Did i lose a great one?

[skybound]

Hi guys im 28 and the girl i was dating was 22. I knew her about 3 months before we started dating. She was the shy type and very innocent the kind you bring home to mom.
Anyways the first 7 months she treated me perfect. She worked late and would get off around 11pm.. On her way to my house she would usally pick something up to eat and usally bring me something as well.. We didnt have a whole lot in common but we enjoyed each other. The first 3months were fine then i started to feel smotherd. She pretty much moved in my house and was always around me unless i went out with friends.
I started to pull away i guess because i felt smotherd. She would never speak up for herself or start a argument.. I told her she has to speak her mind and let me know how she feels about things.. She never complained or anything so i just kept doing my thing. Pretty much did what i wanted and gave her attention usally only when i wanted attention myself.
We were together a year and not 1 argument. Also i never told her i loved her and she never said it either. Well about 3 weeks ago a close friend told me he saw her leaving her ex-boyfriends house around 10pm. I asked her where she was and she said watching a movie with a friend. Well i played her game for about a week and then finally i snapped.. She was acting strange tha whole week so i finally told her i knew she was talking to her ex.
She said he was just a friend and thats all. Then a few nights later i go through her cell phone and find out she had indeed cheated on me..So i wake her up and ask her WTF!! She just sits there and wont say a word to me. I ask her why and all that stuff and still she wont talk.. I tell her we are done and she needs to leave my house. She starts crying gets her stuff and walks out the door. She was close with my whole family and seemed the type to never cheat or do me wrong. Next day i leave her a ugly voice mail telling her how fuked up she is and all that. I call her today which is about a week since that voicemail and she answers. I tell her i miss her and ask her if she still cares. She says not really after all the stuff i said in the voicemail
I know i shouldnt have called her but i miss the bich. She seemed so into me and then to just leave me so sudden and not even care about me anymore hurts prtty dam bad. I feel like if i would have treated her better and told her i loved her she would still be with me. I wonder if i never had busted her out for cheating on me if she would have stopped talking to her ex. I think me busting her out kinda made her feel hate towards me or something. Anything i can do guys beside lick my wounds?

 

[KontrollerX]

1. A girl that is head over heels in love with you will not under pain of death risk losing you by taking a stupid risk such as seeing an ex boyfriend behind your back and telling you the lie of "he's just a friend". So stop worrying about the would of could of should ofs to try and find out in your mind how you could of kept this cvnt. You were not her top priority.

2. The relationship with you likely was her using you to get back at her boyfriend for something he did to her. He probably cheated on her and you were her revenge. That or she laid the "breaks" speech or LJBF on him so she could go sample some strange c0ck before returning to her cuckold AFC boyfriend.

3. Yes you symped the fvck out terribly by giving her the "I miss you call" after basically tearing her three new assh0les. Just giving you that extra confirmation that what you did was wrong.

4. When you get that funny gut instinct feeling that things are not right in the relationship don't doubt the feelings. End the relationship.

5. If a girl's behavior suddenly changes to very bad, very good or very strange during a relationship be suspicious that the end is near. Very good behavior or very strange behavior is an indication of guilt, very bad behavior is an indication of disgust or disrespect of you. If a chick doesn't explain weird behavior away with a legitimate explanation like she's pregnant or she just had a death in the family or she just learned she had cancer, or her best friend she grew up with is in critical condition after a car accident or something you bail.

6. Read Rollo Tomassi posts about AFC mindsets to unplug fully from this bullsh!t.

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=100997

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=116668

7. Start listening to free podcasts of the Tom Leykis show.

8. For future reference the never speaking up behavior is generally the highly annoying passive aggressive personality type. The smothering behavior can be the result of a dependent personality. In your girl's case in particular however I think she was just using you to get back at her ex boyfriend and was probably enjoying all of the conflicting emotions that came with it which would explain why she acted these ways in my estimation. She wanted a phony relationship with you and for a set amount of time so she probably didn't give you the real her and just made it all about you because the plan all along was to return to the ex after a period of time had elapsed.

 

[skybound]

Yo you said the never speaking up behavior is generally the highly annoying passive aggressive personality type. I think you nailed that on the head because she was really passive.. She never had a mind of her own it seemed when we would talk.. But she would always be agressive when i told her she was wrong about something. Just stupid small things and she would become really annoying trying to show me she ws right.Few days before i busted her out we were laying in bed and i told her that if theres anything she wants to tell me she should do so.. I told her i wasnt ok with her and her ex being friends. I told her the only way i was staying with her was for her to look me in the eyes and tell me she wanted to be with me and she would no longer talk to him.. She got pissed off for the first time since i known her and said she wanted to be with me and to quit talking about because it was pissing her off.

But i or my ego at this moment in time has to disagree with you about the relationship being phony to her. She was at my house every day and night like clockwork.. She spent money on me and showed that she cared by always pleasing me. Her ex was her first love i guess you could say. They dated 2 years and she said he worked to much and never made time for her so she ended it. Anyways so your saying theres not much i can do?
Anyways thanks man you really answered a lot of questions for me and made me see things a little clearer. And ill check that show out

 

[KontrollerX]

Did she ever sulk and go silent when she was angry with you?

