Did I do the right thing??

[SunnyD]

Hi, remember me?? The one who couldn't get over her stupid ex or the fact he was sleeping with someone else??

Yeah well...ofcourse the last few months have been the same. Him lying and saying he isnt with her anymore, he misses me, blah blah blah...and me stupidly believing it.

Well ofcourse I found out he was still lying scum and still sleeping with her AND me. I told him to get out of my life completely, that lasted a week before the "i miss you" texts came and I threatened him with telling her..even though at the time, I had no intentions of doing so but wanted him to leave me alone and stop hurting me. (yes I know, I was really only hurting myself.)

Anyway, turmoil the last couple weeks...more lies coming out. He goes away for the weekend, and who do I run into during a night on the town?? HER. I'm suppose to hate this girl..but the second I saw her, I felt so bad. I know what he's doing to her, the same **** he did to me. And she knew it before I even said anything. We made eye contact and she started crying! She knew. So ofcourse, alcohol + emotions = explosion. She left the restaurant, I went to smoke..and she was still outside. I don't know what came over me...but next thing I knew, I was saying "*Sarah..." She turned around, nodded and walked over. Like she was just looking for the confirmation. The look on her face, I felt horrible so I said "I know you know who I am..." and it all came pouring out..I told her he has been sleeping with me up until a few weeks ago and said she was out of the picture. I gave her proof, I cried my eyes out. She wasn't surprised, not at all. She even hugged me and said "don't let him do this to you.." I told her the same. That was that. She had a lot more class and dignity than *I* did, when SHE first told ME a year ago about he and her. (I got mad and slapped him the bar..hey, I'm not proud..)

Anyway, shortly after I get a msg from him saying "I hope you're happy you stupid *****..." I told him I did it because it was the only way to get him out of my life. He said "I dont want to be in your life,you mean nothing to me. You never did." OUCH.

So why do I feel so ****ty???? I dont care that he never wants to talk to me again...I really dont. Thats why I did it. And Im sure he will suck her back in and thtas fine too...she can have him. But I feel so depressed and guilty for telling her something that obviously hurt her..even though it was the truth. Plus I guess I just dont know if it was worth the hurt of hearing those words come out of his mouth.

I know you guys here hate *****es like me that would do something like that..but he caused his own mess with all his lies. I was protecting myself, and protecting her. Not doing it to spite him.

Someone tell me I did the right thing.....

 

[Interceptor]

Sunny, you DID do the right thing.
But there is so much emotional charge here, that it doesnt feel good to you.

That guy was alwasy a piece of sh*t, you always knew it.And what he was doing to the other woman was not compassionate, nor caring, nor respectful.

The truth about him came out. You got to see who he REALLY is when he sent those texts to you.

You have GOT to start understanding the importance of High Character , Sunny.
I dont know your upbringing. And Im not going to blame you. Maybe no one taught you manners, graciousness, courtesy, respect, appreciation, compassion, and acting from a loving and just place.
But its time for you to grow up and really look at yourself and the people around you, and these people you WANT around you. They are LOW Character. Ok?
DO you SEE how low character people behave?
They are arrogant, selfish, self centered, uncaring, and not respectful or considerate of anyone but themselves, and even then they dont realize they DONT even respect themselves because they ACT that way.

You need to spend some time looking deep within yourself to find out why you feel the need to have people like that in your life.
What do you get from them?
Why do you need them?
What do you feel is wrong with you that those people will somehow magically correct whats inside of you???
Do you want to punish yourself?
DO you feel not worthy??


High Character is the path to contentment and fulfillment. Coming from a place of Love and compassion IS the way to BE. It is the way to GO.
You have already experienced what it is to be and to be subjected to low class behavior.
Do you like it?
Is that what you want for your life?


Low class people who have no respect for anyone or anything?
You like that??

Let this be a lesson, Sunny.

Let it burn in deep and sting you badly......

Because THAT is your future if you want to keep going this way.


So you can start making progress towards a new way at looking at yourself, your life, and your relationships, and what you really want out of life.
Or you can continually re experience this same kind of life circumstances that Life will throw in your path until you deal with it. When you deal with it, you will grow and transcend it, so you wont have to deal with it again anymore...
but if you dont, you will keep seeing it like deja vu, again and again.


That IS HOW LIFE WORKS, Sunny.



