Did I give myself away too easily?

[mdb730]

A coworkers/friend of mine who post on here heard a conversation I was having about my current woman situation and suggested I post on this site. He told me I gave myself away too easy and I should seek opinions on here for guidance.

Situation.
Three months ago I met a girl while playing a video game online I play daily, except when I go out on dates or out with friends. This girl at the time was involved in a LTR that was coming to an end and I was successfully playing the field. We played together and flirted from time to time and about a month ago she broke up with her ex and I kept doing what I was doing. About 3 weeks ago we started talking a little more and because she only lives about 50 mins away we decided to meet. This week we had a great first date and I kissed her, I’m crazy about this girl because she is a lot like me, we have almost the same interest and we have a good time together.

To our mutual “friends” that we play the game with I have a womanizer/player reputation, which is partly true. Our state is we interact often because we play the same game almost every day, she sends me text and I reply not always right away but when I have time and we talk on the phone often. I know she is very much into me but ever since she has been single she has had a lot of guys try to get with her, which led to the below conversation.

ME: MMM I don’t know how I feel with all this competition here,
HER: I don’t have any interest in any of them, you have no competition, I want you to know that I can be jealous and I have been jealous because you go out with other girls often.
ME: Yes I have some options but I’m interested in you
HER: I know you were dating that brunette for a few months, I don’t know if you still have something.
ME: I told you, you’re my focus and I want to see where this goes.

After hearing about our conversation and our below text exchange, my friend told me I have given myself away too easily and in order for this to work I need to disappear on her and not be as available but did not say how.

Text exchange
I have been sick and last night she sent me
Her: I hope you feel better, try to get some rest
Her: Sweet dreams, nighty night <3
Me: Good night and sweet dreams, try not to dream about me too much.
Her: That will be hard for me, good night <3

This afternoon she sent me a text asking me if I was feeling better to which my friend said don’t reply, I’m trusting him on this but now I need some guidance.

 

[Alvafe]

feh keep doing what you are doing, as long it works, what you should be aware is not be a fool and let her lead youa round, as long you date her, have sex and she shows interest in you, its ok,

not answering too much is also nice but give sometime, a good rate for answers in msg is answers after you are done with whatever thing you are doing

also your answers was more like open you should still keep options around still going out with friends till SHE bring up anything official, only I could see a red flag would be her going for anything serious with you right after she broke up.

so sum it up as long you still do your things, (don't give her loot) and keep talking with other woman you are ok, I would turn down teh crazy one about her, let her chase a little too

 

[VladPatton]

You definitely revealed way too much, very early on. Keep her guessing, keep her unsure. It'll keep her interest in you high. There is just no need to express all that this early in the relationship. Truth is you should have other options, and truth is you should seize them if they appear as a better deal. But if you say that you're only interested in her no matter what, well then she's got you by the balls. She can mess with you all she wants and you won't do a thing about it. She may even bang some other dude, just because you're so into her by way of admitting that, in fact, you are. Here you are very early on being all loyal to her without her earning it, and she may be breaking cὀcks left and right 50 mins away without you knowing diddly. Everyone's great over the internet.

So just be cool, keep everything neutral, and see what happens with zero promises or guarantees.

 

[Harry Wilmington]

Welcome to the boards! Hopefully you'll take the advice given here and be able to use it to help your situation.

You're not doing too bad so far; however, a major mistake you made was telling her your fear of competition. I don't know if u said this jokingly or not, but you NEVER tell a girl about your insecurities - that is the quickest way for her to (a) end up in control of the relationship, and (b) cause her to lose interest in you and seek a more confident mate. Always remember: the things you did to get her are the things u need to do to keep her. So, if u were showing confidence before, not constantly calling her and acting like u were the MAN, don't get all insecure and needy now. Hope this helps!

 

[mdb730]

Thanks for response, I wish I would have came here first before setting out to date this girl. I am no DJ like you guys and might have already lost her.

On Friday after I posted this I wasn't feeling well and she called me to talk because she wanted to cheer me up. I steered conversation towards the sexual nature and we ended up having phone sex. On sat she texted me how she just couldn't stop thinking about me and she really liked me. So I went all pvssy mode and let myself get emotional and told her how much I like her and how she is different.