The passive aggressives do this a lot.

They attempt to control people and show their anger through their moods rather than directly talking things out like a mature adult would do.

The dependent personality is one that seems to need a relationship partner with them at all times, they find it hard being alone as they literally depend on the other person for their life and everything that goes along with it.

My theory with my last post which I'm not sure I quite got across was that perhaps she is in reality neither of these things but had in her mind the idea that acting these ways would keep you happy and make you believe she was actually in love with you when nothing could be further from the truth.

My theory has gained some ground with your recent post because you said she would become aggressive and try and prove she was right.

A true passive aggressive would simply sulk and go silent and not talk to you for the whole day or a few hours when they get angry.

And though I don't believe she was really in love with you I stand corrected about something.

I still think she was using you but in the sense that she really wanted to get over her ex boyfriend and she really did try to love you and believe she loved you but in the end she still loved him. So I was wrong that she was trying to use you merely to pay him back. She wanted to love you but once again just couldn't or at least not to the degree she loved her ex.

So bummer either way dude.

"Anyways so your saying theres not much i can do?"

She made her choice.

She by rejecting you and going for him and cheating on you with him basically sent the message loud and clear that she views you as worthless.

And you want to win that back?

Do you have any honor or pride or self worth at all sir?

Why would you want someone back that views you as worthless compared to her great and glorious ex???

Thats your next homework assignment.

Ask yourself why you would chase after a woman that would view you so lowly as to cheat on you and also values her ex's companionship over yours even though in her view he treated her neglectfully.

 

[NewMan]

young Jedi;

being cheated on is a hard pill to swallow. but you said yourself, you had little in common and you were being smothered.

Chalk this one up to experience and learn to read women better.

you call back was a big no-no - but you'll learn if you stay around long enough.


You also probably lacked options with other women, and had nothing on the back burner - another lesson - always have options - don't know about you, I hate having the last muffin in the box, I like it better when the box is full and I get to choose.

 

[skybound]

Thanks guys the support really helps me to quit thinking about the chit..
And like i said we never had one argument in the year together so the only time she became angry was when i brought up her ex.. And after i broke up with her she sulked and im guessing got angry with me because she wouldnt answer my calls and when she did she was always rude with me as if the whole thing was my fault. I know im supposed to get on with my life but its hard sometimes because you never think a person could just turn so cold and be so dirty to you.. I mean wtf happened to the sweet girl that treated me like a king the first year.. Kinda makes me lose faith in people and not want to trust anymore.. My heart tells me i should see her and tell her how much i care and pour my feelings out to her but i know better.. Just sucks guys.
And again thanks for the support guys

 

[L B]

Sounds like she did all the giving and you did all the taking. After a while, she got fed up and looked elsewhere. Perhaps during that time, the ex bf came and took her from you.

For you and her, trust is no longer there. The relationship is not worth salvaging. Best to let it go and learn a few lessons for the future.

I was surprise to learn this during my earlier years of dating. Like a game, the better man with the better skills wins. Look at it this way, you lost this round, but build up your dj skills and you will win others.

Even when you're in a serious relationship, there is always a chance there will be a better person (better overall package) out there for your girl. You just need to build yourself up everyday to a point where even if that person is in front of your girl, she pays no attention to him because she knows you're the best!

To answer the subject question...NO!!! There will be others out there.

 

[SharpGame]

I don't think she went out with you to get back at her ex. This girl reminds me a lot of my ex wife. Same passive-aggressive behavior and we barely fought at all the four years we were together. I think her problem (my ex's) was that she got bored with me and was too weak to say anything about it. I didn't keep the push-pull going, didn't call her on her sh!t, and she started seeking that emotional stimulus (good or bad) elsewhere.

Without knowing the whole situation this might be a stretch, but is it possible the same is true with this girl? Even though her ex might have been an a$$, maybe he was able to emotionally (not neccessarily physically) stimulate her.

Whether that is or isn't the cause is irrelevent, though. You're better off without her. She's obviously immature. Just be glad you didn't have any kids with her and move on. Quickly. Cut off all communication with her now!

 

[SharpGame]

I should add that even if that is the case, it's not your fault. Her neediness smothered you, causing you to pull back.

 

[skybound]

Ya man i think this is what happened. She has no backbone what so ever. I would always tell her that she needs to speak up and speak her mind instead of holding it all in.
I feel like calling her tonight and telling her i wana talk with her.. I know its not what your supposed to do but WTF i care about her man. She never opened up to me the year we were together. She says she has never opened up with anyone she just doesnt know how or is afraid.. I feel like if i tell her how much i care and show her love she will change.. I hate being in this state and feeling this way but i gota get it off my chest or else im gona always wonder what if.

 

[Metro3pilot]

I feel like if i tell her how much i care and show her love she will change..