And at the end of the day, Sunny...you do risk more NOT being intimate , vulnerable, and in love than constantly trying to fool yourself, and run away from it, and trying to deny it.....
constantly trying to protect yourself and be overly guarded implies that you feel you are extremely vulnerable (which you ARE NOT), but you dont realize how much hurt and isolation you are causing by not surrendering..


you know what Im talking about.....

 

[SunnyD]

Thanks for the reply Interceptor.

I guess even though I did this for myself to get him hating me and out of my life...I also wanted her to get out of the same situation I was in. Well I just found out she already went back to him. Not sure he told her what I said was a lie, or told her he'd never do it again. Maybe now he'll actually date her. It bugs me that I may have just pushed them closer together..but whatever..she can have him. He'll never change.

This chapter of my life is finally over.

 

[SunnyD]

Anyone???

 

[KontrollerX]

Was there anything special that drew you to this guy in the first place Sunny?

Did he originally catch you in a vulnerable time and work on your emotions from there??

I mean I understand his non caring nature is what keeps you going back to him but how did he get to you in the first place???

 

[TakenDirectly]

Thanks for the PM reply sunny.
I have a friend going through the same thing. I remember her saying the same thing. Blaming or coming up with excuses to find HERSELF to blame. Giving it some thought I have this one idea. A relation is a test of problems and imperfections.
Were there things you could of done to be better? Yeah, probably millions of situations that you could of done something better you didn't. Same with that dude, he probably could of done a lot more to make the relationship better too.
Since when were relationships perfect??? Since when does a couple not go through problems? The strongest couples with the deepest connections don't run away when the moment gets difficult. They don't find reasons to bail, escape or give up. They see each other as the reason to sacrifice time and effort to make each other happy and loved. The good moments will exist in ANY relationship. It doesn't matter how much this guy mattered to you. I would bet anything that if you find a person again you will find that sort of good feeling with them too. The strength test of any relationship is the problems. Now he might of faced temptation (which many relationships face), but he wasn't man enough to fight it. To go against his basic instinct and decided to **** around like a moron. Like in the song Best of You by Foo Fighters you have to as "were you born to resist or be abused?". See it as a moment to find out what is important in your life and getting rid of that which isn't.

Edit: yeah I guess it doesn't look as good as I hoped, but it gets the point across.

 

[betterthandead]

Before you post, learn to post.

 

[SunnyD]

So I haven't responded, nor do I ever plan to ever again..he's done from my life after all this emotional drama...but...

He msg'd me yesterday for the first time since the incredible blow-up..saying "hey, just wanted to say sorry for what I said to you the other night.." (he called me a stupid b!tch for telling this girl, and said I meant nothing to him and never did..) Anyway, so he said "I didnt mean it at all and I am sorry for being a huge d!ck. I wish I never said that, it was terrible. I know why you did what you did and its ok, but I still shouldnt have said that. I feel so bad about it."

UGHHHH. Yeah right he feels bad. *I* think he is apologizing because this girl wasnt phased and took him back, so he thinks he freaked out on me for nothing. My friends think, she didnt and isnt taking him back..so he's apologizing to me because he now has nothing and knows I always come back. (although this time I'm not.)

Is he being sincere? Not that it matters..but who is right in his intentions for even saying sorry to me in the first place? Me, or my friends? I wanted him to hate me for it..and that clearly didnt work...I want to know why...

 

[L B]

When the trust is gone, the relationship is over.

 

[SunnyD]

When the trust is gone, the relationship is over.

Thanks but that's not my question. I know its over..I wanted it to be and I ensured that by telling this girl he was cheating on her. I wanted him to hate my guts and never talk to me again..and I want to know why it didnt work. Why on earth would he apologize to me?

 

[L B]

Is he being sincere? Not that it matters..but who is right in his intentions for even saying sorry to me in the first place? Me, or my friends? I wanted him to hate me for it..and that clearly didnt work...I want to know why...

Nope. He's probably try to get you back on his side to use you again.

Right now you're emotionally charged, so making him hate you might make you feel better in the short term. In the long run, does it really make you feel any better?

Best to cut all contact and move on with your life. Place the guy on the ignore list and lesson learned chapter of your life.

 

[KontrollerX]

Thanks but that's not my question. I know its over..I wanted it to be and I ensured that by telling this girl he was cheating on her. I wanted him to hate my guts and never talk to me again..and I want to know why it didnt work. Why on earth would he apologize to me?

LOL, you know exactly why he apologized so don't play dumb.

He's going to fvck you again in a few weeks and you are going to take the full length of his shaft down your throat at which point you will probably taste the other girl on him but ignore it because you have no self worth or self respect and you are going to love it and be back here telling us how much you hate it but we all know thats not the truth.

