist on all this gay behavior, and judging how you like to drink hot chocolate on dates you are probably coming across as a prude to her. And it is then, and only then, that she decides she is no longer DTF, in fact her orifices are now more closed to you than Al Capone's secret vault! You blew it!

Seriously, you need to take a long hard look at yourself and decide whether you are of the GAY or not. And if you decide that you are not gay? Start dating women that like to read, and hold tea parties, and drink freaking hot chocolate at a cafe! Because a normal everyday party girl and YOU do not mix.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

i have no idea why you and everyone else seems to think she was DTF, i 100% guarantee she was not DTF at all and only wanted to meet somewher near hers was cos shes a spoilt lazy rich princess who couldn't be bothered..

This is you simply trying to come up with a reason why she wanted to meet you near her place - and again, it's the WRONG mindset to have. It's you making a judgement on her after having only met her one time - nowhere in the text convo you posted up is there any indication that she was being spoiled, lazy, or displaying princess behavior.

if she was DTF she would have given me some indicator of interest when we greeted each other.. she just seemed in a bad mood cos her ex contacted her yesterday asking to meet up and she said no. she was just p1ssy. hormonal, f knows.

I tell guys all the time, girls are NOT like us. They are NOT always going to be so direct with their request. What did you expect her to do, run up to you, give you a hug and say "man, I'm SOOOO horny!"

And you left out the last part last time you told this story... so, she hears from her ex, says "no" to meeting him, then hits YOU up and says she wants to meet you near her place??

DTF!!! DTF!!!

Oh, and one more think - the whole "Kino" thing? This is another thing guys on this board get wrong. You only do kino once you know she's okay with you touching her, and you only know this if you let HER be the one to initiate the touching. You getting all grabby with her inhibits her desire to touch you, which doesn't allow you to get a good read on her and/or can actually LOWER her interest in you.

So many mistakes... but yeah, the majority of us on here have been in this situation, and rarely have I seen a post where everyone is telling the OP the same thing: she was DTF, and you messed it up by texting too much and not reading into the CRYSTAL CLEAR signals she was giving you. Suck it up, learn from it and know better next time!

 

[Sofomore]

LOL got chocolate? Kisses? Chocolatier? EPIC

This has to be one of the funniest posts ever.

 

[big_weezy]

This is you simply trying to come up with a reason why she wanted to meet you near her place - and again, it's the WRONG mindset to have. It's you making a judgement on her after having only met her one time - nowhere in the text convo you posted up is there any indication that she was being spoiled, lazy, or displaying princess behavior.


I tell guys all the time, girls are NOT like us. They are NOT always going to be so direct with their request. What did you expect her to do, run up to you, give you a hug and say "man, I'm SOOOO horny!"

And you left out the last part last time you told this story... so, she hears from her ex, says "no" to meeting him, then hits YOU up and says she wants to meet you near her place??

DTF!!! DTF!!!

Oh, and one more think - the whole "Kino" thing? This is another thing guys on this board get wrong. You only do kino once you know she's okay with you touching her, and you only know this if you let HER be the one to initiate the touching. You getting all grabby with her inhibits her desire to touch you, which doesn't allow you to get a good read on her and/or can actually LOWER her interest in you.

So many mistakes... but yeah, the majority of us on here have been in this situation, and rarely have I seen a post where everyone is telling the OP the same thing: she was DTF, and you messed it up by texting too much and not reading into the CRYSTAL CLEAR signals she was giving you. Suck it up, learn from it and know better next time!

i dont understand why you say i texted too much.

she was the 1 who decided to change where to meet, so i replied to agree.. then she decides again to change it to a cafe so i agreed again.. are u saying i should have just called after she suggested to move it to the pub and confirm it over the phone?

i had to text to confirm what she said.. i dont see where any of that was wrong apart from being unsure of myself by how it sounded in my texts.

also she acted spoilt and lazy princessy when i met her yesterday that's how i came to that conclusion i've been out with these types of women before many times and they all act in the same way, answer their phones on dates, use their phones on dates.. act spoilt and difficult not engaging in any convo on their part.. showing no sign of interest at all.. she had her boobs out initially and just zipped her top up when i started to leer at them then she crossed her arms.. i duno why she was in such a foul mood.. it must have been cos of her ex contacting her yesterday and i was the one bearing the brunt of it.

fair enough we could have gone to the pub but that's on assumption i'd be sitting next to her so i could make a move not opposite a table where my reach is restricted.

she sounded in a bad mood from her text to change it to a pub, she didn't invent some story.. she was just plain f'ing lazy with entitlement issues thinking she doesn't need to impress a guy.. she gives me the whole speeech on the date about wanting something serious blah blah. i feel like i just caught her at the wrong time. she literally told me she was gona flake but didnt want to so suggested we meet closer. at no point from the point of greeting her did i sense any interest in me that she had from saturday.

 

[cordoncordon]

OP, is this you in the video?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SrvhTIlcbfE&feature=player_embedded#!