Last night we had this conversation

Her:Maybe we should wait until aug to meet up because I only been single for 3 weeks
and I want to take things slow and not rush into antything


Mek, I only suggested it because you know I am going away next week.
Her:I know, I want to see you too... it's not that I don't want to or not interested
or something.I do really like you and I don'tknow what to do about it.
Me: what are you afraid of?
Her: I'm scared
Me: Don't be scared I can be your rock if you need me
Her: OK

and today I made things even worst, after I heard my friends talk in the game talking about my past conquest I called her and told her I want her to know I set aside everyone else I was dating and just wanted to date her.

She is now a little distant, I know she had very high interest but now I feel I let my emotions get the best of me and I should have just treated her like I do the rest of the women I date.

My plan is to avoid the game and when she sends me text ignore them or should I not?

Sorry fellas I am willing to listen now and not act like a chump.

 

[jimmy18]

Thanks for response, I wish I would have came here first before setting out to date this girl. I am no DJ like you guys and might have already lost her.

On Friday after I posted this I wasn't feeling well and she called me to talk because she wanted to cheer me up. I steered conversation towards the sexual nature and we ended up having phone sex. On sat she texted me how she just couldn't stop thinking about me and she really liked me. So I went all pvssy mode and let myself get emotional and told her how much I like her and how she is different.

Last night we had this conversation

Her:Maybe we should wait until aug to meet up because I only been single for 3 weeks
and I want to take things slow and not rush into antything


Mek, I only suggested it because you know I am going away next week.
Her:I know, I want to see you too... it's not that I don't want to or not interested
or something.I do really like you and I don'tknow what to do about it.
Me: what are you afraid of?
Her: I'm scared
Me: Don't be scared I can be your rock if you need me
Her: OK

and today I made things even worst, after I heard my friends talk in the game talking about my past conquest I called her and told her I want her to know I set aside everyone else I was dating and just wanted to date her.

She is now a little distant, I know she had very high interest but now I feel I let my emotions get the best of me and I should have just treated her like I do the rest of the women I date.

My plan is to avoid the game and when she sends me text ignore them or should I not?

Sorry fellas I am willing to listen now and not act like a chump.

Bit late for that :crazy:

 

[mdb730]

I figured, my anxiety sucks and ruins everything for me.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Dude, don't even fart in the direction of this girl until you gain a little composure. Go off the grid as recommended, starting kicking ass at being more cool, calm, and less readable. I reckon that's your only shot, but right now she's probably scared you're going to build her a picket fence.

 

[usernamedox11]

All the advice in this thread is junk. If you want a good relationship with a girl, you find one that doesn't play games and you don't play games yourself. Playing games is lame and it only works on low quality girls. You can't have a genuine relationship with someone if you play games. If a girl already likes you, like this particular girl did, guess what? YOU DONT FVCKING PLAY GAMES. YOU INSTEAD LIMIT INTERACTION OVER THE PHONE TO SET UP DATES OR LITTLE THINGS HERE AND THERE. IF A GIRL HAS HIGH INTEREST, PLAYING GAMES MAKES SH1T WORSE 8/10 TIMES UNLESS THE GIRL HAS A MENTAL ISSUE THAT MAKES HER CLINGY.

Anyway, this girl in particular is low quality. Can just tell. The whole "i'm scared" BS is only spewed by jaded girls, and the fact that she went distant afterwards means she is playing games, too. Play the game if you wanna bang but if you want a genuine relationship, find one that doesn't play games. But, anyway, she's playing games now cause you were playing games by not replying to her text. Your friend is a damn retard. How do you interpret someone not replying to your text....A) PLAYING GAMES OR B) LOW INTEREST. GIRLS HAVE A BRAIN TOO. THEY AREN'T ROBOTIC LIKE GUYS HERE MAKE THEM OUT TO BE IN WHICH THEY ARE SIMPLY INPUT -> OUTPUT.

If a girl sends a text asking how you feel, it's rude not to reply. It's ok to answer but just don't use proper grammar and periods so it doesn't look like you are trying too hard. That's it.

Dude, btw, phone sex and you didn't tell her to come over. Are you serious? LOL. Could it be any more obvious? Tried to win her over more with "text game?" She already liked you. You should've planned something with her then.