You are going to do this again and again and again and again and again until the end of time.

You love being treated like a piece of trash.

You're addicted to it.

You love being emotionally manipulated, you love drama and you love to cry and hurt and gossip with friends and the other girls that he is fvcking.

So you might as well just stop fighting it and accept what you are.

 

[I'm Charming]

So I haven't responded, nor do I ever plan to ever again..he's done from my life after all this emotional drama...but...

You love emotional drama right?

It's part of you.

Stop wasting our time.

 

[Prodigy746]

I am sorry but you are the reason the i see most girls as stupid. You need to be treated that way in order for they guy to keep you around. There is 1000000 guys out there that are nice and would treat you like a lady and you still go for that jerk and constantly post about him. How many posts have you made about him??? I wish you would just go away because you make me sick.

 

[Prodigy746]

LOL, you know exactly why he apologized so don't play dumb.

He's going to fvck you again in a few weeks and you are going to take the full length of his shaft down your throat at which point you will probably taste the other girl on him but ignore it because you have no self worth or self respect and you are going to love it and be back here telling us how much you hate it but we all know thats not the truth.

You are going to do this again and again and again and again and again until the end of time.

You love being treated like a piece of trash.

You're addicted to it.

You love being emotionally manipulated, you love drama and you love to cry and hurt and gossip with friends and the other girls that he is fvcking.

So you might as well just stop fighting it and accept what you are.

Thats exactly what i am thinking.. The guy is a genious in my opinion.

He got this original girl back so he wants to get Sunny back too and he will be right where he started which is ****ing them both.

 

[( . )( . )]

Hi, remember me?? The one who couldn't get over her stupid ex or the fact he was sleeping with someone else??

Oh yeah, the nasty b!tch who made countless posts and kept threatening to screw the fvck buddy over, who was not even your "ex" as I recall, but nice try with the victim card.

Its the ex-fwb I've been talking about

So you went and did it eh? Nice, feel better?

Young guys please take note of this, shack up with a bitter and miserable woman and your gonna get fvcked.

Every single bloody time, get 2 women your banging together, and one happens to be a miserable piece of work, you instantly grow horns and they become best friends crying into each others arms and share the terrible woahs of you.........unbelievable.

This is disgusting, and some of you guys who responded by pissing in this birds pocket should feel ashamed.

Lets hope this poor bastard patches things up with his PRIMARY, moves on and stays well clear of throwing you another bone.

Anyway, shortly after I get a msg from him saying "I hope you're happy you stupid *****..." I told him I did it because it was the only way to get him out of my life.

And that was the best justification (lie) you could come up with? Weak.

 

[SunnyD]

Well, I guess I should have posted this on the mature forum..because it would seem Interceptor is the only mature one here who answered and kept his judgements to himself. Guess he is the only one who realizes that I am here posting a problem no different in patheticness than the "how can i get my ex back?" or "i wrote her this, what do you think?" posts all over this board.

You're all here on a DON JUAN forum striving to be the a$$hole that my ex is...and I am here striving to find out WHY good guys want to BE that a$$hole. Not asking how to keep one.

Thanks anyway. I can see from the responses that many of you have no respect for women at all. I don't take offense to what you have said here about me..I realize you are just bitter towards women in general from being rejected..which is why you're here after all.

 

[( . )( . )]

Well, I guess I should have posted this on the mature forum..because it would seem Interceptor is the only mature one here

My God, so around and around the cycle will continue, I dont know whether to laugh at you or feel pity. "mature" Pffft.

You're all here on a DON JUAN forum striving to be the a$$hole that my ex is

And again why do you keep calling him your "ex", when in those other 3 thousand posts you made about him he was a fvck buddy?

 

[SunnyD]

My God, so around and around the cycle will continue, I dont know whether to laugh at you or feel pity. "mature" Pffft.



And again why do you keep calling him your "ex", when in those other 3 thousand posts you made about him he was a fvck buddy?

Because we dated first, then were on/off (ie. not dating, just sleeping together while he told me he wasnt with anyone else) for another year. I do believe there is a thread here about HONESTY where almost every single one of you answered that if you are sleeping with multiple women, just be honest about it if she asks. Is that so hard??

 

[( . )( . )]

Your delusional, vindictive and cunning and 2 steps shy of boiling bunnies, and the EXACT type of chick these guys should identify and steer well clear of.

You need to take a good hard look at yourself, but I know hell will freeze over first.