It don't work like that Captain Sav a ho ....... trust me, been there done that.

this chicks gonna stomp your nuts into ground if you don't end the wanting to contact her, you already told her it was ok to snuggle with the ex when you called her back after dumping her ...

 

[DJDamage]

We didnt have a whole lot in common but we enjoyed each other.

Why did you make her your girlfriend then if you didn't have a whole lot in common? I would have kept her on the side for fvcking but if I didn't have much in common she would bore the hell out of me.

The first 3months were fine then i started to feel smotherd. She pretty much moved in my house and was always around me unless i went out with friends.

This is your bad. Instead of having a life outside of this relationship, you didn't have much else going and things became predictable and stagnant. Its like you were almost a married couple and you know how well marriage go these days.....

She would never speak up for herself or start a argument.. I told her she has to speak her mind and let me know how she feels about things.. She never complained or anything so i just kept doing my thing. Pretty much did what i wanted and gave her attention usally only when i wanted attention myself.

Sounds like she lacked either a backbone to stand up for herself or a personality.

Also i never told her i loved her and she never said it either.

A man should never say I love you first because he doesn't usually have too. If a woman really likes/loves a guy she will utter it first. Since this one didn't then it goes to show that you overestimated her feelings towards you.

She was acting strange tha whole week so i finally told her i knew she was talking to her ex.

You shouldn't have waited for a whole week for that to have come to this. She was acting strange because in her mind she already made that decision to end it but didn't want to take any actions at the time.

I ask her why and all that stuff and still she wont talk.

At this point it doesn't matter what she says because it already proved that she is a liar and is fvcking someone else. That is all you need to know.

She was close with my whole family and seemed the type to never cheat or do me wrong.

Word to the wise: You can never tell what type of woman will cheat and what type of woman won't.

Next day i leave her a ugly voice mail telling her how fuked up she is and all that. I call her today which is about a week since that voicemail and she answers. I tell her i miss her and ask her if she still cares. She says not really after all the stuff i said in the voicemail.

This is the part where you acted like a b1tch. Its over between you two so there is no reason to act like a child and leave an ugly voice mail. Its never a good idea when you are emotional to make a decision. You wanting her back will not change what has happen, she cheated on you there is nothing left to fix.

I know i shouldnt have called her but i miss the bich.

LOL at least you have a sense of humor. Go find yourself another woman who is not a bich.

She seemed so into me and then to just leave me so sudden and not even care about me anymore hurts prtty dam bad.

All women who lose interest in a men act like this. Just move on, don't bother with her anymore and go date other women and don't repeat the same mistakes.

 

[skybound]

Thanks guys for clearing my head up.. Been a long day at work im gona crash out and try again 2morrow

 

[skybound]

What a trick i checked her myspace profile and the bich is all ready in another relationship it says.. She deleted me from her friend list and now her ex boyfriend is at the top and it says he is in a relationship as well..
Feel like calling her and calling her a *****.

 

[KontrollerX]

It may feel good to do so in the moment but later you will realize you only gave her validation through your anger that she means so much and is just so special to you.

"Never hate your enemy, it effects your judgement".-Michael Corleone

 

[Truman181]

Man, with ANY break up. The best strategy is NO CONTACT. Move on with your life! Here, read this:

REASONS FOR THE NO CONTACT RULE or POSSIBLE OUTCOMES OF INITIATING CONTACT

1. If I contact him/her, best case scenario is that he/she will respond, have the same feelings as me, and want to try again (unlikely). But that is NOT a good outcome: he/she is bad for me. I should not be with him/her. Besides, if the news were good he/she would find a way to contact me!

2. If I contact him/her, there is a good chance he/she won't respond, and that will make me feel humiliated, angry, rejected and hurt, and it will break my heart all over again.

3. If I contact him/her, he/she might respond, but it might be very hurtful, designed to push me further away and discourage me from doing it again. Or he/she will be just plain cold, give me a one-line response, which will make me miss the loving messages I used to get.

4. If I contact him/her, he/she is likely to feel justified in his/her decision to break up with me, because of my weakness and clinginess; contacting him/her is just more evidence of those traits.

KEY POINT! – He/she isn’t contacting me because he/she doesn’t want to. If he/she wanted to see me or speak to me he/she would make the move to call or visit me. He/she isn’t with me because he/she doesn’t love me! I deserve a man/woman who loves me and only me; who is honest and open. I do not deserve a man/woman who treats me like a piece of sh*t. I must remember that words come easy, it’s actions that count!

Listen buddy, the person who gets dumped should NEVER contact the dumper. Leave it to initiate contact, IF EVER otherwise you lose whatever power you have left and your dignity too.

 

[Truman181]

And just in case you doubt this, I will straight out tell you. SHE DUMPED YOU! You may have initiated the break as a defensive reaction but it is YOU who is missing the relationship and not her. Hold on to whatever dignity you have left and be thankful that you haven't let any more slip away than what you already have.