Take a lot of the advice you get here with a grain of salt. Most of the guys here aren't getting laid.

 

[Greasy Pig]

And judge a woman on her actions, not her words.
Her basically telling you she wants to stay single until August raises a number of issues for me:
1. She wants to ride the c0ck carousel.
2. She's possibly interested in another dude and keeping you on the backburner in case that falls through.
3. She's not passionately interested in you. If she was passionately interested in you, there's no way in hell she'd risk not nailing you down quickly while she's got the chance. She SAYS she's interested in you, but what do her ACTIONS say?
4. She's already setting the frame by dictating when you will see each other. Two people who like each other and with nothing really stopping them being together, shouldn't have to mark a date in the diary for when they'll begin dating.
5. She can sense your desperation and neediness and it's making her have second thoughts.

Sorry to be negative, OP, but I smell a rat with this one.
If she reaches out, I'd reply but keep it brief, funny and flirty. Then make an excuse to end the convo.
Hopefully this will give her the message that she'd better get her arse into gear and ride your man pole before you lose interest.

 

[asa_don]

Me: what are you afraid of?
Her: I'm scared
Me: Don't be scared I can be your rock if you need me
Her: OK

:crackup:

never say this kind of sh!t bro, now she owns your ass!

All the advice here is junk.

who in particular are we speaking of?

No one in particular. It's just the feeling I get from a lot of the guys here. I've learned a lot from my cousin the past few months. He's as natural as can be (never read anything on dating or PUA). He's banged over 200 girls. He is just funny and doesn't play games. He texts when he wants and treats every girl he bangs with respect and I am finding the sh1t he does is way more helpful for me. I've gone with him clubbing a few times in the last few months and I had way more success watching what he does which goes against most of the PUA advice I've seen. He is slightly overweight, too, so it's not his looks.

When I play games with a girl who has high interest, like I did the last 3 years or so, it just backfires and they begin to play games, too. The only time it didn't backfire was my recent EX who turned out to be a BPD b1tch. I just thought girls were b1tches and I am learning from my cousin just to strike when the interest is high and to forget the games.

i agree on that, way too many games being played, same advice being given for every situation, doesn't work.

go with what works and fvck the rest

 

[usernamedox11]

who in particular are we speaking of?

No one in particular. It's just the feeling I get from a lot of the guys here. I've learned a lot from my cousin the past few months. He's as natural as can be (never read anything on dating or PUA). He's banged over 200 girls. He is just funny and doesn't play games. He texts when he wants and treats every girl he bangs with respect and I am finding the sh1t he does is way more helpful for me. I've gone with him clubbing a few times in the last few months and I had way more success watching what he does which goes against most of the PUA advice I've seen. He is slightly overweight, too, so it's not his looks.

When I play games with a girl who has high interest, like I did the last 3 years or so, it just backfires and they begin to play games, too. The only time it didn't backfire was my recent EX who turned out to be a BPD b1tch. I just thought girls were b1tches and I am learning from my cousin just to strike when the interest is high and to forget the games.

 

[wishyo]

No one in particular. It's just the feeling I get from a lot of the guys here. I've learned a lot from my cousin the past few months. He's as natural as can be (never read anything on dating or PUA). He's banged over 200 girls. He is just funny and doesn't play games. He texts when he wants and treats every girl he bangs with respect and I am finding the sh1t he does is way more helpful for me. I've gone with him clubbing a few times in the last few months and I had way more success watching what he does which goes against most of the PUA advice I've seen. He is slightly overweight, too, so it's not his looks.

When I play games with a girl who has high interest, like I did the last 3 years or so, it just backfires and they begin to play games, too. The only time it didn't backfire was my recent EX who turned out to be a BPD b1tch. I just thought girls were b1tches and I am learning from my cousin just to strike when the interest is high and to forget the games.

Amen to that. This is how I feel too, there are some very useful guides/posts like Pook’s and Bradds’ ones. But overall playing these mind games is just.. well, just not for me. And yea, you are so right that initiating these games backfires.

 

[mdb730]

Ok gents, re reading my post made me feel like a lil b!tch. I have not contacted her and she sent me this stupid text today which pissed me off. Yes I am very sick right now with flu like symptoms but damn.

Her text:
I’ve decided you are not to come see me on Sunday. You’re not doing well. I don’t want you worrying this week about coming here and trying to figure out stuff for us to do. You need to rest up so you can enjoy your trip next week and get back to your routine. It’s not like we’re never gonna see each other again.

any advice on how to answer this?

I was thinking of responding later today with ok sure whatever or not responding at all until tomorrow.

 

[Kailex]

Her text:
I’ve decided you are not to come see me on Sunday. You’re not doing well. I don’t want you worrying this week about coming here and trying to figure out stuff for us to do. You need to rest up so you can enjoy your trip next week and get back to your routine. It’s not like we’re never gonna see each other again.

I love how women can shift around their intentions based on situational awareness. It's an amazing gift and any man not ready for it won't clearly interpret the meaning behind the message.

Any guy prone to believe the above statement from that woman, based on her "consideration" and how she is "worried" is definitely in for a world of hurt.

OP, you are correct, it is STUPID.

SHE decided you shouldn't go on Sunday? It's MONDAY. That's 6 days away.
But then she poses it as you need time to rest of for your trip. And its not like you are never going to see each other again? Wow.

Listen, dish out that one-worded response and then ghost. She's not worth it at all. By going emotional too quick, you turned her off. Move on from this one, she's dictating the frame now.

 

[Bowditch]

Ok gents, re reading my post made me feel like a lil b!tch. I have not contacted her and she sent me this stupid text today which pissed me off. Yes I am very sick right now with flu like symptoms but damn.

Her text:
I’ve decided you are not to come see me on Sunday. You’re not doing well. I don’t want you worrying this week about coming here and trying to figure out stuff for us to do. You need to rest up so you can enjoy your trip next week and get back to your routine. It’s not like we’re never gonna see each other again.

any advice on how to answer this?

I was thinking of responding later today with ok sure whatever or not responding at all until tomorrow.

This is why mindgames suck, no one wins with these.

I would handle this like a man, I would tell her after your convo
over the weekend that you sensed some hesitation on her part. Tell her
You were being honest and that you do like her and you want to see where this
goes. If she doesn't feel the same way or is second guessing things
It's better you part ways now.

 

[wishyo]

^ mind games suck, if a girl has clear interest in you(she had), just ride with the flow without obviously going wild/being too needy...
As for now, just wait some time, enjoy your time on vacations, meet a chick there.. Once you come back, you will deal with her by texting her and asking out. If she will agree, good. If not, next

 

[El Payaso]

This is why mindgames suck, no one wins with these.

I would handle this like a man, I would tell her after your convo
over the weekend that you sensed some hesitation on her part. Tell her
You were being honest and that you do like her and you want to see where this
goes. If she doesn't feel the same way or is second guessing things
It's better you part ways now.

This is a good idea but women work on emotion not logic.

 

[mdb730]

I love how women can shift around their intentions based on situational awareness. It's an amazing gift and any man not ready for it won't clearly interpret the meaning behind the message.

Any guy prone to believe the above statement from that woman, based on her "consideration" and how she is "worried" is definitely in for a world of hurt.

OP, you are correct, it is STUPID.

SHE decided you shouldn't go on Sunday? It's MONDAY. That's 6 days away.
But then she poses it as you need time to rest of for your trip. And its not like you are never going to see each other again? Wow.

Listen, dish out that one-worded response and then ghost. She's not worth it at all. By going emotional too quick, you turned her off. Move on from this one, she's dictating the frame now.

So I said F it and took your advice and sent her a one word answer "aight" pretty much chucked her the deuces not expecting to hear from her and going ghost. Within 5 mins she responded with "I feel bad that you're sick "

I think I'll ignore her and I have a feeling she will try to contact me again.

 

[BetterCallSaul]

I'm going to go against the grain here of the advice given so far and say that you should completely next this girl. Cut all contact, cut her out of your life permanently. A couple of guys gave suggestions of how this might possibly be salvaged, but there's simply no way I'd go to those lengths and put that much energy into this after it's already played out like it has.

You need to move on and learn from this. Even if you could salvage it like these guys have suggested, and let's suppose you get together again. Your own personality will bring you again to the point you're at now which is giving her too much power and control over the situation.

This site is about helping you become the best you can be in handling women, not coming up with good replies to send on your next text with this girl.